Disclaimer: I don't own Resident Evil or any of the media outlets listed in the story

"What's that coming over the hill is it a monster? Is it a monster?"

"Chris would you shut the hell up!" cried Sheva as she was forced to listen to a horribly off-key rendition of the fabled Automatic single.

"Well excusuuusee me, princess!"

"Would you stop saying that as well?! Whenever I try to give a suggestion or advice you just respond with that redundant sentence!"

"Well excusuuusee me, princ-"

"SHUT UP!"

Elsewhere

A slender feminine hand rose from the confines of the silk sheets that encompassed her and her partner, the red nail-polish shimmering in the darkness. Quickly she snagged a rectangular object and pressed a button, the widescreen television flickering to life and lighting up the room with a incandescent glow, soon she found herself channel surfing when she stumbled across a very interesting story, one that was bound to be quite significant to her partner.

"Leon, wake up" she said softly, while shaking him gently.

"Ada?" he said as he rubbed the remnants of sleep away with his hands, concern written across his face. What's wrong?"

"I think you should look at this" she said as she pointed at the screen

Leon's eyes widened as he took in the latest news report from the BBC correspondent in Africa, mentally wincing at the repercussions the story would have.

"Is it only on this station or are the other ones covering it as well?" he asked as he flipped to CNN

CNN

Reporter- I love Obama so much!

Guest 1- No! I love him more!

Guest 2- I would fuck Obama!

At the bottom in crawling text, you see the report "BSAA abuses power in Africa" zoom by in half a second.

"Okkkk, lets try Fox News" he said as he flipped to another all-round news network.

Fox News

Reporter- Fuck Obama!

Guest 1- I know, that motherfucker!

Guest 2- I would fuck him up, that fucker!

"Screw it" Leon uttered as he changed the channel back to BBC. "I should give Claire a call" he said as he turned to Ada, finding that she had already dialed the number for him before pressing the phone in his hand.

"Thanks" he said as he gave her a chaste kiss on the forehead

"It's nice to be the bystander sometimes, this is one of those times" she said as she pressed herself against his side.

"Let's hope Claire sees it the same way" Leon said grimly.

"My dream is to fly, over the rainbow. So High!"

"Good God! Would you just shut the FUCK UP! You're completely destroying any semblance of stealth we possess!"

"Claire Redfield speaking" the redhead said as she answered her vibrating phone.

"Hi Leon! It's been a while! …..What about Chris? Haha very funny…. On camera you say… Oh God you're serious aren't you?" She stopped talking, and Leon assumed that she was in shock but the cry for help informed him of what really happened.

"Aunty come quickly! Claire fainted!" cried the distressed voice of Rani.

"Oh Chris, you're such a bad, bad boy" said a very male voice as he watched the video depicting the entrance of his former subordinate.

"You're so lonely aren't you" he cooed to his framed picture, his finger tracing over the subjects face.

"Don't worry; you won't be lonely for long. I guarantee it, hahahahahah-!"

"Albert are you in here?" echoed an annoying female voice.

"Sh-h-uut up woman, don't come in here I'm busy!" he stuttered as his alone time was ruined.

"What are you doing in there?"

"Nothing! So don't come in here or I will kill you!" he said venomously.

"Fine! Be that way!" she said, frustrated that the object of her desire was content on locking himself in various room alone

"Now where were we….?" He asked his life-sized Chris blowup doll.

"Why did you just shiver violently?" Sheva inquired

"I don't know, suddenly I don't feel like singing anymore" Chris said much to the delight of his partner.

"Look through the window, it seems likes their having a gathering" Sheva said as they moved into a local dwelling.

"Who knows what those savages brutes are plotting" Chris murmured as he stared at the scene, earning gaze filled with irony at him calling others savage brutes.

"Listen my people, we have toiled in the hot sun for this Tricell company and still they abuse us" a spectacled wearing man voiced into his microphone, addressing the assembled people gathered.

"We were planning on executing that suspected drug dealer, but it seems he has slipped through our grasps."

"So I was going to my inn when I saw you on the ground and I thought to myself that this was totally a What-Would-Jesus-Do moment" a blonde haired woman said as she drove out of Kijuju.

"He would have healed me with his divine powers" grumbled Reynard.

"So I though that it was only right that I drive you to the hospital, even though the closest one is at the U.N camp 90km away; I didn't want to but then I thought that I might go to hell and I don't want to go to hell because its for bad people like Hitler and Tom Cruise"

"I'm already in hell" her passenger said not knowing that both of their lives were spared due to the actions of Chris Redfield.

"So now we focus on a more important matter, that being our request for better work conditions and a proper health program for our women and children" the glasses wearing man said, his statements earning cheers of approval.

"Also, we will not stand idle while they take our village and turn it into their own personal experimental playground!" he shouted, riling up the crowd "Look at what they did to little Mosha!" he pointed to a massive figure wielding a cumbersome axe.

"The only job he can do now is cutting down the harvest with his axe, we deserve better my friends. That is why I have a petition here that I want everyone to sign" the man said as he held up a long list of paper.

"Everyone line up properly and sign the petiti-" his speech was interrupted by the bullet exiting through the back of his skull.

"Chris what the hell are you doing?!" screamed Sheva as their position was compromised by her trigger happy partner.

"What ever their talking about can't be good and that guy looked like the brains of the operation" Chris said as he defended his actions

"Chris, you just alerted a mob of people to our location by shooting their leader, do you not see the problem here?" Sheva said slowly, punctuating her statements as though she were talking to a child.

"No, not really. Why?"

Sheva gave up trying to reason with him and started barricading the door and windows for the oncoming onslaught.

Thats it for chapter 2! Please review! (Hey that rhymed!)