Part Two: Spring
Chapter Five: What Brought Him Back
One day, I'll leave this bed and walk again.
I'll run to the beaches, feel the water on my toes.
Feel the earth beneath my feet
And feel the sun hot on my back.
One day, I'll leave this bed and fly into the clouds.
I'll take her with me, and we'll soar together.
She'll forget everything that binds us to this mortality
And we'll be everlasting, beautiful, free from Earth.
Free from rivalry.
Free from pain.
Free from the shadow of Death.
That afternoon, the boy's eyes flickered open to find Katara's fingers splayed across his chest, feeling the tiniest flicker of life pulse underneath.
She looked at him, genuine pain flooding her eyes, and for the first time since she had been aware of his consciousness, tears coursed their way down her cheeks.
"Toph, I have something for you. I don't know if you'll like it, but I hope you do. It's your escape present, and I know you can't see it. But it's earth. It's crystal, and you can bend it.
It's just something I thought you'd deserve.
I know you didn't want any finery, but this crystal is kind of like you, in a way. You're rough on the outside, and people think you're too brash. Too bold. Too like Toph and too unlike a lady.
They're blind, Toph. Not like you, though- they're blind to what really matters.
When you touch the crystal, you can tell that it's rough. It's cracked and worn, but tough. But let me tell you something. You can't see it, but this crystal is beautiful. It's tough and worn, but it's beautiful. It catches the light and shines.
The blind people, the people without eyes, can't see the beauty. They try to mold the toughness into something else. Something fake and artificial.
I'm not blind, Toph. I can see how real the beauty is in this crystal. And the more I think about it, the more it reminds me of you.
So have a happy escape, then."
--
He lay awake at night, the words running like streams through his tired head. The straw poked his back and he turned away, trying to run the detached thoughts together again. The monologue streamed through his brain and escaped his mouth in whispers. Nobody heard the words, save for the bison that slept in the barn and the moon-crickets that chirped in the twilight. They applauded his speech with silence.
Toph didn't care much for sentiments, but it felt good to know that he saw something that nobody else saw in her. He felt like he had a part to play in her life.
Will you be my hero?
He was her hero.
And the more I think about it, the more it reminds me of you.
He imagined saying that to her. He imagined a punch flying in his direction, leaving a bruise on his shoulder. A bruise that would hurt, but he would accept the pain nonetheless and eventually forget it as they escaped into the skies, "engaged" and free.
The more he thought about his speech, the more absurd he thought it was.
I sound like a heartsick idiot. A sappy, heartsick, lovelorn idiot. One that lost all the girls he's ever had a chance with and can't even make an impression on a friend.
His internal monologue left his brain as quickly as it had entered it. He sat then, half-awake, thinking into the night.
Toph is everything I've always wanted to be.
He thought of the way Toph handled things. She had such a way with sarcasm. She was an Earthbending Master- no, the greatest Earthbender in the world- and had both precise accuracy and toughness. She didn't let anything stand in her way, even her blindness.
She was the Blind Bandit, and he was Snoozles. The idiot. The lovelorn idiot who shook hands with air and slept in the stables and threw boomerangs with as much precision as a lemur with a watermelon.
Except he wasn't in love with anybody, which didn't really explain the fluttering in his chest that night.
He followed the sound of her feet on crackling snow.
"You've been visiting Aang a lot now. I've heard that his health's improving."
She stopped, and he paused abruptly, waiting for a reply.
"People believe what they want to believe, Zuko." She turned to face him, her eyes staring straight into his. She said nothing more, expecting a retaliation, when he sighed and turned back, following the footsteps the Waterbender had made while walking out of the infirmary. The footprints were sinking into the half-melted snow, and he trudged on, his steps leaving small imprints of mud behind.
"You can't visit him!" Called a voice behind him, and he continued.
"Why not?" The words were faint, but Katara heard them all the same. She ran and caught up to him, despite the snow and slippery surface.
"Aang needs his rest. Believe it or not, people don't get better from serious injuries overnight."
"I'm aware of that."
"Then you'll understand that Aang doesn't need any more distractions."
"You visit him all the time, and I've never tried to dissuade you."
There was nothing she could say to that, so she tried a different approach.
"Oh, yes. Because he enjoyed your prescence so much the last time you tried to visit."
"I did nothing wrong." Katara could sense the heat underneath Zuko's words, but didn't acknowledge it.
"Aang's fine."
"There's no harm in making sure."
He eyed her for a moment before walking on, the Waterbender flanking him with every step.
"What do you want with him? Aang's my friend, and I have every right to stop you."
"I just want to know the truth." He stopped in his place, nearly causing Katara to stumble. "I want to know if Aang's going to be alright and why he didn't want me there. I want to know if he's going to die." He looked at her square in the eyes, and she felt an inner part of her crumble away. "I want to know why you're keeping him away from me."
Silence for a second, and she replied a bit calmer, choosing her words carefully.
"I just think that Aang needs his rest. You said it yourself- he has a chance. I don't want anything to get in the way of it."
He stopped for a moment and considered her words before continuing to walk forwards, elicting an exasperated groan from Katara.
"Didn't you tell me not to give up hope? Now that I've finally acknowledged that Aang has a chance, you try to go ahead and ruin it?"
"You said you trusted me. I'm not going to hurt him."
"Just..." He turned to look at her, and she sighed, throwing her hands up in defeat. "Go, then. But I'm coming with you."
"So, Sokka. Did you do anything while I was gone?"
"Yeah. Got your escape present."
"Really?" She made no effort to hide her surprise, and Sokka noted this with a hint of pride in his voice.
"Yeah, but I'm gonna give it to you later. Maybe at the ball."
"Fine with me." The Earthbender silently twirled her meteorite bracelet. "It's next week, you know."
"Yeah, and you'll be thirteen. A teenager."
"Not like it matters. I'll be a free teenager, and that's what counts."
They were sitting on the garden bridge again, the fragrances of the blooming flowers surrounding them. Toph turned to Sokka, who acknowledged her with a raise of his eyebrow.
"You know, Snoozles, you need fancy clothes to pass as royalty. Otherwise, you'll be a laughingstock." She tapped her chin in contemplation. "Maybe you can pull that Wang Fire beard out. Half the guests there are gonna be fifty or older, so you'll fit right in with that disguise."
"Yeah, but the Earth King doesn't look much older than forty. How can his nephew be older than he is?"
"You got a point there." She dangled her feet over, the sun-tinged water soaking her toes. "But that'll pretty much disguise you. After all, my parents aren't stupid. They can remember faces. And remember, one slip-up from you will mess everything up."
A sound of protest issued from Sokka's mouth, then he shut it. It was true, after all- he couldn't pass for royalty.
"So what're we gonna do now?"
"Hmm." A grin spread across Toph's face, and Sokka could tell she was thinking of something devious. "It's time to go shopping."
--
"That robe was for the general! How could you have misplaced it?!"
"I-I don't know... I locked the store as usual, but last night, it was bashed in!"
"Stop your idiotic stammering and help me examine the evidence."
Silence, and the two storekeepers studied the damaged door keenly. Sokka had to bite back laughter.
"There's this unusually large rock by the door of the store, sir."
"Huh. That's odd."
Sokka rounded the corner, as usual, and walked casually past with a strange grin on his face. Those who noticed him paid him no attention, but turned to the disputing men near the store and watched the scene with interest.
They paid no mind to the young man who was walking down the street, trying to force down laughter at the thought of the Blind Bandit stealing the general's robes in the middle of the night.
Ty Lee had always been unusually good at reading auras.
She had practiced her skill when she was younger, back when she was still attending the Royal Fire Academy for Girls. It was interesting to see the blur of colors shaping before her eyes, to catch the emotions and thoughts and feelings of the people she hated or held dear. She had practiced on Mai and Azula, too, noting how Azula's aura was ever-shifting as the years passed and her childhood innocences faded away. Only Mai's aura remained constant.
A dingy, pasty gray, she remembered, reflecting upon her closest friend. She knew that Mai wasn't the obedient, bored girl others made her out to be. She wasn't an emotionless blah; she simply hid her feelings from the world. But Ty Lee didn't understand why the gray remained, why the same, uniform color surrounded her spirit. It was probably a feeling forced upon her, hiding her true soul and her true colors from everybody.
Zuko was the only one that had allowed some sort of hue to escape the gray mask of Mai's aura, a lovely shade of blue, the closest to bliss that Ty Lee had ever sensed from the older girl. When he had left for to fight on the Avatar's side, the gray returned and masked whatever pain emanated from Mai's soul. His return hadn't completely penetrated the wall she had set up around herself, and although Ty Lee doubted this herself, a part of her guessed that it was what drove Zuko away from her when he went away the second time.
It hurt to know that Mai was so vulnerable without her mask of an aura. And yet, the girl knew that Mai's heart was shielded because of it.
--
"So, Mai. Anything up?"
The older girl shook her head, leaning against the trunk of the oak tree. "Azula's in prison. This place is a bore."
Ty Lee hummed gently, trying to think of something to say to that.
"Speaking of Azula, you don't really think that she's gonna try to... you know?"
"You mean her elaborate plan?" The girl rolled her eyes, mainly to reassure herself. "She can do anything she wants if she sets her mind to it."
"So you think she's actually gonna... kill Fire Lord Iroh?" The last part was whispered, and Mai didn't respond immediately.
A part of her wanted to agree. Azula was the most dangerous girl in the Fire Nation.
On the other hand, Iroh was the most dangerous man, and perhaps the wisest. Would it be betraying Azula if Mai had some doubts about her for once?
Better to play it safe. She answered matter-of-factly.
"He doesn't really stand a chance against her, Ty Lee."
There were footsteps again. But not really her footsteps.
There was silence, too, so he couldn't tell who was coming.
By the time he shut his eyes to feign sleep, the two visitors had arrived and had seen him.
"We should go. He's sleeping."
"I just saw him. He was awake a second ago!"
An exasperated sigh, and she walked over quietly, laying a firm hand on his shoulder. An eye flickered open, despite himself, and Katara bit her lip slightly.
"You're not tired, Aang?"
He couldn't lie to her, so he shook his head no. Grey eyes flickered open and rested on his best friend, who stood over him with a forced smile on her face. Aang then knew he had made a mistake- the pained look in her eyes told him so. He wasn't supposed to be awake, for some reason, but it was too late to crawl back into bed.
He played along, albeit a bit cluelessly.
"You just left, Katara. Did you forget something?"
"No, Aang." She explained this slowly, as if to stall for time, and the boy sensed tension in the air. Either Katara thought that his injuries had left him completely incompetent, or there was something she wasn't telling him. He tried to figure out what it was, but she sighed and removed her hand from his shoulder, turning to face what Aang presumed to be the second visitor.
"Let's go, Zuko. Aang needs his rest."
"He just said he was fine."
A look of warning flashed across Katara's face until a quiet protest issued from the young Airbender.
"It's okay, Katara. Zuko can visit if he wants."
A quiet moment ensued, during which Zuko tried to stop himself from shooting a triumphant remark at Katara. A confirming nod from Aang pretty much settled it, and reluctantly, the Waterbender left his side and stood at a distance. Waiting.
"Well, I-" The prince paused for a second, studying the Airbender carefully. He looked calm, quiet. Maybe even curious.
"I didn't know if you really heard me the last time I came. You were resting, and I didn't think I explained myself very well." Katara looked over at him then, a dubious look in her eyes, but he continued unfazed. "I came to ask for your forgiveness. My nation's done terrible things to you and your people. We've hurt you and put so much weight on your shoulders. I wanted to apologize."
The young Airbender remained quiet, and a twinge of nervousness arose in Zuko's chest. There wasn't much else to include, but it felt like there was so much more that he had to say. He wondered if this was sufficient, if simple words could mend wounds that healers couldn't. There was so much to tell, so much to apologize for.
"It's okay, Zuko." It was barely more than a whisper, but the words cut like knives through the silence. The seventeen-year-old smiled faintly, and was just about to leave when the Avatar continued from his bed.
"It's too bad that I can't see how you rule the Fire Nation. I know I can't stay around long enough for that."
Katara was about to walk over and drive the thought from his mind. Zuko knew this, and put a hand up to stop her. "What do you mean, Aang?"
"I mean that I know I'm gonna die." The words sent a chill down his spine, and the prince stepped forwards until he was inches away from the boy's bed. Two calm grey eyes stared into his. A quiet acceptance was in his voice.
"That's not going to happen, and you know it." Katara spoke loudly, almost too loudly, from her corner of the room. "You're getting better every day- even the healers can see it. Stop saying those things."
Zuko didn't look in her direction, just kept looking at the boy lying on the bed. He could see all his injuries so clearly now, and it pained him to know that this was what his nation had did to him. The Avatar. A boy of thirteen.
"You know it, don't you?" Aang asked Zuko, who stood nearly petrified at the edge of the bed. "You knew that night, with Katara. You knew-"
"That's not true." His voice cut into his, and although it had no edge or anger to it, the implication of it was almost enough to make Katara intercede. "I don't decide your fate, Aang. I don't know if you're going to live or die. I want you to get well."
He didn't answer to that, just directed a glance towards Katara, who stood stricken in her place. She knew that she was to blame for this. Her tears had been the last thing he had needed to see.
Seeing her cry earlier had made him understand that he had no chance in her eyes. It must've hurt him so much...
Her heart broke a little as he looked into her eyes.
"Aang, please. How did you... that night-"
"I was awake." He averted his gaze then, pushing himself up so he could sit against the wall on his bed. "You didn't see me, but I saw you. You were hugging him... and I was confused..."
Katara took a shaky breath, and Zuko didn't know what to do at that moment. The feeling in his heart was a mixture of so many things- jealousy, confusion, and the overwhelming thought that he was just getting in the way of things. It fogged up his perception of things, and he stood aside without a word when the Waterbender approached the bed, her expression saying words that she couldn't.
"I'm sorry, Aang. I was just... I was frightened. I didn't know what I would do without you, and I just needed something- someone- to hold on to that night. I didn't know that you were awake."
"I know, Katara, but..." He glanced at Zuko, who was standing like an item out of place in the room, and the prince saw it as a signal for him to leave them alone. He did so with some relief, and as his footsteps disappeared as loudly as they had came, Aang looked at the girl who sat quietly on the edge of his bed.
"I just want you to know something before it's too late."
The wind whistled outside, and she shivered slightly. It wasn't because of the weather, but because she knew. She knew what words were on his lips, and she dreaded them, in a way. She was afraid that he would try to love her, and that she couldn't love him back because of her fear of getting too attached to him.
After all, she couldn't love a dead young man. She couldn't allow herself to feel ecstasy and have it ripped away from her.
She gripped his hand tightly, firmly in hers, a hint of shakiness in her voice. "You can tell me anything, Aang."
He smiled faintly, the light all but gone from his eyes. "I know it won't matter anyways, but... I need to ask you."
The Waterbender bit her lip in anticipation. Possible answers flashed through her mind at lightning speed, but she couldn't bring herself to choose one. None of them would please one person without upsetting the other.
"You can ask me, then. Anything."
He didn't ask right away. Her fingernails slightly dug into his skin, and she gripped on tight. He didn't try to wriggle out of her grasp, but just lay there in submission. Motionless under her fingertips.
"That night, when I saw you hugging Zuko... I didn't understand it. To tell you the truth, I didn't want to understand it." He shut his eyes, trying to make it a little less painful, and when he opened them, the first thing he sought were her eyes. "Do you like him, Katara?"
"What?" Her grip around his fingers loosened, and she gazed at him in quiet shock. "Zuko has Mai, Aang."
"Who do I have, then?" He whispered, and before she could respond, he continued, the pain evident under his voice. "Who can I hold onto? Who believes in me anymore?"
"Aang, I-"
"You didn't know how much I wanted to wake up and see you again. You brought me back, but you don't even believe that I'll get better."
"That's not true!" She found herself raising her voice, even though she had never wanted to yell at Aang. "I wanted you to get better. I brought you to the North Pole and watched over you. I kept on hoping that you would live, even when Sokka and Toph gave up!"
"Then why do you need to lean on Zuko? Isn't having me here good enough for you?"
There was genuine ice in his tone then, and Katara realized it. What plagued Aang the most was jealousy, and despite herself, the girl decided to retaliate.
"Zuko believed in you too, Aang. He brought us both here, and being selfish is no way to thank him."
He didn't respond immediately, just leaned there, silent, sitting against the wall. A pang of regret ran through Katara's heart, and she immediately reached out for him, trying to hold onto him. He turned away from her, and the remorse that she felt was overwhelming.
"Aang, I-I didn't mean to-"
"I know you're right, Katara. There's no use in sitting here and feeling sorry for myself."
"No, Aang. I care for you, and I'm the one being selfish. I'm pretending to be strong, but you're right. I can't stand on my own."
"It's not that. You've done so much already, 'Tara. I don't want you to get hurt over this anymore."
His eyes shut in exhaustion, and, with so much left unsaid, she leaned over and quietly kissed him on his arrow. There was no evident response to that, but his insides fluttered a bit as she drew back, the same pained expression on her face.
"And Katara?" She was about to turn away but thought better of it. The Airbender quietly lowered himself back onto his pillow and lay there, eyes half-open.
"The reason it hurt so much to see you with Zuko wasn't what I told you earlier."
She smiled sadly, a hint of knowing in her eyes.
"The only thing that kept me alive was knowing that you would be there when I woke up." He paused for a second, thinking. "I wanted to see you one last time so I could tell you one last thing."
"Will you tell me now, Aang?"
The corners of his mouth curved upwards in a half-smile, and he sighed.
"I wasn't lying when I told you that you brought me back again. It was 'cause I remembered how it felt to love you, even when I was practically dead." He paused, his eyes staring at the ceiling. "I didn't want to tell you this because I thought that you and Zuko were together."
Katara didn't reply. Aang glanced at her, a hint of sadness in his eyes. What had he expected? A confession? A kiss? A marriage proposal? He sighed and turned away. "But like I said, it doesn't really matter, right?"
"Aang, I-" She didn't know what to say; she hadn't expected him to tell her this after what she had said to him earlier. "I do care for you, Aang. So much. But to tell you the truth..."
He searched her face for a glimmer of nervousness, for a sign of love. They weren't children anymore. Their expressions didn't betray innocent crushes or lovelorn hearts anymore, and as she took his hand again, he felt a faint maturity settling down upon them. He knew that this was no time for blushing or scrawling each other's names on paper repeatedly.
He had just finished conteplating what it would be like to kiss her as an adult when she sighed and squeezed his hand.
"I don't know, Aang... I care so much. I care so much that I just can't... I can't love you."
Author's Note: Before the flames start coming, I'd like to remind everyone that I've been a Kataangist for four years. So no, I'm not a Zutarian in disguise, and I don't intend on having this story end up being a Zutara (yet? Heh, just kidding).
But what of Aang? Will he have his heart broken or learn to accept it? And what of Katara? Will she survive the flaming long enough to realize that loving someone more than makes up for losing them?
Hey, so the Bei Fong Ball is next chapter. If you want to make an OC Suitor for Toph so I can write him in the next two or more chapters, please do so and send a description of him in a review. (Just so you know, Toph SO has a crush on Sokka, so most of the suitors will probably end up getting refused by Toph anyways. ;D Sorry for that.)
In the Next Chapter: It's time for Sokka to crash the party as the Bei Fong Ball starts. Will he and Toph succeed in his plan? Meanwhile, Zuko decides to set sail again and leaves the North Pole, leaving a very heartbroken Avatar and a regretful young lady behind. Katara has some sorting out to do- after all, she loves Aang, but she just can't risk having her heart broken. Will Aang accept this?