My Little Porcelain Doll Chapter Eleven, a beetlejuice fanfic

A/N: I'm not in the best of emotional states so…

A/N: I'm not in the best of emotional states so…. enjoy and review. Hope you guys like it. And yes before you ask, I did make this a songfic in this chapter. Why? This song is on repeat on my mp3…. Why this song? Cuz it fits this chapter and my mood…

".." - Speech

'…' - Thought

'…' – Second speech

Italics - Song

Song: Savage Garden - Crash 'n' Burn

Chapter Eleven: Crash 'n' Burn

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild, wild heart

'Babes…it's late you should go to sleep…it's late and if I'm right you have school in the morning.' Beetlejuice said as softly as he could. Lydia stretched on her legs out on her bed.

"You're right… How will I know that you'll still be there in the morning?" Her voice was laced with worry. Beetlejuice could see pain in her eyes. Her past of pain and being let down, forgotten and hurt by people she thought she knew. Beetlejuice stroked a finger along the mirror, imagining how it must feel to touch Lydia's soft cheek again.

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
Its hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you cant take anymore

'I'll be right here for you Lyds. Right here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere. I promise.' Mentally he could have laughed at himself. Beetlejuice wasn't one for comforting pain; he was the one to cause it for his own amusement. He watched Lydia pick herself off of her bed so she could pull her sheets back. She pulled her pyjamas out from under her pillow smiled in Beetlejuice's general direction and walked out of the room to change. 'Unfortunately' Beetlejuice thought to himself.

She came back quickly with a smile on her face. Beetlejuice smiled to himself. He wished he could kiss her goodnight but couldn't. It hurt him deeply. Lydia said goodnight to him sweetly before turning her light off and curling up under her covers to sleep.

'Goodnight my angel…' He whispered to her, much too quietly for her to actually hear.

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Beetlejuice frowned and sat on the ground. His head dropped to his chest and a heavy sigh escaped his lips. What did she think of him? Would she ever be able to remember what they had?

What he thought they had…

What he thought she felt…

What he thought they could have had together…

What he wanted them to have… but what did she want? What had she wanted? Had she even wanted him? Or was it because she was just lonely and jumped at the first person who would take her?

Beetlejuice knew much less than he wanted to. He knew he loved her and would do anything for her. He knew that if he wasn't so dumb he wouldn't be in his prison and Lydia would remember him.

He wanted to always be close to her. Always be there when she needed him. To be there when she didn't but just wanted him around. He wanted to be more than a voice.

Beetlejuice thought long and hard but couldn't come up with a way to make her see who he was and how he felt for her.

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

He couldn't just sit by and let someone take her from him. He couldn't lose her.

Need was a crazy thing. He needed her more than anything right now. It wasn't just a want. It was an impulse from his body. His whole body hurt and twitched with need for her warmth, her body and her heart. Never had he experienced these kinds of feelings.

Beetlejuice ran a hand through his hair and cursed himself silently. For the first time he felt dead.

Yes, dead. Now of course he was dead, but he still had feel in his body and had emotions and thoughts. But now he had none of that. He felt physically and emotionally dead, drained. None of his body parts reacted to what he wanted them to do. His mouth was dry, his eyes burned and his mind was emptying itself of every thought. Nothing in him was anything more than the feeling of emptiness and pain.

He wouldn't let Lydia down though. Even if he wasn't known for keeping promises or if he had ever kept on in his life or afterlife, Beetlejuice swore to himself to keep them for Lydia. He'd be there for her when ever she needed him, wanted him. If she was upset he'd cheer her up. He'd be everything for her and more. And what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her, just him. Though he was good at hiding, when it came to hiding from her, it was much harder.

Beetlejuice watched Lydia sleep that night with a heavy heart. Somewhere in him a whole was growing. Worry, guilt, and sadness consumed his emotions and left him in a trance. When ever he didn't see her face, something in him was missing until he saw it again. Every time she wasn't talking to him a constant silence fell over him.

In his mind he knew it was hopeless. Yet he wanted it to work out in his favour. It was a bit selfish thinking of only what he wanted but he didn't care. Beetlejuice wanted to be with Lydia. He refused to let it go. He wanted so much to just go back to the night before Juno dropped in like she had.

Beetlejuice head fell against the glass hard. "Ow…" he said not caring much about the dull pain throbbing in his forehead.

And there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again

Quietly breathing against the cool glass Beetlejuice's eyes slipped close. 'My after life sucks,' he thought to himself. Tired and dizzy Beetlejuice dropped to the ground with a thud. Eyes closed and face down on the ground he slowly fell into a half sleep.

His mind was too tired to let him stay awake any longer but his body hurt too much to let him fall asleep fully. Instead he awoke with every noise made by his sleeping goddess through the mirror; every noise made outside her own window.

In the morning she would wake up to her alarm clock and hopefully remember he was there waiting for her. When she said good morning he's answer right away. Some how, some day, everything would work out and he'd be able to breathe again.

--
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild, wild heart

Hours past slowly…

Minutes went by as Beetlejuice didn't move a muscle. Half asleep he lay on the ground thinking. He remembered that he hadn't eaten for a while or had anything to drink. Not that it mattered, he couldn't die from starvation. Even if he could die from it, Beetlejuice didn't give a shit. For all that mattered, he'd roll over and die again. He'd do anything for Lydia to remember everything and forgive him. He'd do anything to make it ok for them. He never met to break her heart like he did.

Eternity with the guilt of how he betrayed her…

Eternity knowing he never meant to do it.

Eternity living with himself… Never trust his judgment again.

Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

He'd be there for her when she needed him. He'd be there to cheer her up when needed. He'd do anything to make her happy. Without her his life amounted to nothing. Forced to watch the love of his life, move on without him in her life. The thought made him sick…

Whatever happened, he'd never heal. It was entirely his fault alone and never expected to lose the guilt and pain weighing down his heart. Even by chance she truly forgave him; he would never heal through the pain he had caused her…

A/N: that's the end of the chapter…

Reviews to be commented back in next chapter. Sorry…