Pices- I finally got this updated! Woohoo! Sorry to the Hiei fans, I couldn't find any good ones for him, next time I promise there will some!
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Yusuke and KeikoYusuke was going to be married to Keiko, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat...
He said "Yusuke, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.'
"So, she did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.'
"I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.'
"Ever since that night we have never had any problems."
"Hmmm, "said Yusuke. He thought that might be a good thing to try. So on his honeymoon, Yusuke took off his pants and said to Keiko, "Here try these on."
So she did and said, "These are too large, they don't fit me."
Yusuke said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Keiko took off her pants and handed them to Yusuke and said, "Here, you try on mine."
So he did and said, "I can't get into your pants."
Keiko said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will."
Kuwabara's "Universe Unlocked"1. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
2. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
3. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
4. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
5. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
6. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
7. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
8. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
9. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
10. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
11. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
13. Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
14. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Kurama's Method of Job PlacementMethods from Human Resources...
1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new hires in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4. Then analyze the situation:
a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
i. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Management.
k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
m. Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Congress.
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Koenma Says the Darndest Things…in schoolTEACHER: Koenma, go to the map and find North America.
KOENMA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Koenma.
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TEACHER: Koenma, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
KOENMA: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Koenma, how do you spell "crocodile?"
KOENMA: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
KOENMA: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Koenma, what is the chemical formula for water?
KOENMA: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
KOENMA: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Koenma, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
KOENMA: Me!
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TEACHER: Koenma, why do you always get so dirty?
KOENMA: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Koenma, give me a sentence starting with "I."
KOENMA: I is...
TEACHER: No, Koenma... Always say, "I am."
KOENMA: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Koenma, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
KOENMA: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Koenma, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Koenma, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
KOENMA: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
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TEACHER: Koenma, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
KOENMA: A teacher
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If Yusuke was a regular Detective, these are the top 16 things he would say
#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just went through."
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "How big were those, 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
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If Chu got a job at a zooChu needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide.
They tell Chu that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo.
Well, Chu has his doubts, but he needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage.
The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around.
During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars.
He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!"
The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"
--------------- If Kuwabara tried to fly…In the middle of a huge metropolitan city was a skyscraper where at the top was a bar. At the end of a particularly hard day at work Kuwabara went up to the bar to let go the stresses of that day. When he got there, there was already a man sitting at the bar drinking a particularly vile looking drink. This strange man said "watch this" and proceeded to walk over to one of the large windows lining the wall. He then picked up a chair and smashed out the window and stepped out.
He started falling toward the ground turning end over end and right before he hit the ground he stopped and proceeded to drift up. He floated back up through the window and went back over to the bar.
Kuwabara looked at the bartender and said, "I'll have what he's having!"
After a few rounds of the drink, Kuwabara stumbled over to the window and fell out. He fell all the way to the ground and landed with a loud SMACK.
The bartender turns to the mysterious man and says "Superman, you're such a jerk when you're drunk!"
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Genkai the Oreo PsycholigistPsychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:
1. The whole thing all at once.
2. One bite at a time
3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.
4. In little feverous nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).
6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10.I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.
Your Personality:
1. The whole thing:
This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with his or her children.
2. One bite at a time:
You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's okay, not to worry, you're normal.
3. Slow and Methodical:
You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit.
4. Feverous Nibbles:
Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.
5. Dunked:
Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction.
6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie:
You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie:
You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside:
You enjoy pain.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them:
Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help - immediately.
10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreos:
You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to upscale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prissy.
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Atsuko's Mother Dictionary…Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal: Able to whine in words
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
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