The Dead Weight Of Men

(Lily)

By Pinky Green

"A woman is air and fire and lightness and strength. Like this little vessel(hot air balloon), that

Would rise up to Heaven were it not held down by ballast- bags of sand.

The dead weight of men with their heads full of sand."

- Francesca Bruni, Casanova, Film of 2005

Lily fidgeted as she sat next to James. "What is it, James?" Ever since Lily had accepted a truce with James, he seemed to always seem so nice to her.

"Happy Birthday!" James said cheerfully.

Lily forced a smile. "Thanks; it's kind of you to remember."

Inside, James felt so upset. Why did she have to love the other Marauder? He, too, forced a smile. He took out a little something from his bag and handed it over to Lily. "Here. Open it."

"Thank you so much," Lily reluctantly hugged James. It was a little awkward, since she liked the other Marauder. She opened the present: inside was a book about the 'Dead Weight of Men'. James knew Lily liked pondering about philosophy.

James shrugged. "It's nothing really."

Lily sat there, awkwardly. "Well, I must be off, I have to finish that homework with Sirius. The horrible Potions essay."

James gave her a little wave. "This is what I call a microwave."

Lily waved back. "And this is a mexican wave."

They laughed, as Lily got up and left him.

xxx-xxx-xxx

Sitting herself down across to Sirius in the Library, Lily sighed. "We'd better get going them."

Sirius nodded in her way, and smirked. "Happy Birthday Lily."

Lily blushed and replied, "Thanks Sirius."

But within a few seconds, Sirius's face saddened.

"Lily, why are you doing this?"

Lily sighed once more. "I can't be left alone without James bothering me. It's not my fault he tags behind me for love every other minute of the day, Sirius."

"But he won't admit that you don't love him," Sirius said. He paused. "My love for him is true. Pure. Or at least, purer than a whore's."

"Your crude words should be kept to yourself, Sirius," Lily glared at him with a hint of despise. "I am not a whore. Do I walk around the school wearing lacy green bras? No. Do I-"

"No, but you act so flirty around him, and James's heart," Sirius paused. "It breaks a little every time he sees you like that."

Lily bit her lip. "But even if I 'flirt' so much around Remus, it's not as if you'll ever ask James out."

"There's a possibility," Sirius smirked.

Lily said doubtfully, "I doubt it."

Sirius's face hardened, as he got up. "Fuck you, Evans. I'm trying to be nice to you, but you're not the least fair to anyone. You can do the Potions Essay. I'm getting out of here."

He swung his bag over his shoulder, and left.

Lily sighed, and too, left the Library.

xxx-xxx-xxx

"Lily?" Lily looked up, as Remus sat down next to her.

She blushed. "Hey Remus."

Lily blushed even more, as Remus looked at her quizzically. "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks," Lily smiled. This could be her chance. "What are you doing tonight Remus?"

"Me?" Remus looked as if he had an urge to raise his eyebrows. "Usual, trying to keep James sane, doing my school work. Finishing my current book."

Lily sighed inwardly. Remus looked at her. "Are you okay Lily?"

"I'm fine," Lily said quite reluctantly.

Remus sighed. "Can I ask you a question?"

He's going to ask me! Lily squealed on the inside.

"Am I that obvious?" Remus asked, cautiously.

Lily grinned. "No, not at all!"

Remus sighed with relief. There was something wrong.

Her voice became a little shaky, "About what Remus?"

Remus bit his lip. "Can I trust you?"

Lily frowned little, but tried to force a smile. So Remus didn't trust her? Was that the truth? "Yes, of course."

"I have this crush…" Remus lowered his voice.

"Go on…" Lily said eagerly, her eyes looking a little like saucepans.

"I have this crush on Sirius."

Lily was on the verge to tears. She looked away a little. "Oh." She said disappointedly.

"I hope you don't have a crush on him or anything…" Remus trailed off.

Lily gasped a little, as she looked back at Remus. She couldn't help snorting with laughter. "Me having a crush on Sirius? That's-that's ridiculous!"

Remus shrugged. "Well, you're always talking to him…"

Lily and Remus sat in silence.

Remus shook his head. "But it's gone all wrong."

"Why?" Lily said, whispering a little.

"Because…" Remus paused. "Because he likes James!"

"So?" Lily said. She said smoothly, "You know, Remus, Sirius isn't the only person on the world to love. There are so many other people around you."

Remus nodded his head. "I know, I know. But he's the one for me."

"But Remus," Lily carried on. "You can't just love someone; it's just, bad. There are other people around you, who love you."

Remus snorted. "For example?"

"Your mum, your dad," Lily trailed off, deciding not to say 'me' at the end of that sentence.

Remus looked at her and grinned. "It's not as if I'd ask my mum out, you know."

Lily giggled. "But there's always."

"Always who?" Remus asked, doubtfully.

"Oh!" Lily looked at her watch. "Is that the time? I'd better be off, sorry Remus."

And with that, Lily didn't look back at Remus, and walked up to the Girls' Dorm.

Once reaching her bed, Lily scrunched her face up. There was no chance Remus liked her.

But she asked herself, why bother with men? A woman is air and fire and lightness and strength. Like this little vessel that would rise up to Heaven were it not held down by ballast- bags of sand. The dead weight of men with their heads full of sand.

Lily looked out of the window, as she sat herself down on the window sill. Well, if no one wanted to celebrate her birthday with her, she'd have to do it on her own.

xxx-xxx-xxx

Lily swished her wand, standing in the middle of the Quidditch Pitch. She had calmed down, outside with the fresh breeze, flowing through her stream of red hair.

And with a swish of her wand, a hot air balloon was conjured. Lily sighed as she got into the hot air balloon on her own. It was her 18th birthday and she was going to forget all about crushes and love.

She looked down at the bags of sand and grinned a little as she unattached them from the hot air balloon. Slowly, the hot air balloon started to rise.

For tonight, Lily would forget all about Remus, James and Sirius.

"You see," she said aimlessly, as loud as she could. "The dead weight of men."

Free, was all Lily could think of.

"The dead weight of men," She whispered to herself.

"The dead weight of men."