I can no longer just observe her.. i need to talk to her, hold her.. make her mine all over again.

I want her in every way that a man could want the love of his life. I have no idea how my reappearing in her life will go.. will she reject me? will she be angry with me?? will she throw accusations my way??

My ice cold heart would tear in two if this were the case.. I will beg and grovel for all of eternity if it meant that I could have her in my life again.. but now is the time for me to do this i think as i scale the wall to her second storey window entering the house silently.. Charlie is away fishing so if i am rejected with anger and accusations thrown my way at least I will be able to leave without a scene with him too.. Bella is in the bathroom going through her daily routine of showering and getting ready for more tedium of life... I sit in the rocking chair in the corner of her room and I can hear the shower being turned off and I know now that it is not much longer til I have my moment of reckoning ...

Bella walked into her room, her hair still wet from her shower..... again her scent hit me like a battering ram violent and full of potency

she let out a gasp of shock and then she crumpled toward the floor sobbing... I caught her before she hit the ground lying her down on her bed

As I cradled Bella in my arms soothing her heartbreaking sobs I whispered "Im here Bella I am never leaving you again" abruptly she sat upright,pushing me away.....

I was completely stunned, depair and rejection coursed through my body to my very core, if I had a heartbeat im sure that it would be thundering in my chest at a million miles a minute, my heart was breaking all over again.

"Don't say that!" she mumbled her voice still thick with tears,

"I mean it Bella, I will NEVER hurt you like that again" how could she doubt my sincerity?

" What about the next month, or the month after that when Jasper takes another snap at me " I cringed at the memory

"What about when you remember all the reasons that you left in the first place, its not like you didn't think your first decision through thoroughly back then!! " she slumped back against her bed, her words seeming to drain her, she hugged her legs to her chest, waiting, tensed for my response

"Bella I..... I could not ever impose such a thing on either of us again, it would be unendurable, I am not strong enough for that, what I want, what is right and what is moral mean little to me now, all I want is YOU, you are my sun, my moon and you are my soul I could not live another moment without you in my existence.."

With that a crushed my lips to Bellas' savouring her warmth and tasting her scent on my tongue... How I could have not let myself have this pleasure I will never understand, but all too soon I had to pull away.. she needed to breathe...

As i held Bella to my stone cold chest it was as if my long dormant heart would begin beating once again.. my chest swelled with sheer happiness, hours passed as we talked everything through.. how she didn't understand that I couldn't function without her in my life, but finally I was able to convince her of my intentions and my sheer love for her my unbelievably fragile love..

"She still wanted me just as I wanted her" I thought, though I would have to admit that it did take many many hours of talking on my part to convince her that I loved her more now than ever before and that the reason that I left in the first place was to give her a chance at a proper human life, one that was not shadowed by danger, danger that myself and my family put her in just by our proximity alone...

I now know that there is only one option that I found possibly acceptable.. I would stay with Bella for the duration of her human life.. 70 maybe 80 years... that time is very short to an immortal.... as long as she craved my presence in her life I would never leave her again like I did it was the biggest mistake that I have ever made in my very long existance..

If some day she decided that she had outgrew me and she wanted more than I was able to offer her then I would let her go. In the sense that I would never let her know how much it hurt me to do it..

I refused to give into her favored option, the future that Alice had saw for Bella, one that changed her, one that made her one of us.. a Vampire.. My selfish side exulted at the very idea of changing her, making her immortal, that side of me wanted it more than anything in this world combined, for her to be eternally at my side never to be let go of again, I refused to take her soul like that, didn't she deserve better than to have a vampire fall in love with her?.. I know that she thinks that she has done well for herself with who she has fallen in love with.... I know that she believes that I have a soul but I can't be so sure, I couldn't gamble with her chance at an afterlife, just so I could never lose her..

We had made our way down to the living room and we were sitting there embracing as a was vaguely away of a car arriving in the driveway.

"Bella, should your father know i am here?" i asked, he would be here very shortly, he was just outside the door now

she hesitated....."um........I'm not sure...."

oh well it was too late now, Chief Swan walked through the door.. as Charlie surveyed the scene in front of him, Bella sitting on the love seat with me next to her, his face began to turn red and he began to shake, his face began turning a peculiar shade of purple, breathe charlie breathe i thought, im sure that i saw his hand twitch towards his gun in his holster

" Ah, Dad?" Bella began,

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? HOW DARE YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN COME BACK INTO THIS HOUSE AGAIN? BACK INTO ISABELLAS' LIFE, AFTER YOU LEFT THIS TOWN WITHOUT A PHONE CALL OR EVEN A BACKWARDS GLANCE!! HOW DARE YOU! SHE WAS DISTRAUGHT WHEN YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY UP AND LEFT, I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE HER COMMITTED, SHE WOULDN'T EAT OR DRINK FOR WEEKS IT WAS AS IF YOU HAD SUCKED THE LIFE OUT OF HER SUCKED AWAY HER VERY ESSENCE, AND NOW YOU THINK YOU CAN WALTZ BACK IN HERE AS IF THE LAST 9 MONTHS DIDN'T HAPPEN?"

I had never heard charlie make such a long speech before, although he didnt realise he hit his mark
"Dad, there....." Charlie cut Bella off mid-sentence,

" Bella, i dont want to hear it, his leaving almost destroyed you"

"charlie, i know what we did was unacceptable.." i paused looking for the right words,

"I don't want to hear it, i want you out of my house NOW!!! i don't want to see your face around here EVER AGAIN" Charlie thundered

I got up and headed for the door....................