Author's Note: Okay, this chapter is full of complete randomness, I swear. You might not want to drink anything while reading this.

Angelina White was popular. She was beautiful and loved by her fans and friends. She someday planned to model magical lingerie. Yes, she was a very headstrong girl.

But lately, she had been a little miffed. Her cloud of absolute control had been knocked into by this.. Prankwar. Sure, she liked the Marauders, they were cute, charming, not to mention damn good kissers, but those Marauderesses. Ugh, she would have liked to teach them a lesson.

So she did, not a week or so back. She wrote a sweet letter politely telling them to stop their humorless, cruel pranking. She needed absolute control. And she would get it no matter what.

Now, the school had quieted down and her silly friends had stopped chattering about the Prankwar. It had simply ended, and boy was Angelina glad for that. Now she could begin her conquest for James Potter as well as the social destruction of the Red head slag Lily Evans.

Yes, life was good for Angelina.

But she found it odd that she woke up one morning to find her legs hairy.

Very hairy.

"Like, what the hell, I just got them waxed last weekend!" She said, stepping out of bed and walking towards her full body mirror.

She had a beard.

And a unibrow.

Speechless, Angelina lifted her night shirt up.

A manly, hairy chest.

"Where the hell are my boobs?" She screamed, waking up the dorm.

"Try the front of your body! And if they're not there, then try the implant room!" Grace Harlow screamed from her bed.

"No you bitch, they are not on me, I...I'm a guy!" Angelina screamed, gripping her used to be platinum locks (which were now a dirty blonde afro).

Gracie (who was lying on her bed) looked over at the next bed and found Emma with her face buried in her pillow, her entire body shaking.

"Em." Gracie whispered as Angelina continued to freak out over her new transformation.

"What?" Emma managed to rasp out, tears streaming down her cheeks as she laughed uncontrollably.

"Should we tell her?"

"No, just give her a hint."

Gracie stood up, stretching and smiling to herself as the remaining girls in their dorm crowded around Angelina.

"Why don't you just shave, Angie?" Asked Millie Sharpton

"I can't!" Wailed Angelina, taking her face mask off.

"Why not?" Asked Gracie with mock concern.

"Because, I only get waxed. Shaving makes stubble!" The Blondie said, "I'm a guy forever!"

"That's not for sure." Gracie said, holding back a laugh.

"What do you mean? I'm still a girl?" Asked Angelina hopefully, raising her head from her hands.

"Well, there's only one way to find out." Said Gracie, gesturing towards the front of Angelina's pajama bottoms.

The girl ran into the bathroom and the room was silent.

Three minutes later, Angelina came out bawling her eyes out, clutching a piece of paper in her hand.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Asked her posse girls with eyes wide.

"I-- the Marauderesses. Note. I" She spluttered hysterically, holding the piece of paper forward for her friend to take and read.

"Like, dear Angie," one of the other bottle-blondes said, reading off the parchment as Angelina buried her face in her pillow.

"We would like to tell you that you have just been pranked by the Marauderesses. We hope you will not be too upset at us, but looking back at the wonderful letter you wrote us, we couldn't really give a damn what you think of us. If you are able to tell for yourself, we would like to tell you that you have successfully been turned into a hermaphrodite by us. There is no magical cure, remedy or antidote. The only thing that will stop you from being this is if you announce to the whole school that the Marauderesses are the coolest and are sure to win the prankwar. You will then instantly transform back into a girl, but we decided to add a little something extra once you have gone back to your normal self. To know what it is, you'll just have to wait and see. And don't even try to skip out on class, because then you'll break your perfect attendance record and your hopes of beating dear little Lily Evans will be gone. Yes dear, we have read your diary.

Sincerely, Midnight, Freckles and Frown.

Miss Midnight would like to say that you look considerably better like this than before.

Miss Freckles agrees and would like to add that plastic surgery will not get rid of aging lines, so don't bother.

Miss Frown would like to laugh at you and say that you smell like a French whorehouse and it's no wonder James Potter has turned you down twice."

The friend put the parchment down and looked fearfully at Angelina, who had stood and began dressing in a mini-skirt and tank-top.

"Um, Angie?" Asked Emma, catching her breath, "How are you going to pull that hot outfit off with all that?" She gestured to the manly look.

"I'm Angelina White, you purple eyed freak," Angelina spat, pulling on tights and high heels, "Those Marauderesses will pay. I will find them and make them pay big time."

As she said that, her armpits sprouted two tufts or dark hair, making her wail and storm out.

Once the entire popular crowd had left, Gracie and Emma looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Did you get it?" Gracie asked, clutching her stomach as she tried to stable herself.

"Yep." Answered Emma, pulling out a camera hidden under her shirt.

"Brilliant. This is so going in the Yearbook." Gracie said, walking out the dorm after dressing.

"We are the bomb. If we don't win this prank war, I think we might just die." Said Emma, pulling her hair up.

Lily sat at the breakfast table in a rather good mood. Although she had spent the entire breakfast listening to Angelina bitch on and on about getting revenge to her fan club, Lily was now sitting with Gracie, Emma, (who were giving a rather detailed version of what had happened to Angelina, even though she already knew) and the Marauders.

Oddly enough, at the moment, she wasn't caring that she had homework that wasn't finished, or the fact that they had to be more cautious than ever about pranking (Angelina had almost woken up twice as they cast the charms on her), or the fact that she nearly jumped every time James' foot brushed up against hers. She was just having fun.

"So, do you have any idea who did it?" Said Sirius, leaning forward like a five-year old, eyes wide and mouth open.

"Well," said Gracie, who was actually enjoying the attention from Sirius, "We could have sworn that we saw a figure standing over her in the middle of the night, but it was hard to tell, because we were half asleep."

"Wow." Said Sirius, scooting closer to Gracie unnoticed.

"Wow's right." James said, raising his eyebrows at the both of them.

Gracie, who had her eyes closed and was humming contentedly, saw the look James gave her and promptly shoved Sirius off the bench.

"Well, now that I'm sure that we are not in a paranormal universe in which Grace Harlow and Padfoot get along, I would like to ask something." Remus said, glancing at Emma, who seemed the least occupied.

"And what would that be?" She asked, dipping a scone in her tea.

"I was awake all last night and in the common room reading. If someone had gone in the room, why didn't I see them?"

Emma dropped her teacup which shattered on the floor. But he hadn't been in the common room! She had gone down to grab her wand which she had left near her reading corner and didn't see anyone.

"You weren't there. That was a trick question." Emma answered suavely, mending the teacup and refilling it.

Remus blinked. How did she know that? He thought, smiling at her as she blinked innocently at him.

"Now, question for you." She shot back, looking satisfied with the challenge she gave.

"Shoot."

"What will the dashing Marauders be up to next with this blasted prank war?" Emma asked, tipping her head slightly so her black hair ran across her vibrant eyes.

"Oh, you'll find out sooner or later." Remus said airily, his head tipping as well to measure up with hers.

"Alright, just curious. It's not everyday you meet someone of the opposite sex with as much intellect as yourself."

A flash of purple; she blinked.

"Was that a compliment or an insult?" Remus asked, unaware that the entire group was watching him and Emma.

"It depends on how you look at it." Said Emma softly, leaning towards him, eyes dancing with mischievous glee.

Damn, how did she learn to do that with her eyes? Remus thought, giving her a crooked grin.

"Earth to Emma! Get out of the clouds! We have to get to class!" Gracie snapped, picking up her books and walking off.

"So I'll see you in Defense Class!" Remus called as Emma skipped to catch up with her friends.

"I wouldn't miss it!" She called, giving a small smile as she passed a rather hairy Angelina, who was explaining to her current boyfriend that this was simply a new breast implant medication with few side-affects.

"We won't ever forget that look you gave her Moony." Sirius said, who was gripping his shin and wincing (three guesses who kicked it.)

"Why don't you forget it, because it was nothing." Remus said grumpily, slinging his bag on his shoulder.

"Next time you say we're hormonal, we'll remind you of this day, when you actually flirted with a girl." Said James, as he patted Remus sympathetically on the shoulder.

"And I'll tell you to eat dung." Came the reply, as he and his friends burst into laughter at the sight of Angelina again.

By mid-day, the entire school was buzzing with the news of Angelina the Magical Hermaphrodite. The entire day she flounced around the school with an expression of one with (as Gracie and Sirius put) great constipation.

Her clique teetered around her, nervous and flinching every time someone came up and laughed in her face. Not only did she refuse to admit the Marauderesses were cool, but she refused to hear about what had happened, harassing and jinxing every first year who asked her about her "new look" .

Come around lunch-time, the three girls were in a rather pleasant mood as they dug into their plates. Emma had received top marks on her latest test, Gracie had successfully punched the lights out of several Slytherins who called her a mutant and Lily spent an entire free period passing notes with James in the library.

She had saved them, too.

Can I interest you in a note?

No, I'm working James.

On what?

Plans for the dance, I'm writing a letter to the local magical radio asking for a DJ.

Can I help?

James, don't you have a prank war to work on?

I'm busy talking to you. Plus, we've got a prank coming this afternoon.

What is it?

Guess.

I don't have time for games, James.

Hey, that rhymes!

Despite the fact that the letter was insufferably annoying, she found it rather cute and innocent.

She smiled inwardly and looked around, feeling as though something (or someone) was missing.

Then she knew what was missing, she knew it from the fact that her heart wasn't racing and her breath wasn't hitching.

"Where's James?"

"Why don't you go look for him, lover girl?" Gracie drawled, flicking a cracker at Lily's forehead.

"Don't call him that. I just miss him; he's my best friend you know!" Lily said hurriedly, flicking the cracker back.

"And what are we? Clique groupies?" Emma asked from behind her copy of The Feminine Mystique.

"No, I mean he's my best boyfriend!" Lily said, looking frantically around the hall for her four-eyed friend.

"Boyfriend?" Gracie said bemusedly, exchanging a 'Is she anymore obvious?' look with Emma.

"NO!" Lily yelled, frazzled by the bombardment of questions, "I mean, mate friend. A boy who is my friend."

"Nice save, but don't worry, we won't tell." Emma said, raising her eyebrow oh-so-knowing.

"Oi vei!" Said Lily, throwing her hands up in the air in defeat, "I'll just go find him myself!"

But she didn't have to go far.

A low rumbling started outside the Great Hall. The chandelier in the doorway began shaking and students got into that common sense of hysteria.

Before the doors were opened to see what the hell was going on, the Marauders pushed them open and leaped onto the tables.

"STAMPEDE!" Sirius screamed, cupping his hands around his mouth and purposefully foaming at the mouth.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" James called, winking at the girls as he passed.

With a wave of her wand, Professor McGonagall opened the doors with a bang.

A herd of Moose stood outside. Literally blocking up the entire entrance hallway.

"How do you reckon were going to get to class, Professor Dumbledore?" Shouted Remus over the cries of laughter.

Dumbledore merely chuckled to himself and beamed back.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE MARAUDERS GIVE YOU THEIR PRANK OF THE WEEK, IN CONTRAST TO THE MARAUDERESSES' AMAZING ANGELINA THE HERMAPHRODITE!" Peter screamed, throwing his arms around in a swirly motion.

Even Gracie had bothered to give a small smile in the roar of applause the four boys received.

The Marauders all had a detention that Saturday. The poor boys were to clean out Moaning Myrtle's bathroom without magic. According to Conjugal, they would have been joined by the Marauderesses if they could find the misfits.

The moose had been impossible to remove by means of a wand. In the end, the teachers just ended up letting them lumber around the school grounds, meaning classes were cancelled for the rest of the day. Hagrid was going to Diagon Alley to get some humane Moose Traps. The student body of Hogwarts rather liked the many moose around. The Marauders even adopted their own moose.

"What should we name him?" James said, fondly petting the moose as it chewed on a common room pillow.

"I think Sirius sounds like a pretty sexy name." Said Sirius.

"How about, Earnest?" Asked Peter timidly.

"Or James?"

"I like Sirius."

"Hubert?"

"Humperdink?"

The boys continued to bicker until Lily walked in, looking tired and worn out.

"Lils, what should we name the moose?" James said, walking over and sitting next to her on the couch.

She took one quick look at the moose and said, "Harry."

"I like it." James said, giving Lily a pat on the back.

"But I wanted to name it Sirius!"

"Why Harry?" Asked Remus, still petting the moose.

"Because if you think about it, it's been a rather hairy day. First the Marauderesses turn Angelina into a yeti, next we've got a herd of moose. I just think it fits. Plus, what if it's a girl?"

"It's not." All the boys replied quickly.

"How do you know?" She asked skeptically.

"We checked."

"And?"

"Well, let's just say that if you asked the moose, 'how's it hanging?' it would say 'pretty damn low, my friend'." Said Sirius, making a nasty face.

"Thanks for the image." Lily groaned, flopping down on the couch.

Just as she sat, the portrait hole opened and Gracie came running in.

"Lily! James! You have to come now!"

"Why?" Said Lily, filled with new energy as she sat up straight as a stick.

"I can't explain, but you have to hurry!" Gracie panted, already leaving.

The Head's sprinted after her without another word about it.

Five minutes later, they were before a broom cupboard.

"What's in there?" Lily said, gasping for breath as she clutched at her stomach.

"A student. I don't know what's wrong with him, but he won't come out or let anyone in. Of course the door is unlocked, but he won't come out."

"We'll take care of it, thanks Gracie. What would we do without you?" Lily asked before walking in.

"Yeah, what would we do?" Asked James with a smile, following Lily.

"You would never realize your stupid feelings!" Gracie said, before calling, "Accio wands!"

Before Lily and James could react, Gracie had locked the door and started the muggle camera inside.

"Great job, Gracie. And might I say, you look incredibly hot when you are in a rush." Said Sirius, his black hair hanging in his eyes as him, the remaining Marauders and Emma joined her.

"Stuff it, Black." Gracie said bluntly.

"Nice wand work." Emma commented.

"Shall we see what's going on?" Said Remus, gesturing back to the common room.

"With pleasure. All was have to do is recite the incantation and we have the exact happenings of this closet projected onto the common room wall." Emma said, turning and walking off.

"This is gonna be interesting." Remus whispered to Gracie, who nodded in agreement.

No one paid heed to the bangs and shouts from within the closet.

"Do you reckon that was an accident?" James asked, pacing the closet.

"Obviously not. I don't think Gracie would say 'Accio Wands' by accident." Lily grunted, banging on the door.

"But why would they shove us in a closet together?" James said, more confused than ever.

"I bet I know." Lily mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing...Nothing."

"So" Said James, scuffing his shoe at the same spot on the floor, "What do we do?"

"Well, we could give up and stay in here forever as people of the Broom closets, we can wait till Gracie comes and lets us out, or we can sit here and bang our heads on the wall until we die of concussions."

James looked at her blankly for a moment and burst out laughing.

Lily eventually joined in, for reasons she herself didn't understand. Being with James Potter had made her a victim of indescribable happiness. She grudgingly accepted it, but still believed it was due to a drug her friends had put in her food every morning.

But suddenly, she realized the situation wasn't so funny anymore.

I'm locked in a broom closet, the number one snog filled place in the school, with James Potter. Could life get anymore ironic? She thought, sinking to the door and placing her head in her hands.

"Lily? Are you alright?" James asked, sitting across from her.

"This can't happen. Not to me." She said rather muffled to herself.

"What can't happen?" Said James, not noticing that he had put his hands on her cheeks and lifted her head up gently.

"I have homework! I can't worry about this right now!" Lily wailed, though it was just a set of over-dramatics.

"Breathe, Lils. It's alright, we'll be fine." James said contentedly, pulling her to him in order to give her a bear hug. She returned it just as fierce.

"Besides, people will start to miss that red hair of yours and my beautiful face. Don't worry, we'll get out soon."

Lily gave a light laugh. She was trying to act as natural as possible with James. What was wrong with her? They were best friends! Why was it so hard to keep in control of herself when he was around?

James was feeling the same as Lily, but he didn't tell her that. Every time she touched hm, he wanted to run away, screaming like a girl. When she smiled at him, he felt as though no amount of Felix Felicis in the world could make him feel any luckier.

"Do you think they put a camera in here?" Lily asked, scanning the shelves for a lens.

"Why would they do that?" James asked, blinking at her through his glasses.

"No reason." She replied, "Damn, its so cramped in here, I can't even extend my legs."

She slowly stood, gripping the shelf for support. She was stable for but a moment and then began flailing her arms wildly, screaming as she fell.

On top of James Potter.

"Remind me why we keep finding ourselves in this position." James groaned, obviously in pain.

"Oh, James. I'm so so sorry. Here, I'll get up." Lily said, scrambling to get upright, but she felt a hand pull her back down.

"No, Lils it's fine. I'm not in that much pain."

"No, James I'll get up. Ugh, I'm such a bloody klutz. I'm so sorry. I-"

Before she could continue, she felt a warm finger reach up to her lips and silence them.

"We'll be fine." James said, keeping his lone finger on her lips, "This is probably about as comfortable as its going to get."

Lily couldn't speak. Not because of the finger either. She didn't want to speak. Being this close to him was phenomenal. It felt like her heart was pulsing in her lips. Her eyes were drawn to his and she came an inch closer, meaning they were barely a centimeter apart.

"But I have to get up." She whispered after a few moments of lying on top of him.

"Why?" He said, looking of into her eyes.

"Because if I don't now, I never will."

"Lily, what are you talking about?"

"James, I..." She hung her head and placed it on his shoulder.

"Lily what's wrong?" James asked, sitting up with her on his lap.

"I'm just tired James. I want to get out of here." She said, leaning against him.

She looks like a fallen angel.

An angel you'd like to snog.

Shut up.

Potter, you've never given up on her, have you?

Of course I have! Am I not allowed to care for the one girl who I could really consider a sister?

Not if you have dreams about getting that sister in your bed.

I do not dream about her in that context.

Not yet, my friend. But just wait. Just wait.

I'm not going to wait. I may have had a crush on Lily for six years straight, but that doesn't mean I ever loved her. I just wanted to love her. And I do, but I'm not in love with her.

Is there really a difference?

Yes.

Liar.

And even if I did, which I don't, I could never tell Lily. It would ruin our friendship for good, and after just gaining it, I don't want to lose it.

So you admit that you have some feeling towards her.

I never said anything of the sort.

So you say, Potter. So you say.

James looked down and found Lily asleep and curled up against him. He gently wrapped his arms around her waist and sighed.

"I wish I could tell you Lily. I wish I could." He whispered just quiet enough for no one or nothing to detect, this including hidden cameras.

Thirty minutes later, the door to the closet creaked open. Emma and Remus peeked their heads in.

"Is the coast clear?" Sirius asked, holding up a camera as he began snapping pictures of the sleeping friends.

"Aw, he has his arms around her." Gracie sighed with mock sweetness.

"If you want, I'll wrap my arms around you, Gracie babe." Sirius said.

She ignored him.

"What the hell is going on?" Lily shouted groggily as she woke up, looking confusedly at her current position.

She was blinded by the flash of a camera.

"Aghhh! Sirius Black, you arse! Gracie, why the hell?!" Lily yelled, standing up as James began to wake up as well.

"Mm, where are we?" James asked, earning a snap of the camera in his eyes.

Lily stormed out of the closet, fuming and cursing under her breath.

James left after a minute of figuring out what was going on.

"Phase one a success?" Emma asked, looking over at Remus.

"Yes and No. I think James realized it, but if only we could have heard what he whispered in her ear. Lily will be harder to crack. Girls are always harder because they are so bloody complex. You two have to use every means of reverse psychology on her and don't relent until she admits her feelings out loud. But, seeing as they are both sufficiently flustered for now, I'd say we accomplished our goal pretty well."

"Yea!" Sirius crowed, punching the air.

"Who's up for victory ice-cream?" Peter asked.

So the Marauders, Emma and Gracie walked down to the kitchens, smiling and chatting amongst themselves.

No one bothered to see if Lily and James were mad or pissed as hell or sad, because unfortunately, both were.

And not for the reason they should have been.

A/N: Well, that was a rather long chapter, I think. I require at least fifteen reviews for this one, ladies and gents. Just kidding. But you know how much I love/need/crave-like-a-maniac reviews. I am also answering any questions you people have about the story so far, which I will explain next chapter. Read and Review! It really does inspire me to write more!