Chapter 19

JD once again tried calling Todd's cell phone and yet again he was answered with the voice mail greeting. The only positive factor was that at least JD could hear Todd's voice before leaving another apologetic message in order to get him to understand.

Turning on his stereo, JD flipped on the Journey CD. He had been alternating between Todd's favourite 80's hits disc and that one; listening to the songs that reminded him of their time together.

"Highway run, into the midnight sun. Wheels go round and round, you're on my mind." He sang along, until he found the irony in singing 'Faithfully' when he'd been the exact opposite.

JD hadn't cried since he'd come home the afternoon prior. All his tears had been spilled very briefly in the hospital locker room, before he felt too numb. Since then he'd been practically out of his own body. He'd almost forgotten to pick Sam up from day care due to his depressed daze. Coming home he had put on the music, looked at a picture of Todd, watch the flowers he had received slowly wilt and supervised Sam while the child watched television and played. The only reason to break this routine was to call Todd and leave a message, feed Sam and the few hours he'd attempted to sleep.

He dreaded work that morning, particularly since he had barely slept at all. JD could feel the bags forming under his eyes as he made himself breakfast. His meal turned out far less perfect than Todd's always would. After wolfing down his runny eggs and charcoal toast, JD figured he should check on his son.

Sam was sleeping peacefully when JD went to check in on him. Not even his son's room provided an escape from Todd reminders. The squishy green football was never far away and Sam had fallen in love with the yellow toy cat the moment he'd spotted it with the flowers.

JD felt the urge to apologise to the tot, who he knew had developed somewhat of an attachment to Todd. He gently took Sam's hand, giving it a light squeeze. The words didn't come out, but his eyes spoke volumes.

After that, JD walked like a zombie to his bathroom. Stripping off his pyjamas quickly he stepped into the shower. As the water ran over him he shut his eyes, thinking of Todd. Picturing the other man's arms wrapped around him. Remembering the moments when they would soap each other down and shampoo the other's hair.

"Todd. Todd. Todd." JD whispered into the air, despite knowing it was completely pointless.

JD felt his dick harden at the mere memories. He cursed his manhood for being so unco-operative before cursing himself for kissing Perry. Why did he have to be such a self-saboteur? Why did he have to be such a commitment phobic? JD pondered these questions as he reached for the cold water tap and turned it up full blast.

Screaming into the bathroom so that it echoed off the walls, JD sunk into the bathtub below his shower. He began shivering as the cold water ran over him, stabbing his body like mini icicles. The benefit was that he was now fully awake and his eyes didn't feel so droopy.

After drying off, JD dressed himself for work. He sighed and figured that with the way Sacred Heart news travelled, most people probably knew about him and Todd. If not, the lack of affection would certainly tip them off. Not only that, he had to see Todd and though JD predicted he would be rebuffed a thousand times over, it wouldn't stop him trying to make things right.

Then there was Perry. The person that started this whole mess. The man he had managed to forget and move on from, despite everything. JD didn't want to see him. Why did he go back to the older man? Why did he have to give in?

JD spotted his journal beside his bed. Grabbing it he studied the pages and read about all the moments he had chronicled since he and Todd had become an item. He managed a weak smile.

"Why couldn't Todd have read these pages?" JD wondered aloud, flipping back through the pages until he came to the PROS and CONS lists.

Anger fuelled him and he ripped the pages out. Frantically, JD tore at his journal until most of the entries were confetti on the floor. Calming down, he sat for a moment before cleaning up the mess and throwing it in the nearby trash basket. Looking at the now empty pages which still remained intact in his journal, JD threw the book in as well.

"Stupid journal." JD muttered before leaving the room. However, seconds later he came back, retrieved the book from the trash and hugged it. "I'm sorry. I'll start over again okay. I didn't mean to tear you up."

A page fell out of the small waste basket. Grunting, JD went to pick it up. He noticed the words on the paper, seeing that it was the entry from the day he and Todd went to the park, where they had cuddled up on a blanket talking before wrapping themselves in it and kissing. Feeling his heart beat faster from reading the words, JD tucked the page in his pocket. He wasn't going to let go just yet.

Todd came into work after a sleepless night. He felt upset, heartbroken and angry. More than anything he was desperate to hide it. He blinked his eyes, still incredibly tired despite the espresso he had downed two minutes prior.

His cell phone rang again. Without even looking at it, he knew it was JD. Todd had heard at least ten sorry messages on his voice mail from his ex and was not prepared to listen to another one. Heading towards the gym, Todd figured he'd squeeze in a workout before his surgery at ten thirty.

Quickly changing into his gym clothes, Todd kept repeating his affirmation about getting his self-esteem on. He waved around the gym to his surgical interns and acquaintances before picking up a pair of dumbbells. Bringing his arms up, Todd pumped the iron and worked his biceps, watching his form in the mirror as he did so.

Just when he was succeeding in clearing his mind of the previous day's events, he saw the reflection in the mirror. Heading towards the treadmills was none other than Perry Cox; the man responsible for breaking up his first real love.

Todd dropped the weights he was using and stormed over to Perry, seeing red. Before the other man could think about stepping on the treadmill, Todd grabbed his arm and pulled him off. Their eyes locked in rage.

"You kissed JD." Todd said bluntly.

Touching his nose and folding his arms, Perry gritted his teeth. "Keep your voice down, dumbass."

Todd balled his hands into fists, not willing to take orders from the chief. "Dude, why the hell did you kiss my boyfriend?"

By this point, others in the gym had turned to watch. Murmurs began about the possibility of Perry and JD together. Some had stopped working out. Others who were standing around moved in a little closer to get the news.

"Well if I remember correctly there Todd, JD wasn't complaining."

Without even thinking of the consequences, Todd punched Perry square in the jaw. All he could see when he looked at the man was that kiss. The pictures that had messed up the plans of telling JD he loved him. The proof that JD most likely didn't love him back.

Perry let out a chuckle through his angry demeanour. "You just made the biggest mistake of your life. Very stupid, even for you."

Letting out a battle cry, Todd lunged at Perry. He managed to tackle the older man to the ground. Together they wrestled for dominance, both seeming equally matched in terms of strength. As they moved their fight, rolling onto the exercise mats, everyone in the gym had gathered around to watch. Some were cheering and egging them on, while others were paging their fellow employees to come see. Very few were actually doing anything to stop it and those that tried were reluctant to get involved in the scrap and soon stepped back.

Todd managed to get the upper hand, pinning Perry down and aiming another punch at his jaw. He stood up and stared down at the older man, making a comment about him being pathetic. In his arrogant state, Todd stupidly turned his back on Perry. Using this opportunity, the chief of medicine stood up and grabbed the surgeon in a headlock.

While the fight raged on in the gym, pagers were going off all over the hospital. A confused JD was walking through the halls just starting his shift, witnessing the commotion. He was about to ask someone about all the fuss and beeping, as it clearly wasn't a code, when his own pager went off. The message simply said SMACKDOWN IN GYM.

Unable to retain his curiosity, JD followed some of the crowd heading that direction. Anything that would take his mind of Todd was a blessing in his book. However, as he reached the doors JD realised that it wasn't what he had anticipated.

Nearby, one nurse was explaining to another and JD couldn't help but overhear. "The Todd and Chief Doctor Cox are fighting over JD."

JD stood still for a moment, unsure of whether he was willing to see the fight between his two exes. It didn't matter that he hadn't entered the gym because minutes later, people were sprawling out into the halls.

"They're coming out!" cried a random resident.

The world seemed to move in slow motion as Perry and Todd came into view. Having elbowed his way out of a headlock, Todd was having a stare down with Perry. Perry's mouth was bleeding and Todd's eye looked to be swelling. JD couldn't take his eyes off of them. Soon they were back fighting again, testing each others strength and will. Trying to keep vertical and get the upper hand. Todd screaming about how Perry kissed JD while Perry shouted back that Todd was just a rebound.

Perry slammed Todd against the wall, causing a few pictures to fall and a frame to smash on the ground. Todd threw the chief of medicine into a nearby medical cart, effectively sending Perry and an abundance of supplies to the ground. Before JD could stop Todd, the surgeon grunted and jumped right back on Perry.

"Somebody has to do something!' JD shouted out to the people nearest to him.

"Why are you looking at us? They're fighting over you." A nearby orderly replied before egging the fight on again.

Knowing that the orderly was right, JD rushed towards them to break it up. But, the pair ran themselves back into the gym. The fight ended up back on the floor, with Perry and Todd punching, kneeing and elbowing in order to inflict as much damage on the other as possible. Perry found the strength to shove Todd off him, almost causing the surgeon to knock over the collection of hand weights.

Perry managed to get up, walking over to pull Todd up to a vertical base. They were both clearly weak, but still enraged. Perry aimed a kick that tripped Todd to the floor. A strategic movement of the leg saw Todd do the same thing to the older man. Both tried to get up, looking like two alpha-male lions as they leered at each other from crouching positions.

Finally as the pair looked to lunge at each other again, Turk and a few others stepped in to stop the fight. Turk and another surgeon holding Todd back, while a surgeon and two medical interns held Perry. JD managed to push his way to the front of the crowd and eyed both of them.

"Okay Todd, calm down." Turk tried to soothe his friend. "I know he beat on JD, I wanted to kill him too. But fighting is not smart."

"Dude, he beat up JD?" Todd looked at Turk with confusion before his rage resurfaced. With a burst of strength managed to get free and dived at Perry once again. This time Todd, Perry and the three holding Perry all crashed to the floor. This effectively riled up the crowd once again.

Turk managed to find JD in the chaos. "Why is he beating Cox up if not for him beating on you?"

JD said loud enough so that his friend could hear over the fussy crowd. "Perry and I kissed at the hospital picnic. Janitor had a picture and showed it to Todd. It was after our shift yesterday, Todd broke up with me."

Suddenly JD noticed that people had heard him and knew that what he said was being passed around. Squeezing through the crowd again, JD managed to get close to Perry and Todd. Both men were bleeding and sweaty, panting for breath yet determined not to give up. However they were forced to when once again people stepped in to hold them back and stop them.

"You were the one that gave JD those bruises. You sick fuck!" Todd shouted, which shocked people. It alerted everyone to how enraged he was. While he had delivered sex jokes to the moon, Todd was never one for the f-word. In fact he was rarely one for such fury.

Not even caring that everyone around him knew, Perry was determined to win more than anything. "Well at least JD loved me. We all know he never said it to you! Now you're about to get your ass fired!"

Suddenly the crowd parted and a figure stepped into the middle of the circle. The mere presence of this person was enough to freeze both fighters and everyone watching in their tracks.

Perry's face drained in colour. His red cheeks turning white as his eyes locked with another. "Jordan" was all he could whisper.

The woman had her arms crossed and put up her hand to silence anything else Perry wanted to say. "Save it Per." Jordan looked back and forth from Perry to JD, giving a slight glance to Todd.

JD knew better, but he tried to make things right anyway. "Jordan, we didn't mean for any of this-"

"Uh-uh. No. No. No. I'm talking now." Jordan turned to him with a malicious yet surprisingly calm expression. Once again she looked around before shaking her head in disgust. "I can't deal with this." She left the gym before anyone could catch her resolve cracking and possibly see her crying.

Perry stared after Jordan before chasing as best he could, which wasn't very fast at all given his recent brawl. Some of the crowd dispersed, while a few people tended to Todd's injuries. JD made his way over to Todd. However, just as he was within arms reach, Turk stepped in front, creating a wall between them.

"JD I think you should go." Turk told him seriously. He touched his best friend's arm out of guilt.

"I want to take care of Todd. He doesn't look good." JD tried to edge past, but Turk grabbed his arms and held him in place. "He's bleeding, Turk! Please, you know how I feel about him."

"Do you even know how you feel about him? Todd doesn't need this right now. Just take a walk, okay."

JD couldn't believe how his best friend was acting. "You said that you'd choose me if things got like this."

"I'm not taking sides. Todd's just been beaten up pretty badly. Do you really think he wants to see the guy that broke his heart?" Turk patted his best friend on the arm before walking off to help Todd. "Just leave The Todd alone. I'll talk to you later, okay buddy."

JD watched as the others helped Todd. He fought every instinct to run after him. Despite not meaning to, JD knew he had hurt Todd pretty bad. He took Turk's advice and went back to work; hoping things would get better soon.

"Jordan please, you have to listen to me." Perry limped into his apartment, having to catch a cab due to being too messed up to drive.

She had already packed most of her stuff by the time he arrived. Perry could do nothing but watch and groan. He took a seat on the edge of the bed, putting a hand over the suitcase that lay beside him.

"Perry you know if you leave your hand there much longer, I will slam it." It was obvious that Jordan had been crying, despite her attempts to hide it.

"You have to listen. The thing with JD and I…"

"Actually Perry I don't have to do anything, except get out of here because the sight of you makes me want to kill you." Jordan's eyes bore into him, dark and angry. "You know when I first saw those pictures of you and JD, I preyed they were photo-shopped."

"Janitor." Perry gritted his teeth. "I can't believe he showed you those."

"Actually, they were just randomly in our mail box. Now I guess I know who to thank for the straight answer."

"Jordan-"

"Shut up!" She snapped loudly, not caring if Jennifer Dylan and her nanny could hear. "You know what the funny thing is. I could see this coming from a mile away. I knew that getting close to you again was a bad idea. But you were all lovey-dovey and getting serious and I fell for it all over again."

"It's over. No more. I won't leave you and the kids." Perry explained, grabbing some tissues to catch some blood still dripping from his busted lip.

"That's okay because I'm the one doing the leaving, so you don't have to." Jordan attempted a confident, arrogant smile. However, her eyes were a dead giveaway that she was grieving inside. "You can pick Jack up at school and you can explain to him why mommy and daddy aren't together anymore." She grabbed an envelope from the nightstand, thrusting it at Perry. "Maybe you can show him the pictures."

"Don't do this, please Jordan." Perry stood up and grabbed her arm before she could place more blouses in the suitcase. "We can work this out. We've been through worse than this."

"How can I be with you when you're still in love with your little protégé? Even after all these years." Jordan asked him, letting out a disbelieving chuckle. "Heck you've always been in love with him but I never thought for one second you'd actually have the guts to pursue it."

Perry didn't have an answer for that. There was no point in denying his feelings for JD, but he didn't want Jordan to leave. He was at a loss for words, along with his loss of control.

"By the way, I don't think you'll end up firing that surgeon." Jordan eyed him threateningly.

Perry suddenly stood up, annoyed now. "Why the hell wouldn't I do that?"

"Face it Per, do you really think anyone is going to vouch for you? Even if someone out there does, you really think it won't bring you down too? One phone call to the right board member and I can make sure this whole thing gets thrown out." Jordan rolled her eyes, happy to know she still had some kind of power play. "Besides, Chief of Medicine beats up a top surgeon over a homosexual affair? They'd have a field day with that one. Of course this means you get to keep your little position too, but you win some you lose some."

"Just stop this!" Perry grabbed Jordan's arms and made her look at him. "Let's just sit down, put a few drinks in us and actually have an adult conversation about this matter."

"You know from what I hear you did to JD, I wouldn't be putting your hands on me." Jordan felt her eyes tear up again, but her malice over-ruled any desire to cry.

"You're the one to talk. We were separated for just eighteen months and you slept with half the area code. Not to mention the indiscretions during our marriage." Perry retorted. "I have one little affair and you decide to leave?"

"The second time around I thought we were actually working!" Jordan screamed at her partner. "We were having problems before, so I made a mistake. Then we separated and I didn't want to feel for you ever again. Ever since we got back together, I've been faithful because, god forbid, I thought you'd be too."

"One little fucked up affair. It's over now. How about you just forgive me?" Perry groaned, not willing to fight anymore. "What's the difference, we can get passed it."

"The difference is that, despite your funny way of showing it, you're in love with him. I never loved anyone except…except you." Jordan explained, somewhat reluctantly. She didn't like showing her emotions, letting Perry know he'd hurt her. "So was the reason you got so damn handsy because you'd just done it with him? He turned you on and I got the sloppy seconds."

Perry finally let his emotion come out. He pulled Jordan close and hugged her. "I'm sorry. I tried to keep him away but he kept at me. I told him that you and the kids were most important."

"You're bleeding on my top." Jordan managed to push Perry off her and onto the floor. She stood over him, not taking her eyes off him as she shut her suitcase. "You're a pathetic excuse for a man."

With that last statement, she stormed from their bedroom. Grabbing Jennifer Dylan and dismissing the nanny along her way out. Jordan briefly looked back into the apartment to find a beaten up Perry trudging slowly out of the bedroom in an attempt to catch her.

"Jordan, get back here! Don't do this!" Perry yelled so loud that Jennifer Dylan began to cry.

"It seems you have a talent for making little girls cry."

Donning her confident smile and pretending to be her strong, ball-busting self, Jordan tried to comfort her daughter and slammed the door. Sure she looked like a woman making the right decision, but all she wanted to do was break down.

NOTE: So what is everyone thinking at this time? Looks like the next few chapters have some emotional stuff in them. I've already started working on Chap 20, so that should be up pretty soon if it goes as well as expected. In the meantime, hope you liked this instalment. Thanks for reading.