Hey Mr. President
A JONAS fanfic by phoebenpiper
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PART TWO
The next day saw the hallways of Horace Mantis Academy slowly becoming wallpapered with campaign posters for the three Lucas brothers. At first the posters were positive and creative, hosting such clever slogans as "I Pick Nick", "Go, Joe!", and "Kevin is Heaven".
But by midday Thursday, the campaign had started to turn negative as the once pristine campaign posters became defaced with drawings in black marker. Now Nick was "Picking" his nose, Joe was "Going" to the bathroom, and Kevin would never make it into "heaven" with his devil horns and tail.
By the end of the day, ugliness reigned as all semblance of running a fair campaign had fallen by the wayside. The new slogans were direct attacks on their opponents, including "Ick! Not Nick!", "Overthrow Joe!", and "Kevin stinks to high heaven!" There were also incriminating photos that only brothers had access to, and one poster even showed the boys' report cards, contrasting Nick's straight A's with Kevin's D in American Government and Joe's C in Civics with the simple phrase, "I'm just saying!"
It was this last poster that was the final straw for Joe, and he confronted Nick with it at his locker after school. "Posting my report card? SO not cool, dude!" he said, shoving it angrily under his brother's nose.
Nick closed his locker partway so he could rip down the photo that had been taped there. "Photos of me at age five?" he said, shoving the photo of himself crying and sucking his thumb back in Joe's face. "Ditto!"
Joe looked at the photo and laughed. "Hey, that's a good one. Look at the snot coming out of your nose!"
Nick yanked the photo back and crumpled it angrily as Kevin walked up.
"Hey, that was my best poster," Kevin complained.
"YOU did this?" Nick asked, gesturing to the ball of paper now in his hand.
Kevin nodded, smiling smugly. "You know, there are certain advantages to being the oldest, and hoarding bad photos of you two for later blackmail is one of them."
"Oh, yeah," Joe said, giving his older brother a congratulatory high-five.
"This is getting completely out of hand," Nick said. "You two didn't even WANT to run for Student Council."
"Well, YOU'RE only running to impress some girl," Joe said defensively.
"So are YOU," Nick shot back.
"Hey! Stella is not just 'some girl'."
Nick and Kevin looked at Joe meaningfully, making him realize what he'd just said. "Uh...what I mean is...Stella's my campaign manager. She's not a 'girl'."
"Thanks a lot, Joe," Stella said, walking up.
Joe's face turned red as he turned to his friend, explaining, "I mean, of COURSE you're a girl, Stella. Just...look at you. You clearly obsess about your appearance..."
"As do you," Nick calmly pointed out.
"...and you spend hours every day on your hair..."
"As do you," Nick repeated.
"...and you...you...." Joe was staring nervously at Stella's chest, not wanting to go there but getting desperate.
"You carry a purse!" Kevin eagerly interjected.
Joe breathed a sigh of relief, thankful for having been rescued. Nick and Stella breathed easier, too, grateful that Joe hadn't gone there.
But apparently Kevin didn't notice their reactions because he added helpfully, "And you wear a bra!"
"Kevin!" his brothers scolded simultaneously.
"What?! You can see it right there."
Stella gasped and quickly adjusted her school uniform to hide her bra strap, obviously embarrassed.
Nick shook his head. "Well, now that we've established that Stella's a girl and Kevin can see London and France, can we get back to discussing the campaign?"
"Yes, let's," Stella said, pulling a large folded sign from her purse. "I just made you a new poster, Joe."
She started to unfold the poster, revealing the slogan:
"Joe rules!
Kevin drools!..."
"I do not," Kevin said, self-consciously wiping his mouth.
"Ooh, that's politically damning," Nick said sarcastically.
Stella unfolded the rest of the poster to reveal the last line:
"Nick's a tool."
Kevin laughed. "I love your drawing of Nick as a screwdriver! It's perfect!"
"No, it's ridiculous!" Nick said, clearly frustrated. "This isn't a campaign – it's a farce."
"Not true," Macy said, walking up. "The fans are really into this whole election. According to the JONAS website, the numbers are close, with Nick and Kevin practically tied and Joe slightly ahead in the polls."
"Yes!" Joe said, pulling a victory fist.
Nick shook his head. "That's just the fans. THEY don't vote in this election."
"Oh but they do," Macy said proudly. "I've set up a link so the fans can order absentee ballots on-line. This election is going to have the biggest voter turn-out in Horace Mantis Academy history."
"There's no such thing as 'absentee ballots' for a Student Council election," Nick insisted.
"Ah, you're just mad because you're losing in the polls," Stella teased, and she and Joe shared a high five.
"No I'm not!" Nick said a little too defensively. "This election is for STUDENT Council. Only STUDENTS are supposed to vote."
"That's okay," Macy said, "because most of the fans ARE students...except for that group of Twi-Moms in Utah who find Nick's brooding sexy."
Kevin objectively observed his younger brother. "Yeah, Nick does have that Edward Cullen tragically pained look down."
"Hey! I can brood, too, you know," Joe said, pulling an exaggeratedly serious face.
Nick looked ready to explode. "The fans aren't voting!" he insisted. "And despite the smear campaigns, the rest of the students are going to be able to tell who the serious candidate is at tomorrow's assembly."
"Ooh, an assembly!" Kevin said, excited to get out of class. "For what?"
"The ELECTION assembly?" Nick noticed that the name didn't ring any bells for either his brothers or their campaign managers, so he explained in a condescending tone: "It's where each of the candidates gives a speech about why they're running. Which is then immediately followed by the voting."
"A speech?" Kevin asked, gulping nervously.
"In front of the entire student body?" Joe asked, starting to hyperventilate.
Nick smiled. "Glad to see you're both so prepared. See you at home." Nick closed his locker door and walked away, leaving the rest of them to soak in his words.
- - -
When Kevin finally got home that evening, Nick was lounging in his pajamas in his floor bed, casually strumming away on his guitar, while Joe and Stella sat together at a table, working.
"Where've you been?" Nick asked, looking up from his guitar.
"Hanging with my Pep Squad buddies," Kevin replied, gesturing vaguely with his giant megaphone. "You know, it's times like this that it pays to have friends IN LOUD PLACES!"
"Didn't your mother say 'No megaphone in the house'?!" Stella asked irritably as she, Nick, and Joe removed their hands from their ringing ears.
"Oh, hey, Stella," Kevin greeted. "What are YOU doing here so late?"
"Helping me with my speech," Joe explained.
"You mean writing your speech for you," Nick corrected.
Joe glared at his younger brother as Kevin, too, turned towards Nick.
"Hey, where's Jessie?" Kevin asked, noticing Nick was alone. "Shouldn't she be helping you with your speech?"
"She's...uh...no longer my campaign manager," Nick reluctantly explained.
Kevin was surprised. "What happened?"
"She found out I was running," Joe bragged.
Before Nick could reply, Frankie suddenly appeared in the doorway. "Good. You're all here."
"Hey, Frankie," Kevin greeted.
"Shouldn't you be in bed?" Nick asked.
"I've been up working on a school project," Frankie said. "On Presidential elections." He paused for dramatic effect before continuing. "I'm now an expert at voter irregularities, hanging chads, and the Florida Supreme Court." He paused again, letting his words sink in. "I'm now capable of fixing ANY election." He looked each brother in the eye meaningfully before adding pointedly, "I'll be in my room...if anyone NEEDS me." He gave an exaggerated wink and then turned to go.
"Sit down!" Stella scolded Joe, and he reluctantly obeyed, looking disappointed.
"Oh, hey, Frankie," Mr. Lucas greeted as he passed his youngest son in the hall. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"
"Nope," Frankie replied matter-of-factly as his passed. Mr. Lucas shrugged, never knowing quite how to react to the 8-year-old, before continuing into the boys' room.
"Hey, guys," he greeted. "I know tomorrow's a big day for all of you, and your mother and I just wanted you to know how proud we are that you're all taking such an interest in student government." He smiled proudly as he added, "You know, I was president of my Glee Club back in high school. Anyone curious to know what my campaign slogan was?" He looked eagerly from one son to the next for an answer. "Anyone? It was a pretty good slogan, I gotta say. You interested in hearing it? Anyone?"
"Yes, Dad," Nick said in a monotone, reluctantly giving in. "Please tell us your campaign slogan."
Mr. Lucas looked pleased. "It was 'Tom's the Bomb'. Pretty good, huh?"
"That's great, Dad," Nick said with little emotion.
"Yep. 'Tom's the Bomb'," he repeatedly proudly. "With a slogan like that, obviously the election was no contest." Mr. Lucas's proud smile faded as he added, "Literally. No contest. No one else was interested in being president of the Glee Club, so I was the only candidate. I won by a landslide...but it wasn't unanimous. Harvey Beckinweave decided a write-in campaign for Kermit the Frog would be--"
"That's great, Dad," Nick said, cutting him off. "You know, it's late, and we really need to get to bed now."
"Oh yes, of course," Mr. Lucas said, nodding. "Don't let me interrupt your bedtime. You guys want to be in shipshape for tomorrow's election. You know, the night before MY election--"
"GoodNIGHT, Dad," Nick said pointedly.
"Oh. Yeah. Goodnight."
Joe and Kevin also wished their father a "goodnight" before he disappeared.
Once he was gone, Stella turned back to the paper in front of her and Joe. "Now we need to get back to your speech."
"NOW we need to go to bed," Nick said, placing his guitar up on the floor above his bed.
"But Stella's not finished writing my speech yet," Joe whined.
"And I still have to put away my cheerleading uniform," Kevin complained.
"You heard Dad," Nick said, "We've gotta be in shipshape for tomorrow." And with that, Nick grabbed the remote and turned off the lights, leaving his brothers and Stella to grumble in the dark.
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TO BE CONTINUED