I Who Should Not Be
Chapter 14
Onika sat near Thorn's side, shivering and curling herself up as tightly as she could. She didn't look up at any of her companions as she began to speak. When she spoke, it was the clearest that she had ever spoken the common tongue, with few pauses to find correct words. As they listened to the Wolfborn, the two Riders and the elf wondered how long she had been carrying this shadow over her heart.
……………
:Why do I have to watch them again?! Can't one of the other pack mates watch the pups, just for today?:
Onika, younger by nearly five years, pouted in her Tame form as her mother told her that she was to watch the pups while the rest of the pack was away. The young Wolfborn had heard from her grandfather that the pack of humans that usually lived in their territory were holding some kind of celebration today, and Onika wanted to see it. Her grandfather had passed a few days before though, and she could not try to call on him to make her parents see reason.
:Pup, you are pushing your limits.:
Onika grew quiet for a moment before speaking again. Usually she was called 'Beta Female' by all, including her parents, unless she was in (or was very close to being in) trouble. She gave a tiny whine of apology before plowing on.
:What if Third Sister watches them? She has wanted to be given the job for a long time, and I'm sure that she would well! She loves pups!:
:Why so adamant? Surely you don't want to help with the hunt or have more of your Ceremony.:
:I want to see the little spirits. They like me - :
:Which is the reason for your Ceremony. The more you have of those markings, the closer you will be bound to those spirits. I know you most likely won't be the next Alpha, but I do know that you will be our next Guide. Part of your training is to-:
:Mind the pups and guide them into their place in the Pack.:
Her mother chuckled and shifted into her wolf form, her tan and grey fur gleaming in the sun. Her mother was always more patient than her father, but she knew she was about to be scruffed if she didn't shut up and obey in a few moments.
:The pups are waiting, Beta Female. Go to them. I will see you later.:
With that her mother and the rest of the Pack bounded away, some to the forest, some to the desert. With a sigh Onika shifted into her wolf form and took off to the clearing where the pups were kept when the pack was away.
When the younger pups saw her, they laughed and crowded around, begging for stories or games or food. The older pups just looked at her for a moment, resentful that they had to stay behind and be watched by their older clansman.
'I don't like it either, pups. Deal with it.'
Her dour thoughts must have been visible on her face, because almost immediately the older pups lowered their eyes in submission. Onika rubbed her eyes with a large paw for a moment before lying down and letting the smaller pups, in either Wild or Tame form, climb all over her. Time passed slowly, and finally the pups had all fallen asleep. Lifting her great head, Onika sniffed the air.
'Ah, Third Sister. Here's my chance!'
She stood and gave a quiet bark as her sister, sandy white in color, came into view.
:What is it Beta Female?:
:I want you to watch the pups.:
:I can't. Mother Female said-:
Onika cut across her sister with a low growl and lifted her lip as she spoke.
:Mother Female put me in charge. I am the Alpha Bitch right now and I say that you are going to watch the pups while I go for a walk.:
Third Sister looked at her, then the pups. She had always wanted to be trusted with the future of the Pack, but her fighting skills were lacking and she really wasn't the smartest of Onika's siblings. But, she was reliable enough. Nothing ever happened on pup duty anyway. The worst thing that could happen is that Third Sister would have to growl at something to scare it off. The humans knew better than to harm the pups and most creatures gave Wolfborn pups and their babysitter a wide berth.
:Alright. Don't be gone too long though…:
:I'll be back soon. Promise.:
……….
Here Onika looked up over the heads of her companions to see the sky. Dark clouds continued to boil above and the rain came down all the harder. Mishee was now sleeping tightly against Saphira's side, whimpering occasionally.
Eragon looked around at the blasted landscape, trying to see where the pups would have been kept. He had read that the adults often dug out a small cavern for in case of rain or in case the sun got too hot for them. Eragon saw no sign of any caverns or any holes really. He was not surprised that the vegetation was so slow to grow back though. The damage had been done with vile magic, and that kind of wound on land or flesh, was excruciatingly slow to heal.
Murtagh felt a little lost. He wanted to go over and sit beside the Wolfborn, who was shifting into a less painful looking position with her head leaned against Thorn's scaled side. However, he had the feeling that if he moved right now, she would stop her story and they would never hear it. And as much as he hated to see her hurting like this, reliving the day once out loud for them would help for the times she relived it in her mind.
Arya looked at Onika's eyes and was not surprised to see that they looked like the eyes of a corpse. Their glassy stare went straight through all of them, seeing only the bloody horrors of the past.
Taking a deep breath, Onika continued.
………….
Onika ran happily for the low cliff that stood over the human's camp like a silent sentry. She knew that if the humans saw her, they would call for her to join them, which she would not, but they would leave her things a little ways away from themselves. She liked humans and wanted to see them dance and sing, wishing that she could sing as well. However, the language of the Wolfborn prohibited song.
Finally she heard the ringing of bells and the beat of drums and the chirping flutes that the desert people favored. Her excitement grew at the sweet smells of cooking sweetbreads and roasting meats. She had tasted cooked meat only once with her grandfather and had found that she liked it well enough. Especially when it was pig meat. Pig always tasted odd raw to her…
When she reached the cliff's edge, a few of the nomads spotted her and called a greeting. She sat down and watched them, her tail swaying in an easy rhythm with the music as she watched the dancers. She wondered why the Wolfborn didn't dance or sing, but shrugged it off.
'It just is the way we are.'
She watched for a few hours, when suddenly she heard a horrible shriek from the direction of the forest. What was happening? She noticed that the Nomads had heard the sound too and were looking around for the source of the disturbance.
:Pack?:
She rose to her feet and shifted into her Tame form. Whatever it was, she could sneak up on it far easier if she was smaller.
The longer she ran toward her pack's den, the heavier the air became with the smell of blood and fire. Also on the air was the reek of evil, though she could not identify the source. There were evil things in the forest, but they had never attacked before… Had the Pack killed it, whatever it was?
Onika halted at the sight before her. Scattered around were the bodies of her pack members, some in their Tame form, which meant that they had been surprised. The smell of burned hair and flesh rolled over her again, making her gag. She tried to run through without looking at the bodies, but her foot caught on something and she crashed to the ground.
Twisting to try to see what had tripped her, she saw the body of her cousin. The man's face, or what was left of it, was twisted in pain. One of his eyes was wide and staring into the sky, the other had burst from the flames that had apparently killed him and ran down his head into the burned grass. His hands were curled into claws and his skin, always dark from the sun, was now black and cracking to show raw red meat below the charred surface.
Onika scooted backward and stumbled to her feet, now running the direction of the pup's place. She raised her voice in the warning that would call any survivors to her side.
:Mother-female! Leader-Male! Pups are in danger! Where are you?!:
She shouted once for the one that she was supposed to be mated to that very night, desperation creeping into her voice as she ran and shouted, her pleas unanswered. She gave a wordless cry and ran down to a familiar and loved form.
Onika stood over the massive body of a wolf whose fur was the color of snow. The girl dropped to her knees and pushed on one monstrous shoulder, trying to wake the wolf, who was soaked in bright blood.
:Leader-male! Father-male! Wake up! The pups are in danger! Leader-male, wake up! Please?:
:Pups!:
She ran back the direction she had come from, changing, stealth be damned. Her skin began sprouting thick tawny hair and her ears began to shift higher on her head. With a howl, she launched herself through the air. In the space of two heartbeats there was a giant wolf tearing through the trees.
:Pups! Answer beta-female! Answer me!:
The huge wolfess stuck her nose into the air and froze.
:Shade.:
Onika, still in her wolf shape, whirled when she heard the yowl of one of the pups. The child was running toward her, his human limbs slick with blood.
:Mother-female gone! Where is Pack?:
The little boy had almost reached Onika when a black shape with bloodred hair and eyes appeared behind him. Onika howled and leaped at the Shade and tried to snap the Shade's throat out, but slammed into a tree as the creature dissolved into smoke, reappearing behind the child and lifting him up by his elbows.
:Pack Female! Help me! Hurts! Scared!:
"Stop your whining, brat!"
With those words, the Shade pulled viciously on the boy's arms, making him shriek in agony.
:No! Let the pup go!:
She tried to gain her footing but the world spun around her. Then she heard the snapping and wet tearing as the boy screamed all the louder. She looked up and saw just in time for the boy's arms to come free of his body. The Shade licked the blood off one of his fingers slowly, watching the child wail.
Finally shaken from her stunned fog, Onika sprang foreword and snatched the boy up in her jaws and ran. The Shade laughed but didn't give chase. It made her sick to taste the blood of her youngest brother and feel him flopping in her jaws.
'Wait little brother! I will fix it! I promise!'
:Beta Female will fix it, Seventh Brother! I'll ask the spirits to help us!:
Onika ran for days on end, stopping to tend to her brother's bleeding stumps, occasionally using her blood to fuel spells that would keep him alive. Her healing magic was poor though, and she could smell and see infection setting in. The boy never woke up anymore, even when she pinched him as hard as she could or bit him on the ear.
:Spirits! Help him! He has done no wrong! Please!:
She cried as she felt and smelled his life slipping out of his little body. When he was gone, she set a pile of stones over his little body and began to run.
:Brother wasn't there… Where was he?:
She discovered a year later that her twinborn brother was the reason that the Shade had attacked in the first place. Her brother had told Galbatorix of their Pack, and the role of the Guide. Galbatorix feared the spiritual Wolfborn that could speak to the spirits of the land sea and sky, and so sent Durza to kill her and whoever got in his way.
Yet she had lived because of the rest of her Pack's loyalty and through her act of disobedience.
It was all her fault.
……………….
Onika ended her story and closed eyes whose tears had long ago run dry. She didn't want to see their looks of pity or revulsion, didn't want to see what she was now in their eyes. She scooted away from Thorn and stood, walking away from the assembled dragons, humans and single elf. The rain pounded her like a thousand accusing fists, all saying the same thing. Your fault, your fault.
Without a sound, she lay down in the wet grass and mud, wrapping her arms around herself and pulling her knees up. Her eyes opened, staring into the empty woods. She waited to hear the sounds of two dragons taking off and leaving her alone with her thoughts and the ghosts of her past. The past that poor Mishee had to share with her…
Murtagh, sitting in silence, watched as the Wolfborn walked away from them. Looking first to Eragon, then to Arya, he slowly stood. He was saddened by the story, and feared that it may have fractured Onika's mind slightly, but he knew that she needed somebody. He wanted that somebody that she needed to be him.
"They mate for life, you know."
He looked at Arya with slight confusion.
"If she… if she chooses you Murtagh, it will be forever."
Murtagh looked at the elf as she watched him. When he nodded, she gave a tiny smile.
"Go on. We should try to rest…"
Murtagh wasn't sure if Onika had heard him when he approached, but sat down at the base of the tree she had chosen and caught hold of her, pulling her close to him, her ear against his chest. Petting her hair, he sang quietly, for her alone. The song was one that he remembered from his mother on nights he was too fearful or in too much pain to sleep.
Hush now, my baby
Be
still love, don't cry
Sleep like you're rocked by the stream
Sleep
and remember
My lullaby
And I'll be with you when you
dream
Drift on a river
That flows through my arms
Drift
as I'm singing to you
I see you smiling
So peaceful and
calm
And holding you, I'm smiling, too
Here in my arms
Safe
from all harm
Holding you, I'm smiling, too
Hush now, my
baby
Be still, love, don't cry
Sleep like you're rocked by the
stream
Sleep and remember this river lullaby
And I'll be with
you when you dream
Here in my arms
Safe from all harm
Holding you, I'm smiling, too
Sleep and remember this river lullaby
I'll be with you when you dream
Sleep and remember this river lullaby
And I'll be with you when you dream
I'll be with you when you dream…
Onika listened and let her eyes drift shut slowly, letting herself be lulled into a deep dreamless sleep by his low voice.
From the darkness, she knew they were watched. But they would not be bothered this night…
A/N
Thank you for reading… I really love to get reviews from you all, and the support has been… a life saver. Thank you. I'll update again as soon as I can. The song is River Lullaby performed by Amy Grant on the Prince of Egypt soundtrack. (My favorite)