This is one of the chapters with cussing. you have been warned.

777

Endor Mission Briefing.

An X-wing star fighter zooms its way over a green screen for several seconds before the background is replaced by a wavering coral reef with several fish and bubbles trailing up behind. Strangely, this coral reef has a glass plate set in it that reads:

Fri

Apr 27

11: 40: 46

Sub-hunt music is heard. Even as the X-wing soars its way across the screen the time on the plate changes to read "11: 40: 47" then "11: 40: 48". In case no-one has guessed, this is someone's aquarium screen saver. As the X-wing finally makes it to the right of the screen and begins its exit out of the camera, the aquarium vanishes and becomes a proper star-field--even if that star-field is obviously multi-colored sequins glued to a piece of black paper. The X-wing exits the view.

Sub hunt music continues to play when the scene changes. The star-field is again visible, but this time in front of it is a brown paper lunch bag that has had the words "Space Station Hanger" written in blue sharpie on the side is in the foreground. The camera zooms out until the tile kitchen floor is visible around the star-field, then zooms back in until the brown bags is only partially visible. The blue sharpie label now reads "Space Stati Hanger", but that's okay.

The X-wing re-enters the camera view and makes its way into the Space Station Hanger without mishap. The screen goes black and the sub-hunt music ceases.

Camera pans around a room. There are several humans dressed in X-wing flight gear and a giant cardboard cutout of a goldfish arranged around a coffee table (complete with Starbucks coffee cups in front of each person, including the goldfish). As the camera continues to pan, two things become apparent--one, Princess Llewellyn Organically-Grown and Hans Duo are waiting by a pair of french doors (Hans flips off the camera) and, second, this "room" is the back patio of someone's house, as the french doors are obviously seen from the outside.

The french doors open, and our hero, Lucas George Sandcrawler walks through followed by a slightly grainy, pixel-ish R2-D2. He is greeted by Princess Llewellyn and then, less enthusiastically, by Hans. Someone clears his throat and the three of them take seats around the coffee table. More Starbucks cups are pulled out from under the table and handed to the three heros. Hans makes a face at his caramel frapachino. The pixel-ish R2-D2 positions himself so that he is visible in the camera angle.

"The Death Star," the voice that of a girls trying to sound like a man speaking under water and no one's mouth moves, though, the way the camera centers on the goldfish cutout hints an attempt to indicate the goldfish is the one speaking, "is surrounded by an energy field that prevents us from just blowing it up, like we did the last Death Star. Of coarse, if it was going to be that simple, a third movie wouldn't have been made. So since it's not that simple, Princess Llewellyn, Hans Duo and Lucas Sandcrawler will go to the surface of Endor and disable the shield. Yes, Lucas."

Lucas speaks with his hand still in the air. "What if I don't want to go?"

"Lucas, you have to go."

"But if I go on this mission, Darth Valerie will sense my presence, which will ruin the element of surprise and allow him to set a trap for us, then I'll be hauled up to the Death Star to confront the Emperor himself and even if I win that, I'll probably still be on the Death Star when it's blown up."

All the extra X-wing pilots laugh at him--in fact, the only people not laughing are Lucas himself and the goldfish, who is saying, "That's the point Lucas. You don't have a choice because without all that, there really isn't a point. The fleet will..." The rest of the goldfish's speech is said at a volume barely above human perception.

You, the viewer, realize this is because the goldfish is no longer of any importance when R2 begins beep-and-whistleing. The droid's electronic rant continues for a full minute of beeping and tooting. Fortunatly for you, subtitle float in midair at the bottom of the camera view and read:

Here we stand cockbites

we go now to kill (this word is a krazy red subtitle font) that snizno Emperor

and his jizz rag Death Star

But little do you stupid clueless Rebels know, that when

you strike him down, a foe more powerful

than you can possibly imagine will arise...

ME!

Lucas interrupts the rant, "Did you say something, Artoo?"

A negatory beep is accompanied by the subtitle: No

The room is replaced by forest from above the trees. An R2 beep in heard with the subtitle: Sucker

This tranquil overlook of a forest simply sits there until you, the viewer, begins to wonder "what the hell is this for?". Then a ship comes from behind the camera and starts across this tranquil scene. the ship is odd to look at--for a space ship, that is. If this were a movie about bass fishing, the little speed boat wouldn't be at all out of place. Assuming, of coarse, that in said hypothetical bass fishing movie the boat is sitting on the water, not flying through the air over the forest of a presumably alien planet.

Slowly the ship flies across the sky and disappears under the tree line. An explosion is seen (and heard) from the place where it disappeared. Fade to black.

777

Congrats and digital brownies to lets just call me for recognizing the four correct z's. the z's were just for the prologue and just for fun. They're because when Doctor Egon and I decided to call this 'Star Warz' instead of 'Star Wars' we decided to replace a lot of the s's with z's. So s's in the middle or end of words became z's and s's at the begining of words stayed s's. And yeah, I probably missed some, but I'm not bothered enough to care.

And thanks to Super Tinfoil Man Part 2. It's supposed to be confusing.

Next Part:

Endor. Another scene that never got completly written. This one will probably take longer.

--Dragon of Dispair