Warnings for this chapter include cussing and confusion.
777
Endor part 1
Our intrepid heroes (who I'm sure don't require a second introduction) all pull themselves from the wreckage of their speed boat. All of them have bright orange life jackets which they begin removing with a degree of enthusiasm and distain for the safety gear usually expressed by high school students. The fact that our heroes are being played by high school students has absolutely nothing to do with this. Except the dog.
An electronic squeal with no obvious source is heard (translated in subtitles for your viewing pleasure as "Get this fucking orange jizz rag off of me you neolithic morons!") and all of the heroes look over at a small bright pink flag stuck into the ground nearby. The dog barks.
"Here Artoo, I'll help you out of that." Lucas steps forward and begins an awkward pantomime over the flag which could be anything from helping Artoo out of his bright orange life jacket to cooking hot dogs on a short barbecue. And, even though some whacked out charade of hot dog cooking isn't out of the question considering the randomness of this "movie", it's probably best to assume he's helping Artoo until proven otherwise. Behind him, Hans Duo Princess Llewellyn and someone dressed in cheap C-3PO costume are suppressing outright laughter at Lucas's "helping" thin air. Someone behind the camera isn't so restrained.
When the last snicker dies away, everyone takes the time to look at the surrounding forest and figure out where they are. Artoo blinks into existence over the pink flag as they do so. They are surrounded by trees and obviously lost in the deep woods, far from any hint of civilization. There's a swing set visible behind the last line of trees.
There's also several people in white, poorly hidden behind several trees that our heroes are ignoring because they haven't sprung their ultra sneaky ambush yet. Of coarse, as soon as that is read by you the viewer, the stormtroopers attack. Not much effort has been put into making them all (all four of them) look like storm troopers--they're dressed in white and have a paper stormtroooper mask, that's it. The bright green and pink super-soakers standing in for blasters certainly look dangerous though.
Apparently the heroes thinks so too. Hans yells "Wookie! Get him!" and the dog obeys the command, running up to one of the stormtroopers and drooling on him. Or her. It's hard to tell. Lucas jumps forward to engage a 'trooper with a foam pirate's sword. Everyone else begins shooting water from water pistols. What follows is a scene of massive confusion sometimes referred to as a sci-fi action scene, and other times simply as a water fight.
At one point one stormtrooper runs off to the side of the battle where there is a pile of bicycles under a tree, grabs one and rides off. He (or she) is followed by Princess Llewellyn. From behind the camera the solid "smack" sound announces the death of the last storm trooper and all of the remaining humans, and the dog, run up to stare in the direction the princess disappeared in. After long seconds of staring at the back of their head, you the viewer realize that's probably the last you'll see of the bike chase.
777
hi. this scene is not finished. but it has been so bitchy to write that i'm posting it anyway--with a request: if any reader has any suggestions for dialogue for this fight scene or the ewok party later, or any random jokes to that can be included in the bike chase, please tell me. i'm drawing a blank for those and i want to finish endor part 1 before i begin on endor part 2.
Dragon of Dispair