Wasteland

Disclaimer : I only daydream that I own Twilight. In reality, Stephenie Meyer does.

Funny how the mind works. As I stood frozen in place, looking down at the missing halve of my soul, the first thought that crossed my mind was that I was probably dead. Or seeing ghosts.

She simply looked up at me, not saying a word, waiting for me to snap out of it. Or to go crazy. A small smile played on her beautiful lips, and I wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch her. I hesitated for a moment. And what if she really was dead, and I was merely hallucinating? Would her image disappear if I reached out for her?

I didn't think I could survive losing her again.

Alice seemed to know my thoughts and decided to put an end to my doubts. She reached up and gently caressed my cheek, a wide grin appearing on her face as her emotions screamed the joy and relievment she felt, but mostly I felt the love she had for me, to the point where it overshadowed everything else. My unbeating heart swelled with pride and everything made sense again.

I wanted to cry out in joy, scoop her up in my arms and never let her go again. I was on the verge of doing just so when I looked into her eyes once more, now that my shock over seeing her again was mostly gone. It wasn't the usual gold that I was used to that stared back at me.

They were crimson.

I tensed, flinching away from the hand she had on my cheek as I took a step back. I wanted nothing more than to believe I was somehow dreaming. This was a nightmare, wasn't it? This couldn't be my sweet, dear Alice. My eyes searched her face frantically, searching for answers, her emotions turning to guilt as she avoided looking back to me.

Aro's voice interrupted my thoughts and made me realize we weren't alone as he spoke from behind me. "How I love happy endings! But I'm sure Jasper is in need of answers, Alice. Why don't you show him around?"

"Dinner will be served in a two hours." I looked back at him briefly, his grin mocking me. "Feel free to join us, Jasper."

I wasn't given a chance to reply as Alice took my hand in hers and led me out of the room. Nearly dragged me out would have been more like it. We left the hallway behind us and she led me halfway across the building, until I found myself in a secluded indoor garden. The moonlight still shined brightly above us, the stars twinkling happily as I scowled darkly at them.

This was wrong. Hadn't I been the one wanting Alice back more than anything? So why couldn't I be happy now that the impossible had been realized? I looked down into her crimson eyes and knew why. She had been the one who had found the Cullens. She had been the one to turn my life upside down, and changed everything, and preached that humans weren't food.

I was the one who was constantly expected to snap. The weakest link. Not her.

With a jolt, I realized I was mad at her. That never happened. Alice was my everything. How could I hate half of me without loathing myself as well? I sat down on a stone bench, resting my forehead in my hand as I squeezed my eyes shut. When would my life become easy, less confusing? Would I ever be that lucky?

I didn't move as she sat next to me, her small form brushing lightly against me. She didn't speak, merely waited for me to be ready, and I was grateful for her quiet understanding. I took a deep breath and looked up, staring blankly straight ahead of me for a moment before I spoke. My voice was calm, another thing I was grateful for. "Why don't you tell me your version of all this?"

It was her turn to hesitate. "It was the only way, Jazz." She murmured, as she took my hand in hers, her thumb rubbing small soothing circles on my skin. "Before the battle, I had a vision. I knew the Volturi were coming, and going to them first would save us."

I shot her an incredulous look, but she held up a hand and I let her go on. "You remember how I told you that Aro wanted me and Edward, when we came here before?" I nodded briefly. "He decided that if he couldn't have us, then no one would, in short." She paused, letting the words sink in. "He wanted to destroy us, Jasper. What was I suppose to do? Let everyone I know and love die?"

She took a deep breath, her gaze leaving me as she looked up at the moon. "I decided to give myself up, hoping it would be enough to stop him for the time being." She smiled, sadly. "I should've known when I made that decision that you would come here."

I blinked at her, surprised. "What else did you expect, Alice? That I would go on with my life? Get over it? Come on!" She looked back at me, a surprised look on her face. I went on, grasping her arm gently and turning her small body so she would face me.

My voice became softer as I ran a hand on her pale cheek. I shook my head. "Without you, I am nothing. I am merely an empty shell. My existence without you is a wasteland, void of everything that is good. Without hope."

I rested my forehead against her shoulder and I felt her small arms encircle me as she pulled me closer, her fingers running through my hair. "When we met, I meant it when I said you gave me hope for the first time in almost a century. That still holds true to this day."

I raised my head, my lips brushing softly against her cheek. "You were my beacon in the darkness that was my life, my redemption from the blood on my hands. You are my everything." I pulled away, cupping her cheek once more in my hand as I looked down into her eyes. "How could I live without my soul? I've tried once, and I wasn't really living until I met you."

Her lips met mine in a chaste kiss. "I'm so sorry, Jasper. I'm so sorry I've hurt you. Will you ever forgive me?" Her sorrow cut me to the core, and I found myself sending small, soothing waves at her. Her shoulders relaxed and she smiled at me. "Jazz?", she warned playfully and I found myself smiling.

She sighed, pulling away from our embrace. "I suppose you'll be also be wanting to know why I fed on human blood." I felt my body tense slightly and forced myself to concentrate on her hand still trapped in mine. "I know what you're thinking, Jasper. I'm the one who said the Cullens would be our new life, that we wouldn't have to go back to the way you used to live." She paused. "Maybe I simply didn't wish for things to change, hoping falsely they wouldn't. But I was wrong."

I was confused, and my expression probably showed it, because she looked at me once more and went on. "Bella changed things, Jasper. When she came into our lives, she made one big mess of everything I had seen in the past." She chuckled. "But I guess change is inevitable one way or another, isn't it?"

I found myself loathing Bella at that moment. I had liked my life as it was before she appeared. It had been difficult, yes, but for Alice, I would do anything. All that mattered to me was that she had been spared having to feed on human blood. Sure, it was... In a word, exquisite, but I knew the guilt that followed. Knowing you were a monster. I only wished to spare her that pain.

And I had failed, because a foolish, clumsy human girl had decided she wanted to become friends with vampires.

"Jasper, it's not her fault. Like I said, it would've come to this one way or another. It was my choice. I had and still have to play my part in this. I couldn't very well convince them I was on their side if I didn't live like them." She was quiet for a moment, her voice barely a whisper when she spoke again. "Could I?"

Oh, how I wished I were human, that I wouldn't have to feel the pain and confusion emanating from her at that moment. If I could've chosen between this and burning in hell, I would've gladly taken my place in hell to suffer for eternity where I belonged. If only things were that simple.

I was sure nothing could become worse, and at that moment, life decided to prove I was wrong once again. The door we had came through opened, and with it came the scent of the humans. I stiffened immediately, and stopped breathing out of habit whenever humans became involved. I shot Alice a look, watching as she rose from her seat.

For a long moment, she simply stood in front of me, watching the open door and the vampire standing there. I recognized him as one of Alec's guards from earlier. I frowned, the anticipation coming from him making me slightly confused and curious. I allowed myself a small breath. "Alice?"

She turned her head, looking down at me from my sitting spot. "Dinner." Her voice was sad, hesitant. "Are you coming?"

Sorry it took longer than usual to update, it's been hell at work, and inspiration ran away for a day or two. o.o;

Serenula : Chocolate chip cookies will be fine. ^-^ Yummy~

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed! More coming soon!