Volturi's Precious Guard
Volturi's Precious Guard
Ug, I don't want to write right now, but schools starting tomorrow. so I should get to finishing it up. How easy would it be just to have Aro snap and kill Bella? Lucian take out Edward? Then there would be no story. / Here's a hint: it's a good idea to keep me entertained with your reviews, because when i get bored with my stories i start killing main characters, to amuse myself. I don't ask for much, just a smilie or a 'I liked this...' also, i'm ALWAYS open for ideas. So…-shrugs-
Don't worry guys, I'm not that horrible. Only got a couple of chapters to go, and I WILL make them better then the last one.
New Notice: Yeah, well school started, so I have very little time to write, but good news, today I finally was getting over the flu, so I could write. D Now that I got past my writers block, I should be able to write faster! But this chappy is short. Don't scream and shout at the end because i changed tenses and POV. I'm trying something new.
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Chapter 5: A Mother Always Knows
B POV
"It's hard to live a lie. Always keeping everything inside." She whispered, pulling me closer. I nodded. It was hard. "You could come with us, Bella." She said. I wanted to, so much. I wanted to leave Lucian, Volturi, Aro, everything, but I couldn't lie to Edward like that-
Wait a minute. I pulled out of her grasp, even though my whole body protested it. I studied her face. Under sculpted eyebrows, her eyes held a sad, tearful expression. It was open and honest none the less.
"How long have you known?" I asked harshly.
They say that our "reality" is built upon ideologies, presumptions, knowledge and experience. We need to reflect our knowledge to find the answers we seek. And sometimes we need to renew our vision of reality. For Bella Swan, her own little "world" was always clear.
Fact 1: She was a lone vampire, with no family, friends, or allies.
Fact 2: No one who knewher as a human, knew she was a vampire.
Fact 3: Edward Cullen, the only man she would ever love, did not love her.
What happens when everything that your world is biased upon suddenly shifts? The glass walls that hold up your fragile mental world unexpectedly shatter? Do you create new beliefs, assumptions, data, and understanding that will once again be crushed? Or do you simply sit there, and allow yourself to be cut apart by the down pouring after math.
I still can cling to one fact. He still does not, nor will he ever, love me.
Esme started at me forlornly, like she couldn't understand why I was so upset she knew. How couldn't she understand? My whole body was shaking with fear. If she knew, all the Cullen's know. Oh, god. I think I was having a panic attack. Can vampire's have panic attacks? How long had she know? Hadn't I asked her that?
"Since the first day in Aro's parlor." She whispered quietly. Oh god. Oh god. They had to know. She stood and walking closer to me. Unthinkingly, I took a step back defensively. Esme was a small, delicate woman, and, in any other situation it would have been humorous for me to be scared, defensive towards her. However, she held more power over me then anyone else in the world right now. Stronger bonds then Lucian, more manipulative then Aro.
"Bella," She whispered, stretching out a hand. I did not let her touch me, no matter how I craved her warm embrace. She had been the one to bring down my little safety net. She scared me.
"How?" I whispered, trembling with terror, my eyes glassy with unshed tears, falling to my knees. This couldn't be. I held on to my knees for dear life, my hands now in tight fists. My life, the life I had no contrasted through lying for years, was falling down all around me. I never realized that something that wasn't real could hurt so much, could be missed so much, when it collapsed.
"A mother always knows." Esme kneeled beside me, careful not to touch me. "You walked in that room, and I saw another girl, but I knew it was you." She leaned closer, wrapping an arm around me. I was too catatonic to care. Only now did I feel the barrier between my feelings and my cool surface breaking. Since the Cullens had reentered my life, this thin line had blurred more and more with each passing moment. With Esme, the mother of the family I had pretended dead, here with me, standing only a few feet away, hearing her voice speaking to Bella again, seeing how she tucked a loving strand of hair behind my ear, was simply too much. I had buried them. I had grieved, cried, shouted, and buried them in my past. All because I felt betrayed, alone, scared. And now I had the same feeling again, but mixed with intense shame. And with each memory of the time I had grieved for them, each blurry human memory of our time together, I felt a fake tear slipping down my cheek. How I despised that false tear. Another lie, because I knew I wasn't truly crying. I couldn't stop them though, the lies had become too much apart of me. A few seconds later my whole body heaved with sobs
Then Esme said it. My saving grace. "Edward doesn't know."
The beauty of those simple words was only quenched with overpowering disgrace. I was glad Edward didn't know of my constant lies. I laughed, sounding more like I was choking on a sob. Hadn't there been a time when I hated lying? When I was bad at lying? The irony of my life was not ever lost on my part.
"Does Carlisle's?" I asked, my voice quivering. She pulled me closer, as if she wanted to protect me from the world. My own world. The one I had created to protect myself, that was now killing me.
"I keep no secret from my husband or family," She said in a monotone. I could tell this was something she had struggled with. To lie to her family. It made me feel ever worse. Not only had a created a web of lies that was slowly killing me, I had pulled others in with me. "But it was only an intuition, and not my secret to tell."
"Thank you." I whispered, leaning into her hug. It was all I could say, to express my apologies. I had unrightfully dragged an innocent, good person, into my mess of destruction and rampage. For nearly a half hour, I stayed like that, crying.
"I don't know what to do, Esme." I choked finally. Now that my world had been ripped apart, I was lost in this new, bright existence. She pulled me to my feet carefully.
"Come on. We'll go tell him." She said, leading me toward the house with motherly reassurance. I pulled away my hand from her grasp violently.
"I don't think I can do that." I said, my voice shaking worse then my hand. I wanted to. In a way it was a relief that Esme knew. But, what if they hated me for it?
Esme didn't. I knew that. She was ok with it. No, she was happy about it.
"We all love and miss you Bella. Please," She forced me to stare into her emotion filled eyes, pleading, "Please, don't make me lie to my family. I'm not sure I can do it any longer." Her voice shook with pain and fear, reminding me that I was the cause of her deception. I owed her this. I nodded absently.
One way or the other they were going to find out one day. Everything had changed today. I could either accept the changes and save what I could, telling them myself. Or I could deny the changes, and the denial would cost me dearly. I wanted to be the one to tell them. I could deal with their rejection. My decision was made.
Together, we walked toward the house.
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Edward was sitting in his bedroom when we arrived. At some point, Esme had ducted away, leaving me alone. My personal Adonis lay on his bed, stretched out. I wanted to reach out to him, touch him in every place imaginable.
"Edward," I whispered, drawing his attention to me though I knew he sensed my presence. The stone statue came alive.
"Kit." He put all the emotion of a dying man in the desert looking at an oasis.
"Edward, I really need to talk to you." I tried to smile as I said it, but it was a pitiful attempt. I was sure that my eyes were falsely red. Edward stiffened.
"Bella." He whispered. Shock grasped me for only a moment before the breath rushed from my lungs. My sobs ripped at my chest, tearing me apart. I fell to my knees, unable to stand. Edward's strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me into his lap and kissing my hair. He rocked me softly.
"Esme had no right tell you." He said. "Please let me explain."
I choked for what seemed like the hundredth time this morning. For someone who didn't need to breathe, the breath had been knocked out of me countless times today.
"Kit," He said, confusing me. Wasn't I Bella now? "My dear Kit, I need to tell you the whole story." I couldn't object. I was paralyzed by confusion and fear. He lifted me to his bed, and sat across from me. "A very long time ago, nearly three centuries, I fell in love with a human. Her name was Bella. I couldn't read her mind, and her blood…" He took a deep breath, remembering. His words were choppy, more telling his feelings then a story. "It was so alluring, so penetrating, I still smell it sometimes. I left, but was unable to stay away. I planned to marry her. And she planned to become…one of us." He struggle on the word vampire, unable to picture his perfect Bella as one. "With the first months of our relationship, she was attacked by James, a tracker. She was nearly killed, but still I was too selfish to left her go. Then, just a year later, she was attacked by my own brother. I had allowed myself the delusion that I was protecting her from others, but when she was attacked by Jasper, I couldn't deny that we were the problem. Somehow, I found the strength to leave, and shortly after she died, as humans do." I started to make sense to me now. He hadn't thought I was Bella. He had picked up Esme's thoughts and thought she had told me about Bella. "Kit," he whispered with a soft and velvet voice that grazes my skin, and tucks a strand of my blond tresses behind my ear. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the simple gesture of affection. The corner of his mouth turned up slightly as I lifted my eyes to meet his waiting gaze. "I love you."
Those words changed my world forever. It had been my deepest wish to hear those three words out of his mouth, but in the same moment I wanted to run away. It was wrong. So wrong to follow that foolish want of being loved and loving someone back. He leaned forward and kissed me. "I will not lie to you, Kit." He said as he pulled back. "I loved Bella with all my heart. I loved her ever since she died. But I don't anymore. Now, I love you."
But I don't anymore.
And time stops for you.
You thought that the lies' ripping you apart was the worst pain you would ever feel, after the Change. You were wrong. It was nothing compared to the ripping in your chest now. The physical pain of the Change couldn't even compare to this. You look at Edward with wide eyes, completely in disbelief. He had loved you. And you ruined it. You can't take this.
Even as drained as you are, you managed to walk from the room, not giving him a second glance. You ruined everything. Esme walks behind you, pleading to go back, grabbing at your elbow, but you can't hear or feel her. You can't feel anything. You're numb. Torn apart until there is nothing left. You walk from the house in a catatonic state. Not really realizing your intentions of going back to Volterra. You will go back, and you will ld tell Lucian okay. You will give in, because that's what you deserved. Vile, unattractive, normal, boring Lucian.
"Don't you dare, Bella." You are halfway back to Volturi, about a hundred miles from the Cullen's home. Someone grabs you from behind, rotating you by your shoulder. "Don't you dare." Alice says sternly, rage clear in her eyes. You had forgotten to block Alice again after the other night. She has seen your every decision since then. Your decision to tell Edward you are Bella. Your decision to settle for Lucian. You don't care though. You only feel the slightest relief that she was to far from Edward's range when she had the vision.
"Please, Bella, come back." Esme pleas, behind Alice. "Edward loves you."
"No, Esme." You say dejectedly. "He loves Kit. And Kit's just a bunch of lies. I can't be her, all the time, with him."
Alice is enraged. "NO. NO! NO! You can't do this! You're supposed to be my BEST FRIEND!"
"I know, Alice." You say, dully. "I'm sorry. I've caused such a mess. I promise I'll let you visit, once your family moves on."
"NO!" She shouts. "I refuse. I positively refuse to visit if you marry another man!" Alice is stomping her foot like a child, denting the ground. Behind her, Esme gasps, putting her hand to her mouth. She didn't know your intentions.
You sit on a rock, pinching your nose as if you have a headache. "I will promise to let you and Esme visit. An-And I promise not to marry Lucian, on one condition. You must promise to tell no one who I am. Not even Jasper or Carlisle."
Alice knees in front of you, placing her hands on either side of your face. "Please," she whispers, broken. You shake your head, putting extra backbone into your decision so she would know it wouldn't change.
"It's this or nothing." You whisper, not looking her in the eyes. She's sobbing now, muttering half heart pleas that she knows you won't follow.
"I p-p-promise." She says, supernaturally knowing you will not change. You look pointedly at Esme. She nods, following Alice's lead. "I promise."
You stand, then, and walk off, without looking at the still sobbing Alice, or Esme comforting her. You caused them so much pain. You can only hope, in time it would fade, though you know from experience, it never will.
"I'll call when it's safe for you to visit." You say over your shoulder, having no intentions to do so. One more lie, to keep them safe. One more lie, to break hearts. One more lie, to comfort your black soul. Maybe Edward had been right. The change really does take your soul. You can understand now why Edward wouldn't want you changed. He deserves more then a soulless lair.
Tomorrow, I would be gone, and he would one day find that girl.