Yay! Finally another chapter of my most popular 'story'! I know you've all be waiting a long time for these!

Hiei's Problems with Women

"Doc," said Hiei lying down on the couch, "You've got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes."

The psychiatrist, Kurama, nodded, "And what do you do?"

"I push them away!"

"I see. And what can I do to help you with this?"

Hiei implored, "Please--break my arms!"

Rinku's Top 10 List of Rejected Commercials

"Billy, the Homicidal Smurf."

"Scooby and Shaggy Go To The Retirement Home."

"Archie, the Abcessed Tooth."

"Yosemite Sam...UNCENSORED!"

"The Golden Girls meet The Power Rangers."

"Da Boys in Mister Rogers Neighborhood."

"The Land of The Lost...The Barney Years."

"COPS" in full color animation!

Kuwabara's Answering Machine:

- Well I finally got an answering machine . Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press the record button , I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does...

- Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know how you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

- Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.

- English accent: Hello, you've reached the phone of Monty Python. I can't come to the phone right now because the witch has turned me into a newt! I'll call you back when I get better.

- Now I lay me down to sleep;
Leave a message at the beep.
If I die before I wake,
Remember to erase the tape.

Yusuke's Women Translations

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

We need... = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want... = You'll pay for this later.

We need to talk... = I need to complain

Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = ...and carpeting, and furniture , and wallpaper.....

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

Am I fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate . = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

In response to 'What's wrong?':

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Nothing, really... = It's just that you're such an idiot!

Keiko's Response to Yusuke's Translations - Men's Translations

"IT'S A GUY THING" = "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" = "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" = Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" = "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." = "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." = "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." = "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL." = "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING." = "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT." = "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" = "What did you catch me at?"

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." = "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK." = "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

Chu's Solutions to Drinking Problems

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.

Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face.

Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.

Fault: Glass is empty.

Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Feet cold and wet.

Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.

Fault: Loss of self-control.

Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.

Symptom: Bar blurred.

Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.

Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Bar swaying.

Fault: Air turbulence unusually high - maybe due to darts match in progress.

Solution: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

Symptom: Bar moving.

Fault: You are being carried out.

Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar - if not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.

Symptom: The opposite wall is covered in ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it.

Fault: You have fallen over backwards.

Solution: If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar.

Symptom: Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and dog-ends.

Fault: You have fallen over forwards.

Solution: Same as for falling over backwards.

Symptom: You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot see your bedroom walls or ceiling.

Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter.

Solution: Check your watch to see if its opening time - if not treat yourself to a lie in.

Symptom: Everything has gone dim.

Fault: The pub is closing.

Solution: Panic.

I know there weren't a lot here, but hey, at least I updated. So I hope you all enjoyed! please review!!! ~Pices