To Abuse Ones Blood

I felt the power of my true name subside and leave me, allowing me to gain full control of my limbs once more.

A small gasp brought my attention back to the wielder of my true name. Her innocently bright green eyes were wide, expressing a mix of wonder, surprise, and worst of all; fear.

I stood up to my full height once more, able to move now that she wasn't controlling me with my true name. I took a hesitant step towards her.

Something must have gone wrong. She did something wrong. I… I didn't feel any different. I still didn't feel human.

"Valen," she started; her voice angelic. "Your eyes, they're---"

I knew what she was trying to say, the fear in her own eyes told me everything I needed to know. Nothing had changed. My eyes were still tainted red, expressing the anger I now felt at her failed attempt to free me. Nothing was different.

What she intended to be a gift, was nothing but a curse that she could never undo.

"Try it again," I commanded gruffly.

I took a heavy step towards her, causing her to immediately take a step back. She still feared me. Nothing had changed. She tried to open her mouth to say something, but her lips were frozen in fear. Nothing was different.

"Something must have gone wrong," I growled. "I still feel the same. Try it again."

She stuttered at first, fearful of my reaction.

"M-my love," she started.

I noticed it immediately; when she said 'my love', there wasn't the same meaningful intensity behind those words as there used to be. I saw it in her eyes, in the set of her jaw; uttering those words to me was like a curse to her.

I took another step towards her, reaching forwards and placing a hand on each of her petite shoulders. She flinched at my touch.

I dug my fingers into her shoulders forcefully, "What went wrong? Why didn't it work?"

She flinched away, trying to wriggle free from my grasp. She seemed so weak, so pitiful.

"Why can't you remove my demon taint?" I shouted this time.

Her eyes shone as she fought back tears of pain, and her bottom lip quivered.

Why did she do this to me? Give me hope of a better life as a free man, only to rip it away?

Then, she whispered those terrible words, backing up my worst fears.

"It did work. You're free of your demon taint, Valen. You're human."

I released my tight grip on her shoulders, pushing her away roughly. She stumbled back, falling to the snow covered floor.

She's lying, she must be lying. Nothing had changed. I should be free. I should be… should be better; worthy of her love. But I was the same. Nothing was different.

I knew I was lying to myself. I knew she was right.

My whole life I'd blamed my bad decisions and anger on my demonic blood. I'd divided my being into two halves; my human half, and my demon half, one good, and the other unquestionably evil and chaotic.

All along, it had all been me. All those bad decisions, all that anger, all that destruction and death, all that pain I'd inflicted upon my beloved before me. All of that had been me.

The taint of demonic blood was gone and all that was left was the human, but I was still the same. Nothing had changed. I had nothing to blame my actions on but myself. I wasn't any different to before.

I looked down at the woman whom I thought loved me, and realisation hit me. She'd only loved the part of me that I'd claimed was the human half; she'd hated the demonic side.

Her large cat-like eyes, ever expressive, uncovered my deepest, darkest fears. When I looked into her eyes now, they mirrored the pity and disgust I felt, replacing the love, acceptance, understanding, and trust that I knew I was never to be blessed with again.

"Don't look at me like that!" I yelled.

She tensed, prepared should I attack her. I didn't blame her; I'd done it before. Not my demon; me.

I growled deep within my throat, a habit that I wasn't about to lose anytime soon. I gripped at my blood-red hair, tugging at it in anger, my eyes all the while searching hers frantically for some sign to show that she still loved me.

She lay in the snow; her closely cropped brown hair exposed her frost-bitten elven ears. She'd had to cut her once beautiful hair after I'd ripped most of it right from her head in a show of anger. I'd been furious upon realizing that she was planning on sending me back to the Gatehouse whilst she continued ahead alone. I'd blamed my out burst on my demonic blood.

Now I knew that it was my fault and mine alone. Everyone had control of their actions, regardless of the blood within their veins. I was no exception.

Despite all this, she was beautiful to me. A wonderful being that I had never believed I deserved and never believe would love me. I had been right.

"Please Valen," she whispered meekly. "Leave. Before you do something you'll regret."

Her words, though of good intent, stung. She knew what this was doing to me, this sudden realisation. She knew I loved her, despite it all. And she knew that she could never love me… would never love me …had never loved me. It had just taken us both this long to come to the realisation.

I lent before her, grasping the front of her fine elven cloak within a tight one-handed grip. With ease, I pulled her up so that her face was close to my own. I familiarly noticed her cringe at the sight of my eyes; always red.

I needed to hear it. She needed to say it. Then I'd leave, she'd never have to see me again.

"Tell me you hate me," I wished of her.

Her eyes, pain stricken, shone. She shook her head, holding her breath.

"Say it!" I repeated.

I shook her roughly, as if she were but a ragdoll. It took all my will to stop. When I did, I saw her cheeks were soaked with tears. She was such a kind being, she was so innocent. Here I was knowingly causing pain to the woman I claimed to love.

When she finally spoke, her voice broke with the onslaught of tears; she shook her head, willing them back.

"I hate you," she whispered in a hiss.

Her voice, usually so sweet, was laced with stinging acidic venom.

I released her, watching her with pain filled eyes as she fell back into the snow. This was what I wanted, this was what I needed.

"I hate you," she repeated, louder this time.

I silently thanked her for releasing me, but no matter what she did it would never stop the pain.

Her voice rose to a near shout when she said it again. "I hate you, Valen Shadowbreath."

I turned away from her and, without a moments thought, ran. With heavy feet I dragged myself away, each step harder than the last.

The demon wasn't part of me; it was me.

I allowed the snow to engulf me as I ran from the woman whom had made me a human, but could never make me a man.

Okay, I'll get around to abusing someone elses true name now.