By the way, this is a repost, now with more content!
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The next evening, many shinigamis had turned up early, ready for some action. At precisely 6 pm sharp, Ichigo stepped up to the center of the arena.
"All right! Last night, Ayasegawa Yumichika of the Yellow Penguins was kicked off the game, leaving both teams with an even number of players!"
He waved his arms enthusiastically, and as if on cue, the Yellow Penguins and the Green Monkeys filed in.
"Now, today's challenge is very interesting, because the 10 people here are not going to participate in the challenge! Instead, today's challenge is a guest challenge, which means 10 others are going to play for you! Oh, and just to let you know, we randomly picked these people."
"So…for the Yellow Penguins, representing Abarai Renji, captain of the sixth division, Kuchiki Byakuya!"
Renji gaped.
"Oh no."
"Representing Kuchiki Rukia, seventh seat of the fourth division, Yamada Hanatarou!"
"Representing Shihouin Yoruichi, captain of the second division, Soi Fong!"
"Representing Ise Nanao, captain of the eighth division, Kyouraku Shunsui!"
"And…representing Shiba Kuukaku, captain of the thirteenth division, Ukitake Jyuushirou!"
The crowd cheered wildly.
"Now for the Green Monkeys! First up, representing Madarame Ikkaku, vice-captain of the seventh division, Tetsuzaemon Iba!"
"Representing Rangiku Matsumoto, captain of the tenth division, Hitsugaya Toushiro!"
"Representing Ichimaru Gin, vice-captain of the third division, Kira Izuru!"
"Representing Urahara Kisuke, his shop helper, Ururu!"
"And…representing Kurotsuchi Nemu, captain of the twelfth division, Kurotsuchi Mayuri!"
"Today's challenge is this: Kusajishi Yachiru, vice-captain of the eleventh division, has been let loose somewhere in Seireitei. Your guest's job today is to locate her, secure her, and bring her back here! Use of zanpakutous, kidou, shunpo, shunko, etc is prohibited. Be warned, though, she has been fed 10 kilograms of toffee beforehand. Ready…set…go!"
The ten guests charged off at full speed, save for Mayuri, who declared that he didn't want to waste his time on 'catching that little gaki', and Byakuya, who deemed that walking in a dignified manner (i.e. at a speed to rival a snail's) was necessary in such conditions.
Hitsugaya spotted a pink blur round the corner. He lunged triumphantly at it, but his arms closed around empty air. He fell flat on his face. By the time he had lifted himself off the ground (about one second), the little pink creature known as Kusajishi Yachiru was already on the other side of Seireitei. Hitsugaya cursed his luck. He wished that he could have just frozen her into a pretty ice sculpture, which would have been much easier, not to mention faster.
Cursed competition rules.
On the other side of Seireitei, Byakuya had finally made it out of the arena. Then, he caught sight of a pink thing that was not Senbonzakura. Smirking, he drew from the voluminous sleeves of his shihakusho a packet of MnMs. (No rules dictated that the use of candy was forbidden, after all.)
"Byakkun!"
Yachiru leapt up, snatching the packet of candy. However, before he could catch her, she had crammed all the candy into her mouth, kicked his face, and run away, trampling on his noble and refined face in the process.
After Yachiru had left, leaving a giant dust cloud and a fluttering empty MnMs packet in her wake, Byakuya scowled. He would never enter a competition like this again. He picked up his no-longer-very-crisp-and-clean scarf from the dirt. He would never be able to get the drool stains off. Not to mention that his noble hairclips were broken, having been stepped on.
One hour later, nobody was having any luck. All they had managed to was tire themselves out. the ten participants, sitting in the seating arena, were very anxious. Very, very anxious.
Then Nemu remembered.
"Ano…don't we have a secret weapon?"
Ikkaku heard her, and yelled out:
"Oi! Ichigo, we wanna use our secret weapon!"
Ichigo nodded.
"Oi, Ishida! Get him out now!"
The Green Monkeys blinked, bewildered. Him?
Ichigo smirked.
"Presenting your secret weapon…Zaraki Kenpachi!"
Ikkaku nearly fainted.
"Tai…Taichou?!"
Kenpachi took no notice of him. He ran out of the arena to an open space, and yelled:
"Yachiru! If you don't come out now, you won't get anymore candy!"
"KEN-CHAN!!!!!"
A pink blur whizzed through the air, landing on Kenpachi's back.
"Ken-chan! IhadcandyitwassooooogoodandIwantsomemoredoyouthinkUki-kunhassomemoreKenchandidyaknowcandyissosweeeeeeetanditsveryveryniceandguesswhatKenchanihadawholelotjustnowanditwassooooogood!"
Kenpachi rolled his eyes, and charged back to the arena.
Ichigo whooped.
"And…the winners are the Green Monkeys! Congratulations to you, 'cause you've just won an onsen trip!"
Girls and guys alike cheered. After all, who didn't like how springs?
"As for the Yellow Penguins, you're gonna be treated to a very special performance!"
The Yellow Penguins winced.
Who knew what this 'performance' was going to be?
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The next morning, the Green Monkeys had departed early, eager to make the most out of their onsen trip.
The Yellow Penguins, on the other hand, were dragged to a small auditorium. After sitting down nervously, Ichigo stepped up.
"All right, Yellow Penguins! We have a special guest with us today to give us a speech! Everyone, please welcome him!"
Ichigo then retreated to the small soundproof room at the back of the auditorium, where the other onlookers were.
The speaker walked forward.
Tousen Kaname.
He cleared his throat.
"Justice."
He paused for effect.
"Justice."
He paused again.
A shout rang out from the crowd.
"Just get on with it, you geezer!"
He sighed.
"Justice is the concept of moral rightness based on ethics, rationality, law, natural law, fairness and equity. Justice concerns the proper ordering of things and persons within a society. As a concept it has been subject to philosophical, legal, and theological reflection and debate throughout history. A number of important questions surrounding justice have been fiercely debated over the course of western history: What is justice? What does it demand of individuals and societies? What is the proper distribution of wealth and resources in society: equal, meritocratic, according to status, or some other arrangement? There is a myriad of possible answers to these questions from divergent perspectives on the political and philosophical spectrum. In his dialogue Republic, Plato uses Socrates to argue for justice which covers both the just person and the just City State. Justice is a proper, harmonious relationship between the warring parts of the person or city. Hence Plato's definition of justice is that justice is the having and doing of what is one's own. A just man is a man in just the right place, doing his best and giving the precise equivalent of what he has received. This applies both at the individual level and at the universal level. A person's soul has three parts – reason, spirit and desire. Similarly, a city has three parts – Socrates uses the parable of the chariot to illustrate his point: a chariot works as a whole because the two horses' power is directed by the charioteer. Lovers of wisdom – philosophers, in one sense of the term – should rule because only they understand what is good. If one is ill, one goes to a doctor rather than a quack, because the doctor is expert in the subject of health. Similarly, one should trust one's city to an expert in the subject of the good, not to a mere politician who tries to gain power by giving people what they want, rather than what's good for them. Socrates uses the parable of the ship to illustrate this point: the unjust city is like a ship in open ocean, crewed by a powerful but drunken captain (the common people), a group of untrustworthy advisors who try to manipulate the captain into giving them power over the ship's course (the politicians), and a navigator (the philosopher) who is the only one who knows how to get the ship to port. For Socrates, the only way the ship will reach its destination – the good – is if the navigator takes charge…"
On and on he rambled. Renji clutched his head and screamed in agony. Rukia and Urahara were trying very hard not to puke and Yoruichi was curled up in a ball, fingers in her ears. Nanao felt a raging headache developing, and started whacking her head repeatedly.
"Now, let's recap all my points again, shall we?"
After a long recap, everyone was having spasms in various degrees of severity. Some were twitching, others were sitting in the corner, convulsing violently. But Tousen's speech was far from over.
"I shall now tell you my story. It is the story of a boy deprived of justice and now determined to follow a path of justice."
He clicked some buttons, and some pictures appeared. As it turned out, he'd sought Mayuri's help in searching for them. Some were taken so badly that all that could be seen was a coloured blur. The others were probably taken by other people, and included ones with him in a swimsuit, in the shower, as a child, doing the hokey-pokey, and other pictures with content not fit to mention on a K+-rated Bleach fanfiction.
Four hours later, Tousen had finally finished his speech, so Ichigo dragged the lethargic Yellow Penguins to the twelfth division, where something interesting was waiting for them.
"Okay! Everyone, fill in those voting slips!"
Once this was done, Ichigo then proceeded to read out the votes.
"First vote: Nanao."
"Urahara. Nanao. Yoruichi. Yoruichi."
"Yoruichi and Nanao, come forward."
Ichigo looked gleeful.
"Today, we shall play human tetris! The rules are simple. At the start of each turn, you will see a board moving towards you. This board has a hole in it. If you can get through the hole, you get one point. If not, no points are awarded, and you get pushed by the board into that pool."
Ichigo indicated a square pool.
"Okay, let's get this started!"
Half an hour later, Yoruichi grinned as she easily cleared the last round. As expected, she'd cleared each and every round, while poor Nanao struggled through.
"And Yoruichi wins! Third person to leave the game, Ise Nanao!"
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Did you like this chapter? Please don't hate me for kicking Nanao off.
Thanks to all who have reviewed so far, and keep reviewing!
Next chapter: Yet another non-physical challenge awaits!