A/N: Joker does not belong to me.
This is the beginning of a series of nursery rhyme, Joker themed drabbles I'm writing.
Based off of the following rhyme:
Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and couldn't keep her!
He put her in a pumpkin shell,
And there he kept her very well.
"Peter Peter"
"You look like...you've got a question, go on. Ask me, ask me how I got 'em..."
(curiousity killed the cat)
"Ask me!"
"Good, good...so you want to know about the scars, hmm?"
(it's always the scars, great con-ver-sssation starters...)
"So, there's this guy, guy like me,"
(wolf like me)
Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,
"And he's got this...this wife, beautiful...like you...who tells him she loves him...who says He's her one and only...who cheats and sleeps with their neighbor..."
Had a wife and couldn't keep her!
"One day...I, get home from work,"
(honey i'm hoooome)
"And wifey isn't in the kitchen, as usualll, so...concerned...I go upstairs and, and...I hear noises, from our bedroom...I walk in and find my...whore...of a wife in bed with Todd, from next-door,"
(no wonder he bought the new Honda Civic, to compensateeee)
"They cover themselves, but it's too late, I've seen...it...all. I walk over to my nightstand, and open the first drawer, ignoring her 'its not what you thinks' and his 'i can explains' and pull out the pistol I always keep there,"
(she hurt me real bad)
"For protection."
(suburban living ain't all it's cracked up to be)
"I aim the gun at him, she's screaming 'don't do it don't do it, not his fault' and I realize, it really isn't, but I pull the trigger anyways. Then I turn to her."
He put her in a pumpkin shell,
"She's crying and shouting 'why' over and over, and there's snot and tears and she looks...so pathetic,"
"I get so angry, I mean really seeing red, so I ask her why, why she did it. I tell her I'll let her live if I just know why. Know what she says? I was boring. I worked too much and never gave her any attention,"
(all work and no play makes me a dull boy)
"I drop the gun, then drag her into the bathroom, and grab my shaving razor, I just want her to know I can have fun, I can laugh, I can smile. I want to save our relationship so I take the razor to my mouth...like...this....hey, hey! Be stillll...now, like this..."
"And I say, honey I can be fun. I can interest you! Then...I...cut...!"
"I turn to her, smiling now, look, I'm in-ter-esting, I'm fun! What do you think?"
"...she hates it. She looks away and screams, she can't stand the sight of me."
"We, uh, separated after that. Very messy divorce."
(especially after her limbs were separated from her body)
"Irreconcilable differences."
And there he kept her very well.