Dear Mom and Dad,

How's Stoneybrook? I have to say out of all the class trips I've been in, this place is definitely the most interesting we've visited. I also think Pete and I are the only ones who really understand what's going on around here. I'll explain later when I get home.

Your son,

Alan

I am no fool. I know this place is no theme park. They might have been able to fool everyone else, but Pete Black and I knew this was a real school and the students here were real wizards and witches. I've watched enough episodes of the X-Files to know that the Truth is Out There and I Want to Believe.

Look, I know there are many great optical illusion tricks out there, but nothing found in this castle is THAT good. The moving staircases, the food appearing out of nowhere during meal times, the moving and talking figures in the portraits, and what about all those ghosts? They're obviously not played by people in sheets.

Claudia and Stacey were making fools of themselves, going around telling everyone that Robert Pattinson, who played that gay sparkly vampire in that stupid "Twilight" movie used to work here. (I'm sorry, but vampires are not supposed to sparkle when they're in the sun; they're supposed to turn to dust!) However, I got the real story on Cedric Diggory's death after acquiring a copy of The Daily Prophet. He was murdered by Lord Voldemort (or, as they call him around here, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named), a dark and evil wizard who can only be defeated by Harry Potter, a fifteen-year old student here. Tough break for this Harry Potter.

Pete (who was also sorted into Gryffindor) and I made fast friends with seventeen-year-old twins Fred and George Weasley. They had the sickest stuff, man! Things that made the items you can buy at Spencer's seem tame in comparison. They showed us their inventions, which included Extendable Ears ("Great for eavesdropping!" Fred declared); Guaranteed Ten-Second Pimple Vanisher ("Maybe we should give Mallory Pike a vial of that," Pete snorted); and spell-checking quills.

"Did guys really invent all this stuff?" I asked inspecting a ton-tongue toffee, but dare didn't put it anywhere near my mouth.

"Yep," George replied proudly. "We plan to open up our own shop called Weasleys' Wizard Wheezees."

"Now that's a tongue twister!" Pete laughed.

"So what kind of gadgets do you Muggles use?" asked Fred.

I took out my iPod and placed it in the battery-operated dock and the Black Eyed-Peas started to play. Fred and George moved their head with the beat. "With this, you can listen to music, play, games, and watch movies and TV shows.

Pete showed them his Sidekick and how texting worked.

"You mean, you can communicate with someone all the way in another country just by using that device and they'll get your message within seconds?" George asked and Pete and I nodded. "That's amazing! We need owls to get messages sent."

"Maybe we should bring this taxting thing up to the Ministry of Magic," Fred mused.

"Texting," I corrected. "And maybe you'll learn about it in the computer class your Headmaster is making you take."

"Hey, you guys could give really great parties with those," Pete said after Fred and George demonstrated their firecrackers to us.

"We should have a party!" I cried. "All the cool people seem to be in Gryffindor, anyway."

Fred nodded. "That's true, isn't it George?"

"Why, it certainly is, George!"

"A party would be awesome!" cried Pete. "And we could get Claud and Stace to help us; you know since they're the most popular girls at school and all."

"Right, I'll ask them to help us," I replied.

"A party is a really great idea because that's just what Harry needs!" Fred declared.

"Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived who must defeat the Dark Lord Voldemort?" I asked.

"Wow, someone's been doing their homework; I'm impressed!" George said looking at me in amazement. "Usually Muggles don't know anything about Harry Potter. But, yeah, Fred, Harry sure does look like he could use some cheering up. He's been down in the dumps for the longest time."

"Then we'll make this the best party ever!" I proclaimed. "We'll show the other Houses that Gryffindor is the best!"

"Right on!" Fred and George gave each other high-fives.