Pices- Soooooo sorry about the loooooooooong wait, but all the jokes I received kept disappearing. But here's some that I think you'll enjoy emmensily!

Chapter… whatever…(does it really matter? They're jokes with no particular theme.)

Yusuke and Jealousy

Yusuke calls home to check in with his wife, Keiko, to let her know he'll be home early, when suddenly, a strange woman answers.

Confused, Yusuke inquires, ''Who is this?''

''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.

''We don't have a maid,'' says Yusuke.

The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''

"I told her we didn't need one, " Yusuke muttered under his breath. ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''

The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone...who I thought was her husband.''

Yusuke, suddenly realizes what's going on and begins to fume. Moments later, he says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''

The maid hesistates, but answers, ''What do I have to do?''

Yusuke explains to her: ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''

The maid pauses for a moment to consider the awful deed and puts the phone down. A minute later, Yusuke hears footsteps and then two gun shots!

The maid comes back to the phone breathing heavily, and with a slight quiver in her voice asks, ''What do I do with the bodies?''

Yusuke, quite despondent at this point, replies, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''

Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''

A long pause follows.

Another long pause.

Finally Yusuke asks:

''Is this 567-5309?''

A New way to get rid of your Mother-In-Law

A newlywed farmer, Kurama and his wife, Botan were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. Kurama had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and generally making life unbearable to Kurama and his new bride.

While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, Kurama's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward her demanding ways.

At the funeral service a few days later, Kurama stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to Kurama, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to Kurama, however, he would shake his head no and mumble a reply.

Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked Kurama what that was all about.

Kurama explained, "Well, the women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't, it's all booked up for a year.'"

"Elementary, My Dear Kuwabara..."

On a warm summer night, Sherlock Yusuke and Dr. Kuwabara decide to go on a camping trip together. As they lay down for the night, Yusuke replied to Kuwabara:

"Look up into the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars," Kuwabara observed.

"Very astute, Kuwabara! And what does that tell you?"

Kuwabara thought for a moment and then nervously replied, "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. And, uh...meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Kuwabara glanced over at Sherlock Yusuke and noticed a look of consternation on his face. Unsure if he'd spoken correctly, he decided to prompt and response from Sherlock Yusuke and replied, "Um...perhaps, I'm wrong. What does it tell you?"

Sherlock Yusuke pursed his lips, looked intently into the night air and replied:

"Somebody stole our tent."

Corprate Slackers

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO, Koenma. Koenma is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the Koenma notices a guy, Yusuke, leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business! Koenma walks up to Yusuke and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?" Undaunted, Yusuke looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?" Koenma then hands Yusuke $300 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!" Feeling pretty good about his first firing, Koenma looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?" With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

If You Had One Wish...

Jin is walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle, and picks it up.

Immediately, a genie pops out and replies, "Thanks for letting me out! For your kindness, I will grant you one wish."

Jin says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm too afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick from claustrophobia. So...I guess, my wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii."

"I'm sorry," the genie says, "But I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved...think of the huge pilings we'd need to hold up the highway, and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that is just too much to ask."

"Well, there is one other thing I've always wanted," Jin replies. "I'd like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why they're so temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with them...you know, what makes them tick?"

The genie thinks a second, and then answers, "Would that road be two lanes or four?"

Marriage and Driving

Yusuke and Keiko are driving on the highway when a state policeman, Yomi appeared in their mirror, obviously wanting them to pull over. Yusuke pulls over, the officer approaches the car and the following scene ensues:

State cop Yomi: "License and registration please."

Yusuke: "I'm sorry officer, what seems to be the problem?"

State cop Yomi: "I clocked you on radar doing 75mph."

Yusuke: "There must be some mistake, I was only going 65."

Keiko: "Oh Yusuke, you were going at least 80!"

State cop Yomi: "I'm also citing you for having a tail light out."

Yusuke: "But officer, I wasn't aware it was out."

Keiko: "Oh Yusuke, you know it's been out for two months."

State Cop Yomi: "I'm also fining you for not wearing your seat belt."

Yusuke: "But officer, I just took it off as you were approaching my car."

Keiko: "Oh Yusuke, you know you never wear your seat belt."

Yusuke: "Will you just shut your mouth, Keiko?!"

State Cop Yomi: "Ma'am, does he always talk to you this way?

Keiko: "Only when he's drunk..."

The Three Inch Elder Toguro...

Younger Toguro walks into a bar and asks for 2 shots for him and his brother, Elder Toguro.

The bartender says, "Do you want them both now, or do you want me to wait til your brother gets here first?"

Younger Toguro says, "Oh I want them both now, I've got my brother in my pocket right here."

He then pulls out a three-inch Elder Toguro and puts him on the table.

The bartender was astonished. "Do you mean to say he can drink a whole drink?"

"Sure, he can drink it all. Pour it on."

Sure enough, the bartender watches in amazement as the little Elder Toguro drinks down two full shots.

"That's amazing. Can he walk?"

Younger Toguro flicks a coin and says, "Hey, bro, go get the coin, ok?" The three-inch Toguro runs off after it.

"Unreal. Can he do anything else? Can he talk?"

"Of course, he can," Younger Toguro replied turning to his three inch brother:

"Hey bro! Tell the bartender about the time you called that witch doctor a good-for-nothing-scam-artist-idiot!"

Take All Of These And Call Me In The Morning...

Rinku was a clerk in a small drugstore, but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. The drugstore owner had had about enough and warned Rinku that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then Touya came in coughing and asked Rinku for their best cough syrup.

Try as he might Rinku could not find the cough syrup. Remembering the owner's warning Rinku sold Touya a box of Ex-Lax and instructed him to take the entire box all at once. Touya immediately consumed the entire box in the store and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post. The drugstore owner had seen the whole thing and came over to ask Rinku what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once." Rinku explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough," the owner shouted angrily.

"Sure it will," Rinku said, pointing at Touya leaning on the lamp post.

"Look at him. He's afraid to cough."

"Remember the Time When We...What Was I Saying?"

An 80 year old couple, Koenma and Botan, were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived to the doctor's office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, Koenma got up from his chair and Botan asked, "Where are you going?"

He replied, "To the kitchen."

She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replied, "Sure."

She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He said, "No, I can remember that."

She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."

He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily:

"I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

Shizuru's Proverbs

A first grade teacher, Shizuru collected well-known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to fill in the rest. Here's what the kids came up with:

Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the... bug is close.

It's always darkest before... daylight savings time.

Never underestimate the power of... termites.

You can lead a horse to water but... how?

Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty.

No news is... impossible.

A miss is as good as a... Mr.

You can't teach an old dog... math.

If you lie down with dogs, you... will stink in the morning.

Love all, trust... me.

The pen is mightier than... the pigs.

An idle mind is... the best way to relax.

Where there is smoke, there's... pollution.

Happy is the bride who... gets all the presents.

A penny saved is... not much.

Two is company, three's... The Musketeers.

None are so blind as... Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.

You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box.

When the blind lead the blind... get out of the way.

There is no fool like... Aunt Edie.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and... you have to blow your nose.

Please review! Thanks for reading, hope to have the next series out a LOT sooner than this time.