Chapter 6: Goodbye To You
Warning: Angsty feelings.
Thanks to my betas: zigpal and especially AshDawnSoulmates. She and I spent hours coming up with the right songs.
Disclaimer: BtVS characters belong to Joss Whedon / Mutant Enemy. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission. Song sung in this chapter by Michelle Branch.
When she first heard the song, the blonde Slayer was grieving her Watcher leaving her. He knew she had been torn out of heaven, but still chose to abandon her – for her own good. Gee, where did she hear that argument before?
Tonight she was thinking of her sister, though. The person she died to save. Sure, she was saving the world as well, but that was just an afterthought. The world was only worth saving if Dawn was saved too. She still wasn't entirely sure why her blood would close the portal, but she figured it was one of the mystical things that only the Powers understood.
Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
She gave an ironic chuckle in her mind during the next verse. The fact the last three years were the only time Dawn was real made it that much more painful.
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,
As she moved into the chorus, Buffy felt her heart break. She knew she hadn't been a good sister to Dawn when she came back, but she tried – or at least she did once she stopped trying to punish herself for being less than human. Until the mess with the First interfered, she and Dawn were getting closer too. Maybe not best friends, but who could expect that? She was Dawn's guardian after all; it was a given they would butt heads occasionally.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
Then all the Potentials were dumped in her lap, and the tenuous relationship fell to the back burner. Long apocalypses were murder on personal relationships. But she had a duty to perform and she would try her best, even if it wasn't enough.
She sang the next verse and chorus again, trying to block the pain of that night after the vineyard. While the others hurt her with their betrayal, it was Dawn's words and the look in her eyes that destroyed her spirit. She didn't even recognize the person glaring at her, telling her she needed to leave them.
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time…{Chorus x2}
Buffy still wanted to have that relationship with her sister. That was part of the reason for her latest decision. But even if Dawn took their side again, she wouldn't back down this time. This time she would be strong for herself. Despite Dawn's age, she believed she was capable of making her own choices, and Buffy would let her now. The gang would keep her safe – or at least as safe as somebody in their world could be.
She whispered the final words, more for herself than for Dawn. Then, when the crowd quieted down, she announced her final song for the evening.
A/N: Next…'Don't You Ever Get Tired (Of Hurting Me)' by Ronnie Milsap.