Chapter 3: Heaven
Warning: Angsty feelings.
A/N: Sorry for the wacky theology in this chapter. I'm basing it off the show and not anyone's personal belief system.
Thanks to my betas: zigpal and especially AshDawnSoulmates. She and I spent hours coming up with the right songs.
Disclaimer: BtVS characters belong to Joss Whedon / Mutant Enemy. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission. Song sung in this chapter by Los Lonely Boys.
Buffy laughed to herself when she showed the song list to the band. She had to insist a couple times that she knew what she was asking for with the next song. Even though it didn't match the style of the other songs, the message of it had a strong personal meaning for her.
Since Willow and the others tore her away from her rest, she had been searching for answers. Once she crawled out of that pit of despair she was in before Spike left, she realized that if she ever wanted to get back to her reward, she couldn't continue on that way. Despite the fact she got in the first time, Buffy was worried that it wasn't the same as getting your hand stamped at an amusement park; each admittance required its own cover charge.
It was funny – in a heartbreaking sort of way – but this song hurt more to sing than the others on her list tonight. While Willow was recovering in England, Buffy came across it by accident, and since then, it became her daily mantra to the Powers, or God, or whoever was in charge. It was what fueled her interest in country music.
Save me from this prison
Lord help me get away
Cause only you can save me now
From this misery
Even now, almost two years later, Buffy still felt like she was in hell. Though life had gotten a little easier to bear, it was still a struggle to get through the day sometimes. And this last battle certainly didn't make that better. The only things that got her through were her sister and her mission. Then when her sister turned away from her, the mission almost wasn't enough anymore. That was one of the things she owed Spike for – reminding her that it should be.
Cause I've been lost in my own place
And I'm getting' weary
{How far is heaven}
And I know I need to change
My ways of livin'
{How far is heaven}
Lord can you tell me
She gave a soft smile when she heard the band join in with the {How far is heaven} part. Even if they didn't understand her choice, they still gave it their all. The audience appeared to enjoy it, though they too looked bewildered.
Cause I've been locked up way too long
In this crazy world…
I just keep on prayin' Lord
Just keep on livin'…
Lord can you tell me…
I just got to know how far…
Lord can you tell me
As Buffy sang the Spanish words, she briefly thought of her friend Oz, and what he was doing these days. She used his last name to honor him, and hoped he was well. She wondered if there was something she or the others could have done to get him to stay – or if it was better for him to get away. She just missed his quiet support sometimes – especially since Tara had died. Those two were the ones that demanded the least of Buffy, and judged the least, too.
Tu que estas en alto cielo,
Echame tu bendiciòn*
Cause I know there's a better place
Than this place I'm livin'…
So I just got to show some faith
And just keep on giving…
Lord can you tell me…
I just wanna know how far…
Lord can you tell me…
'cause I just gotta know how far,
I just wanna know far
By the time she finished, Buffy was choking back the tears. She wouldn't consider herself suicidal anymore, but she didn't fear death the way she used to. She only hoped that the next time would be it for good. That she would be allowed to rest.
She took a small break to get a drink of water. When she was under control again, she nodded to the band and they got ready to start the next song. But first she needed to give it a dedication.
A/N: *{translated from Spanish: You that's in a higher place; Send me down a blessing}
A/N2: Next…'End of the World' by Skeeter Davis.