Title: Someday, You'll Know How I Feel
Rating: T for language. and other stuff. xD
Genre: Romance. Drama. Humor. Some angst.
Type: All human. Alternate Universe. Out of character.
Full Summary: Sequel to You Asked Me to Love You. Edward's on the road to fame. Bella's on the road to fortune. Can these two deal with love and loss while trying to survive the real world? More importantly, can their relationship stay intact, or will everything fall to pieces?
AN NOTE: heyyy! its me again! lol. im SOO happy with the feedback for this story. im so glad you guys are hyped for it. and dont worry, you'll get to read it. obviously. HOWEVER. i will be focusing on my other story, Tuned and Confidential,more (it was once called a single perception. but i changed the name. xD) And i will, mostly because im further along than this one. But dont worrry, you'll get occasinoal updates. Just know that my weekly updates will be for ASP. xD
Disclaimer: i dont own twilight. :D
now, read chapter 1! itll be the only chapter tyou're gonna get for a while. xD review please. :) also, it would be helpful to listen to Come Home by OneRepublic for like the beginning of the chap. it seems to work for me. xD
CHAPTER 1 – Back to Square 1
Emmett –
Today is September 13, as I'm sure you know. I'm turning 24 today. It's amazing how quickly time has passed by. I thought life would be slow, you know, with Edward all over the world and whatnot. Hey, I know it's sort of random for me to be emailing you suddenly, and I know you're busy. But you're the second closest thing to Rose I can get, besides Alice, so I'm confiding in you. I know. There must be something wrong with me.
At the end of your senior year at CP, you told me to email you about my good old boyfriend. So here I go for the umpteenth time in seven years…
You've probably seen him on TV a lot, because, well, Edward is on the verge of becoming a star. I support him, love him, talk to him over the phone. But that's just it – everything is over the phone. And I miss him, Em, I do. But he sounds so happy, you know? That tone of success is all over his voice. And I can't let him down. It's what I've been telling myself all these years - don't let him down. But it's all what he wants, not what I want. I'm worried, Em. I really am.
Remember when I turned eighteen? God. That was six years ago. I just…I can't believe it, you know? It was like…six years ago, Edward and I were perfect. And now it's like we don't even exist. I miss him, Emmett. But you already know that… but anyway…I'm sorry for ranting about my love life to ya ;) I guess all I can say is…I'm lonely again. I'm back to who I was before Central Parkway.
Anyway, Alice is throwing me a party tonight, and it's fine that you can't come. I really do hope you and Jasper are well with your company. Have you even decided a name yet? Well, good luck! And mail me back.
Bells
My fingers stopped drumming across the keyboard, and I took them off and folded them neatly in my lap. Then I stared at the clock on the screen. 7:34 AM. My eyes darted to the email, and I wondered when it would be read. Emmett was probably really busy trying to start up the company with Jasper. Rosalie was still in law school in Connecticut and Alice was at her own fashion studio trying to get up the latest fashion line and whatnot. Edward was all the way in California performing at some concert thingy. And then I, Isabella Marie Swan, was stuck in the hectic world of NYC.
I sighed one last time, telling myself to just accept life. Then I clicked "Send".
-------o-------
Scowling, I leaned against the side of the bar counter, glaring at the ticking clock on the opposite wall. It's arms moved slowly, every passing second seeming endless and everlasting. Why wasn't anyone leaving? It was 12 AM already! I huffed and crossed my arms, giving the bartender a dirty look when he offered me a drink.
Over my dead body.
People were dancing all around me, shaking their hips and throwing their arms into the air carelessly, as if this was the happiest night on Earth. Hell, it wasn't even their night. They were just having fun. Idiots.
I scowled again, blowing my bangs up as I felt all claustrophobic. Our NYC apartment was absolutely large, thanks to the heaps of money Alice had made. My small portion of journalism money barely paid for the water expenses. The apartment was also filled with what seemed like hundreds of people, so the air around me was stuffy and warm. Alice Cullen was always into big affairs, and she never went halfway in anything.
Glancing around at the moving people, I spotted a guy next to me, not really giving a care as I grabbed his drink and poured it down my throat. The liquid alcohol burned and scorched, but I ignored it and slammed the glass against the marble countertop. Nobody heard the clink it made.
Sticking my tongue out at the man, I merely pushed off the counter and grumpily made my way toward the staircase, which – unfortunately – was on the other side of the apartment. I wearily pushed through the moving bodies, trying to keep my balance in the four-inch high, black stiletto heels Alice had given me. I was never really coordinated.
Some girl, whose name I didn't know, walked up to me, a wide, tipsy grin on her lips as she stumbled. Her short, light blond hair bounced along with her movements as she danced and whooped.
"Happy birthday, Belinda!" she shouted loudly, taking a huge drink out of the beer bottle in her hand.
I offered her a tight smile. "Thanks," I said. "But…it's Bella."
"What?!" she shouted, bending over to hear me and nearly falling over. I grabbed onto her small shoulders, steadying her. "I can't hear you, Bailey!"
"My name's Bella!"
The girl frowned, downing the rest of her drink. Then her confused blue eyes met mine. "Oh. Well, bye, Beatrice!"
The girl drunkenly stumbled away, shaking her body to the beat of some Cascada song before disappearing behind a horde of people.
I sighed, about to take another step when Alice appeared before me, looking cute yet sexy in a red tube top and dark skinny jeans. The outfit hugged her curves in all the right places, and her long, jet black hair was tied into a high ponytail. Her small, glossy lips pulled up into an excited smile.
"BELLS!" Alice sang in her silky though slightly slurred voice. She began twirling around in place, bobbing her head to the beat. "Why…aren't you d-dancing?" She hiccupped, but grinned cheerily.
I grimaced, putting my weight onto my left foot while fidgeting with my fingers. I felt slightly guilty, for Alice had my whole birthday planned out carefully, with the caterers, the bartenders, and the invitations. Anything so that I could enjoy my birthday. But there was only one thing I wanted, and she and I both knew I wouldn't get it.
Pushing the sad thought out of my mind, I merely said, "Because…" I took one look at her drunk, unsteady figure and pointed behind her, screaming, "HEY! IS THAT CHACE CRAWFORD?"
Alice's head twisted faster than a rattlesnake, and I took the moment to make a mad dash to the stairs, wincing when I passed by the thronged gift table. There were boxes and presents everywhere, much to my dismay.
I glanced behind me to find Alice looking around, her gorgeous, blue-green eyes searching for someone – particularly me. I bit my lip and headed for the bathroom door, easily pulling it open.
"Ew! Get out!" I shrieked at the couple making out in the shower. They glowered at me before dashing away. "Don't you dare touch my bedroom!" I yelled after them before slamming the door shut and locking it.
The music was considerably quieter, but still.
I flipped the switch, watching a yellowish light flicker on right above the wide mirror. Glancing at my reflection, I allowed myself a small smile, despite how miserable I felt. Alice had done a great job on me tonight, but of course, it was Alice. And only Alice could pull off something like this.
I was dressed in a simple yet fashionable outfit. A white tank top underneath my black vest, and dark black jeans that matched. It was comfortable and chic, and that was why I liked it. My dark, chocolate brown hair was in curls, the same shade as my brown eyes. I was overall a simple-looking, sort of pretty kind of girl, but compared to Alice or my sister Rosalie, I was nothing.
I bit the inside of my cheek and sat down on the covered toilet seat, glumly resting my elbows on my knees. I dropped my head into my hands, a quiet sob escaping my lips.
I sat there, somewhat enjoying this alone time more than I should have. I knew Alice wanted me out there, partying and celebrating with everyone else. After all, it was my birthday, my party. But I didn't want a party. I didn't want people over at our house partying and wasting themselves. What I wanted, I couldn't have.
I suddenly remembered one night at Central Parkway Boarding School, the school I'd attended to finish my junior and senior years of high school. My sister, Rosalie, and I had come around the middle of the semester, Rosalie in her senior year and me in my junior year.
It was Christmas Eve, and the school was hosting the Winterfest Dance. Rather than being at the dance, I had spent nearly the entire night at my current boyfriend Edward's dorm. We had the most magical night. He sang to me and played his guitar, and he ended up spending the night at my room. It was completely innocent, of course, but that night was life-changing. It will forever be stored in my memory.
Before I knew it, I was bawling into my hands. I missed Edward so much. We'd been dating ever since my junior year there. Why did he have to go to Juilliard, which just had to be on the other side of the country? Why did he have to be discovered? Why was he taken away from me?
I gave a frustrated half-growl, half-sob, as I slid onto the floor and leaned my head against the wall behind me. My thoughts were haywire as I replayed the things that could have been done differently. The things that could have changed my current state. Maybe, if only I'd gotten accept to Columbia, or NYU, or something, he wouldn't have been snatched so easily. If only I hadn't encouraged him, we might still be close together…if only there was time…
I had dreams of us having little babies. I had dreams of us growing old together, of me dying with his strong arms wrapped around me. I had dreams of us in heaven, our young, seventeen-year-old selves again. But these were dreams. My dreams almost never came true. And when they did, they were taken away from me. Just like Edward.
I thought back to a conversation Edward and I had had during the summer before college. We were sitting on the front porch of my small home in Forks, enjoying the warmth of a rare sunny day.
"Last night, I had a dream," Edward had told me. I remember the look in his stunning green eyes, the affectionate, loving look that was only for me.
I stared at him questioningly, waiting for him to continue while I played with his long, slender fingers. He stared out at the blue sky, a small smile tugging at his lips.
"It was about you." I remember blushing, because any time he said sweet things to me, I always felt my face flush crimson. I sniffled now, roughly wiping away my tears. "You were wearing a beautiful wedding dress, and you were walking down the aisle to me. I remember thinking, 'My Bella. My silly, beautiful, insensitive Bella.'" He laughed then, wrapping his arm around me and nuzzling his face in my hair. His breath tickled the back of my neck. Then he softly whispered in my ear, "You carried a bouquet of freesias. It seemed as if you were walking so, so slowly. I couldn't wait. I almost ran away from the altar, you know."
We both laughed then, and I laughed now in reality, feeling my heart clench at the memory of him. Where was he? What was he doing? Was he thinking about me, like I was thinking of him?
I wanted him here to celebrate with me. He missed my birthday last year, and the year before that. I wanted him here. I wanted him to come home. I didn't need a cake or presents or anything. I needed him. Right now.
"Your hair was in curls, and you had an adorable smile on your face," he murmured, kissing my cheek. "You were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my entire life."
I sniffled, telling myself to just suck it up. I stood up, turning to face my reflection. Just the sight of me made me want to bawl all over again. Although I looked decent before, it was because the make-up did wonders. Now, my make-up was smeared and nearly nonexistent – my mask was removed. My eyes were puffy and red, my skin dry and sticky with the salty tears.
I touched my curly hair, allowing one last teardrop slip down my cheek. I'd had dreams of our wedding day, too. But lately…
I sighed as I turned on the faucet, knowing full well that Alice would kill me for wiping it all off. But it was pointless now.
I splashed the cool water onto my face, daring myself to look again at my reflection. Without the make-up, I was broken – anyone could see that. I wore a mask only Alice could see through, but even then, she didn't understand. Nobody understood me.
My tears mixed in with the sink water, and I eventually gave up, wiping my face on a soft, fluffy towel. If anything, I looked worse, because my eye make-up had smeared to become a grayish shadow around my eyes. I briefly considered spending the rest of the night in the bathroom, but my phone buzzed in my back pocket. One glance at the message-sender made me considerably happier.
How's the party, love? I miss you. And happy birthday again.
-Edward
I gave a strained laugh, shaking my head at Edward's text. God, how I missed him.
You've said that so much lately. And it's fine, actually.
I hit the send button, drumming my fingers against the sink counter as I waited impatiently for his response. Any form of communication with him had me all jittery and excited.
It seemed like eons before he finally replied.
Really? It certainly doesn't sound just 'fine'.
I frowned and texted, "What do you mean?"
Edward's reply only confused me even more.
Sounds kind of loud to me.
My jaw dropped, my eyes widening as I racked my brain trying to figure out whether I missed anything. Edward didn't say he was coming back today, right? I thought he'd said he'd be back on the twentieth…a week from now…
While I still pondered over his text, I received yet another one.
Go to your bedroom.
I barely glanced at it before wrenching the bathroom door open, clumsily stuffing the phone back into my pocket before making a mad dash to the stairs.
Along the way, I passed by the couple from earlier. I tapped on the guy's shoulder, and he turned to me with questioning brown eyes.
"Bathrooms open!" I called giddily, running away.
I clambered up the stairs, my heart racing in my chest as I thought of Edward. His eyes, his hair, his lips…
Upstairs, it was much quieter, to my surprise, and I ran down the hallway, stumbling twice.
When I got to my bedroom door, I came to an unsteady halt, wondering if maybe the text was from a stalker or something. It could be. But the happy, jubilant side of me refused to accept that. Was he really here?
I shakily turned the doorknob and cautiously poked my head into the empty room, feeling a huge smile grace my face when I saw the Adonis sitting on my bed, looking tired but as gorgeous as I remembered him.
"Edward!" I screamed excitedly, all insecurities thrown out the window as I ran towards him. About halfway there, I stumbled clumsily, barely making it to the ground before his strong, pale arms slipped around my waist.
A soft, seductive chuckle filled my ear, and I breathed a sigh of relief, vaguely wondering if this was a dream.
I jumped onto him, knocking us both over and onto the bed. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, and I pulled myself as close as possible, making sure that all the airspace between us was filled.
Squealing, I gently cupped his face in my hands and pressed my lips against his, trying to remember the last time we'd kissed. It seemed like ages ago.
He responded enthusiastically, and we proceeded to have a hot make-out session. No, I'm kidding.
Edward did pull back first though, taking heavy, ragged breaths as he smiled crookedly at me. His emerald green eyes glistened and sparkled, his pale skin flawless though slightly rough around his jaw. Giggling like a little schoolgirl, I kissed the stubble around his jaw.
"Edward, what are you doing here?" I managed to ask, still grinning like an idiot. I didn't really care, but was still curious to know.
He frowned. "Did you not --"
I quickly interrupted him with a kiss. "Of course not," I reassured him, gazing into his emerald green eyes. "I'm just shocked, that's all."
He smiled warmly at me, gently brushing his lips against my forehead. "I refuse to miss your birthday this year."
I cocked my head to the side, opening my mouth to speak, but Edward put a finger to my lips. "Shh, we'll discuss it later. Right now, I just want you and me and nobody else."
I blushed, leaning down to press my lips against his. "I love you," I mumbled to him between kisses. "I love you, I love you, I love you."
"I love you, too, Bella," Edward sighed against my hair, sounding dreamy and totally in love. I loved that. "Miss me much?" he teased.
I threw my head back and laughed the most buoyant laugh in what felt like years. His warm lips glided along my neck, placing gentle kisses in every single spot. It was heaven. This was where I wanted to be for my entire life – Edward's arms.
"I see you two have found each other," Alice slurred from my bedroom doorway. She was clutching a beer bottle in one hand, waving at us in acknowledgement. "Edward, how are ya brotha?"
Edward laughed, but he didn't move from our comfortable position on the bed.
"Alice," he nodded, smiling at her. "I'm doing well. You must be really high right now."
My best friend scoffed. "I ain't high. I'm low, you dummy."
She rolled her eyes and stumbled out of the room, thankfully shutting the door behind her. Finally, we were separated from the real world. Somewhat.
There was a moment of silence, and then I said, "Did she just insult herself?"
Edward chuckled, the sound music to my ears. "I believe so."
I giggled, suddenly feeling all lovey-dovey, and kissed him hard again, enjoying the assuring feeling that he was here with me, and not on the other side of the nation.
"Welcome home," I murmured against his lips.
"Silly Bella," Edward said, resting his forehead against mine and gazing into my eyes. "Home is wherever you are."
--
aww, how cute. xD okay imma let yall know that i have never been to New York...so...i mean, i have seen apartments with more than one level. so lets just assume that this is one of them okay? but if it doesnt work and its annoying you, let me know and ill chang eit into a house or something.
anyway, i sure hope this chapter is good. i know tehre are some changes, like alice having long hair (did you notice?), but dont worry - those were deliberate. hope this was a good first chapter :)
NOW. GO REVIEW FOR THIS, AND THEN GO READ TUNED AND CONFIDENTIAL. because you love me. :D lol. :)