the dinner's doom

I'm in the kitchen sitting up on one of the barstools, elbows resting on the granite counter island- my body slouching forward as I pour a second glass of Cabernet Sauvignon. I'm in a rather frustrated mood, not angry, or depressed, just frustrated. I got home early after a quick CD signing and photo shoot in downtown LA, and my energy was high and body jittery- so I concocted a plan. Lilly's been tense, for the passed four days after work she'd come home, mumble something unknowledgeable under her breath, change into her red flannel pajama pants and white t-shirt and collapse in bed. And all though the week I've been racking my brain for ideas to cheer her up.

So today, being Friday, our usual "date night" I thought it appropriate for us to instead stay in and relax. So, I requested all her favorite dishes from a respected restaurant (much thanks to my "Hannah" friends) - Bracioline Ripiene, a delicious Italian cuisine for the main course and crème caramel, a mouthwatering French dessert to finish. I decorated the table with a fine cream colored clothe and white candles. I even went as far as putting the opera Carmen by Georges Bizet on repeat over our grand stereo in the living room so the music would float and echo through the house (I can't stand the opera but Lilly just adores the thing and besides it turns her on like you wouldn't believe).

Everything was perfect, just right, everything was set in motion- the food was beautifully arragned on the plates, the wine was poured, music on and I was standing, waitng by the back door she normally enters from.

Hours later I'm here, sitting with a scowl sipping my wine through a clenched jaw. Where the hell is she?

School lets out at three o'clock every day, and Lilly (being the wonderful English teacher she is) stays an hour after school in order to help students re-take tests or catch up on missed assingments. But it's going on six o'clock now and I'm getting worried, this over clouds my frustrated mood. This was supposed to be a romantic and sexy evening.

I get up, sluggishly move to the table and blow out each candle, deciding not to bother with the food, I plop myself back into the barstool and sigh unhappily.

The sound of a door swinging open makes me jerk up in my seat. I lean to my left and try to peer around the corner.

"I'm sorry!" I hear Lilly call from the mud room, next two thumps sound indicating that she's kicked off both her shoes now. "I'm sorry," She repeats softly appearing in front of me holding two large bags.

She drops the bags, tiredly, her shoulders slump, then she pops open the refrigerator. I can hear her rummaging through the bottom pull out drawer and then she stands back up, holding a baby carrot.

Crunch! Crunch!

I watch her chew the orange vegtable in silence. I twirl my wineglass 'round and 'round, watching as my drink makes a mini tornado.

"How was your day?" I ask her, not looking up. Why hasn't she noticed all my hard work?!

She just sighs.

"Did that Jack kid give you any trouble today?"

"He won't anymore."

I look at her, she's rubbing her temples and squeezing her eyes shut, "How'd your uh… uh," She starts snapping her fingers, as if it would remind her somehow, "How'd your Hannah thing go today?"

"It went." I reply dryly- my brow burrows together mimicking my impatience.

She nods her head, eyes still closed, "I think I'm going to take a bath," Lilly sighs, the wrinkles around her mouth look more defined in this lighting, the circles around her eyes seem darker now. Her whole posture and demeanor sag in an exhausted defeat.

"Hey…" I whisper, "Are you okay?"

Lilly opens her eyes slowly, with a tight frown she shrugs, "I just need a second to… to," She's lost her thought it seems.

I get up and walk over to her with caution, "Hun, what's going on?"

Lilly leans her forhead onto my shoulder, as a reflex I wrap an arm around her tightly. I feel her body shudder and warm breath tickle my neck.

"It's finally happened," She says into me, "I can't make sense of it…" Lilly pulls away from me and shakes her head as she plays with her wedding ring.

I'm scared now.

Lilly faces me with a stone expression, "I got fired today."

"W-What?" I respond breathlessly.

She swallows, "I got fired because my principal found out about us, that we're married."

I put my hands on my hips, "She can't do that! She… that bitch can't do that!"

"Miley…" Lilly soothes, rubbing my shoulder, "Don't, getting angry isn't going to stop ignorance or get my job back."

"The hell it won't!" I grumble, folding my arms over my chest, "She has no right to deny you a job just because you're my wife."

"…I knew it was going to happen," Lilly remarks after a moment, letting her arm fall back to her side, "I always had it in the back of my mind that one day…" She looks to the floor and takes a breath, "God, I really hate this, I mean I really, really hate this. I love my students. I love my co-workers… I thought I could make a difference."

I grab Lilly's shoulders to get her to look at me, "You can make a difference, we'll fight it! We'll show your principal whose boss!"

Lilly laughs weakly, "But she is the boss."

I just want to take all the ache resting inside of Lilly away, I want to make everything better.

We stand, looking at our feet in the kitchen.

"Oh…" Lilly breathes out hastily, putting a hand to her chest, "Miley, you didn't…is that bracioline ripiene?"

I follow her gaze, looking to the table, "Friday is date night," I laugh softly.

I feel Lilly's arms around my waist, "You are perfect," She whispers into my shoulder and places soft kisses on the exposed skin.

"I'm going to take a bath," She says pulling away, "I think I need some time to process this."

"Okay," I say looking after her as she walks away, "And Lilly?" She turns around to look at me, "It'll be okay." I assure her strongly and she smiles.

I clean up the table, slowly- with a set purpose, but my mind wavers. I have a weight on my heart now. Half an hour later I'm sitting back up on the barstool with my head in my hands, the kitchen clean but Lilly still in her bath. I won't disturb her, she needs space. But I keep letting my mind wander back to my last statement- It'll be okay. I keep saying it to myself over and over again- but then I wonder, will it? Will everything really ever be okay? I had thought the world was passed this nonsense.

(end)