A.N: DIB: God, look at that title. Really makes marriage look gloomy doesn't it. But in truth it is cus two out of three of them end in divorce! Well anyway this chapter is all about poor Brooke pushing back her own feelings for Haley's happiness. Get the Kleenex out.
A.N: TGT: I like the title. Makes me feel all warm inside. Maybe I'm a little ass backwards, but it does. I feel for poor ol' Brookie, she just ain't got nothing going for her, except the troubles in her mind.
DIB: She's not a real person dammit!
Disclaimer: DIB: I owned yo momma last night bitchhh. sighs I own nothing blah, blah, blah. TGT: My momma said she had better. grinz and then sighs What he said. Ownin nothing.
Chapter 3: Surrendering to matrimony
The sensation of being shaken softly forced Brooke to open her groggy eyes with great reluctance. Her hesitation was well founded as the first thing to come into focus was none other than her room mate sitting beside her, leaning down to peer at her sleepy self. "Mm wha?" she mumbled, speaking to the dark room rather than the form of Haley which she preferred to ignore. She heard a faint laugh and felt Haley's hand caress her cheek as it moved higher to stroke her hair. Brooke's eye closed involuntarily in response to the army of goose bumps racing down her arms and legs. "Hayee am tryna seep," came Brooke's muffled attempt at getting the stunning brunette beside her to leave her in peace. Her face pressed heavily into her pillow, hoping to hide the dreamy expression etched across her face; all due to the fact Haley's fingertips had worked their way back down to her cheek. Stroking it lavishly and showing no signs of stopping.
"Brooke," Haley whispered through the darkness, her voice angelic to Brooke's vigilant ears and making the goose bumps last those few extra seconds. "What's up? And I don't want any sidestepping! Just tell me what's got you so antsy and whatever it is...I promise I'll help you through it." Haley's words were sweet. They were sincere and kind just like a good friend should sound. But they did nothing to soothe Brooke's raging inner turmoil. But then something snapped and Brooke's head perked up to get a better view of the other girl through the strands of messy hair falling over her face. It may have been the fact she was half awake, or perhaps the intoxicating perfume that Haley used or just the simple reality that the girl looked so good it made Brooke shiver from the inside out, but she suddenly had the nagging urge to just tell her the truth. What's the worst that can happen? She could slap me...but I'd be worth it...
Brooke made herself sit up, forcing Haley to take her hand back and watch as the cheerleader straightened up and examined her cautiously. "You can help me Hales." She whispered with as much sincerity as she could muster at this time of night. "You may not agree with my next action, you may even flip out and beat me senseless with your guitar but I have to do this before I lose my mind." Brooke finished, paused for a moment, and then nodded to herself in determination before she began to lean in. Haley's confused expression proved she had no idea of what was about to happen. It only dawned on her about two seconds before Brooke's lips made contact with her own.
Two seconds is along time when everything is moving slower than a snail with a nail in it. Haley went from confused to shock to terrified to curious back to terrified to turned on and back to terrified just in those two insignificant flickers of time. But when those wondrous red lips connected...everything faded to a black blur and all that mattered was that Brooke had done it. She'd crossed the void of doom and put herself out there, not like a hooker but her proposal of love...if this was what love feels like. This kiss would show Haley how she felt, how much it hurt to see her happy with someone else and how much she needed her. As the tender kiss ended, reluctantly if Brooke was honest, she sat back to see Haley's reaction. What she saw really wasn't what she hoped for. Because she was staring at a very smug Nathan Scott.
That's when Brooke woke up and let out a primal growl as she did so. Same dream. Every fucking night! I'm sick of that kiss not existing and I'm sick of seeing his face. Brooke turned around sharply underneath the layers of thick bed cover and shoved her face into her pillow. Shortly before screaming into it. How the hell do I tell her "you can help me, by getting naked and taking advantage of me right here right now!"? On the one hand I tell her and I could lose her as a friend. On the other I keep quiet and she thinks I can't trust her. GREAT! Just damn peachy keen jelly bean mother f- Brooke finished that thought with a few dozen furious punches to the headboard. Great, now my hands hurt. Brooke huffed and sulked into her bed.
A sudden cast of light fell over Brooke and her comfy abode causing her to freeze in position and went into pretend sleep mode in the blink of an eye. A beat passed as Brooke felt a presence hover at the doorway, casting an exaggerated shadow over the room. "Brooke? You awake?" Haley asked the room softly. She waited a few moments longer, but when only silence and Brooke's soft snoring answered her she closed the door as quietly as possible and tiptoed around the bed. Brooke heard the rustling of clothing and chanced a peek over her shoulder to see Haley unbuckling her jeans and shimmying them down her perfectly toned legs. It may have been dark but Brooke knew those legs like the serial number on her credit card.
Haley's top was tugged up over her chest as she turned towards the bed causing Brooke to twist back sharply to her previous sleeping position. She bit back the groan when her neck cricked painfully, her fear of being caught stronger than the ache at the back of her neck. The rise and fall of the duvet signaled Haley's arrival and Brooke couldn't stop the tiny shiver that made its way down her body. Haley settled into a comfortable position, her body cruelly close to Brooke's own. After several minutes Brooke noticed Haley seemed to be trying to snuggle up against her.
She dared a glance over at the blond and saw she was deep in slumberland. Brooke drank in the adorable image of Haley fast asleep and quickly felt like a pervert. Sighing she moved to lie on her back and stared blankly up at the ceiling. As she watched the glare of the occasional pair of headlights of a passing car flash above her, she felt an increasing warmth on her left side. Looking downward she found a scantly dressed Haley pressed keenly against her, her head of light auburn resting happily upon Brooke's rising chest. As Brooke watched her curiously she mumbled softly, a restless dream causing her to close any gap that may have existed between their bodies. Haley literally had her arm draped leisurely over Brooke's stomach and was lying sidelong against Brooke.
For the briefest moment Brooke pondered on moving Haley off of her. But it was very brief. If there is a god, he hates me, Brooke thought as she sighed inwardly. Then she slid her arm carefully around the sleeping form of the blonde and held her closely, almost like a lover would. Brooke knew she was pushing her luck but she honestly couldn't have given a sack of crap. Nothing wrong in enjoying god's twisted sense of humor...
Smiling, Brooke shut her eyes and gave in to sleep. For once in a fortnight she slept without one single intrusion of Nathan Scott.
-x-
Morning, like the cruel bitch it truly is came far too soon. Brooke's eyelids scrunched up in displeasure as sunlight intruded its way through the window and straight into her face. She attempted to turn away from the piercing light but felt herself blocked by something very soft and warm. Turning her head sideways she caught sight of Haley still snuggled into her from the night before. She had literally been Haley's human shaped pillow last night. Well as long as someone is putting me to good use.
She didn't half ache though and it certainly wasn't the good kind of aching. Staying in the same position the entire night made her feel like a corpse and rigormortis had slowly crept in throughout the night. Granted Haley, was right next to her and had been the entire night, so she'd take feeling like a corpse if that meant that would happen every night. Haley's solid grip around her kept her in place and any chance of escape - not that she particularly wanted to anyway - was out of the question. So she'd lay there and bask in the feeling of Haley next to her; it was either that or go back to sleep and sleep wasn't as appealing as watching Haley unabashedly without having to worry that she could get caught out, in turn effectively bursting her bubble. It'd just be my luck for Nathan to bounce in here and snatch Haley right from my grasp.
The space of time she watched Haley for was...well she didn't exactly know. Thinking thoughts of Haley distracted her to much to actually pay attention to anything other than Haley. For all she knew it could have been hours and it could have just as well have been minutes. Time wasn't really her main focus. Her focus had flew straight out of her bedroom window and into a parked car down the street when she had felt Haley's hand start to trace back and forth over her abdomen. Unconsciously of course, Haley was still out like a light. She swore that the girl could sleep through a category 7 hurricane, wake up and ask innocently what was all the pandemonium for. That was one of the many reasons she loved the girl.
Her attention was brought back from the hazy world her mind had conjoured when she heard Haley sigh. Looking at her Brooke noticed with a smile that her eyes fluttered opened and for a mere second focused on something on the opposite side of their room before they slide shut again and then she was feeling Haley cuddel further into her. Yeah, like this isn't some sort of horrible torture. Well ok, it isn't horrible but damn it if it isn't torture. Why not stamp 'Brooke Davis used to inhabit here but due to an unwarned bedroom incident she doesn't live here anymore.' on her forehead. That seems kinda long to stamp on it and 'unwarned bedroom incident' that could be taken is so many ways and my reputation in that department isn't exactly that innocent to begin with.
"Hmm," she heard Haley breath out and she could hardly contain the smile that spread across her face as she noticed the lazy smile that slowly spread across Haley's mouth. If I could wake up like this everyday I wouldn't make it out of bed at all. She concluded as she brought a hand up and moved the stray strands of Haley's hair out of her face. Every morning should be this perfect, Brooke thought with a happy sigh, even if it is one sided on my part. "Nathan?" she heard fall from Haley's lips a second later and it felt like she had been hit by a runaway train that had no way of stopping. Her inner cocoon where only she and Haley belonged in smashed, much like her heart was doing at that exact millisecond as well, the splinters falling and lodging inside causing every breath she took in to hurt that little bit more.
She bit her lip from saying anything, but the way her throat had choked up it was unlikely that she could say anything at the moment at all. The biting of her lip was more likely preventing her from letting out the sob she knew was there, her eyes stung as she willed her tears not to fall. Taking a breath in, she closed her eyes and willed everything she was feeling to disappear into a little box in the back of her mind. She knew Haley loved Nathan, so of course his name would be the first thing she called out. "Try again Tutor Girl," she breathed out and she was thankful that her voice only cracked at the end of what she had said.
"Brooke?" Haley wondered pulling away from Brooke so she could look up at her. " Hey." she greeted with a smile.
"Hey." Brooke whispered back her attention not even close to where Haley was. Her sole mission now was to get as far away from Haley as she could...well as far as she could escape inside their apartment.
"So I was thinking," Haley began her voice full of sleep and Brooke wanted to smack herself as she felt herself getting pulled into Haley once again. This is getting ridiculous I've dated lots of guys and one girl is driving me insane, how is this possible? "That we could talk about bridesmaid dresses, cause I was thinking re-" Haley continued only to stop short as she saw Brooke jump from the bed. "Brooke?" she wondered questionably.
"I...I..." Brooke stuttered as she moved away from Haley. Distance. That's what I need. Space to think. "Bathroom." she rushed out, her arm absently pointing in the direction of where the bathroom was. "Bladder's like bursting."
"O-okay." Haley stuttered out, but it was to nothing but air. Brooke had already hurried through the door and slammed the bathroom door shut.
Brooke found herself starring at her reflection in the mirror. Her face was a blank canvas, not a single drop of make-up in sight. Looking back at her was the real Brooke Davis. The Brooke Davis who when she was four tripped over her shoelace and cut her knee because she couldn't tie her laces; the little girl who at age seven had spent more time with her nanny than her parents because they were so busy traveling from business; the not so little girl at age ten who had figured out that her parents love was in the shape of a credit card, but she secretly whished she could have them instead. Eleven was when she experience her first kiss behind the gym building at school to a boy called Darey Grouse and fifteen was when she had lost her virginity to the boy next door and it hadn't been anything special; drink and the brashness of his fingers were not what she wanted to remember. Now at seventeen years old she stood in a bathroom hiding from the girl she was in love with. Woe is me.
She needed this to stop. Falling for your best friend was never a good idea in the first place, when that said best friend was due to marry the man she loved soon, it leaned into worst-thing-possible territory. She needed to let Haley go, let her be happy. There was no way she saw any outcome in this situation favoring her. She had to accept that.
Sighing she slumped onto the toilet and just sat there in silence. Maybe if I stay in here long enough Haley will forget I ever existed and I won't have to go through with this wedding. Where's Brooke at they would ask and Haley would reply 'Toilet accident, that bowl never saw her coming.' Yeah, cause in reality stuff like that happened.
-x-
She was really starting to depress herself. Outside the sun was shining, there wasn't a single cloud in the sky and she gathered from the rustling of the trees that there was the slightest bit of wind to keep cool. Hell, she was willing to bet if she bothered to look out the window she would see cartoon birds singing high in the air happily playing together. Because it was that perfect a day. Oh, but not to her. Not Brooke Davis, no she was to busy sitting in a pair of jogging trousers and a t-shirt flicking aimlessly through the endless amount of TV channels she had. She was forcing her mind not to think of the misery her life was. Peyton had called and invited her to the beach, it would be a prefect day to soak up the rays of the sun and scout for some hot guys. When Brooke had declined the offer, she was fairly certain that she had heard the phone fall to the floor in genuine surprise. But she didn't want to look at some guy trying to impress her on a beach with a million other people on it, plus if she went Haley would no doubt come along as well and for the life of her she didn't know if she could handle Haley in a bikini.
Flicking off the TV she let the remote drop beside her and she sat in silence. She could hear Haley rustling around in the kitchen behind her and she forced herself not to turn her head and just watch her. It was the mundane, everyday things that Haley did that drove her crazy. If she just sat here and focused on something in the room she would forget Haley and everything would be all right. Wouldn't it?
"Brooke?" Haley's voice called out to her and it was then she decided she could not catch a break.
"Yeah, Hales?" Brooke called, turning her head to look at her only to see her walking towards her. Her eyes widened as she saw Haley was inches away from her and when she sat down beside her taking Brooke's hand in her own, Brooke had to restrain herself from jumping up off of the sofa like it was on fire just so she could get away from her.
"What's been up with you lately?" Haley wondered resting her head on Brooke's shoulder.
"L-lately?" Brooke repeated closing her eyes and biting down on her lip hard. The groan that threatened to escape her would surely alert Haley to everything she had been feeling towards her.
"Yeah," Haley breathed out. "You just haven't been yourself I don't think. And I know you, we're room mates how could I not know you?"
"Nothing's up with me Haley." Brooke blatantly lied. "I promise."
"There is!" Haley stressed. "You can tell me anything okay? I just want to make it better."
Sighing Brooke found herself stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand she could tell Haley everything and possible lose their friendship and on the other hand if she didn't tell Haley what was up then Haley would think she didn't trust her. Thus losing her friendship. It seemed her life was imitating her dream world. Do I tell her? Do I risk everything and just spill my guts? Or do I just close up, make an excuse and make her feel like she isn't important enough for me to trust her? Decisions, decisions.
"Honestly?" Brooke asked her.
"Yes, honestly." Haley repeated, taking her head off of Brooke's shoulder so she could look up at her.
"Honestly," Brooke began with a deep breath. "You see the thing is Haley, it's you." she told her, taking in Haley's incredibly confused face. She was going to take the leap, put her heart on the plate."It's all about you." That's it Brooke, say the rest. "You and Nathan, you're moving in together after the wedding obviously and I'm going to miss you like crazy." It wasn't a lie, - she was going to miss Haley more than Haley could ever imagine - it just wasn't the gods honest truth either. "You won't be my Tutor Roomie anymore and I've been so used to having you here, I just don't think I can imagine you not being here. I love you," she blurted out hoping Haley couldn't pick up on how badly she meant that. "You're like my best friend and I'm going to miss you so much and lately more so that usual it's hit me smack in the face and it's nagging at me. We won't have anymore girl's nights in or I won't wake up to you making breakfest or come in to you making Mac and Cheese." she trailed off. "And I think it sucks."
"Brooke," Haley whispered pulling her into a hug. "Just because I'm moving out doesn't mean I'll forget about you." she told her honestly. "You're unforgettable Brooke Davis."
"Promise?" Brooke wondered quietly, breathing in the scent of Haley's hair. She loved the smell of her shampoo it was an intoxication scent.
"Pinky promise Brooke." Haley swore, and just to show her she meant it she enclosed her pinky with Brooke's. "You can't get rid of me that easy."
"Like I would want to."
Pulling back from Brooke, Haley smiled at her. "I wouldn't want to get rid of you either."
And Brooke could live with that. She decided then and there that she could live with Haley being one of her best friends. So long as she had her in her life she could squash the fact that she loved the girl like crazy to the back of her mind and maybe just maybe over the course of time that fact would dwindle and one day she would wake up and Haley wouldn't be the first thing she thought of and when she closed her eyes maybe the image she had of Haley in her mind eye that was almost exact would fade and her heart would ache that little bit less. Maybe.
Leting out a breath she plastered on a fake smile and nudged her shoulder against Haley's "So," she drew out like she was about to ask some big secret, the perfectly fake Brooke Davis attitude in check. "I want to know ever little detail about this wedding of yours."
The smile that covered Haley's face then was worth every single thing she was about to hear. She knew she was going to hate every minute of it, but she had practiced her listening face many times, that's how she survived school. Setting it back into place would be easy like a light switch flicking on and off, she was a master at it.
Sitting back into the sofa she got comfy and listened as Haley began and her hatred for Nathan Scott grew as each word continued, after all he had the one thing she wanted most.
R&R: DIB: You'd review if you loved me... TGT: "Bizarrity" enhances the creative faculty such that insanity becomes the norm, so come on dudes and dudettes pimp up my bizarrity or yee shall face my insanity! DIB: What she said...