Edward

Mind set on failure
The road you chose
Told me you loved me
Told me no

Take your time I'm only dying
Patiently I kneel here dying
Curse the blind you curse the blind
Deep inside is where it lies

Don't mind me I'm only dying
What got me into this mess that devoured me
Lies and deceitful actions keep promising
Dont mind me im only dying

Darling- Eyes set to kill.

I ran out onto the front lawn just in time to see her drive away from me and as it always does my heart went with her but this time i felt it literally rip out of chest to follow her and our child. The force of it knocked me to the ground, as my volvo dissapeared out of sight. I could still hear Renessmees broken cries. The excrutiation pain hit me over again, as if a bat had been taken to my head and the ground came swirling up to my face, i had enough time to put my face in my hands.

I tried to endure it. To sufer in silence and agony rolled over my body and hot pokers stabbed me over and over. I gripped the ground, throwing dirt everywhere, my feet pushed into it. My body couldnt contain it anymore and it ripped through my teeth, the sound scared the hell out of me. Closing my mouth shut i tried to keep the torment at bay, locked inside my body, i deserved to feel it, feel it burn at every corner of my being trying to escape.

I heard a cry from behind me, from the house. I vaguely regonized it as Rosalie's and heard her footsteps sprint up the stairs to her bedroom where she bagn to cry more hysterical. Then Emmetts heavy ones pursued hers up the to the second floor and he tried to comfort her.

Misery was everywhere. Inside me, around me. Trying to kill us without mercy.

Another burning agony rose up my throat but i wouldnt let it pass. Apart of my subconsience registered i sounded like an engine that wouldnt start, like Bellas' old truck.

Id never suffered like this, never. Not when i had left Bella, thinking id never be with her again. Not when Jane used her formidible gift. Not even when i was changing into the creature i am now. Never did i suffer like this. Just beacuse i knew i'd destroyed something within the ones i loved. Because Bella had left me this time.

Another thought slipped over my subconsious, is this how Bella suffered when i left her?

I thought i was going to be sick, i opened my mouth to wretch but only for everything i felt to be screamed out of me and it didnt even help, didnt let any of the pain subside, just to build up quicker.

Slender arms wrapped around my torso and pulled me back and i let them. I couldnt do anything, i was burining alive and this time it felt gasoline were being poured repeatedly over me.

"Edward please, Edward she's coming back" Alice whispered her delicate voice strained. I closed my eyes, I didnt want to look at her. She pulled me upwards, holding me against her chest and smoothing back my hair. My hands still gripped what i could of the ground.

It just made it more real. Alice's pain. How could i have messed this up so badly, all of my family were being tortured. I tried to dissconect from the pain. Dissconect my body from my mind.

Jasper. I tried to listen out for him but couldnt find him anywhere, mind or body. I couldnt. Feeling all of this must of been to much for and he'd fled. Guilt stabbed me in somwhere around my middle. He would come back soon, very soon. If Alice was here he would come back. He wasnt so much of a coward to leave us like this.

Esme. Oh my god Esme face. It was enough to show how everyone was hurting. She didnt deserve this, her love for everything had been unconditional. She didnt deserve to to feel like this, despite thinking what the rest of us had when we were returning home. It seemed years ago.

Bellas face, when she realised what we all had been thinking of her. I seen what she tried to hide to well, seen the pain twist her face swiftly and then return it normal as it carried on to torment her further. I knew for a fact that if it had been the rest of the family that had assumed this, she would of left she would understand.

But it was me that made her leave, because i didnt believe she wouldnt do this. I'd betrayed her and it was too much it made her leave. It broke her heart.

Renessmee. She would never forgive us.

The burning reared up my throat again trying to escape. The struggle to contain it made me arch my back. Alice held me tighter.

"Edward please listen to me. Theyre coming in the morning, she promised, Bella always keeps her promises. You know that Edward"

Yes, she was coming back. She would come back. She wasnt so cruel to dissapear with Nessie, despite what we'd done and what she thought of us.

What did Bella think of us?

Would she want to stay with me after this?

Did she love me anymore?

The question shocked me so much so that the pain dissapeared. Abruptly. Gone.

What would i do if she didnt love me anymore.

I felt empty.

Alice took my silence the wrong way.

"See. She's coming back is. She is." Alice hadnt looked for Bella, she trusted her word. There was something else..she was scared to look. Not incase Bella had been lying but because she didnt trust her sight anymore.

I sat up and i felt completely dissconected, if i were human i knew i'd be shaking. How odd, well for a vampire anyway. I could feel the ache of the fire, it wouldnt be silent for long.

"Alice", i sounded as i felt, empty."Dont lose trust in you sight, you did see it right, we just assumed wrong. You cant blame youself for everyones mistakes."

I turned myself so i could face her, so she would know i wouldnt lie to face was like the grave.

"How can i not, Edward" she sounded errie,"After tonight how can i not. You all rely on my sight too much and my conclusion of what it means, how can i not blame myself for this"

"Beacuse its my fault Alice" I thought she was going to slap me.

"Dont you dare take this on yourself Edward Cullen" she hissed.

A calming sensation trickeld over me, it made me light headed. In my sudden tranquility i wondered if this is what it was like to be strongly sedated.

I grinned lazily at Alice, she grinned back. What the hell. That was Jaspers que to appear in front of us. He was concetrating so much harder than her ever had before on radiating out soothing waves. It had taken over the house.

I could hear Esme's heavy breathing in the living room. Her mind was all on Bella and Nessie and our feelings. Even though she couldnt feel worried, her thoughts said she should be. Jasper was really going over board. I almost felt tired. Carisle was beside her rubbing circles on her back with one hand while the other held her head to his chest.

"Jacob, maybe you ought to get out of that wreckage" Carlisle said slowly.

"yeah.. i should". There was snapping and groaning from the broken sofa as Jacob pulled himself up. He stood there for a moment trying to conclude what had just caused his sudden turn of emotions. Then he ran across the living room and out onto the lawn, dissapearing into the trees to phase. He was going to go after them to Charlies.

I couldnt find my my voice to protest,neither could anyone else. Its not as if the situation could get worse, he wasnt going to disturb them anyway. He just wanted to make sure they were there.

Jasper swung Alice up into his arms and carriedher into the house.

I looked up at the stars. Bella, Charlie, Nessie. What would Bella tell Charlie?. He would assume it was all my fault of course, which it was i reminded myself. I wondered if he'd try and shoot me. It crossed his mind before on much more, normal accastions. Like when he thought i got Bella pregnant. No just got her engaged and condemed.

Longing appeared. Jaspers radiations where dying away into the house with him.

"Edward." Carlisle murmured

I couldnt go in there. I needed to be as close to Bella and Renesmee without going near them. Bella left for space.

I shot up as the burining ache came back, sprinting around the back and cadapulting myself over the river. I seen myself through the minds of others, they understood i wanted to be alone.

I ran to our cottage, stright into Renessmee room, not bothering to close the front foor, and grabbed her duvet off her bed and ran into our closet and pulled one of Bella's sweaters off the rail.

The ache had grown into devouring flames of guilt again. I allowed it to engolf me, i fell to the floor dragging both their belongings closer to me.

I lay there and let myself fall into the abyss, falling apart in ther process.