You Should Know: That I love all of my reviewers ;D
Disclaimer: Same as always, I still haven't gathered enough money to buy Crowley and Azi for myself.
Warnings: The same + weirdness
Author's Note: This is the part with the most humor in it so I'll be happy if I get at least two laughs out of you :P. As always, I'm extremely grateful when you review.
Inner Angels and Guardian Demons
Part 3
Apples and Cinnamon
# 21 Fool
"Fools," Crowley declares as he and Aziraphale spot a couple kissing near the duck pond.
"Now, now, my dear. You are just saying that because it is your job to. You do not honestly believe love to be a foolish thing."
"Oh, I do." Crowley insists quite convincingly. "People who fall in love are fools. They do things no normal person would ever do under the same circumstances."
'Like flying up to Heaven when they know it may cost them their lives?'
Aziraphale doesn't say it out loud. Sometimes he thinks he knows for a fact that Crowley loves him but other times the demon can be so convincingly uncaring… Like now. He continues to speak about love as if it is truly the stupidest thing in the world. The angel frowns and sighs and looks at the leaves under his feet as they walk down the alley.
"Well maybe you know better than I do. Maybe they are fools."
Suddenly he can feel a soft breath on his ear.
"I alssso happen to know that foolsss end up happy more often than 'normalsss' do," Crowley hisses quietly before quickly strolling ahead.
Aziraphale has to jog to catch up.
"Hey, wait up!"
"What's wrong, angel? Not in the best shape?" the demon taunts with a devilish grin.
"Oh, shut up you!"
Aziraphale pushes him hard and sends him rolling in the gathered autumn leaves. Crowley is stunned for a moment. Then he bursts out laughing.
Propped up on his elbows with a leaf or two in his ruffled hair, the demon makes for a mesmerizing picture. His dark suit is in stark contrast with the twirling colors of the leaves. His shades have fallen on the grass and his yellow eyes are sparkling with laughter. Their color fits so beautifully with everything around…
"That wasn't very angelic," Crowley comments with his favorite phrase, still not caring to stand or even pick up his sunglasses.
"Well, you asked for it."
Aziraphale offers him a hand. Quite predictably, Crowley takes it and uses it to pull the angel down to the ground and stuff his face with leaves.
They haven't had any type of physical fight, even a friendly tumble like this, for centuries. They roll around until they are breathless with laughter and then some more because who needs to breathe anyway?
"So what about my shape?" Aziraphale growls playfully as he manages to pin his opponent beneath him. He can't remember the last time he has felt this young.
Crowley is laughing too hard to answer. He stops for a moment and takes in the sight of his angel, dirt and twigs and sunshine in his golden locks. He has never looked more angelic. And then the demon starts laughing again because it's wonderful and addictive and he doesn't want to stop.
"Fools," an old lady tells her small dog as they look at the two man-shaped creatures still wrestling on the ground. But her smile is warm as she shakes her head and continues her walk.
# 22 Mad
"Angel, will you stop wallowing in self pity?"
"But I messed up! Again!"
"You don't know for sure. It might turn out to be a blessing in disguise."
"How? Instead of getting a new home, that little orphan girl ended up in hospital with both of her legs broken and a mob boss wanting to kill her! How is that a blessing in disguise?"
Crowley hisses in frustration.
"Fine, you know what? You did mess up. Like you always do. Deal with it."
"What?!"
"Well, yes, you happen to be extremely lousy at your job. You are so bad that you are a bigger danger to humanity than I am."
"Crowley!"
"I have no idea why God created you in the first place. You couldn't even keep a demon from entering Eden. At best, you are completely useless."
"I AM NOT USELESS!"
Aziraphale slaps him. Hard. A second later the angel's hand flies to his mouth.
"Oh, dear, I'm so sorry!" he whispers.
To his surprise Crowley only smirks as he rubs at his cheek. Realization hits Aziraphale.
"You… You got me angry on purpose!"
"Yes. Feeling any better?"
"What? I- I just hit you! No, I don't feel better!"
"Oh, of course you do."
"Well, I… I guess I do. But that's awful!"
Crowley laughs and rolls his eyes.
"Oh, come here, it's all right."
He casually hangs an arm across the angel's shoulders.
"Angels are allowed to get angry. Divine wrath and all that. But why do I always have to make you mad to get you to defend yourself?"
Aziraphale shrugs smiling a bit sheepishly.
"I don't know but it seems to help."
It also helps that twelve years later the girl in question is happily married and incredibly rich. Aziraphale's initial meddling really has had a part in this.
So has Crowley's additional help, though he doesn't tell the angel.
Well, it's Aziraphale's own merit if he has managed to get a demon to perform a few secret miracles.
# 23 Child
The call Aziraphale had dreaded had come. Heaven had noticed he wasn't keeping away from Crowley like he should have been. His stomach was in a knot as he stood in front of the circle of light. Crowley himself had stormed out of the shop after an argument about whether to take the call or not.
To Aziraphale's relief, it wasn't Metatron or Michael.
"Gabriel?" He asked surprised when he heard the voice of the only female Archangel. Or at least he thought of her as female because her usual form and attitude suggested it. He must be going native too.
"Yes, to your fortune it's just me."
A very small and very cautious hope fluttered its wings in Aziraphale's chest. She didn't sound all that pissed off. He decided to wait for her to speak first. There was silence for a little while.
"That demon… How come you like him so much?" Gabriel asked eventually.
Aziraphale blinked, staring at the light a little stunned. It wasn't what he had expected to hear. He was being asked to explain his relationship with Crowley. It wasn't something he wanted to do in front of someone from Heaven. But their last separation and the incident with Crowley's wings had revealed just how much the demon meant to him. He had to stand up for the Arrangement.
"Well, after you've spent so many years being someone's enemy, you sort of… become friends…" he said nervously and gulped.
"He is a demon," Gabriel stated as if she was telling him something new.
"Um, yes," Aziraphale confirmed, feeling rather stupid.
'And I am an angel. And this is a bookshop. And the sky is blue and when it rains it's wet,' he thought.
"But you believe he isn't evil?"
"Evil? No. A bit mean sometimes, maybe."
"Let me get this straight. You believe it is possible for demons not to be evil."
"Well… Based on experience, yes. You see, demons are kind of like children…"
"This is ridiculous. Demons are not pure or innocent at all."
"I didn't say they were. I only said they were like children."
There was a pause.
"So human children are evil?"
Aziraphale resisted the urge to say 'yes'.
"No. Not most of them. They are… careless and selfish and they ask too many questions and they can be very cruel but it is still generally believed that God likes them better than grown-ups."
"Hmph," Gabriel said.
"Look… I have known Crowley for so long. If he was such a bad influence, wouldn't I have Fallen by now? I don't mean to tempt Fate but… I feel like I'm in a much bigger danger of Falling when he's not there to constantly remind me that I'm the angel. So, please, could you tell Michael-"
"Michael doesn't know you're not following his order. I don't think he can even imagine such a thing. No one Up Here is paying much attention to you right now. I believe I'm the only one who noticed your disobedience."
"Oh. So this isn't an official call then?"
"No. I was just curious about the two of you. Keep this between us, but it gets rather dull in here sometimes."
"Right. Yes. Of course. In this case… would it be too much to ask you to…"
"I won't tell Michael."
He melted with relief.
"Thanks. Thank you. Well… be well. God be with you. May his Presence bring you joy and peace and…"
"That's all right, Aziraphale, I got the point. Be well yourself."
The connection was cut and Aziraphale breathed properly for the first time since the call had come.
Then he remembered something was amiss. A certain demon, to be precise. He grabbed his coat and a giant green and red tartan umbrella and went out into the rainy night.
He found Crowley in a little alley not far from the shop. The demon was leaning on the wall in the corner between two houses, arms crossed and shivering in the pouring rain.
"Oh for the love of – Crowley, why are you wet? I do believe you could have done something to prevent it. Getting under a roof for a start, if not something supernatural."
The demon shrugged and kicked a pebble into a puddle. He was obviously in full sulking mode and clearly not about to ask about the call.
Aziraphale sighed and tried to get the umbrella to cover them both but it couldn't fit between the two walls where the demon was standing.
"Crowley, come on, this is ridiculous! You know I could not have ignored the calls forever and anyway it was just Gabriel. She's bored, apparently, and decided to check on me. She's the only one who's noticed we're not keeping away from each other and she's not going to do anything about it so everything is fine."
The demon's rigid posture relaxed somewhat but he still wasn't about to move.
"You just want to make me feel guilty when you catch pneumonia, don't you?" Aziraphale muttered folding the umbrella which obviously wasn't gonna help. He looked around. It was the middle of the night and the alley was completely deserted. He took a step forward and spread his wings, lifting them so they could shield them both from the heavy raindrops and angling them so they would fit into the corner. They were suddenly encased in something resembling a white feathery wigwam, almost nose to nose. Crowley raised an eyebrow while Aziraphale spared a moment to thank the Lord that he wasn't in his favorite outfit as his clothes were now completely torn.
Now that there wasn't any danger of the demon getting wet right back again, the angel miracled his dark suit dry.
"Are you going to come quietly or do I take out my flaming ballpoint pen?" he asked mock-sternly.
The corners of Crowley's mouth twitched.
"The rain's gonna put it out."
"Oh, well, at least you're talking to me now. Are you done acting like a child?"
"So I'm a child? What about your folks Up There? They just hate me on principal. That's very mature."
"I admit it isn't. But Gabriel at least wasn't particularly hateful for which I think we should be very grateful. Why exactly are you so upset about 'my people' today in particular? I really don't get it."
"Well, Gabriel just picked a bad time to call. I was about to show you something."
"What?"
"Doesn't matter. Another time."
"Honestly, Crowley, I feel like I'm talking to a five-year-old! What can I do for you tonight so you would stop acting like this? Anything!"
"Really?"
"As long as it doesn't hurt anyone."
"Fine then. Fly me up."
"What?"
"You wanted to know what I want. I want you to fly me up above the city."
The angel was momentarily puzzled by the request but then he remembered the demon's torn wings. Crowley hadn't been able to fly for a while now. You don't really miss it until you lose it. He sighed.
"I just hope nobody sees us."
He wrapped a hand around the demon's waist. A few strong beats later they were already above the roofs of the city and then London was just a bright carpet of lights beneath them.
"High enough?"
"I think so," the demon confirmed and without a warning wriggled out of the angel's grasp.
Before Aziraphale could even react or start wondering why Crowley had suddenly decided to get rid of his current corporation, the back of the falling figure seemed to tear apart and brilliant white wings spread open, almost glowing against the background of the night sky. With a few beats the figure gained altitude again.
There were still some scars visible but Crowley was obviously able to fly again as he was doing loops right now. So this was what he had been meaning to show him. Aziraphale was torn between relief and the desire to strangle the bloody snake for tap-dancing on his nerves all evening. The desire to strangle him won over for the moment.
"Crowley, dear…" he shouted as he dove after the demon. "…you are so dead!"
Crowley just laughed and sped forward.
They eventually ended up on the roof of the bookshop, Aziraphale landing a second after him and punching him on the shoulder.
"You careless, juvenile, insufferable creature! What if someone saw us?"
"Big deal! They'll just think they hallucinated."
"Perhaps," the angel relented, seeing that Crowley was too excited to take his scolding seriously. Not that he ever did. "At any rate, I'm ecstatic to see your wings have healed. But I think it's high time we went back inside for a nice hot cup of cocoa. I'm soaking and I'm tired of evaporating water off myself. I hope you don't insist on staying out in the rain?"
"Reminds me a bit of that first storm. Eastern Gate, remember?"
"Of course I do. And if we had had a roof and cocoa back then, we would have made good use of them."
"Okay, okay…"
Spreading his wings to slow the fall, the demon jumped off the roof… and straight into a puddle. Which just caused him to giggle.
Aziraphale slapped his forehead.
"And he is usually so neat…"
He landed a lot more carefully and followed Crowley into the shop.
"Dear… aren't you gonna tuck those back in?"
"Do they bother you?"
"No, but…"
"I'd like to have them out for a little while then."
"Whatever you say."
Aziraphale made them both a cup of cocoa and made himself comfortable on the couch next to Crowley who was sitting on the armrest to allow enough room for his wings.
Funny thing. The demon had dried his suit but his hair and wings were still damp. Maybe he had forgotten about them. There was a faint smell of earth, grass and… The angel chuckled.
"You smell like apples."
"Oh, well, better than brimstone, I suppose."
"Certainly. What about me?"
"Dust, obviously."
"Hey!"
"Oh, all right then… cinnamon."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I have no idea why."
"Apples and cinnamon."
He chuckled again. Crowley raised an eyebrow.
"What did you put in that cocoa?"
"It's just a strange night."
Crowley watched him for a while. Aziraphale had a far off look on his face now.
"What are you thinking?" he asked finally.
"Just something I told Gabriel earlier about children. That they are selfish and cruel sometimes. But, you know, they still have such a great capacity for love. If I didn't know better I would say…"
He stopped short. Words like this from an angel's lips might be dangerous.
"…that God is a child playing with His creations. And he just happens to be in a really good mood today," Crowley finished for him.
Aziraphale nodded imperceptibly.
"But, of course, I know it isn't true" he added quickly.
"Why not?"
"God is not a child! He is… God!"
"I'd rather think he is a child. Otherwise I would have to really hate Him."
"So… you don't hate Him then?"
Crowley thought for a moment.
"Neah. Not really. The people on top usually have little to do with what's going on. It's the middle people that can be really mean. Most of the time Lucifer's a lot nicer than the Dukes. It's just that… he doesn't help you if you get in trouble."
"Hmm…"
They continued to sip their cocoa.
Somewhere else, perhaps a little higher, someone else was doing the same. From a cup with a smiling cow on it, no less.
Everyone has an inner child.
# 24 Now
"Hey, angel, let's play 'Then and Now'!"
"Again? Why are you so fond of this game lately?"
"It's just fun to compare."
"What are we playing with this time?"
"Hmm… How about you and I? First years together to nowadays."
"All right… Then you were a snake. Now you are in human form."
"Then you had a sword. Now you don't."
"Honestly, dear… Then the 14th century had never existed. Now it's part of History."
"Ouch. Then you had never gotten drunk. Now you do it all the time."
"Well, then you hadn't either and now you do too. Then you didn't have a Bentley. Now you can't live without it."
"The same goes for you and books. Then you liked humans…"
"I still like humans!"
"Not as much."
"Well, fine then! Then you didn't like humans that much. Now you like them enough to face Satan with a tire iron."
"Don't remind me again!"
"Ha!"
"Then you had never been trapped in the body of Madam Tracy. Now you have!"
"Then you had never attempted to face Satan with a tire iron. Now you have."
"Azi, stop it!"
"You started it!"
"Well, Then you would have never thought of facing Satan period, sword or no sword! Now you have."
"Well, Then we had never attempted to save the world for starters. Now we have."
"Well, Then the world wasn't that much of an interesting place. Now it is."
"Then the Ritz did not exist. Now it does."
"Then the Arrangement did not exist. Now it does."
"Hmm… You know, taking everything into account, I think I like Now better."
"Despite always mentioning 'the good old days'?"
"Oh, hush you! You know very well that 'the good old days' are just like 'the great bright future' – they're fine as long as they stay where they belong. In this case – the past. As for now…"
"The Ritz?"
"You're reading my mind."
# 25 Shadow
"Aziraphale, I know you have weird hobbies but this is just silly."
"It's not silly! It's classical! It was the first kind of theatre to be invented."
"And it was just as silly back then. And this does not look like a duck at all. Now this is a duck."
"Oh, very good, dear!"
"Thank you."
"What about a dog?"
"Here."
"Great! Can you make a crocodile?"
"Are you kidding? It's one of the easiest, you just have to… What are you chuckling about?"
"I thought you said making shadows was silly."
"Oh, shut up!"
Silence.
"So do you want to see the crocodile or not?"
"Of course."
# 26 Goodbye
Aziraphale had finally gotten an ansaphone a month ago as a present from Crowley who had insisted they were at least good for trapping malicious demons. And now for the first time in his life he was considering buying a car. The reason for this was the latest message on his ansaphone which had left him very distressed. He wanted to get to Crowley's apartment as soon as possible and he was having trouble catching a cab.
Some time later Crowley, who was watching TV, jumped to his feet in alarm as a much disheveled and very worried-looking angel burst into his apartment.
"Where are you going?!" the angel demanded.
"Huh? What? Nowhere! It's Thursday, I was just thinking of calling you for lunch..."
"Then what was that message all about?!?!"
"What message?"
"'Hey, angel, I was hoping to see you before I left but you're obviously somewhere on Heavenly business. Well, something came up and it looks like I won't be here for lunch on Thursday. I'd be grateful if you could water the plants. Goodbye,'" Aziraphale recited.
Crowley blinked.
"I left you that five days ago!"
"I'm sorry, I was in the country!"
"Whatever. But… You learned my message by heart?"
"Well, I heard it seventeen times! And you weren't answering any of your phones!"
"Really? I must have forgotten to turn my cell on after the flight. And I wasn't answering this one because I just got back."
"From where?"
"Australia."
"A- Australia?"
"Yes. Now will you tell me exactly what in this innocent message has gotten you so worked up?"
Aziraphale sagged a little.
"You… Well, you sounded upset. And… And you said 'Goodbye' instead of 'Ciao'. You never say 'Goodbye'! I was afraid you might mean it..."
Crowley just stared at the angel open-mouthed for a few moments before surprising both of them by closing the distance in between and hugging him.
"You idiot. I sounded upset because they made me fly all the way to blessed Australia to help some newbie clean up the mess he had made and their only excuse was that Australia has the queen on their money so it's considered under my jurisdiction. As for 'Goodbye', I have no idea why I said it but I promise never to forget my Italian again."
Aziraphale laughed a bit shakily in his arms.
"Sorry. I guess I just proved I'm crazy."
"I already know you're crazy. At least you saved me the trip down to Soho to pick you up. Now come on, let's go have lunch. You look like you could use a drink."
They parted much later, in the small hours of the morning, and not before they had made arrangements for the next day.
"Ciao," Crowley said softly in his year as he was giving the angel a parting hug.
Aziraphale chuckled.
"I'll see you tomorrow, dear."
And so he did.
# 27 Hide
Their friendship was built on comfortable familiarity, on knowing the other inside and out, on almost reading each other's minds. Like good wine, familiarity just grew stronger over time. But there was something else too. Just like with any other thing, familiarity needed its opposite in order to acquire its full value. For Aziraphale and Crowley it was the amazing ability to still successfully hide things from one another, even after six millennia. However wrapped in each other's lives they were, there were always little moments of mystery, little riddles that needed to be solved. Something in Crowley's grin that Aziraphale couldn't place, something in the angel's eyes the demon could not read. There were and would always be secrets to discover.
Honesty and openness are indeed to be valued but in the end, just like Heaven needs Hell to matter, it's the ability to hide things that keeps relationships from growing old.
# 28 Fortune
Aziraphale struggled to keep his eyes shut despite his curiosity as the demon placed his hand on some smooth, cool surface.
"All right, open."
Aziraphale did so and gasped.
"Oh, dear… You couldn't have!"
His hand ran over the surface of a magnificent antique writing desk, wonderfully well preserved. He looked up at Crowley at a loss for words.
It wasn't particularly uncommon for them to give gifts to each other. But when it wasn't a bottle of good wine (which they immediately proceeded to drink together), it was usually something that was part of a joke. Like Crowley's naked painting that Aziraphale had daringly hung in the back room to prove he wasn't embarrassed. In the end it was the demon who had asked him to 'please move it somewhere, staring at my own ass while I get drunk is just weird'.
But the desk was something else. He couldn't see what amusement either of them could get from a gift like this. This time the demon had gotten him an honest, thoughtful present, something it was obvious Aziraphale would adore.
"But… what for?"
Crowley shrugged.
"Doomsday anniversary? Because that's in three days. But the truth is, I just saw it and thought you should have it. As a sort of equivalent to my Bentley. I know you already have the books for that purpose but... Anyway, like it?"
His grin suggested he already knew the answer. And how could he not. Aziraphale looked only a step away from kissing the desk… or maybe the demon.
Better steer clear of that thought though.
"Oh, I love it! But it must have caused a fortune!"
"So? It's not like I need the money. And a fortune isn't a fortune until it makes you feel fortunate to have it. Which is when you find something to use it for."
Aziraphale's face lit up even more.
"Oh, Crowley, I always knew you had an inner angel."
"Yuck, don't start. And I doubt it. But I know I have an outer one. Works just as well, I guess."
# 29 Safe
"Crowley, I said put it on or I am not going trough with this!"
"But it looks ridiculous!"
"I don't care! We are doing it the safe way or we aren't doing it at all. Look, I have mine on already."
"Well, it's easy for you! But when have you ever seen me wear anything made of rubber?"
"Don't be difficult, dear. We have to set an example for the children. Safety first."
"But I think it's a bit big for me."
"A few blows and it will swell… See, now it fits perfectly."
"You just want to spoil my fun! It's not like I need it! I mean, what's the worst that could happen if I go without it?"
"You could hit your head and sink and get eaten by sharks. Seriously, Crowley, if you get discorporated for not wearing a life vest on a boat trip, all Hell will fall over laughing when you go begging for a new body!"
"Oh, all right. But only because I can pull off looking dashing even in a great orange rubber inflatable sleeveless."
"Of course you can, dear."
# 30 Ghost
Aziraphale dropped down on the bench next to Crowley, looking a bit shaken.
"Tempt me with one of these chocolate éclairs, quickly!"
Crowley's eyebrows shot up and he moved the bag of treats out of reach of the angel's hands.
"Why?"
"Oh, Crowley, just give me one!"
"Not until you tell me why."
"Fine then! Gabriel called today and asked me to fill in for one of her messengers who got caught up in an occult trap of some sort. Of course, Principalities cannot usually be divine messengers but the job was urgent so she was willing to make an exception."
"So? You got promoted for a day. What's so bad about that? Were you given a brighter halo and all of the other extra special effects?"
"Yes but that's exactly the problem! I had to leave my corporeal form. Oh, Crowley, you have no idea how horrible it was to be on Earth in an angel's body and not be able to breathe or eat or feel! I would never want to be a messenger in a million years!"
"But it's a higher position," Crowley said feigning confusion but inwardly grinning.
"I don't care! It's like being a ghost! Ghosts are essentially dead! I don't want to be dead, Crowley! And right now I want to make sure I got all of my senses back! I already know I can feel but now I need to taste something."
"Something like this?"
The demon waved a chocolate éclair in front of his face too fast for the angel to be able to take a bite. Aziraphale glared.
"If you don't stop, I'll just bite your hand!"
Crowley laughed and held the éclair in one place in front of his mouth. The angel bit into it and a blissful expression spread on his face.
"He's alive!" Crowley announced loudly to the passers-by, causing amused stares.
Aziraphale was too preoccupied licking the chocolate from his lips to tell him to shut up.
Crowley watched him for a moment.
"You know, there are also other kinds of treats available to the living…" he said lowly.
"Hm? Like what?"
"Like…"
There was a pause. The demon opened his mouth but then closed it with a nervous laugh.
"Like apple strudels," he said finally.
"Oh, yes, I love those!" Aziraphale responded enthusiastically, not appearing to have noticed anything suspicious in Crowley's behavior. "I would love to have an apple strudel! Let's go have some now!"
"Uh, yeah, sure."
They got up from the bench.
While they were walking towards one of their favorite little restaurants, Crowley mentally applied Aziraphale's response to what he had actually meant to say. He imagined the blue eyes sparkling with enthusiasm.
'Oh, yes, I would love to have sex with you! Let's go have some now!'
He chuckled lightly.
The problem was, he felt a bit more than amusement at the thought.
Meanwhile Aziraphale threw him a secret glance. He wasn't as naïve as Crowley made him out to be.
'Oh, dear,' the angel thought to himself 'If this is what I think it is, God help us both.'
His heart was beating a little too fast. He could have stopped it but he didn't. After all, it was part of being alive. And he was glad that they were both real and solid and definitely not ghosts. Even if these bodies could cause trouble sometimes…
End of Part 3