-1Why Transformers Should Not Watch Daytime Soaps…According to Miles
It should have been a warning. The planets had aligned or a lunar eclipse or maybe Prime in a tutu.
No. I wish it were only that subtle.
The warning…was the calm.
It was that kind of calm that comes before a storm. Eye of the hurricane calm. There I was, minding my own business, trying to ignore the rather robust robot (heh, sounds funny, don't it?) sitting nearby tinkering with one of two very large and dangerous and penis-envy inducing cannons. And then there was Ratchet, optics bright with…something. I don't know what it was but it was enough to strike fear into the hearts of all Decepticons that ever existed. Kinda looked like a woman in perpetual PMS. I know Mikaela, remember? You have no idea…
Anyway, I remember that Ironhide turned from said penis-envy inducing cannons (I'm jealous to this day) only to get the biggest, baddest, most badass backhand slap I have ever seen followed by Ratchet's voice bellowing.
"You no good, sorry excuse of a man! How dare you! I am not some…some toy to be owned!" and then proceeded by a rather dramatic, Emmy-winning turn and crossing of arms.
And Ironhide just -looked-. Not stared. Just kinda gazed with this enduring yet bored expression.
"Feel better?"
"Yes, quite." Ratchet replied, walking away as if nothing happened.
"What was that about anyway?"
"Saw it on General Hospital. Thought I'd try it out."
"Hmm." Ironhide grunted, returning to his tinkering.
I think that, at that very same moment, my brain broke with a resounding crash and an accompany music set that consisted of the theme from the Twilight Zone.
General Hospital…pfft…
…All My Children is sooo much better.