But I know the rage that drives you. That impossible anger strangling the grief, until the memory of your loved one is just... poison in your veins. And one day, you catch yourself wishing the person you loved had never existed so you'd be spared your pain.

"Tired?"

"You have no idea." Tony lay on his bed, eyes closed and body limp, while Ziva sat cross-legged next to him. "I must have slept for hours yesterday but still…Who knew that drowning could take so much out of you?"

"Yes, because almost losing your life is such a relaxing experience." She raised one thin brow, watching him breathe deeply. He looked like he was going to fall asleep any moment now. "Shall we talk about the most important issue before you lay out?"

"Huh? Oh, it's pass, Ziva, pass out."

"I do not care. What matters now is Abby." Truthfully, she was trying to change the subject, but the words she spoke were honest and real. "I am uneasy about her being here, Tony. I do not think Gibbs would let her become involved in this mission. Something is wrong here." She felt a feeling of uneasiness creep through her at these words. Something really was wrong. Although she and Tony had decided to not break Abby's cover in front of the people of Haven, she was not comfortable with Abby being in the place where she had almost lost her life a few days ago.

"Why don't we just wait and see what she does when she wakes up and get a moment alone with her? We'll just pretend to be interrogating her, like we did with some of the other residents who found her."

"We could sneak into her cabin tonight and just ask her then. Much quicker." Ziva uncrossed her legs, trying to get some feeling back into them. She moved on her side so as to become less cramped, putting an arm up to support her head. Her elbow, flat on the bedspread, protested the movement. It was still sore from her trip into the river.

Tony turned his head and finally opened his eyes, staring into hers. "Can't." Tony said. "I checked, and Abby's cabin is way too close to the Elders' to even think about trying to sneak in. They'd probably get pretty ticked if they thought we were hiding something from them." They stared at each again without saying anything for a moment too long. Ziva finally broke the eye contact, uncomfortable with how many of those moments they seemed to be having that weekend. Then Tony slowly turned his head back and closed his eyes once more.

"Oh." Ziva lapsed into silence, trying to think of another plan. She crossed her arms and laid her head down on them, thinking deeply. It made her uneasy to see Abby exposed like this. She was not cut out for field work. She was too emotional, too passionate, too… Her eyes drifted shut, and her body began to fully relax as she drifted into an uneasy sleep.

When Ziva woke up, the sky outside was a dark midnight blue, only cut by the light from the pearl-like moon. It was just a sliver away from being a full moon. She turned her eyes away from the night sky, only to have her gaze rest on her partner, who was a breath away from her, maybe even less.

As he slept, Ziva marveled at the childlike innocence written on his face. It was a soft, calm face that he wore in his sleep, so much unlike the sarcastic, humorous one he showed during the day. She idly wondered which was his true face. She was cut from her thoughts by Tony's voice. He mumbled something in his sleep, and Ziva put a hand on his cheek. The mumbling faded away and he went back to sleep. She pulled her hand away, and got out of bed. His body was freezing. They should have known better than to go to sleep without even getting under the covers. Well, in her defense, she hadn't actually planned to sleep with Tony tonight. Not that she was sleeping with… She was just sleeping with him. And it was not like it was a usual circumstance, it was very, very unusual… She blushed, uncharacteristically flustered.

To distract herself, she dragged herself over to the fireplace, and managed to start a decent fire. Then she took the extra blankets from one of the dresser drawers, and covered Tony with two of them, wrapping one around herself.

She lay back down in the bed, wanting to make sure that Tony was going to be okay. Slowly, as the heat of the fire and blankets warmed her body, she fell back into a peaceful sleep.

"She made the decision that she felt was right, Jethro. In time, I'm sure we will find out why."

"Boss, Abby never disobeys commands unless she really needs to. It must be urgent."

"Leave her alone, Gibbs. Soon, you'll find the answers that you want."

Gibbs stared at Abby's still full Caf-Pow cup as he sat in the darkened lab. McGee, who had been on forensic duty, had left a few hours ago. The voices of Ducky, McGee and Vance floated through his head, dreamlike, as he tried to control the urge to throw the Caf-Pow across the room.

Abby had gone behind his back, to Vance of all people, and had put herself in danger without even a second thought.

Why hadn't he just listened to her, and stopped shouting for a second?

Why hadn't he known that she would pull a stunt like this?

And why, he thought with a rush of hot anger, hadn't she just stopped for a minute to think about the consequences? She had to remember there were rules for her to follow. None of his other team members would even think about putting themselves in the position she had; disobeying his orders, letting themselves going undercover without letting him know, taking orders from Vance before him, Gibbs shook his head minutely, as though trying to fling away the hurtful thoughts that were creeping in.

Abby knew she could get away with these things because she wasn't like the other members of the team. When he looked at her, he saw an excited, energetic girl that believed in justice, faith and goodness.

He saw in her everything that he had hoped Kelly would have become.

No matter how many times her life was in danger, Abby came back to her job because she wanted to defend the innocent. She felt that this was something she personally needed to do, a journey that no one but her could take. And, no matter which way Gibbs tried to spin the problem and pin the blame, that was exactly what Abby was doing. She was protecting the innocent, exactly what NCIS was supposed to do.

But if he lost her…He had recovered from a lot of bad things, but this one…He would never been able to cope if he lost Abby, one of the only people he had let unconditionally into his heart since he had received the news of Kelly's death so many years ago. Kate– he had loved her like a daughter, but she was tough, strong and had signed up for the job knowing that death could happen to her anytime. He had known it might happen to her, too. Abby didn't have that burden, which was why everyone was so attracted to her. She was a ray of sunshine in the dark, depressing business of law enforcement. An eternal optimist. She didn't think about things like death and was too innocent to dwell on them everyday. Too trusting, too soft, too loving…. But now she was out in the world, facing a killer that would not hold any of the loving qualities that she would never let go no matter what. And because of that, his worse nightmare was unfolding in front of him.

Abby was in danger, and there was nothing he could do.

But had she even cared? She had run off to be the big hero and save the day, without even a thought to how he was going to feel. Did she know how hard her betrayal would hit him? Did she just think that he would forgive her when she stared at him with her puppy dog eyes, like she did all the times before? Did she really not know him that well? Did she even care about him enough to consider his feelings?

As much as he wanted to deny it, Gibbs knew that the bond between himself and Abby had changed forever. There would always be a rough undertone between all the interactions that they had from now on, a whisper in his ear that he couldn't really trust her, that she would just ignore him again when she wanted to, that she would never really respect his opinion, it was all pretend with him. That whisper wasn't ever going to go away.

The warm, loving relationship that Gibbs had had with Abby was gone and was replaced with…He didn't know yet, but it would make itself known the next time he saw Abby. The next time they stared at each other, not calm and comfortable, but awkward, with betrayal heavily hanging in the air. It would make itself fully known in that moment that he had lost her forever.

It wouldn't be as bad as staring at her pale corpse, but it hurt all the same.

Tony woke up to see Ziva's slumbering face just inches away from his own. On her face rested a look of numb bliss, all the tenseness that she carried during the day erased. He watched her breathe slowly and steadily, peace radiating from her thin frame. He briefly wondered what it would be like to put his hand up on her cheek, to trail his thumb all the way down her smooth skin, to watch her eyes flutter open in surprise when she woke up to find him stroking her, to see a happy smile appear on her face and feel her reach up to stroke his face, too. He thought about having the right to do this everyday, and felt a pleasant shiver make its way slowly down his spine, making his body shudder. Unfortunately, he was so close to Ziva that his small movement woke her, her eyes fluttering open exactly like in his vision. Just like a few hours before, there a moment of silence as they stared into each others eyes, not knowing what they were looking for, but finding something all the same.

"Tony?" Ziva whispered, her soft voice sounding like thunder the quiet room. She opened her mouth again, but then yawned loudly, and rose up from where she had been lying next to him. She stood up and stretched her legs. "How long where we asleep?"

Tony rose up too, and looked at the window, where the gray light of dawn was beginning to peak over the land; he could spot smears of pink and blue in the sky. "I'd say all night." He turned back to her, and winked, a wide grin beginning to form. "So, was it comfortable last night?"

"Actually, no. You hog the covers." Ziva fired back, making him grin even wider.

"Well, if you want to do this again tonight, I'll try to be more generous." He had to fling himself down on the bed in order to avoid the pillow that she had launched at him at breakneck speed.

"Nice try but-" He stopped and looked in horror at what was lying in front of him.

"Tony?" Ziva asked, curious. "Did I kill you with my pillow?" She laughed, but when she received no response from Tony, no scornful comment or rude joke, she stopped. She walked around to where he was lying on the bed, not moving, not even breathing it seemed, and halted in shock. She let out a gasp of alarm at the figure lying next to her partner on the bed.

The jet black snake looked up at her once, its beady emerald eyes boring into her, flicked out its tongue, and launched itself at Tony.