Renessmee.

I am not a child now,

I can take care of myself,

I mustnt let them down now,

Musnt let them see me cry, im fine,im fine.

Im too tired to listen,

To old to believe these childish stories.

I try, i try, but its so hard to believe

I try, but i cant see what you see

I try,I try

My whole world is changing, i dunno where to turn

I cant keep you waiting,

but i cant stay and watch the city burn

watch it burn.

I try and try to undersatnd the distance in between

The love i feel

and the things i fear

and every single dream.

I'll try- Jonatha Brooke

I shot up fast in bed. The dream was so real, i felt i was back all over again. I rubbed my eyes and winced as my shoulder stung a eyes felt really warm and stingy still from crying, they'd gone all puffy. I'd never cried like that before, i felt like i couldnt breathe. I couldnt breathe. Momma had to keep telling me too. I felt so hollow. I was so scared about thinking about what had happend that it made me shake.

I was in Momma's old room, i didnt need the lights on to see the old computer and mommas wardrobe. Some of her old clothes were still inside.I bet Alice wouldnt let her have them. Grandpa Carlisle said because my momma was human and daddy was vampire when i born that i half their jenes or qualities he called them when i asked were jeans not pants. It made Uncle Emmett laugh, i forgot to ask why. But because daddy was a vampire i have his physical abilities. I can see without the lights and run faster. Dad said he was getting worried i'd beat him which made me slightly smug, nobody can beat daddy, not even Jake. Momma said she'd still give him a losers prize which made him happy and made Uncle Emmett laugh again. They wouldnt tell me what the loser's prize was but it was obvious on there faces i shouldnt know.

I tried not to cry as i remembered what happend with daddy. I missed him already but i was so angry with them all. I didnt want to see them for a long time but at the same time i wanted to be home. Mommas old alarm clock said it was 03:46, saturday. I was meant to go out with Momma,Rose and Alice today to Port Angeles and then Jake was coming round to dinner. My fingers dug hard into the bed untill it hurt and I exhaled heavily. I thought of what would happend next time i would see Rose. I wanted to scream at her, i wanted to scream at all of them.

I was really tired but i couldnt go back to sleep. Not on my own...daddy would sing to me when I had nightmares.

I got out of bed and tip toed onto the landing, i hoped momma hadnt gone out.

"Momma" i called quietly, i sounded weird.

She appeared on the bottom step of the stairs and i tip toed down, i didnt want to wake grandpa Charlie..he was so angry though i was crying so much when we got here i heard some of the things he was shouting. He wanted to know what had happend. Where dad was? Why i was crying and did i need to go to hospital?, what had dad done?, what was wrong with momma?, He wanted to kill dad if he'd done anything. I seen Momma slide his keys into her pocket when he went to make me i was falling asleep i heard Momma shout at him finally to get him to calm down and put his gun away.

I stopped two steps above momma and held my arms out to her. She gave me a funny look. Not the funny look i see her give daddy sometimes when he's not looking but the one she does when Grandpa Carlisle says we might have to leave soon and it makes her has to kiss her cheek to make it go away. Momma held her arms up to me and i jumped in hiding my face in her neck and hair. It was my favourite place in the world. It was nice and cool, it made me calm. I felt safe here when i could smell Mommas scent of freesias and her arms were around me holding me tight like she wouldnt let anyone hurt me, but mommas face scared me.

I felt momma sit down and wrap the couch blacket around me. I looked up at her, she still looked sad. i reached up and kissed her cheek.

"Please dont be sad momma" i tried to smile but suddenly i felt really sad and a tear dripped down my face. I wiped it away quickly but my another tear fell. Momma kissed it away.

"Im so sorry Renesmee" she looked sadder than ever.

"Please dont be sad momma, please." i begged.

She smiled at me but her eyes were still sad, it felt like she was crying too.

"Why are you sorry momma, i wanted to come here too."

She looked like she was choosing her answer carefully as she looked around the room. Uncle charlies pizza box was gone and the papers were too. Momma must of cleaned up.

"Im sorry for alot of things Renesmee. Im sorry i let this happen to you, that i didnt protect you. Im sorry that i caused our family to fight. Im sorry that you got hurt, in so many ways. I will never forgive myself."

I started to cry, i couldnt help it. I tried to stop but i couldnt. Momma sounded so hurt, in so much pain. I couldnt help but cry and she was blaming herself, it made everything so much didnt even blame me for shouting at Rose and Jake. I remembered daddys face when i shouted at Jake before i ran away, he looked as if he were crying and he was wincing alot.I hurt him too. My throat was already sore from earlier and it got worse as my crying did so i tried to stop. Momma stroked my hair and kissed my head,holding me to her chest.

It helped alot. She kept whispering things to me and i realised it wasnt fair to cry in front of her.

My breathing became normal again and i waited a few minutes to talk, I didnt want to sound like i felt.

"Momma, you shoudlnt be sorry. Its not your fault. I dont blame you, no one does."

She smiled. It wasnt sad but it wasnt happy either but it was getting better. I kissed her cheek again trying to get her smile to one as beautiful as my mom should cry.

"Thank you" she murmured " I love you so much, more than my own life."

I put my hand on my locket.

"I love you too" i yawned

"Go to sleep Renesmee, the world can wait untill tommorow." she started to hum one of daddys songs. I put my head on her chest, over her heart holding my locket.

She started stroking my hair again.

"I love you more than my own life too" i said sleepily. I dont know if she heard me, i may of already been asleep.