For The Love of Music

by andsongbirdskeepsinging

Bella moves to Forks, looking to blend in, and not find any drama. Well, won't she get a suprise, when she meets the Cullens. Half Human/Half Vampire. Bad sum..please give a chance...it you want. :

12. Distracted

OKAY, SO I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT, NEVER HAVE, NEVER WILL. UM, I'M JUST GOING TO USE ALL CAPS FOR NOW ON. I ALWAYS USE THEM WHEN I WRITE WITH MY HAND, AND WHEN I TYPE FOR EVERYTHING, SO I FIGURED, WHY NOT? FEELING VERY DEPRESSED, SO PLEASE REVIEW AND MAKE ME SOMEWHAT HAPPY. HELPING NEVER HURT......RIGHT? :(

BPOV

2 MONTHS LATER

SO, I HAVE BEEN IN JACKSONVILLE FOR TWO MONTHS. I HAVEN'T TANNED, HAVEN'T MADE ANY FRIENDS, HAVEN'T LEFT THE HOUSE FOR ANYTHING BESIDES SCHOOL AND WORK, AND WELL I HAVEN'T SMILED,LAUGHED,OR LOVED ANYTHING IN A LONG TIME. I'M MISERABLE. I GET UP, GET READY, GO TO SCHOOL, COME HOME, GET READY, GO TO SLEEP. ISN'T IT EXCITING?! AND I HAVEN'T RECIEVED A CALL FROM FORKS SINCE I GOT HERE. WHY? WELL, I JUST FOUND OUT YOU CAN'T MAKE CALLS ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE USA. (I KNOW YOU CAN, BUT FOR THE SAKE OF THE STORY, LET'S JUST PRETEND.)

I HAVE GOTTEN SKINNIER, I HAVE DARK CIRCLES UNDER MY EYES, I BARLEY TALK, I DON'T HUMOR ANYTHING, AND I DON'T REALLY LEAVE MY ROOM. I FEEL LIKE I'M BREAKING INTO SMALLER PEICES EVERY DAY, I HAVE PANIC ATTACKS WHEN I SEE SOMETHING THAT REMINDS ME OF, THEM. I CAN'T SAY CULLENS, EDWARD, OR ANY OF THEIR NAMES WTH OUT FREAKING OUT. I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT HAPPINESS IS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS ANY MORE, BUT WORST OF ALL, THE ONE THING I ACTUALLY REMEMBER, AND WON'T EVER GIVE UP IS SOMETHING OTHERS WOULD GIVE UP TO BE HAPPY IN A SECOND. IT'S THE MEMORY I HAVE OF EDWARD. HIS COLD SKIN, HIS COLOR CHANGING EYES, HIS HARD AS ROCK SKIN, HIS NACK FOR KNOWING WHAT SOMEONE IS THINKING BY JUST A GUESS, HIS CROOKED SMILE THAT I CAN'T CALL MINE ANY MORE BECAUSE I AM GONE, AND DON'T DESERVE IT. HIS FUNNY, GENTLEMENNY ATTITUDE, HIS GOD LIKE FEATURES, HIS AMAZING SMELL, AND EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT HIM THAT HURTS TO REMEMBER.

AND THANKS TO THOSE MEMORIES, MY MOM FINDS ME CURLED UP IN A CORNER CRYING MY EYES OUT, THE REASON I DON'T GET ANY SLEEP AND HAVE NIGHTMARES, THE REASON I DON'T WATCH TV, LISTEN TO MUSIC, AND I DON'T READ ANYMORE. THE REASON FOR A LOT OF THINGS.

EPOV

SO, I HAVE BEEN IN FORKS FOR TWO MONTHS WITHOUT BELLA. I HAVEN'T HUNTED, HAVEN'T TALKED TO ANY FRIENDS, HAVEN'T LEFT THE HOUSE FOR ANYTHING BESIDES SCHOOL, AND WELL I HAVEN'T SMILED,LAUGHED,OR LOVED ANYTHING IN A LONG TIME. I'M MISERABLE. I GET READY, GO TO SCHOOL, COME HOME, GET READY. ISN'T IT EXCITING?! AND I HAVEN'T REDIEVED A CALL FROM JASKSONVILLE SINCE SHE LEFT. WHY? WELL, I JUST FOUND OUT YOU CAN'T MAKE CALLS ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE USA. (I KNOW YOU CAN, BUT FOR THE SAKE OF THE STORY, LET'S JUST PRETEND.)

MY EYSE ARE FIFFERANT, I HAVE BIGGER DARK CIRCLES UNDER MY EYES, I BARLEY TALK, I DON'T HUMORE ANYTHING, AND I DON'T REALLY LEAVE MY ROOM. I FEEL LIKE I'M BREAKING INTO SMALLER PEICES EVERY DAY, I HAVE PANICK ATTACKS WHEN I SEE SOMETHING THAT REMINDS ME OF, HER. I CAN'T SAY BELLA WTHOUT FREAKING OUT. I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT HAPPINESS IS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS ANYMORE, BUT WORST OF ALL, THE ONE THING I ACTUALLY REMEMBER, AND WON'T EVER GIVE UP IS SOMETHING OTHERS WOULD GIVE UP TO BE HAPPY IN A SECOND. IT'S THE MEMORY I HAVE OF HER. HIS WARM SKIN, HER CHOCOLATE BROWN EYES, HER SOFTER THEN BABY SKIN, HER NACK FOR BEING ABLE TO RESIST MY MIND READING ABILITIES, HER PERFECT SMILE THAT I CAN'T CALL MINE ANYMORE BECAUSE SHE IS GONE, AND

I DON'T DESERVE IT. HER FUNNY, KLUZTY ATTITUDE, HER ANGEL LIKE FEATURES, HER AMAZING SMELL, AND EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT HER THAT HURTS TO REMEMBER.

AND THANKS TO THOSE MEMORIES, MY MOM FINDS ME CURLED UP IN A CORNER CRYING MY EYES OUT, THE REASON I DON'T GO HUNTING ANYMORE BECAUSE BLOOD AND BELLA BOTH START WITH B'S AND THAT BRINGS ON ANOTHER ROUND OF HYSTERICS, THE REASON I DON'T WATCH TV, LISTEN TO MUSIC, AND I DON'T READ ANYMORE. THE REASON FOR A LOT OF THINGS.

4 MORE MONTHS LATER

WELL, IT'S BEEN 6 MONTHS, AND THINGS HAVE GOTTEN BETTER. I GO HUNTING NOW, I CAN LISTEN TO MUSIC, I CAN COMPOSE, I CAN WATCH TV, I CAN SAY BELLA, I CAN THINK ABOUT HER WITHOUT HURTING, I CAN DO A LOT OF THINGS. IT'S ALL BECAUSE I CAN FEEL HAPPY ABOUT KNOWING HER. I STILL FEEL SAD ABOUT WHAT WE COULD HAVE HAD, BUT I THINK ABOUT WHAT WE DID HAVE IN A MATTER OF ONE WEEK. WE HAD MORE THEN ANYONE ELSE COULD DESCRIBE. WE HAD BEEN MORE THEN FRIENDS, WE HAD BEEN BEST FRIENDS. AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY, THAT'S WHAT KEEPS ME GOING. THAT AND THE FACT THAT EVERYONE RELIES ON ME, AND I CAN'T LET THEM DOWN. AND I FEEL FINE ABOUT IT.

BPOV

WELL, IT'S BEEN 6 MONTHS, AND THINGS HAVE GOTTEN BETTER. I GO OUT NOW, I CAN LISTEN TO MUSIC, I CAN WRITE SONGS, I CAN WATCH TV, I CAN SAY CULLEN AND EDWARD, I CAN THINK ABOUT HIM WITHOUT HURTING, I CAN DO A LOT OF THINGS. IT'S ALL BECAUSE I CAN FEEL HAPPY ABOUT KNOWING HIM. I STILL FEEL SAD ABOUT WHAT WE COULD HAVE HAD, BUT I THINK ABOUT WHAT WE DID HAVE IN A MATTER OF ONE WEEK. WE HAD MORE THEN ANYONE ELSE COULD DESCRIBE. WE HAD BEEN MORE THEN FRIENDS, WE HAD BEEN BEST FRIENDS. AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY, THAT'S WHAT KEEPS ME GOING. THAT AND THE FACT THAT EVERYONE RELIES ON ME, AND I CAN'T LET THEM DOWN. AND I FEEL FINE ABOUT IT.

SO I GOT OUT MY GUITAR, LIKE I HAD MANY OTHER TIMES, AND PLAYED A SONG I WROTE, CALLED 6 MONTHS. (SEE, IT'S BEEN SIX MONTHS SINCE SHE LEFT, AND THIS SONG IS REALLY CALLED, 6 MONTHS, BY HEY MONDAY.)

YOUR THE DIRECTION I FOLLOW TO GET HOME,

WHEN I FELL LIKE I CAN'T GO ON, YOU TELL ME TO GO,

AND IT'S LIKE I CAN'T FEEL A THING, WITHOUT YOU AROUND,

BUT DON'T MIND ME, IF I GET WEAK IN THE KNEES, CAUSE YOU HAVE THAT EFFECT ON ME, YOU DO

EVERYTHING YOU SAY, EVERY TIME WE TOUCH, I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT, BUT I'M OKAY,

AND I CAN'T THINK OF ANYBODY ELSE THAT I HATE TO MISS, AS MUCH AS I HATE MISSING YOU,

MONTHS NOT GOING STRONG NOW, AFTER GOODBYE, UNCONDITIONAL UNORIGINAL ALWAYS BY MY SIDE,

MEANT TO BE TOGETHER, MEANT FOR NO ONE BUT EACH OTHER, YOU LOVE ME, I LOVE YOU HARDER,

SO EVERYTHING YOU SAY, EVERY TIME WE TOUCH, I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT, BUT I'M OKAY,

AND I CAN'T THINK OF ANYBODY ELSE THAT I HATE TO MISS, AS MUCH AS I HATE MISSING YOU,

SO PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR HAND, SO PLEASE GIVE ME A LESSON ON HOW TO STEAL,

STEAL A HEART AS FAST AS YOU STOLE MINE, AS YOU STOLE MINE, YAH

OH AND EVERYTHING YOU SAY, EVERY TIME WE TOUCH I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT, BUT I'M OKAY,

AND I CAN'T THINK OF ANYBODY ELSE WHO I HATE TO MISS AS MUCH AS I HATE MISSING YOU,

SO PLEASE GIVE ME A HAND, SO PLEASE JUST TAKE MY HAND.

(OKAY, I CHANGED SOME OF THE WORDS SO THEY'D FIT INTO THEIR STORY, SO FORGIVE ME!)

I LOVED THAT SONG. I WROTE IT FOR EDWARD AS SOON AS I DIDN'T HURT ANYMORE. AND IT FELT GOOD TO DO IT, IT FELT RIGHT. IT WASN'T THE ONLY ONE I DID EITHER, I WROTE A FEW MORE, BUT THAT ONE JUST SUMMED IT UP TO THE SPOT. I DECIDED THAT I WASN'T IN THE MOOD TO STOP. ONE MORE SONG AND I'D BE READY FOR THE COOL NIGHT TO TAKE ME AWAY.

(THIS ONE IS CALLED DISTRACTED, BY KSM. I PROMISE THIS IS THE LAST SONG IN THIS CHAPTER, I KNOW IT GETS ANNOYING, BUT I HAD TO, CHECK THE TITLE OF THE STORY!)

I WAS DOING JUST FINE, TILL YOU MESSED WITH MY MIND, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE SO PERFECT,

NOW YOUR STUCK IN MY HEAD, I'M LOSING SLEEP OVER IT, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FILL THE OBJECTIVE,

HAVING TROUBLE STAYING FOCUSED, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS,WHY DO YOU MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY,

I GET SO DISTRACTED, WHEN YOU COME AROUND, MY HEADS IN THE CLOUDS,

I CAN'T SEEM TO CONCENTRATE IT OUT, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I GET SO DISTRACTED, WHEN I SEE YOUR FACE, GET CAUGHT IN A DAZE,

SOMETIMES I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I GET SO DISTRACTED, DISTRACTED, DISTRACTED BY YOU. BY YOU, THAT'S RIGHT,

WONDER IF YOUR AWARE, I REALLY DON'T MEAN TO STARE, BUT YOU KNOW THAT I JUST CAN'T HELP IT,

I TRY TO STAY IN CONTROL, YES I DO, BUT I DON'T, I GUESS I MUST BE LOSING IT,

HAVING TROUBLE STAYING FOCUSED, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS,WHY DO YOU MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY,

I GET SO DISTRACTED, WHEN YOU COME AROUND, MY HEADS IN THE CLOUDS,

I CAN'T SEEM TO CONCENTRATE IT OUT, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I GET SO DISTRACTED, WHEN I SEE YOUR FACE, GET CAUGHT IN A DAZE,

SOMETIMES I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I GET SO DISTRACTED, DISTRACTED, DISTRACTED BY YOU.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME, WELL I'M NOT WHAT I USED TO BE, YOU GOT ME OUT OF CONTROL, I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS WHAT YOUR MEANT TO DO,

HAVING TROUBLE STAYING FOCUSED, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS,WHY DO YOU MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY,

I GET SO DISTRACTED, WHEN YOU COME AROUND, MY HEADS IN THE CLOUDS,

I CAN'T SEEM TO CONCENTRATE IT OUT, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I GET SO DISTRACTED, WHEN I SEE YOUR FACE, GET CAUGHT IN A DAZE,

SOMETIMES I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I GET SO DISTRACTED, DISTRACTED, DISTRACTED BY YOU.

AND WITH THE LAST WORDS OF THE SONG, I FELL ASLEEP, FILLED WITH A HAPPY DREAM, BUT IN THE DREAM, EDWARD AND ALL THE CULLENS WERE VAMPIRES.

OKAY, SO PLEASE REVIEW, AND CHECK OUT THE SONGS IF YOU'VE NEVER HEARD THEM, THEY ARE VERY GOOD. KSM IS AN ALL GIRLS BAND THAT SINGS POP, AND HEY MONDAY IS AN ALL GUY BAND WITH ONE GIRL, KIND OF LIKE PARAMORE, BUT THEY ARE MORE POPISH. SO THANKS AND REVIEW! HOPE YOU LIKED IT! :P