Fourth of July

(Peter)

By Gaby Black

Peter Pettigrew hated being born in summer because it most often meant spending his birthday on his own.

In his early years he spent the fourth of July with his parents; sometimes they invited his cousin Bertha Jorkins, but she was three years older than him and it was obvious she only went to please her parents. Besides she was always scowling and whining and Peter never got to choose the games they played.

As soon as she attended Hogwarts, Bertha stopped visiting him for his birthday. His parents told him she was sorry she could not come, but he knew that she simply did not care. Peter's resentment grew.

It was only when he made friends at Hogwarts that he thought he could have a real, nice birthday. But before the summer after second year, they weren't close enough for him to invite them at his house. At the end of their third year he mentioned that his birthday was on the fourth of July, and wouldn't it be nice if they all spent the day together?

But Sirius was stuck in Grimmauld Place and Remus could not afford to go.

James said he was sorry but he was attending a Quidditch match of the English national team on the fourth of July. "Maybe next year," James had said, and even Peter could catch the emptiness of the words.

Remus told him the fourth of July was the day of the independence of the United States, and a day of celebration for American Muggles. Peter thought that he'd rather it was a day of celebration for him, too.

Fourth of July was his day, and nobody seemed to care.

It hurt even more to see that the month of March was a constant celebration, what with Remus's birthday being on the 10th and James's on the 27th. Half of the school seemed to participate to the festivities, with people James barely knew clapping him on the back and "surprise parties" being organized in the Gryffindor common room every year. Sirius's birthday was always the occasion to set up the biggest prank of the year and he received dozens of presents from his schoolmates. For his birthday, Peter only got three letters and presents from his parents. No matter how big and numerous the presents were, Peter still felt something was missing.

The summer after fourth year, James surprised Peter by agreeing to spend the fourth of July at his place. Peter was very excited and grateful, but as the day approached he grew more and more nervous. What if James didn't have fun? What if he was bored? What were they going to do?

Looking back on July, 4th, 1975, Peter always felt ashamed and lonely. James had been bored. He had not said it, of course, but Peter could see it on his face. It was on this day that Peter truly realized that without Sirius and Remus, James and Peter would still be friends, but there would be much less laughter and much more awkward silences.

The next year, James said he was going abroad with his parents, and Peter spent his sixteenth birthday with his parents.

But the worst, certainly, had been his nineteenth birthday. As it happened, James had proposed to Lily on the first day of July and everyone was so excited about the news that most people, including in the Order, simply forgot to wish Peter a happy birthday. Only Remus, Sirius, James and Lily had wished it, but only very absent-mindedly, and it had been obvious that their smiles were only for the soon-to-be newlyweds.

James and Lily had stolen his birthday.

Everyone around Peter had been so thrilled that he had kept his resentment to himself; nobody ever wondered if Peter Pettigrew would have wanted a surprise birthday party. Peter was painfully aware of how much his friends and himself had drifted from each other ever since they had left Hogwarts. But he was still their friend, Peter would repeat to himself, every time it became unbearable to only know what happiness was when looking into James's eyes. Peter wished he could find out for himself, too. He felt like a mere spectator of his life until the Dark Lord came to him.

He always, cowardly, blamed it on being born in July that he felt so much resentment and jealousy for his friends. He tried to convince himself this was one of the reasons why he had betrayed them.

It was much easier to blame fate.

"How bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes!" (William Shakespeare)