Part 3
Changes

They had been arguing back and forth for over an hour.

"Jean-Luc, we have to be realistic about this! You're wearing yourself out trying to run this ship and take care of me. And neither of us is doing Renee any good. We both have to find a way to let someone else help us." Beverly ran a trembling hand through her hair. It had been a long day, but then, all the days were long now, with very little to fill them. She missed even the quiet activity of Sickbay.

Mostly, she was tired of being tired, and her husband's hovering didn't help. Beverly hated being doted on. She was quite likely to scream if he asked her one more time if she needed anything. He was so busy trying to anticipate her needs, she no longer knew herself what she needed. He would only be hurt if she told him to just leave her alone - mostly because, she probably wouldn't say it very nicely.

He rubbed his smooth head, tired himself. The last few months had taken more out of both of them than they had known they had in them. He needed to find a way to help Beverly. They were both living on borrowed time.

An idea began to take shape, one that just a few years ago would never have occurred to him. "Why don't we go home?" he said slowly

"Home? What are you talking about?"

He took her hand and pulled her down to sit next to him. "Let's go to LaBarre. We can relax, sleep as late as we want - or as late as Renee will let us. We can take walks in real fresh air, not on the holodeck. We can buy real food in the village or use the replicator when we don't feel like cooking. We'll see only the people we want to see and only when we want to." Beverly opened her mouth to protest, but he held up a silencing hand. "Think about it. No Away Teams, no tedious mapping missions, no boring diplomatic functions, the perfect excuse to avoid the Admirals' Dinner - "

"Jean-Luc, stop." She traced a finger lightly down his face, finding tiny new lines that hadn't been there a month ago. "It's a lovely idea, but we need a solution, not a vacation."

"I'm not talking about a vacation. I'm talking about an indefinite leave of absence." Her eyes widened. He drew her into his arms, and she settled her head on his shoulder. He couldn't look in those beautiful blue eyes and say what he had to say. "Beverly, you've already gone beyond the original prognosis, and every extra day is precious. I don't want to waste what time we have left together. We need - I need - to cut out all extraneous distractions."

"You'd..." her voice cracked. She cleared her throat and tried again. "You'd give up the Enterprise?" Now it was she who couldn't look at him. Tears welled at the enormity of the sacrifice he was willing to make. For her.

"I'd have given it up that first day, my love, if it would have prevented all this. Nothing - not the Enterprise or Starfleet or my career - are important. The only things that matter are you and Renee."

She knew he was crying now, too. Although they had never avoided the issue, it was always the disease they talked about, never the ultimate outcome. They were both reluctant to put into words the end of a relationship that had sustained them both for so many years, even before their marriage.

Leaving the Enterprise meant time was truly growing short. It was a monumental step that comforted and frightened her at the same time.

She drew solace from the knowledge that her husband was a man of action. His decision meant he had not only accepted the inevitable, he was looking beyond it to the future with Renee. She knew he would survive this.

But it frightened her to realize her own last defense was gone. All those 'extraneous distractions' had provided a sort of barrier from the truth, and she had been able to keep a tiny flicker of hope alive.

They sat for a long time, wrapped in each others' arms and their own thoughts.

"Jean-Luc?" her voice was low.

"Yes, love?"

"I want to go to Caldos."

He gave her shoulders a squeeze. "I think we can arrange that. A few days there would break up the trip back to Earth and - "

"No," she said pulling away from him to sit up, "I want to stay on Caldos. Whatever time I have left, I want to spend it there." This time, she stopped his interruption. "I don't want to be another death you associate with LaBarre. When it's all over, take me back there. Bury me on the hill with Robert and Rene and all the other Picards. But let the memories of us there together be happy ones. Please, Jean-Luc, don't let sorrow be the only thing waiting for you when you finally come home."

He had never been able to deny her anything - and this was no exception.

oxo

Starfleet complained - rather loudly - at his decision. They had already lost one of their finest doctors, now the captain of their flagship.

Jean-Luc remained unmoved by their distress as, for the first time since he entered the Academy all those years ago, he didn't really care what Starfleet wanted from him.

They relented only when he attempted to change his sabbatical into a resignation, finally understanding that he was going whether they liked it or not.

They discovered that leaving the Enterprise was relatively simple. Leaving behind the men and women who were much more than crewmates - that was the difficult part. It was a small comfort to know they were leaving their friends in good hands when the Rikers returned as captain and ship's counselor.

oxo

Caldos proved to be the very refuge they needed. Away from the pressures of the Enterprise and Starfleet they were both able to relax. The colonists, at first, welcomed the Picards as remnants of Felisa Howard's family, but soon accepted them on their own merits.

They each found a way to be part of the community rather than brood on the inevitability of the situation. Beverly got to practice a little medicine when people came to reminisce about her grandmother and managed to turn the conversation to other things. Jean-Luc became an unofficial advisor and confidante to Governor Maturin.

The transition was more difficult for Renee. She made few friends, none very close, and Beverly hated seeing her daughter suffering the same lonely childhood that she had. The Howard temper began to show itself more frequently in this newest generation, but her parents were comforted somewhat by reports that Renee mediated as many arguments as she started.

The small family settled in to their new routine and tried not to think about the reason that had brought them here.

tbc