He awoke to the smell of food and faint rustles. Yawning, he opened his door and found LeBeau cooking at the stove. Hogan looked at his clock. 1300 hours. LeBeau looked at him with a smile. "Everyone all right?" Hogan murmured.
"Oui. Everyone is awake except Newkirk."
Hogan walked over to Newkirk's bunk. Newkirk slept, breathing in long, low grinding heaves. "Get Wilson," Hogan ordered.
"Already have." Kinch flipped through a book. "He wants to wait until Newkirk's awake."
Hogan nodded. He touched Newkirk's forehead and found it cool. Newkirk sleepily opened his eyes and smiled. "'Ey, gov," he gasped.
"Wait. Wilson's coming."
"Feel fine." Newkirk's voice croaked and cracked. He slipped off his bunk. Hogan gestured to Carter and the sargent left. He returned with Wilson who took Newkirk immediately into Hogan's quarters. He emerged a few minutes later, rolling his eyes.
"He has laryngitis. Otherwise, he's fine. A lot of smoke inhalation and the cold weather plus too much talking, I'd guess. In other words, he partied too much."
"Yeah, it was fun,' Newkirk snorted, coming out of Hogan's room.
"Rest your voice," Wilson said.
Newkirk nodded and sat down at the table. Carter handed him a plate of food. As Newkirk ate, Carter eyed him curiously. Newkirk returned the look with raised eyebrows. "Kinch, we need to radio tonight," Hogan said.
"Yes, sir," Kinch said.
"I need to talk to General Danvers." Kinch nodded. "There's nothing planned for tonight, so let's all try to get some rest. If anyone hears bombers, let me know. Newkirk, can you write up what you remember from the party?"
"Sure thing, gov."
"How'd you get in anyway, Newkirk?" Parker swept the barracks floor.
"They needed a waiter."
"Save your voice, mon ami." LeBeau handed Newkirk a cup of tea.
Schultz opened the door. "Good afternoon," he said. "Hello, cockroach, do you have any coffee or food?"
"I have coffee, Schultzie. How was your Christmas?"
"The kinder are happy. And danka for the gifts, gentlemen. They appreciated it." Schultz accepted a cup of coffee. "Ah, Colonel Hogan, I would stay away from herr Kommandant. He discovered his new lady interest went out with Field Marshall Schiff last night." Schultz snorted. "Fraulien Walters must like the big shots."
"Is that the black haired girl?" Olson asked. "The one whose car broke down?"
"The one in the tight sweater?" Parker leered.
"Hey!" Carter exclaimed. "She's probably really nice."
"I'd say," Olson muttered.
"Ja." Schultz smiled. "She remembered my name, said I was quite handsome. I think she likes me."
"Right, Schultz," Kinch chuckled.
"That's why she's dating a Field Marshall," Olson jabbed.
"She kissed me," Schultz said. "Newkirk, are you ill?" Newkirk coughed loudly.
"Tea down the wrong pipe," Hogan said as Newkirk breathed hard. "Anything else, Schultz?"
"Nein. I will take my coffee and go."
After he left, Carter opened his mouth then closed it and glared at Newkirk. Newkirk looked astonished. "Parker, Olson, check out the guards, see what they're doing," Hogan said.
"Yes, sir," Olson said. They left and Carter looked at Newkirk.
"I didn't ruddy touch Schultz!" Newkirk's rasp filled the barracks. "I don't know where he got that idea 'cause I never, ever let my lips near him!"
"Newkirk, it's all right," Hogan teased. "Schultz is a lot of man."
"Oui." LeBeau sniggered as he stirred a pot.
"Yeah, he really likes you," Carter said.
"Sod off," Newkirk muttered as he began writing. "All of you."
"It could be worse," LeBeau baited. "It could be Klink."
"Or Himmler," Kinch added.
"I'm a bloke, mate," Newkirk muttered through clenched teeth. "And I'd bleedin' die before I'd fall for a ruddy Kraut."
"Relax, old chap." Hogan clasped Newkirk's shoulder. "We all know you've dated your last Kraut."
"Ruddy right."
----------
Muscles flexed as the men shovelled snow. Hogan watched his crew as they dug out the motorpool. "They are too slow," Klink sniffed beside him.
"Beat your guards anyday."
"Bah. Your men are soft."
"Take on any of your guards."
"Fine. Corporal Mueller needs a workout partner."
"Hold on. Mueller's training for the Stalag boxing competition."
"You said your men could take on any of my guards."
"They can."
"Then I will choose one today." Klink looked at the men.
"I'll get a list of volunteers."
At inspection, Klink surveyed the prisoners from each barracks. "Well, Colonel, do you have my list?"
"I do." Hogan gave Klink a list. "Our demands are on the bottom."
Klink scowled. "Olson, Parker, Kinchloe, Carter,...I don't see your name, Hogan."
"I'm waiting to box you, sir."
Schultz snorted and Klink stomped his foot. "Quite a list," he commented. "I have such a variety." He looked at the men of Barracks Two. "Wait a minute. Newkirk, why isn't your name on this?"
"Must have been an oversight, sir," Newkirk commented. "I volunteer." Hogan ground his teeth. Damn it, Newkirk!
"Very well," Klink said. "Dismissed!" Hogan grabbed Newkirk's upper arm. "Let's go for a walk, Corporal," he said with clenched teeth. Newkirk paced beside him as they walked the camp perimeter.
"I 'ad to volunteer, sir!"
"And why is that?" Newkirk stared at him. "I'm not a coward!"
"Who said you were?!" Hogan snarled.
"If my name isn't on that list, everyone 'ere will think I'm ducking a fight and you ruddy know it!"
"Mueller weighs 225 pounds at least, is 6'2" and he's pure muscle."
"So? I'm muscled, too."
Hogan felt his patience fraying. "And you weigh what? And I mean now, not when you were---heavier."
"Same as before. Pretty much." Newkirk shifted weight as Hogan glared. "All right, I'm around 5'8" and weigh 150. Before I was 5'9" and weighed 175 lbs."
"175. Now 150. So you'd be giving Mueller at least 75 lbs and 6 inches."
"Better than LeBeau."
"LeBeau isn't on this list, is he?"
"I'd back Louie if he could fight like I know he can."
"This is boxing. Louis can't fight like an agent," Hogan hissed. "And you can't street brawl."
"Klink most likely won't even pick me!"
"He's already thinking of you!"
"And the rest of the camp?"
"Are you that insecure?" Hogan demanded, regretting it as Newkirk glowered at him. "Forget it, Newkirk. I am not sending one of my men into a slaughter."
"I'm better than that."
"NO."
Newkirk stared at his feet. "You wouldn't have cared before," he muttered.
"You wouldn't have volunteered before!"
Newkirk opened his mouth and then shrugged. "If you say so, sir," he sullenly said, sounding like a ten year old being reprimanded.
"I do." Hogan rubbed his temples. "Newkirk, this has nothing to do with...All right, yes, it does. But I wouldn't let you do it even if you were back to yourself."
Newkirk looked at him and nodded. "Can I go now?" he asked. "Sir."
"Go on," Hogan sighed. Newkirk left, shoulders rigid.
"You'll pay for that, sir."
Hogan turned to Kinch. "I know. But he can't take on Mueller. He says he's 150. Mueller's at least 225."
Kinch nodded. "I understand. I see Newkirk's point, too. You know Simmons is going to jump on this."
"Simmons didn't volunteer."
Kinch nodded. "I'll keep an eye on both of them."
"Good. I'm going to talk to Klink to remove Newkirk's name."
"Take out Carter's name, too. He's a lousy fighter."
Hogan chuckled. "Done." He headed for Klink's office. After a pleasant interlude with Hilda, he sauntered into Klink's office. "Hi, Kommandant."
"Go away, Hogan."
"I found the perfect person for the match. Corporal Wilkins is a great fit."
"I was thinking Newkirk."
"Come on, Kommandant, Newkirk's far too small for this match. Mueller is 6'2"."
"He's a loud mouth who can finally prove his point. You said your men. Newkirk is one of your men."
"He's off the volunteer list. So's Carter. They're rotten as fighters."
Klink snorted, curling his lip. "Fine."
Hogan inwardly thanked God and swiped a cigar. After talking to Klink, he headed for the barracks. LeBeau handed him coffee as he came in the door. Hogan sipped and raised his eyebrows. "Schnapps?" he asked. "A little early, isn't it?"
"You will need it, mon Colonel."
"Now what?"
"Kinch and Newkirk."
Hogan winced. "I don't need that. Where are they?"
"In the tunnel." LeBeau wiped a pan clean. "Roaring like lions. I sent Carter to check on the guards."
Hogan sighed and headed below. It was eerily quiet in the tunnels. no yelling, no talking. Hogan paced forward cautiously. He found his men glaring at each other, Newkirk eerily silent, Kinch looking frustrated. Relief swept Kinch's face as Hogan stepped into the room. Newkirk merely eyed him. "What's going on?" Hogan demanded, leaning against the doorframe.
"Nothing," Newkirk snarled. "Sir." He straightened up and sulkily brushed by Hogan. Hogan grasped Newkirk's upper arm. Newkirk looked at him angerily.
"I asked what was going on," Hogan repeated.
"Ask your second," Newkirk snapped.
"Hey, it's not my fault. You chose to be a woman. So deal with it, Newkirk! You're smaller, weaker, and slower!" Hogan felt Newkirk tense. "Just see 'ow weak I am, mate!"
"Enough!" Hogan stared both men down. "Kinch, what happened?"
"Sure, ask him first," Newkirk muttered, so low Hogan barely heard. Hogan frowned and unconciously tightened his grip. He stopped when Newkirk flinched under his fingertips.
"I was explaining why you did what you did and what Newkirk should and shouldn't do. Newkirk and I then started to argue. Woman or not, you're still a mule headed fool," Kinch snapped. Newkirk bristled.
"And neither you or the Colonel 'ere can answer my questions. Just what am I not doing now that I was before? And if I was a man, would you even care that I took on Mueller?"
"I answered that," Hogan said. "Yes, I would stop you."
"I'd just think you were a fool," Kinch said, calming slowly.
"And what am I not doing?!"
"Nothing!" Kinch blurted. "Everything! You're a woman! Act like it!"
"Yeah, that'll work, mate. No one will guess! And just what is acting like a woman? If you think I'm sitting back and taking your guff..."
"All right! That's enough!" Hogan slowly released Newkirk's arm. "Newkirk, you are not fighting Mueller. That's it. But you've done well. Kinch, there is no acting like a woman."
"You're right, Colonel. I'm sorry, Newkirk."
"Fine." Newkirk wheeled to go. He slipped away into the tunnels and Hogan pressed his fingers against his aching head.
"Sorry, Colonel," Kinch quietly said. He handed Hogan some aspirin.
"It's all right."
Newkirk wasn't seen until lights out. He handed LeBeau a sack and climbed into his bunk. "Merci," LeBeau blurted. "Where did you get this?"
"Just some vegetables and fruit. Won it." Newkirk stared at the ceiling. "Make something for everyone."
"Hey, thanks, Newkirk," Carter said.
"No problem." Newkirk curled into a ball.