So sorry for the long update, people!
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The next day, the Green Monkeys bounced happily into the arena, all geared up for the challenge. And why not? They had, after all, enjoyed a refreshing onsen trip the day before.
A full fifteen minutes later, Ichigo's patience finally wore out, and he dragged out the Yellow Penguins from where they were still trying to cure the raging headaches they had acquired during The Talk the day before.
"Okay!" Ichigo yelled happily. "Today's challenge is part physical, part mental. All contestants will participate in a game of Charades. This game will have four rounds. Sadly for the Green Monkeys, after I lost the massive jyan-ken-pon (rock-paper-scissors in Japanese) showdown last night with that geek over there," here he pointed at Ishida, "it has been decided that one of you will sit out."
The Green Monkeys made a face.
"Each team will send out one person per round up here. I will give them a word, and they must act out their interpretation of the word. Any form of communication other than acting will result in your immediate disqualification, and your opponent will win that round."
After a quick discussion, Nemu managed to convince the rest of her team of her lack of acting ability, and headed to the spectators' stand.
"Okay! First round begins now! Please send up one representative."
Rukia got up from the Yellow Penguins side, and joined Urahara in the center.
Grinning, Ichigo stuck his hand into a huge box beside him, and pulled out a slip of paper. He showed it to the two.
Instantly, Rukia smothered a squeal, and ran back to the Yellow Penguins.
"3…2…1…Start!"
Urahara positioned his hands on his chest, palms parallel to the ground, facing downwards, and at right angles to his body. He began hopping around, a deranged look on his face.
"Kangaroo!" A yell came from the Green Monkeys.
"Frog!"
"Beachball!"
"Sugar high!"
Urahara flapped his arms around, desperately trying to get his teammates back on track.
"Flying!"
Meanwhile, Rukia was having more luck. She thumped herself on the chest, and made a heart with her fingers.
"Chappy!"
"Rabbit!"
"Playboy!" Renji stupidly yelled. In the audience, Byakuya made a mental note to slice Renji to bits with Senbonzakura.
Kuukaku whacked Renji on the head.
"Rukia wouldn't like Playboy bunnies, idiot."
Yoruichi's face lit up.
"Bunny!"
Rukia whooped with joy.
Ichigo smirked.
"One point to the Yellow Penguins! Second round begins now, so please send your representatives up."
Kuukaku stretched lazily, and walked towards Ichigo. On the other side of the arena, Gin got up, grin on his face as usual.
Ichigo fished another strip of paper out of the box.
"3…2…1…Start!"
Kuukaku began to make farting sounds.
"Garlic!"
"Toilet!"
"Oomaeda!"
This put the audience in stitches, save for one rice-cracker-eating fatso in the third row.
Gin raised a finger, and mimed drawing a small circle in the air. He then mimed picking up the small circle, and popping it into his mouth.
"Grape!"
"Strawberry!"
"Raisin!"
"Blueberry!"
"Raspberry!"
Gin grinned, and flashed a thumbs-up. 'Raspberry', it turned out, was correct.
"Okay! Next round begins now!"
Renji got up, and headed to Ichigo. Matsumoto followed behind, from the Green Monkeys' side.
Both of them glanced at the slip of paper.
They started pointing frantically at Yoruichi, and making heart shapes with their fingers.
Yoruichi looked up.
"What?"
The Green Monkeys began guessing.
"Milk!"
"Catnip!"
"Fish!"
"Scratching post!"
"Yarn!"
Yoruichi scowled, thankful that her dark skin hid her blush.
The Yellow Penguins were slightly luckier.
"Urahara!"
"Kuchiki-taichou!"
"Soifon!"
Renji nodded frantically.
Ichigo grinned.
"Yellow Penguins are currently leading with 2 points, while Green Monkeys have one! Time for the final round!"
Ikkaku and Yoruichi got up.
Ikkaku took one look at the slip of paper, and choked.
Yoruichi bent down, and indicated the ground.
"Grass!"
She nodded, and placed her hands on her waist, flaring them out.
"Modelling!"
"Skirt!"
She nodded again. She jabbed a finger at Rukia, who had yelled 'grass', and then at Kuukaku, who had yelled 'skirt'. She did this repeatedly, until someone yelled out:
"Grass skirt!"
She whooped in joy, throwing her hands up in the air.
Ikkaku scowled, stopping the terrible Hawaiian dance he was attempting to do. Yoruichi kind of pitied the poor guy, who was currently being bombarded with shouts of 'hooker' and 'drunkard'.
She really did.
Ichigo grinned happily.
"And…the winner is…the Yellow Penguins!"
The Yellow Penguins whooped in joy. After losing twice, victory felt so good.
"Your reward is to pick the two unlucky people from the Green Monkeys who will go for the elimination round!"
He turned to the Green Monkeys.
"As for you, you'll get to fight Kenpachi tomorrow!"
They groaned.
Ikkaku covered his face with his hands.
"Fight with taichou…? I'll die!"
Ichigo grinned a sadistic grin.
"I told him not to kill you guys, don't worry!"
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The next day, the Green Monkeys began to pack a huge duffel bag.
30 rolls of bandages, filched from the Fourth division, each 50m long.
Antiseptic, 25 bottles, also filched from the Fourth.
Five foldable stretchers, filched from the Fourth's basement.
Electric paddles (the ones used on people whose hearts have stopped due to cardiac arrest), plus power source.
Five wills, duly signed and approved.
Smelling salts, 47 bottles.
Five foldable wheelchairs.
In fact, listing out the full contents of the duffel bag would probably take up enough paper to flood Hitsugaya's office.
Accompanied by Yamada Hanatarou and his medical team, they set off.
(Due to the author's inability to write fighting scenes, the readers will have to be content with imagining all the blood and gore that must have been shed. The author is very sorry for this.)
Five hours later, they were wheeled to the Fourth division for immediate treatment. Kenpachi was as good as his word, and the most major injury caused was a fractured wrist.
The Green Monkeys were then dragged to the arena, where two huge rooms with curtains had been set up.
The Yellow Penguins bounced in soon after. Ichigo spoke to them briefly, and they got into a group huddle. After a few minutes, they straightened up.
"We've decided."
Ichigo nodded energetically, signaling for them to continue.
"The two we have chosen for the elimination round are…Ikkaku and Matsumoto."
Said people groaned simultaneously, smacking their foreheads with their palms.
Ichigo just grinned wider.
"All right! The elimination challenge is very simple. We will give you a theme, and you are to run to your respective wardrobes, and dress according to it. There are three rounds. You will be judged by speed, relevance to the criteria, and overall aesthetic appeal. This wardrobe," he indicated the pink one, "has female clothing, while that wardrobe," he flung out his other amr to point at the blue one at the other end of the arena, "has male clothing."
Ikkaku gaped.
"Wait…ya mean that this is a dress-up contest?!"
"Yep."
"But…I'll DIEEEEE!"
"So?"
Ikkaku pulled a face.
Matsumoto came up, and whacked him heartily on the back.
"Don't worry, dress-up is fun!"
"And that's supposed to comfort me?"
Ichigo cleared his throat.
"You first theme is: Medieval. Ready...get set…go!"
They raced off.
After thirty seconds, Matsumoto pranced out, wearing a frilly pink dress and a tiara. (Ishida, who had kindly made the clothes, had the foresight not to create anything too revealing.)
Another two minutes and many muffled curses later, Ikkaku emerged, with a full set of rusty armour.
The judges, Orihime and Ishida, walked forward, examining the outfits. They murmured to each other, taking notes.
Ichigo glanced at the notepad that Ishida chucked in his face.
"First point goes to…Matsumoto!"
Matsumoto grinned happily.
"Second theme: Foreign."
Matsumoto came out after 25 seconds, dressed in a Chinese cheongsam, complete with silk fan and slippers.
The Yellow Penguins stared. How could anyone change that fast?
Three minutes later, Ikkaku came out. Apparently, he had misinterpreted 'foreign' as 'outlandish'.
Ishida gagged.
Ikkaku was wearing a grass skirt. And a flowery lei.
Ichida could only give thanks that he had the foresight to sew a coloured lining beneath the grassy layer of the skirt. He had put it there as a joke. Never had he expected it to be worn, for this theme, no less.
Orihime was of the same opinion.
Victory in the second round went to Matsumoto.
"Theme number 3 is… black and white."
In seventeen seconds, Matsumoto ran out, dressed in a white blouse and slim black pants.
Ikkaku came out a minute later. He had taken 'black and white' way to seriously. He stood in front of the judges, clad in a black shirt with white vertical stripes, and a pair of white pants with black horizontal stripes.
Orihime winced. Mentally, she reminded herself never to let Ishida mix in 'joke clothing' in wardrobes should this challenge ever happen again. Men, it seemed, didn't realize that some clothes just could not be worn.
Matsumoto grinned. Three rounds. She'd won all three rounds.
Ikkaku scowled.
"The next person kicked off the show, Madarame Ikkaku!"
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I hope this was all right…
Next chapter: A difference in taste does matter.
A/N: 'Farting' is often referred to as 'blowing a raspberry'. Therefore, Kuukaku and the farting noises.
Oh, and please vote on my poll! It's a tiebreaker version of the previous one.