Disclaimer: I do not own the series Naruto.
I do own whatever characters are added to this fanfiction.
Note to the reader: This character is just something I've been whipping up since a few years ago, I am not sure how long the story will go on or if it'll be finished. It's just something for me to do when bored, really. But nevertheless, hope you enjoy it. Please review and maybe I'll keep going with this.
Forgive the errors, I'm sure there are some -- I'm only human.
Evanescent Reverie
Chapter Three: Loathe
"Do you remember, Little Kasumi? Do you remember the story I told you once before?"
"Yes, Lady Hisa. It's my favorite story!"
"Would you like me to tell it again to you, young one?"
"Please?"
"May I ask though, little one, why this story is your favorite?"
"Because…"
"Do not pause, dear. Please tell me the honest truth."
"Because…it's painful."
"And why does that appeal to you, Little Kasumi?"
"Because…"
~_~_~_~_~_~
I went home after the separation, just longing to be in my room by myself. When I went there however, someone most unwelcome was there as well.
I can still remember that day, how angry I was, how much I wanted to hurt…to kill someone. It was the first time of my life.
When I walked into the community, I was passing Lady Hisa's home. The cushion and herself were not there, I could hear the light breathing from the outside of her house passed the lavender curtain that was flowing with the wind that came inside her room. Names outlined her house, I could only think of how many family members must have died -- but they were honored nonetheless.
"Leave this house right now!"
I spun to the sound, facing down the street where my house was.
Mother…
Before I could think, my feet were slapping against the concrete and my whole body moving towards the voice of my guardian. My hand reached into my pouch, my fingers tightening around the smooth, thin, and cold needles.
A scent drifted through the air around me…it smelled of burnt food, my brain made a small picture of the rice balls my mother would make for me every day. Clenching my teeth, I lithely jumped onto the roof and closed my eyes -- listening.
Things were being pushed over wooden floors, dishes were being dropped onto the ground to shatter, my mother's voice was furious while the other's…pleading with a hiss of violence.
Yukio…
A scream of rage was trapped in my chest when I found them. My mother was in a stance of defense, her face was wrong for her gentle features. Yukio was standing there, his face red and enraged.
I was standing on the sidelines of them, moving closer as they both finally noticed my presence.
My mother told me she was frightened of my expression that day, how in pain and how hateful I looked -- she explained that it frightened her more than Yukio ever could.
"Leave," I said. Inside, my emotions felt as if they had disappeared in the mist that had entered the house from the left open door; though now I know that not to have been on my face.
The human brain is slow when trying to comprehend something in a horrible situation, is it not? It tries to rationalize everything and it feels as if you're lost in time, but you're moving to the next action in reality. You feel like a marionette, thinking some power left in your body is trying to do something -- anything to lessen the pain or dissolve the predicament you're in.
That's how it was for me, my brain slowly calculating what to do.
"That's no way to speak to your leader," Yukio smiled wistfully with his words, "Kasumi."
"Leave," I said with more volume. "Now."
My eye took in the thin strands of hair…beautiful blue hair that were wrapped around his fingers, the knotted sections of my mother's hair that stuck to her sweaty skin.
"Kasumi," my mother whispered, her eyes glazed but filling with tears.
"Do as the child says," said another party, her approach soft and slow.
The scent of Lady Hisa brushed over me, the smell of flowers and cinnamon today.
"Old woman," Yuki turned fully around to face us. "You know that women are not supposed to fight against the ones who protect you."
"We fight against the ones who long to hurt or take advantage of us, or have you forgotten Young Yukio that it was us women who gave birth to this clan long ago."
In truth, I felt slightly stronger with Lady Hisa with me; her presence was increasing the rate of which my brain started calculating. I needed to get between Yuki and my mother, as unnoticeable as possible.
"Your presence here in this home is no longer wanted, Yukio," Lady Hisa said stiffly.
"So leave," I finished, fixing myself between my mother and the unwanted.
Yukio's eyes hardened as he made a seal, disappearing in a puff of smoke…disturbing the magnificent mist.
No longer his scent was strong in the room, so I turned to my mother.
I was unprepared when she was behind me already, her slender form falling onto me in exhaustion.
She was shaking and crying, emotionally weak. Her arms trapped mine to my sides, as we fell to our knees in front of one another.
My eye pricked, I wanted to cry. In my blind eye, a sharp pain stabbed into my head. The senbon fell out of my hand, the tinkling sound of their impact on the wood was too loud, for a moment blocking the sound of my mother's racing heart and horrible sobs.
"I'm…so sorry, Kasumi," my mother choked out. "He tried to…it wasn't," she broke off.
"Shh," I whispered. "I know."
Lady Hisa walked closer after shutting the door and draped her knitted, purple shawl over my mother's shoulders.
She made a seal with her old fingers, the mist that floated around us dissolving; the room was cold and my mother continued to shiver.
My emotions slammed into my stomach like a punch, making my breath come out all at once.
I wanted to cry; I wanted to scream -- I wanted to take care of my mother.
I wanted to roar out in pure rage; I wanted to use my attack jutsus on someone -- I wanted to hurt Yukio.
I wanted to kill him and make him trouble us no longer, forever banishing him from our abode.
Some time passed until my mother quieted, I had to go to meet my sensei. I didn't want to leave her, I didn't want to abandon her when she needed me.
Lady Hisa always knew such things, I would have stayed if my mother was not made aware.
"You have to go, Kasumi." My mother smiled forcefully, I could only imagine what he had said about…him.
My father.
"I don't want you to ruin your big day because of this," my mom insisted.
"But what about you?"
Lady Hisa assured me she wouldn't leave her alone, that Yuki would one day pay for his transgressions.
I don't remember what they both said to me, to assure me my mother would be safe until I came back home.
My feet somehow found the pavement of the streets with my thinking or controlling of it. When humans want to perform an action, the mind sends a message to the nerves of the body -- to move the limb you want. My control center, however, was not functioning in that way. Instinct was guiding me -- that's all, and continued until I was walking up to the classroom of the ninja school.
Being ten minutes early, I wasn't surprised to see Sasuke sitting at the desk seeming to be in thought or just in a daze. When I walked in, I knew his eyes must have been looking on my form. I walked all the way to the back of the room, not appearing to acknowledge his presence.
When I sat down, I then looked at Sasuke who was looking up at me. I could only guess what my expression was that moment, for his eyes seemed to study every feature, every flaw.
Silence surrounded us, comforting and awkward at the same time. I felt another sting in both of my eyes, and I started when I felt liquid collect in the corner of my eye where my lashes fanned out then gliding down my cheek.
I couldn't move, loathing myself for showing weakness in front of the Uchiha or any human for that matter and shocked that it has occurred. Weakness for being unable to stay with my mother, to protect her from any cruelty I possibly could -- but it was a forlorn., but a hope. My mother was forsaken by me at a time of need many times, I despised it all and myself for it.
Sasuke turned back around, no doubt seeing my display of tear-work. And for that, I hated him. I would be his teammate and protect him if I could, but I hated him.
Then one would ask themselves, how could you protect something or someone you hated?
Another voice seemed to also ask another pressing question, how can you protect yourself when you loathe yourself?
The answer was simple: instinct.
But for today, for this moment, I hated Sasuke Uchiha for a stupid reason -- but I knew in truth that I was only using the psychological defense mechanism of projection, hating someone else while really hating myself.
And even for that, I was more pathetic.
I sat there in silence, feeling the tear slide down my skin and off my chin. The warm air in the room dried the trace of it, but inside of me, it was always there; just waiting to be revealed.
I was suffering, but it made me feel alive. I appealed to me, made me feel real. It was bittersweet and beautiful, painful and never ending. It was really all I knew…
~_~_~_~_~_~
"And why does that appeal to you, Little Kasumi?"
"Because…it's beautiful but painful. Just like life."