A/N: Ratchet & Clank belong to their respected owners, not me.
"NOW ENTERING THE SOLANA GALAXY." The computerized voice said. The Hooded man felt the ship leave the warp tunnel, getting back into space.
"Alright, we're here." The hooded man said, but recieved no answer. "?..hey, Null?" He turned to the side and saw the lombax sleeping. Annoyed, he punched the lombax's face, hearing an 'gwah'. "We're here, wake up." The lombax let out a grumble, rubbing his cheek.
"WARNING! WARNING!" The ship's computerized voice boomed, startling the two.
"What, what's going on?!"
"Shoot! There's some kind of shockwave coming from behind us!" Null's face went pale.
"Uh, can we dodge it?" A light suddenly flew by, shaking the ship violently, and literally ripped the wings off completely. Yeah, couldn't dodge it.
Before long, the ship's entire system failed on them, leaving them completely immobile in space. Before one of them could let out a remark on their situation, they noticed the ship slowly moving itself...
Getting caught in something's gravity.
Like a planet.
"Soo...what are the chances of living through this?" Null asked, as he saw the planet in front of him grow bigger, and bigger, and eventually light on flames...wait, that's the ship.
"Slim to none." The hooded man growled, before slamming his fist against the ship's console. Null slammed his face into it.
"Wow." Null said, wishing he had never agreed to help his friend out, and wishing he was at home sleeping. "This sucks." And then, he was screaming.
Planet Zolaris
"...And so, before the creature could devour me, I grabbed my trusty blaster and let him have a taste of its plasma shell." Qwark said, pointing in the sky, and pretended to shoot. (He even made the sound effects, 'pew' 'pew!'.) "The beast, having his his super weak spot, let out a frightning cry, and fell to the ground, dead." He then cleared his throat, grinning like an idiot. "And that's how I defeated the-"
"One eyed, mutant, tentacle, brain-sucking zomboid." The Fongoid youths in front of him said, nonchalantly. About half of them looked bored, as if they heard it many times already (Or at least something like it before), a quarter of them were sleeping, and the last quarter were hitting their heads against each other, trying to see if they could knock themselves out.
"Why, how did you know?" Qwark asked.
"You've told us about that already..." They replied, some rolled their eyes.
"Hey, when's the lombax coming back?" One asked.
"My sidekick?" Qwark said, as if he was shocked. "Well, he's busy going to save his buddy, so he won't be back for a while."
"Why aren't you with him." Another asked.
"Because, I am helping him get...errrr...info on where his pal is...and that Azidutch."
"You mean Azimuth?" The children, (thanking Orvus the topic was changing from the green man's adventure), eagerly listened.
"That's right, Azidope, my sidekick's planning to meet the fella, and unite together to fight the villain here...I'm helping too of course." Qwark said, but the children were off in their own conversations.
"Wow, he's meeting Azimuth!"
"Is he going to be a rebel too?"
"He'll blow more stuff!" They all began to grow excited, as when the planet was attacked earlier, they saw how the lombax took out weapons from nowhere, and blasted the invading robots away. To them, that was really cool, especially the explosions.
"Now, now, kids. Let's not forget about me now." Qwark began, not knowing he was being ignored, and that the kids AND adults were now panicking. "I remember from my youth, back on planet (Wherever), when I laid my hands on my first blaster, when a pack of evil, killer robots had me cornered." He continued, not noticing how every Fongoid in the area was running away to take shelter for some 'falling rock'. "...I thought I was finished, but with my brains, and unwavering bravery-hey, where did you guys go?" Qwark stopped and looked around, now noticing the place was completely empty. He got especially worried when he heard, 'Run for your lives! A big rock is falling from the sky!!'. He gulped and looked up, seeing the 'falling rock'. That was, say, hurdling towards him at a speed that would most likely rip him in half. So, clearing his throat, he did what any person would do.
He screamed.
Like a little girl.
And ran.
Fast.
"MOMMY!!" Qwark shouted, as the ship was now meters away from him. Luckily, the hero tripped on his feet, landing face first on the ground. It was lucky, as the ship flew over the clumsy hero, and began sliding and rolling over the ground until it came to an eventual stop.
Say, about 7183.35 ft away from where it first hit the ground. (It was a hill, unfortunatley, a very STEEP hill.)
Qwark, who had been cowering in fear, eventually stood back up, looking at the 'fallen rock'. It wasn't a rock, but a ship! Then, a tiny lightbulb lit in Qwark's head. He jumped, when the ship's hatch suddenly popped right off, and two individuals emerged from the burning ship. It was a...lombax? And a mysterious guy...person. The lombax, who's face was green, was clutching his stomach. Eventually, he let go of it, only to run to some nearby pushes and, from the sounds of it, lost whatever he had eaten before the ordeal. The other person looked perfectly fine.
When he remained still.
When he began to walk, he was walking like a drunk, all over the place. Half the time he was tripping and falling on his face, just like how Qwark did. Except a hundred times more.
Qwark held his chin, wondering who they were. Sadly, this was what his brain (if he had one) processed:
Lombax, cat thingie with a tail...
Ratchet!
Mystery man, like a person hiding...
Azimutt!
Laughing, he raised his arms, waving at them. "Hey! Ratchet! Azilave!"
He felt like crap.
Even worse, like he had eaten an Amoeboid.
Alive.
The ship's hatch popped off and, while clutching his stomach, he quickly got off the ship, as did his friend. It was nothing but a miracle that the two survived the crash. But...the spinning, the turning, and the bumping...
He suddenly croaked, and then covered his mouth. Then, he ran to the nearby bushes, emptying his stomach out. Funny, he hadn't eaten anything today, so why was it...-
"...Gross." He managed to cough out, remembering what he had from yesterday.
"That...wasn't too bad." The hooded man said, remaining perfectly still. However, the moment he began to move, he was walking crooked, and trip every third step he took. Eventually it went to two, then one.
Pretty soon, he fell down, and couldn't get back up.
"Hey! Ratchet! Azilave!" They both turned their heads, seeing Qwark running up to them.
"Oh hell no..." Null heard the hooded man say, covering his eyes. "Not this guy again..."
"Hey Ratchet! You found Azinut already?" Qwark said, looking at Null.
"What?" He replied, passing glances at the hooded man. The hooded man only opened his eyes wide, hearing the word 'Ratchet'.
"For the love of...-Is the whole freakin' galaxy against me!?" He shouted, startling Qwark.
"Yeesh, what's his problem?" Qwark asked.
"Nothing." Null sighed. "Nothing at all."
"So hey, did you find Clank too?"
"Clank?" Null passed looks to the hooded man. What the heck am I supposed to say?!
The hooded man replied, Just go along with it, let's see what this idiot knows.
"Oh come on! You know, you're little buddy who was kidnapped by these floaty thingies, err, Zoni, that's it!" Qwark began to explain. "You were also looking for Azimuth on the Planet Torren IV, in the Monoloth Fields. That-" He coughed, grinning. "I skillfully found out."
"..Riiiight." He gave a look to the hooded man. What now?
"Sorry." The hooded man said standing up, regaining his sense of balance. "But we're not who you think we are."
"What?" Qwark exclaimed looking at Null. "B-but he's a lombax!"
"And?" Qwark then looked at Null's face closely, almost too close.
"Say, I thought something was weird." Qwark began. "Have you...gotten shorter?" His response was a metal stake inches away from his forehead. "...eep."
"Anyways...we need a ship, is there any on this planet?" The hooded man asked.
"U-uh, yes!" Qwark said, pointing off in the distance. "Over there is a ship, it's got nothing special on it though."
"It'll have to do. Let's go." The hooded man said, walking away. Grumbling, Null tossed the spike away, and followed after the other, leaving Qwark to fall on the ground, sweating buckets.
"Boy, he wasn't kidding this ship doesn't have anything special on it." Null remarked, as they slowly made there way out of the sector towards the next.
"I can't say we'll find anything better on that planet." The hooded man said. "Plus, I really wanted to get away from that idiot as soon as possible."
"Aquaintance of yours?"
"Ugh, you don't even want to know." The ship eventually made its way to the Vela Sector, turning towards a planet surrounded by odd satelites.
"Huh? Why're we heading towards there?"
"Because, chances are Ratchet's already met Azimuth." The hooded man said, anger in his tone. "If I know that stupid old lombax, he'd suggest going over to that planet to get some help from a friend."
"I've been meaning to ask, but who's Ratchet?"
"..." There was no answer. Before he could ask again, the ship was suddenly pushed back.
"What, again?!" Null shouted.
"Ugh, no. It's those damn satelites." Outside, the odd looking Satelites began releasing a white light towards them, causing them to be pushed back. "I don't think our boosters will do much. Null?"
"Right." The lombax held his hands out, causing a keyboard to appear, and a paper-thin monitor. Quickly, he began to type, various codes appearing on the monitor. Outside the ship, the satelites began to spark, and eventually stopped, shutting down.
"Alright, let's go." Without the lights pushing them back, nothing could stop the two from entering the planet. "...Just you wait, Azimuth..."
Wow, that took a bit of time. Yeah, I made Qwark say Azimuth's name wrong. Hopefuly I got his character right...
Also, yeah, that ship is actually an escape pod. But it looks like a ship, so I just decided to call it a ship.