Part 5
Farewell

Most of the guests had left Caldos the day after the party, but her closest friends had seen enough of a change in Beverly to extend their stay. The colonists understood the significance of their continued presence. Once again they would be losing a Howard woman who had made an impact on their lives.

oxo

Three days later

Beverly had grown weaker every day in a sudden downhill slide. Now, it was simply a matter of time.

Jean-Luc and Wesley appointed themselves as timekeepers, standing guard to make sure everyone got to spend time with Beverly but didn't tire her too much.

oxo

It was a bittersweet sort of pilgrimage, and in almost every instance, it was Beverly who gave comfort.

Drying Data's tears, she cautioned him not to let himself rust and then had to explain about the Tin Woodsman who had wanted a heart from the Wizard of Oz. "Even when you kept insisting you didn't have any emotions, you always had a heart, Data," she told him through her own tears...

...She accepted a Worf's hesitant kiss, fully aware of what it meant for the Klingon to give into such a human gesture...

...Will used humor to cover his sorrow, but she heard the underlying affection as well...

...Geordi called her 'Doc' as they talked poker...

...Deanna told her the latest mischief Renee and Luke had gotten into...

...Marie talked of Robert and her Rene...

...Alyssa listened as Beverly reminisced about the staff she had left behind...

oxo

Picard paced a short, tight path in front of the fireplace. Three steps, turn; three steps, turn.

"She was so much better, before the party. I could see it, but now... Damn it! I knew we shouldn't have had that party!"

"The party is what kept her going this long. It was a goal, and now she's reached it."

Mariah had been expecting this session ever since the party and the change in Beverly's condition afterwards. From her place on the sofa, she watched his precise movements, trying to determine whether he was searching for words or simply struggling to keep himself from falling completely to pieces.

"Say it," she prompted quietly.

"You make it sound like she's giving up."

"Beverly isn't giving up," Mariah countered quietly, knowing this would be the most difficult aspect for him to accept. Her voice softened even further as she added what he had to hear, "She's letting go."

"No!" The word seemed to drain him, and he sank into a chair.

Mariah had seen denial in him before, but what she saw now was sheer terror. So many times she had been amazed by these two people, even before the diagnosis. They drew such strength from each other, sharing a connection that did not require physical contact. She had counseled others through similar situations, but none with the kind of history Beverly and Jean-Luc had shared. Theirs was one of the few marriages she had ever seen that was built as much on friendship as it was on love.

"Yes. These people came to visit a sick friend, but they stayed to say goodbye. They need to say it, and she needs to hear it... because she's ready to hear it."

Rage at his own helplessness turned into anger at Beverly. "If she's so eager to go, then why doesn't she do it?" he snapped. "Why doesn't she just go ahead and die?"

"She's not eager, she simply knows that it is time. She has said her goodbyes to everyone else, and now she is waiting to make sure that you are ready to let go. She needs to hear it from you."

He buried his face in his hands. "I can't do it! I don't want her to die!"

"That's not something you or she can change. She will die. How she dies... Captain, Beverly is not in any physical pain, but she can see your suffering." Mariah paused, waiting until he looked up at her once again. "She needs to know that you will be able to go on. It won't be easy, but when the time is right, the words will be there, and your love will give you the strength to say them."

oxo

Light streamed in the window, and although Beverly could have seen the sky from where she lay, it was too much effort to turn her head. Jean-Luc sat beside her, holding her hand and stroking her hair. He spoke softly, recounting their life together... how he had fallen in love with her the moment they met... his joy when she finally said that she loved him... times they had laughed, times they had cried... moments with Renee and with their friends... good, bad... and just moments.

Selar and Alyssa stood out of Beverly's line of sight. Everything that could be done had been done, and so they waited.

Her lashes fluttered, then suddenly, her sapphire eyes blazed with their old intensity. "Don't be alone, my love. Let the others in, let them help you." Beverly squeezed his hand and whispered, "I love you, Jean-Luc. Always remember that. Make sure Renee remembers. She's so young... please help her remember me."

"If I teach her nothing else, Renee will remember her mother and know she was loved," he vowed. Beverly's eyes drifted closed, but her grip on his hand did not loosen. Leaning over, he kissed her cheek and said the words he had thought he would never be able to utter, "It's all right, Beverly, you can let go now. You've done all you could do to help us through this. Renee and I need a guardian angel. Please watch over us." His voice broke, and he fought to steady it. "I will always love you, Beverly."

There was no great moment of passage. One soft breath, and Beverly was gone.

Jean-Luc looked at her, relaxed and at peace. He saw the tiny lines earned through laughter and worry and tears. He saw the few faint strands of gray among the fiery auburn. Above all he saw the vibrant young woman he had fallen in love with so many years ago. It was the image he would carry in his heart forever. He kissed her hand before gently laying it back on the bed.

Selar's tricorder hummed softly as she made the official note of the time of death. Solemnly, she turned to Jean-Luc, placing a hand on his arm. "I grieve with thee."

He nodded absently, scarcely hearing her.

Tears brimmed in Alyssa's eyes, but she did not let them fall. For the first time in her career, she broke protocol and hugged her former captain. "Sir, I..." she began but couldn't finish.

He swallowed hard, trying to steady himself in a world that was now so out of balance. "Thank you, Alyssa. You've both been a tremendous help and..." His voice faded as he heard the formal, stilted words. Falling back on his practiced reserve had been an automatic gesture - and the very thing he had, only moments ago, promised Beverly he would not do.

Only moments ago...

Reality crashed through the numbness that enveloped him and struck at his heart like a physical blow.

'Oh, God, she's really gone!'

Never in his life had he felt so alone. It didn't matter that there were nearly a dozen other people in the house because he was alone. Beverly had literally been his other half, and he knew he would never again feel completely whole.

Suddenly, Marie was there, and he saw the echoing sentiment in her eyes. She understood what he dared not put into words for fear of shattering completely.

Jean-Luc sucked in great gulps of air trying to regain his composure. "I can't... do this... Renee..."

"She's with Wesley," Marie said gripping his hands tightly, "and you can do this. You're allowed to fall apart. Let Renee see you cry. Let her know it's all right to cry and to miss Beverly. Let her know that even though her mother is gone, her father is still here for her."

oxo

Deanna was instantly aware of the change. She felt Beverly slip away, gently, easily, like mist. One moment her friend was there, the next, she had vanished. The emptiness left behind was almost too much. A sob welled up in her throat, and Will turned sharply at the sound. One look at his wife's face was all he needed. The others watched him gather her tightly in his arms, resting his cheek on the top of her head, his tears falling unchecked.

Data watched the people around him, finally understanding the anguish they felt over losing a beloved friend. Geordi had tried to explain it to him, but the reality was much more than he had imagined it would be. It was the first time he truly regretted installing his emotion chip. This hurt too much. For the briefest split second, he considered turning the chip off, but immediately knew he could not disrespect his friend's memory that way.

Sitting outside in the garden, Wesley felt it, too. When he began his studies of various planes of existence, he thought he could give up his connection to this time frame. The Traveler had shown him how wrong he was. So many ties anchored him here. They gave him a focal point to work from and a beacon to guide his return.

He felt the strongest tie dissolve with his mother's passing but others gained strength in its place - the little sister he adored... a stepfather who was a great deal more... old friends who had helped him find his way through so many things. He dimly remembered a saying his great-grandmother had used, something about roots and wings.

He didn't even realize he was crying until two small arms wrapped around his neck. "I miss Mama, too," Renee said softly, hiding her face in his shoulder.

oxo

The memorial service on Caldos was simple, and plans had already made for the burial in France. Marie and Wesley helped Jean-Luc close up the house before starting the long journey home.

Will, Deanna, Data, Worf, Geordi, Alyssa, Selar and Mariah - the Starfleet officers who had become a family - also made the trip to Earth.

Many an admiral and ambassador had been interred with more ceremony, but few people had ever been buried with more respect and love than Beverly Howard Crusher Picard.

tbc