Chapter 13
-Author's Notes- Here we go again, ringing round the madness, to see and sorrow in burning delight...
Eheh
Fic... BEGIN!
-Academy-
As he settled into his seat, Naruto idly made note that he found himself next to Sasuke on one side, with an unknown Suna nin on the other. Shrugging slightly to himself as he noticed the tests were slowly being distributed. With a quirking grin on his face he looked over at his fellow leaf nin.
"So, did you make sure to get plenty of rest last night, Spanky?" Naruto grinned at his friend, "Or, were you too busy with Haku, wishing you luck?"
"Mmm I don't know," Sasuke arched a brow back at the blonde, "Did the girls keep you up all night?"
"Heh," Naruto rolled his eyes a bit, "Unlike you the three of us orphans, the girls have fathers looking out for them, and therefor, curfews."
"Like that would stop them," Sasuke countered with an amused smirk on his lips.
"True," Naruto admitted with a smirk as he caught sight of Ino throwing him a wink and a kiss out of the corner of his eye, "Yeah, I think Hiashi and Inoichi prefer to be willingly ignorant of things."
"Like any father would," Sasuke smirked back, "Though, how you lucked out with being on their good sides while doing what you do with their daughters..."
"Hiashi knew my parents," Naruto shrugged quietly, "Inoichi... Something about Ino being too much like her mother."
"Girls," Sasuke rolled his eyes slightly with a smirk, "Too much trouble."
"Says the guy whose boyfriend looks like one."
"Not under his kimono," Sasuke countered just as the tests were dropped down in front of them.
"Too much information there, Spanky," Naruto shot back, "Too much damned information."
"All right kiddies!" Ibiki's voice shot out, "This test is simple enough even you can get it. Ten questions for you to answer. Each right question is worth a point. Get caught cheating, and you automatically lose two of those points. Get caught five times, and you're gone. The way this works, if one of you is eliminated, the rest of your team follows."
Carefully Ibiki's gazed moved around the room, boring menacing into one set of eyes after the next, until finally they came to rest one the one pair he really didn't want to meet. Naruto Uzumaki's gaze met his own, without a single ounce of fear or worry. In fact, the look in them sent a shiver down the scarred man's back. Blonde brows waggled back at him before the boy gave off a silent laugh, and raised his arm dramatically.
Involuntarily, Ibiki could feel himself tensing, his body growing rigid as a slight trail of sweat began to trickle down the back of his neck. With a dramatic exaggeration, the boy dipped his hand into his coat, and began to rummage around, as if searching for something. His tongue slipped out the side of his mouth as his eyes almost crossed in concentration. Moments ticked by, one then the other, as Ibiki could feel his heart hammering, harder, faster in his chest.
Finally, the moment of truth came, and with an exaggerated flourish, the boy pulled his hand free. The motion, quickly revealing... a pencil. Twirling it lightly about his fingers, the boy grinned wickedly and sent the man a casual wink.
Already Ibiki could feel the twitch starting. He knew it was coming. That much was certain. But, it seemed the boy was going to play with him for a while. With a grudging respect, Ibiki acknowledged to himself that Naruto's exam wasn't like the others'. No, they weren't trying to see if they could break him under the pressure, his test, was to see just how much he could fuck with their heads instead.
Taking a moment to look around, the scarred man could only grudgingly admit that the boy was passing with flying colors. The various proctors were doing their best not to stare at the boy who had been the bane of slack discipline and security in Konoha. Still, the man had to give the boy his respect. He did his job, and he did it well.
Repressing a sigh, he glared out at the various kids. He fought back the twitch again as he caught sight of amused teammates of his blonde nemesis. Each of them had their own, expectant little grins on their smug faces. The smiles they gave him when he met their eyes, caused the cold lump in his stomach to only grow.
Time ticked by, and various teams were eliminated one by one. He was slightly amused to see that the youngest teams seemed to be doing the best this year. All nine of Konoha's rookies, as well as Gai's slightly more seasoned team, were all performing quite admirably. As were the ninja from Hidden Sound, and the Suna team that he'd seen Naruto's team hanging out with earlier.
Just then, he caught sight of the predatory leer Naruto was directing at him while his fingers idly twirled the pencil between his fingers. Again, the boy waggled his brows back at him, that same, simple little smirk, patiently curling on hi slips. Fingers, brushed along the edge of his coat, for a moment, a suggestive cant to his head as he would seem to ask a wordless question of Ibiki. The man would merely send a simmering glare back. He wasn't going to fall for that little bit of baiting.
As he again turned his attention back onto the rest of the genin, he could feel the boy's eyes, watching him. They didn't have the merciless, penetrating quality he used so often. It wasn't, the you Are going to crack, and I'm going to be smiling while I watch it happen, look. No, the look was more of a, 'You've already cracked, I know it, you know it, I'm just waiting to finish ripping you open', look.
For a moment, the man could only help but feel a pang of regret rippling through him. Oh, the things he could have done with the boy. The training, the torture! Getting sweet, sweet revenge while finally having a student worthy of passing on his art!
But noooooo, that damned Hyuga had to get him first. He grumbled mentally. It simply wasn't fair. Of course, if the woman hadn't gotten to him, he probably never would have even known the pure potential the boy had. Still... Wait...
He caught sight of a flash of dull, yellow rubber. His head practically whipped around to stare once more at Naruto. But, all he could see, was the boy, smiling back at him, pencil still in hand as he twirled it about his fingers.
Turning to one of the chunin watching the groups, the man muttered quietly, "Keep an eye on Uzumaki... let me know if he tries anything... funny."
"Um... Sir?" the chunin responded quietly back to the man, "No offense or anything... But I'm a helluva lot more afraid of him than I am of you. You heard about what happened to the last guy that tried to interrupt his fun, right?"
Giving the man a dirty look, Ibiki grunted softly before giving a grudging nod of admission, "So, basically, you're abandoning me to my fate?"
"Sir," the man responded blandly, "You're the one that called his style a joke."
Ibiki winced visibly at that, and gave a reluctant nod, "Still... Comrades shouldn't abandon one another in the face of danger."
"Sir, he is technically a comrade as well."
"And the rest of you feel the same way?" the man muttered quietly, as he glared at the men shifting uncomfortably in their chairs.
"Sir," one of them spoke up, "You did bring this on yourself."
"Besides, that kid's got Anko as a teacher," another added, "As scary as you are, Sir, she's a whole other level of creepy."
"And don't forget his teammates," yet another voice whispered back, "Did you hear about what Inoichi's daughter did to those ANBU?"
"I heard they're still trying to fix the guy that insulted the boy around Hiashi's daughter."
"Face it, Sir," the first voice said evenly, "You're screwed, but there is a bright side."
"And that would be?" Ibiki asked sourly.
"If they scare us this much, imagine what they'll do to the OTHER villages."
Ibiki's face instantly brightened for a moment at that thought. Fear and terror resonating through the eyes of opposing nin. Their anguished whimpers a sweet symphony of possibility. Yes, there was indeed a bright side to it. However, his present situation immediately came crashing back down on him.
"That's all well and good, but I'm the one that's in his sights right now."
"The life of a ninja is filled with peril," one of the nins responded sagely.
Again, Ibiki caught a flash of yellow rubber, this time, appearing to be near the Hyuga girl. His head whipping around again, proctors winced slightly as the hear the audible crack of his neck popping before he caught the pale eyes of the girl. A girl, who smiled a serene, happy little smile back at him.
"I'm starting to wonder... which is scarier," Ibiki muttered allowed, "The brat or his girls."
"The three of them together," a voice supplied.
Time ticked by for Ibiki, as again and again, he could see flashes of that yellow rubber, always just at the edge of his eyes. He began to twitch, slowly, his glaring eyes startling genin after genin. Names were called out, teams failed. But his glare only seemed to grow, seething, churning in his merciless eyes.
"I, um, need to go to the bathroom!" Kankuro suddenly spoke up.
"Tough shit you little bastard," Ibiki growled back at the boy, "You should have gone earlier when you were playing with your doll."
Kankuro immediately stiffened, his eyes widening in shock as he could hear the knowing snickers coming from his siblings and Naruto's team, "But... but..."
"Go ahead and piss yourself then," Ibiki growled back, "Or hold it for the rest of the bloody hour. Just choose one already and quit bothering us with your whining."
"No respect at all," Kankuro muttered under his breath, giving Ibiki a sullen glare.
"I'll take him, Sir," one of the chunin spoke up, "Make sure he's not up to something."
Ibiki glared then, not at the chunin, but at Kankuro once more, "As I said..."
"Mah," Naruto suddenly spoke up in a lazy drawl, "Why don't you just let him go, Ibiki-'san'," he stressed the honorific with a smirk, suddenly no longer twirling a pencil in his hand, but instead, a simple, rubber chicken, "I don't really think the rest of us want to have to deal with the smell... And I'm fairly sure doll boy will do it, just to spite you."
"Even when I'm getting help, I get no respect!" Kankuro muttered again, though cast a thankful look at Naruto.
Ibiki though, froze in place, his eyes widening slightly as he saw the rubber chicken. How it stretched and contorted in Naruto's hands. Its strained, floppy neck, bouncing around, bouncing. He could already hear that squeaking, contact of the rubber against the boy's hand.
Finally, the man managed to grind out, "...Fine... the little shit can go to the bathroom."
With that, just as suddenly as it had appeared, the rubber chicken was gone again. With an exaggerated flourish, Naruto held up both hands, then carefully pulled down each sleeve. Revealing nothing in sight, he grinned again, held up his hand, and with a gesture, his pencil was back where it had been before.
"This is a ninja exam, not a damned magic show you brat!" Ibiki growled.
"Eh, same difference. Sleight of hand, misdirection, pretty girls, and an audience are all you need," Naruto smirked and suddenly held a trio of roses in his hand, before with three flicks of his wrist, they launched through the air, and land in front of Hinata, Ino, and Temari respectively, "Well, that and plenty of style."
"Show off," Sasuke grumbled next to him, even as he caught the blonde sneaking the answers from his own sheet while the proctor's eyes followed the roses.
"If you've got it, flaunt it," Naruto shot back, before standing up and taking a sweeping bow, "Thank you for being such a wonderful audience. Ladies, if you'd like to see my special disappearing act, talk to my teammates. Just remember, make sure you don't wear a pair of panties you're planning to stay on."
He flopped back into his seat with a smirk, before resuming to write on his test, as if nothing had happened. The rest of the remaining genin, save those actually familiar were with the blonde, were staring at the boy incredulously. Those who did, were shaking their heads with a rueful chuckle, or giggle as the case may be.
"Finished?" Ibiki managed to grind out.
"Not even close, but, we'll pause now for intermission," Naruto grinned back cheerily, "Please enjoy the break before we return to our regularly scheduled program."
Ibiki twitched again, his eyes narrowed at the boy. Turning his head slightly, he caught sight of the grins spreading on the rest of the proctors' faces. Growling more audibly, he sent a spike of killing intent, reminding them that this wasn't a game.
"This isn't over," Ibiki snapped back.
"I thought that's what I just said?" Naruto blinked a moment, then looked over at Sasuke, "Didn't I just say that?"
"Well I do believe intermission does imply that something's not finished," the boy responded dryly.
"That's what I thought, but I wanted to make sure," Naruto nodded back, "One can never be too certain."
With a growl of frustration, Ibiki almost threw his hands up in disgust before he sat down on the desk he'd been standing in front of, only to suddenly freeze in place. Very, very slowly the man would stand back up, his body stiff and hard as he took a slow, deep breath before turning around and looking down on the desk. There, lain out in simple form, was a very, very rubber chicken.
Repressing a scream of frustration, the man whirled around and glared at the group assembled before him, "All right, that's it, time for the tenth damned question."
"Hmm, that was a short intermission," Naruto noticed, smiling innocently, "Is something the matter Ibiki-san?"
"One day, Uzumaki, I will have my vengeance on you," Ibiki growled out, "In this life or the next, but mark my words, I will have my vengeance!"
"Oh, reaaaaaaaally now?" Naruto blinked a moment, "What could I, a poor little genin, have possibly done to a big ole special jounin like you?"
Almost the entirety of the foreign nin, as well as a number of the local gening, were staring from the blonde headed brat to the examiner, wondering just what was going on. Those more familiar with the boy's reputation, merely chuckled and shook their heads ruefully. The chunin themselves, had settled in, making quiet bets with one another as they watched the growing confrontation beginning to blossom before them.
"That's it! Now you brats get to decide whether or not you want to answer the tenth question!" Ibiki snarled, before suddenly grinning down right viciously as he finished.
"Why would we not want to answer the question?!" Temari spoke up.
"Because if you choose to answer the question, and you get it wrong, you'll never be allowed to take another chunin exam for the rest of your life," the man snapped back with a wicked sadism flashing across his eyes.
"WHAT?!" chorused in outrage across the room.
"There wasn't anything like this last year!" one of the more experienced genin shouted out.
"You were just lucky I wasn't in charge of things last year," the towering man sneered back.
-Jounin Waiting Area-
"I wonder how the kids are handling Ibiki," Asuma idly wondered as he took a slow inhale of his cigarette.
"Mmm, knowing Kiba, he's probably frothing at the mouth," Kakashi admitted casually.
"Yosh! My most youthful students are proving what fine young ninja they are!" Gai spoke up proudly, before frowning just a moment, "Though, my most unyouthful student is probably sulking."
"Hmmm?" Kurenai looked up from her book, blinking for a moment as she lazily looked towards Gai, "Oh, still having problems with stick up his ass Neji?"
"That is a most unyouthful way of describing one of my beloved pupils Kurenai-san!" the thick browed jounin countered, before pausing slightly as he continued, "Though, a most accurate description."
"After what he tried to pull with Hinata..." Anko spoke up, "He's lucky to be able to be your student. I'm surprised Naruto didn't rip him apart."
"Well, admittedly, he has known Neji most of his life," a voice spoke up as the group of Jounin turned to see the Hokage entering into the room, with a slight smirk on his face, "And he did briefly know Hizashi."
"Ah, Hokage-sama," Baki spoke up, bowing to the man from where he'd been sitting near Anko and Kurenai, "I had hoped to speak to you."
"Hmmm?" the aged ninja leader arched a brow as he looked over at the sand nin, "Now, what brings Baki of Hidden Sand into the jounin lounge of the Hidden Leaf?"
"Eheh..." Anko coughed slightly as she looked up guiltily from her book, "Our teams befriended one another it seems. Enough so that Naruto and the girls insisted on escorting Baki's team to the exams."
"It was quite an impressive feat," Baki continued, his voice soft, "I have never seen someone manage to befriend Gaara before, even his own siblings have lived in fear of him."
"Gaara... Gaara..." Sarutobi paused a moment, lost in thought before he took a slow puff of his pipe, "The Kazekage's youngest?"
"Yes, Hokage-sama," Baki nodded in return, "He has lead a most... difficult life, by his father's instruction."
"He is the container for the Ichibi, is he not?" the older man asked pleasantly as he could feel the various jounin in the room suddenly snapping to attention.
Baki swallowed, slowly, audibly before nodding in acknowledgment, "How did you...?"
"How quickly everyone forgets," the Hokage chuckled in amusement, "That it was the first Hokage who gave out the tailed beasts he had subdued to the various major hidden villages, to help and try to promote peace. It is to surprising that we would keep records of who was given what, and the known attributes their containers would come to exhibit?"
"Ah, no Hokage-sama," Baki responded quickly, bowing back to the man, "It does however, bring me more immediately to a situation I find myself needing to address with you."
"Oh, and what would that be?" there was a sense of amusement in the man's words.
"I wish to request asylum for myself and my genin team," Baki responded quietly, still bowed low.
"Sand and Leaf are allies, why would you want, or need to request something like this?" a sudden suspicion flashing behind those knowing eyes.
"Because.." the man paused a moment, flickering his eyes around the small group of jounin instructors that had made themselves comfortable around him.
"Feel free to speak," Sarutobi the elder responded with a wave of his hand, "These five are among the most trusted ninja in this village."
"Very well," Baki took a slow deep breath before continuing, "Some time ago, the Kazekage was approached by the leader of Hidden Sound. The purpose of the meeting, was to form an alliance to invade and destroy the Hidden Leaf."
The assembled jounin started as they all as one turned their attention fully to the sand jounin, "What?!"
"I see..." the Hokage said slowly, eying the man in front of him carefully, "And for what reason?"
"Hidden Sand has been almost destroyed by the greed of our Daimyo," Baki spoke softly, "Out sourcing all of our missions to other villages, specifically the Hidden Leaf generally. We've been steadily forced to cut our shinobi ranks every year, with fewer and fewer allowed to even enter the academy. If things continue as they are, its only a matter of time before we are driven into complete destruction."
"I see," Sarutobi nodded slightly, before looking over the man, "And what does Hidden Sound gain out of this?"
"Revenge," the stony face man responded quietly.
"I wasn't aware that we'd even done anything to their village...?" Asuma spoke up, "Hell, they haven't even been a village long enough FOR us to have done anything to them."
"Not revenge for the village," Baki corrected, before he took a slow, deep breath, "Revenge for their leader... Orochimaru."
Now that made everyone freeze as they all stared at the man. You could have heard a pin drop from the sudden silence as no one seemed to dare to breath. Finally, with a slow, whispered exhale of breath, the Hokage spoke.
"Orochimaru... is the leader of Hidden Sound?" the voice was soft, subdued as the elder Sarutobi spoke
"Yes, Hokage-sama," Baki responded quietly, "Though my team has no knowledge of it, it was intended for Gaara to play a vital role in the invasion they had planned."
"Unleashing the Ichibi during the tournament most likely," Sarutobi spoke up quietly, pinching the bridge of his nose, "And why are you telling us this?"
"Given... His friendship with young Naruto," Baki spoke up slowly, hesitantly, "As well as his sister's with the boy's teammates, I don't believe that when the plan is revealed to them, that they would willingly take part. In fact..." the man shrugged slightly, "I do this, because its likely that they'd attempt to do the same when they learned the truth, and knowing Gaara, most likely with my corpse along for the ride."
"He's lying," Anko spoke up simply, as she flipped her book shut, "He's doing this because he's a 'Sweet Silky Nights' fanboy."
Baki immediately flushed, coughing into his hand as he looked nervously around him, "Well, That, um, err... does factor into it, yes."
"Um, what does that have to do with all this?" Asuma spoke up in confusion.
"What I'm about to tell you is an S-ranked secret of Konoha," the Hokage spoke up formally, "The author of the 'Sweet Silky Nights' series is a Konoha nin..."
"So, we've got the porn book market cornered?" Asuma spoke up in amusement, "Between Jiraiya-sama's Icha Icha series, and Sweet Silky Nights..."
"Ah, well you see..." the man's father coughed slightly, "The other part of the secret, is that that nin is Naruto Uzumaki."
"Yosh!" Gai spoke up, suddenly standing tall, before pausing, "...I... do not know if young Uzumaki burns with the fires of youth... or is most unyouthful..." he frowned, cupping his chin lightly, "This is most distressing, what do say, his most youthful instructors?"
"Hmm? Did you say something?" both woman looked up lazily, books in hand.
"Damn you Kakashi, for spreading your hip attitude!"
"Don't look at me Gai," Kakashi shrugged slightly, "I think its more mocking me than anything."
"These are among your most trusted ninja?" Baki coughed slightly, and stared at the Hokage.
"Well they are a bit... eccentric," the man admitted, watching as the girls lazily smirked at back at the men, while sidling up to one another in a most... intimate fashion, "But they are loyal, and talented nin."
"Say, Kurenai, we haven't seen you or Anko at the bar much lately," Asuma spoke up, as he chose to let his father get into the discussions with the sand nin.
"Hmmm?" the red eyed woman blinked a bit at her fellow jounin, "Oh, that? We've just been busy is all."
"Busy training the team I wanted to trade you for?" Kakashi spoke up, his eye smiling at her.
"With that perverted panty thief Kiba on your team? Never gonna happen," Anko shot back.
"No, I've been spending time with my boyfriend," Kurenai responded smirking a bit as she leaned against Anko.
"Oh," Asuma responded quietly, blinking slightly as he looked at the woman, "I see... Anyone I know?"
"Mhm," Anko grinned wickedly, "Yup, you're familiar with him all right."
Kakashi blinked a moment, then flicked his eye from Anko to Kurenai, then back again, "Huh... Naruto really takes after Iruka, huh?" the man paused a moment, before smiling at the two, "Or is it that Iruka takes after Naruto?"
"Iruka takes after Naruto," the pair responded automatically, before blushing brightly.
"Iruka?" Asuma simply, stared at the two, "But I thought..."
"He is," Anko affirmed.
"But, he just implied that Kurenai is..."
"I am," Kurenai nodded in turn, smirking at the man who'd danced around her a little too long.
"Then that would mean...?" Asuma blinked again.
"Oh, yes, it does," the girls responded back, grinning down right wickedly at the man as they pulled intimately together.
The younger Sarutobi stared at the two for a long, long moment before shaking his head, and inhaling deeply off his cigarette, "Lucky Bastard."
"Every Night," the pair affirmed.
"If you're finished the gossiping?" the Hokage spoke up, "Baki here was telling me some interesting things about a Leaf genin named Kabuto Yakushi.
-The Exam-
One by one, a number of various teams scattered about the room slowly departed as members of their teams broke and withdrew from the exam. A brow arched up, Naruto watched them, go, seeing how a number of his friends were growing nervous. A few hands were trembling, almost raising up into the air.
"Ya finished trying to fuck with our heads Ibiki?" Naruto lazily drawled as he would casually pull a rubber chicken from the depths of his coat, "The yadda yadda, either be willing to put it all on the line, or go home like the little cry babies you are routine over and done with?"
The room started at the boy's voice, as seemingly one motion their eyes turned to his as he snapped out the rubber chicken, pointing it in Ibiki's direction as he put his foot up on the desktop, "Because I'm sure as hell finished listening to it! I'm a shinobi! I put my life and my future on the line every day! I know that every mission I go on, could be my last. Even the simple shit that looks like nothing could go wrong with it. But I won't back down! I won't run away!"
The boy looked around the room, his eyes sweeping the disbelieving gazes locking onto his frame as his finger jutted out towards Ibiki, "So bring on your final question, I am a shinobi! I have the courage to put my life on the line with missions knowing there's a chance I'll die on them, why shouldn't I show the same courage when facing your question?!"
'Damn brat,' Ibiki thought with a mutter, even as he fought down the smirk of grudging admiration he could feel trying to spread to his lips as he saw the resolve firming in the eyes of the genin left, "Anyone else want to try again next year? Last chance!"
When no one answered him, Ibiki met the laughing eyes of Naruto Uzumaki and continued, "Very well then. For those of you that remain... You all pass."
"WHAAAAT?!" Kiba practically shrieked, "What the hell!?"
Naruto himself merely rolled his eyes as he slipped back into his seat, propping his feet up on the desk top as he proceeded to watch the show.
"You knew that was gonna happen, didn't you," Sasuke murmured accusingly.
"Eh, I know how Ibiki likes to work," Naruto shrugged slightly, "I mainly did it just to peeve him off."
"You're a strange, strange boy," the Uchiha noted.
"Yes, I am," the boy grinned back at his friend and merely smirked.
"In the real world, little brats," Ibiki continued, "You'll be sent out on missions where you'll have a likely chance of dying. If you can't handle a situation like this, how can we expect you to handle a situation like that, like ninja? In the ninja world, you won't have a chance to pass up a mission like that. You will be given it, and you will be expected to have the fortitude to handle it."
Suddenly a low mist flowed across the floor of the room, the lights dimming all around them. As the various genin began to tense, a slow, thudding beat began to pulse through the air. Suddenly, there was an explosion of smoke directly in front of Ibiki and his proctors.
When it cleared, the entire room was staring.
The entire room, save for Naruto and his teammates, who took one look at the spectacle in front of them, then hung their heads in shame.
Hiashi and Inoichi stood side to side, heads bowed, and hands crossed atop their individual canes. A slow shine of lights reflected off a disco ball that hadn't been there moment's before, catching against the brightly color silk of their robes. The bright shine of the purple of Hiashi's robes matched the broad brimmed hat, with a single yellow feather lazily swaying about. Inoichi, matched him, but in a brilliant, almost neon blue as he matched his friend in their pose.
Behind them, the genin could make out a group of poles that had some how appeared out of thin air, each adorned by a rather scantily clad leaf kunoichi writhing about them in a sensual dance. At either man's side, they had similarly outfitted kunoichi, hanging off their arms, as a banner spread behind them. Those that tore their eyes from the spectacle, managed to read its message: "Hiashi Hyuga and Inoichi Yamanaka, Second Stage Chunin examiners!"
"... Now here's some guys that have style!" Kankuro crowed as he could feel the trickle of blood flowing down his nose, but simply didn't care.
"... Isn't that...?" Sasuke started as he pointed to Hiashi.
"Yes," Naruto responded flatly.
"And isn't that...?" His finger moved over to Inoichi."
"Yes."
"Huh... your girls are gonna kill them, aren't they?" Sasuke noted.
"Depends on how smart they are," Naruto responded dully.
"Why the hell would two grown men, two of the most respected ninja in the Leaf... do that?"
"Honestly?" Naruto pursed his lips, "Someone probably convinced them, that where ever they are, their wives would be getting a kick out of it."
-Said Where ever they are-
"Oh. My. God."
The words echoed through the air, as four sets of eyes stood glued to the screen in front of them. His face pale, Minato Namizake fell silent the moment after the words left his lips. Next to him, three feminine voices erupted into a stream of happy giggles.
"Oh, that is just priceless!" Kushina gushed as she looked at the other two women, "The girls really went all out for your boys, didn't they?"
"Definitely!" the blonde woman agreed, her eyes sparkling happily, "Such a two for one special! Showing off for us, and embarrassing the girls just like good fathers are supposed to!"
"I don't know," the dark haired woman frowned, "Mr. Snuggly Pants is hiding that magnificent ass of his behind all those robes, I taught him better than that!"
"Ha! You should see Inoichi's!" the blonde woman countered, "Why, back in the day, I used to love to get him dressed in nice, tight spandex, just so I could rip it off him!"
"Urk!" the only man in the group paled once more, mumbling softly under his breath, "I'm gonna need sake, lots and lots of sake."
Kushina petted her husband atop the head, before smirking at her friends, "I love that speech my boy gave! Despite appearances, he gets his way with words from Minmin here."
"You sure about that?" the blonde woman asked casually, her brow arching slightly as she noticed the stuttering and mumbling man.
"Oh yes, most assuredly," Kushina nodded back, "I do have a talent for words, but... weeelllll..." she grinned lecherously at Minato, "Lets just say that they're the kind words to inspire, more carnal responses."
"Eep!" Minato's eyes widened comically as he stared back at the red head, squirming worriedly in his seat.
"Well, seeing how content our daughters are with that magnificent son of yours... not to mention how... stimulating his books can be, I think he got both," the Hyuga woman drawled, before sighing, "He's such a wonderful student, I wish I'd had more time to train him."
"I wish I'd had time to train him period," Minato spoke up quietly, looking at the screen as he curled his arms up against his chest, his arms crossing over his knees as he rested his chin there, "He's just... And that damned Hiruzen! Would it be so bad for him to know about us? Can't he see how desperately he needs it?"
"He's doing the best he can baby," Kushina said soothingly as she wrapped an arm about him, before frowning slightly, "Even if he's doing a really shitty job of it."
"I know, its just..." Minato sighed and grumbled, "I'm not taking him off The List."
"I know, he's on Mine too."
"The List?" the blonde woman asked curiously.
"The List of people who's asses we're going to kick when they finally croak, for what they did to our Naruto!" Kushina declared fiercely.
-Back at the Exam-
"All right kiddies, listen up," Inoichi spoke up as he slowly look up, and out across the room, cane twirling in his hand, "Because as of now, we're the ones in charge."
"So we're gonna make this short, and sweet," Hiashi continued, "The longer this takes us, the longer we're kept from enjoying our time with the girls here."
"That means, you're all gonna follow us to Training Ground 44, like good little boys and girls," Inoichi added, "So, get a move on!"
"Damn, and here I thought they'd be cool," Kankuro grumbled under his breath.
"Oh, they can be," Naruto chuckled at the puppeteer, "I'm guessing someone put them up to this."
"What makes you say that?" Sasuke said sarcastically as they mingled through the shifting groups, trying to pull their respective teams together, "The fact that Hiashi Hyuga is dressed like that?"
"Nah," Naruto shrugged, "I've seen pictures of him dressed up worse... I was referring to them doing it in front of their daughters... In public."
"Their daughters?" Kankuro blinked, "They're part of the exams?"
"Oh sure, they're-MMPH!" Naruto's response was cut off as a hand snaked out and roughly pushed over his mouth.
"Naruto," Sasuke spoke up calmly, and firmly as he kept his hand over his friend's mouth, "I think we both would prefer to not face their wrath."
Pushing the dark haired boy's hand off his mouth, Naruto grinned back, "Bah, you just know they'd take it out on you instead of me."
"Exactly," the Uchiha responded with a nod, "And, I rather prefer to keep myself in the shape I'm currently in... Haku-kun is rather fond of it. As am I."
"Urk," Kankuro made a slightly disgusted face as he shook his head, "I really, really don't need those mental images."
"I swear, you're such a baby sometimes, Kankuro," Temari's voice spoke up with an audible smirk as she sauntered over, "Though, I feel sorry for the girls."
"Oh shut up, Temari," the boy snapped back at his sister, "And which girls?"
"Those two's daughters of course," the blonde girl laughed back.
"You know who they are?"
"Well... Mmmph!" Temari blinked as she suddenly found herself gagged and bound where she stood, a pair of Narutos at either side of her, grinning at her.
"Naughty, naughty, Temari-chan," the one on her right grinned.
"Yes, very naughty," the one on her left agreed.
"And she didn't even invite us to join in!" Ino's voice called out in amusement as she sidled up to the clone on the right.
"Terribly rude, I'll agree," Hinata nodded as she slid up next to the clone on the left.
"Awfully nice of Naruto-kun to gift wrap her though, wasn't it, Hinata-chan?" the blue eyed blonde girl grinned.
"Definitely, Ino-chan," Hinata agreed happily as her fingers lightly trailed over the Naruto clone's chest, "Though mmm... Its a shame we don't have time to properly... unwrap her."
"That is so wrong," Kankuro muttered under his breath with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Eh," a new, female, voice spoke up, "That's Team 10 for you."
"Oh, hey..." Naruto spoke up, "Um, Tenten, right? Neji-bastard's teammate?"
"Neji-bastard?" Gaara's voice called out neutrally as he walked up to the group, Sakura at his side.
"Yeah, Hinata-chan's cousin," Naruto nodded, "There are a few... issues there."
"He's got more than a few of them," Tenten admitted, "Then again, most of my team does."
"Yosh!" a sudden, exuberant cry was heard as a new figure dressed in tight green, with thick black brows, leaped over, "I thank you for your most youthful aid in this portion of the exam my teammate!"
"See?" Tenten jerked her thumb at the newly arrived genin, "He's like a mini-clone of our instructor, so you can imagine what that's like."
"Yes! Gai-sensei is most youthful! I strive to live up to his example!" the boy proclaimed before he caught sight of Sakura, and his eyes immediately lit up as he jumped over to her, "My name is Rock Lee! Most beautiful, youthful lady, lets go out together!"
Gaara immediately began to twitch, his dull green eyes narrowing as the rest of the group started at the bushy browed boy.
"Well... Looks like you guys are about to be eliminated," Naruto deadpanned to Tenten.
"Eh? Lee, quit being an idiot!" Tenten barked at her teammate before looking over at Naruto, "Why's that?"
"Your friend just hit on Sakura right in front of her boyfriend," the blonde boy noted.
"Yeah..." Kankuro was slowly inching away from the exuberant boy, "Bro's not exactly the most... forgiving person..."
"No," Sakura responded anyway as she slipped her hand into Gaara's and gave it a reassuring squeeze, "I've got a boyfriend."
"Oh," immediately Lee slumped down looking dejected before he looked at the other three girls that weren't on his team hopefully, before noticing their rather intimate interactions with the Naruto clones, "Again, I prove not youthful enough! I will run 100 laps around-MMPH!"
"You will cease this immediately and not inflict your... youthfulness upon us," Gaara said flatly as his sand suddenly wrapped around Lee, mummifying the boy from his ankles to just under his nose, "I am... restraining myself from ending you now for hitting on my Sakura-chan in front of me. Do not tempt me any further. Am I clear?"
Slowly Lee nodded back, staring at the dull eyed boy, before the sand around him slowly dissolved away, leaving him to slump back to the ground. The instant it was gone, the boy immediately surged up, his eyes burning with an inner fire as his fist clenched, "YOSH! I look forward to challenging you, to test my fires of youth!"
"Lee, this is in the middle of the exams," Tenten said in exasperation, "Save the challenges for later!"
"You have to deal with this guy, on TOP of Neji-bastard?" Naruto spoke up, eying Tenten lightly, "You have my sympathies."
"Thanks," Tenten said sourly, as she noticed Temari's predicament, "Do you normally go about tying up girls like that?"
"Regularly?" Naruto paused in consideration, "Only my friends. Otherwise... yeah, quite often," he grinned at her, waggling his brows, "I am a capture specialist."
"Really, I heard you were a Bondage specialist," Tenten countered with a slight smirk.
"Well, that too," Naruto admitted with a wry grin, "Though, my girls don't have any complaints about it."
"Only that we don't get to enjoy it often enough!" Ino spoke up, breaking off the fun she was having with her Naruto clone and the bound Temari.
"Well, in Naruto-kun's defense," Hinata spoke up from the other side of Temari with her own Naruto clone, "If he did, none of us would be getting anything else done."
"But think of the satisfaction!" Ino countered, a slight trickle of drool curling out the corner of her mouth.
"Yes, there is that," Hinata nodded in agreement.
"So, is everyone here a pervert?" Tenten asked with an arched brow.
"Depends," Gaara spoke up, his head canted to the side, "Are you one?"
Immediately the girl blushed brightly and mumbled something none of the rest could quite make out.
"Then, I do believe that's a yes," Gaara nodded simply.
"Hey!" Sakura grumbled, "Are you calling me a pervert?!"
The red headed demon container looked at the girl at his side, "The blushing you tend to do when you do something like sprawl across my lap, press against my side and run your eyes over my body would indicate this, yes."
"Oh," the pink haired girl immediately blushed brightly, nodding her head as she looked to the side, before suddenly jerking her gaze back to the boy, her eyes wide, "Wait... does that mean YOU'RE a pervert too?!"
"Based on the examples of my siblings," Gaara responded, "As well as yourself, Naruto his girls, and his instructors, along with the thoughts I find myself having in regards to you and your body, I would have to say yes," he paused, before continuing, "Though, thankfully not to the extent that my brother is."
"Hey, with the lack of respect and the insulting!" Kankuro spoke up again.
"What's so bad about him?" Tenten asked curiously as she looked at Kankuro, "Other than the face paint."
"Hey!"
The rest of the group, save Lee, looked at one another before answering in unison, "His dolls."
"They're puppets!" the boy protested angrily.
"His dolls, what he uses them for," Gaara finished simply.
"Its a perfectly reasonable control exercise!" Kankuro protested, "To help better emulate.... Ah screw it, I give up."
As Kankuro hung his head and sulked, the group chuckled softly as they walked out of the academy.
"Hey, Spanky," Naruto spoke up, "Why haven't you gone and met up with your team yet?"
"Eh..." Sasuke shrugged a bit as he nervously looked around, "Kiba's been a bit... rowdy lately."
"Spanky?" Tenten suddenly asked with a blink.
"Ask Neji," Naruto grinned, down right wickedly.
"Right..." the girl responded warily as Sasuke broke into a light flush of embarrassment, "I'm not sure I really want to know."
"This is a most... confusing group," Lee spoke up, warily, "To see nin of different villages getting along is most youthful! But, at the same time... The topics are most unyouthful! I am most confused!"
"Welcome to the insanity, Lee," Naruto spoke up with a grin, "We'll have you measured for your own straight jacket and rubber room in no time."
"While most generous, Naruto-san," the boy responded, "I am not so sure it would be properly youthful for me to accept!"
"Naruto..." Tenten spoke up carefully, "How much would you charge to properly... educate Lee here?"
"Hmm," Naruto paused, taking a moment to study the bushy browed boy in front of him, "Now that's a tough one, we're talking about a major overhaul. Instilling of proper perversions, teaching him some style..."
"Yosh! I have a most youthful style!" Lee protested quickly.
"And we're talking about teaching you a style that would make girls interested in you, instead of running away in fear," Naruto countered, "Lets see, we'd also have to get him a proper fashion sense..."
"But, but...! Gai-sensei gave me this uniform!"
"Lee," Tenten spoke up, "When was the last time you saw Gai-sensei with a woman?"
"Why, just the other day!"
"Who actually enjoyed being in his company?"
"Ummm..." Lee paused then, catching his chin against his thumb, "Hrm.... There was... No, not her... No, not her either... Um... Erm..."
"Exactly," Tenten continued, "Gai-sensei is great for training, for ninja training that is... But, seriously? You want to end up around a girl and NOT have her wanting to run for the hills? Not a good idea to emulate him beyond training."
"But... but...."
"Generally, girls prefer experience over youth ya know," Naruto drawled lazily, as he smirked at Lee, "Or, at least they like moderation in their... 'youthfulness' as it were."
"But... its Gai-sensei!" Lee protested.
"So, Tenten," Naruto spoke up, suddenly waggling his brows at the brown haired girl, "You interested in the magic show?"
She immediately blushed brightly, almost freezing in place as she stared, wide eyed at the boy in front of her as she stuttered a response, "I, um, err... that is..."
"And that Lee," Naruto continued with a smirk and a wink, "Is the difference experience makes."
"All right," Inoichi's voice spoke up over the group, "Welcome to Training Ground 44, The Forest of Death!"
-The Jounin Lounge-
"Well, all our teams passed from what I understand," Kakashi spoke up with a smile, "That Naruto of yours apparently really gave Ibiki a hard time."
"That's our brat!" Anko said proudly, smirking broadly.
"Yes, he even offered to give the various kunoichi in the exam, a private magic show," the silver haired man continued, "Where he practically promised that their panties would vanish."
"Yeah, that's definitely our brat," Kurenai chuckled softly.
"Yosh! That is a most unyouthful offer!" Gai exclaimed in askance.
"Ah, then I suppose I shouldn't mention that your student, Tenten, was seen heading over to him when they were leaving the exam room?" Kakashi smiled back at his 'Eternal Rival'.
"Nooo!" Gai almost screamed in horror as he stared at his fellow jounin.
"Indeed," Kakashi eye smiled back, "Then, your prized student, Lee, went and hit on Asuma's student."
"Sakura?" the bearded jounin asked with a smirk, "Or did he prefer Shikamaru?"
"Weeeeeeelllllll...." Kakashi drawled out, enjoying the growing look of horror on Gai's face.
"Nooo! What has become of my most youthful students!?!" the thick browed jounin wailed, as tears began to flow down his cheeks, "I have failed my precious charges! I will run 200 laps around Konoha on my hands alone! And if I can't, I'll..."
"It was Sakura, Gai," Kakashi quickly cut the man on, letting him recover a moment before adding in the next bit of information, "But he did it right in front of her boyfriend."
"EH!?" this time, Asuma joined Gai in his exclaimation.
"Sakura has a boyfriend in the Chunin exams?" Asuma continued, almost dropping his cigarette from his mouth.
"Oh, didn't you know?" Kurenai looked up, bemused, "He's on Baki's team."
"...Kankuro has a girlfriend?" Baki spoke up, incredulously.
"Nope!" Anko answered with a grin.
"... GAARA has a girlfriend?!" the sand jounin out right stared at the woman.
"... Sakura is going out with the container of the Ichibi?" Asuma's cigarette fell limply from his lips, as the man stared at the three identically dressed instructors.
"And Gai's student hit on her in front of him," Kakashi reminded them happily.
"My," Kurenai noted, "I'm starting to wonder, are we training ninja, or a soap opera?"
"Gai, I'm surprised at you," Anko grinned wickedly, "Training your student to be so forward! I never knew you had it in you!"
"And... Gaara DIDN'T kill him?" Baki spoke up, his visible eye wide.
"Nope," Kakashi smiled back, "Sakura just gave his hand a nice little squeeze and he calmed down."
"She was TOUCHING him?!" Baki reached up, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Damn, now, I KNOW I made the right choice."
"Yup," Kakashi smiled simply, "Oh, and Gai? Tenten is trying to get Lee to take lessons from Naruto."
"Noooooo! My precious student!" Gai stared in horror at the thought.
"And, it looks like he's going to take him up on it," Kakashi continued.
"LEEEEEE! Don't worry, I'm coming!" with that, Gai became a blur of motion as he raced out of the room.
"How do you know all this anyway?" Kurenai asked curiously.
"Transformed Shadow Clone," Kakashi smiled back, "Very useful."
-End Notes-
Heh, that was fun. Next time, Round 2 begins!