Carlisle left for work, after a quick and quiet discussion with his wife.
"The wolves have given us one week to move, probably because their pack is still not as strong as our coven and neither side wants casualties. Be wary, but be fast about the move. I love you, my dearest." He whispered to Esme, kissing her gently. He left with one last glance at me. And then it was Esme and I. She rattled off a list of things she had to do.
"Today I have to pack all of the books in the downstairs library, and Edward's CDs, not to mention I have to try and properly store all of the antiques and the piano..." she walked off into the garden.
I blinked. I was truly being useless, after they had been nothing but kind to me. Where was the library? I stood and walked to the hallway, immediately spotting it. There were two dozen, open, empty boxes stacked beside a wall filled with novels. I could help with that. I filled all of the boxes quickly, being careful with the older books, keeping them all arranged alphabetically. Before an hour had passed I was finished and I went back to resume my place on the couch. Couch potato, I accused myself.
Esme walked directly inside, covered in dirt and went upstairs to change. She liked gardening and renovating. She was probably supposed to be keeping an eye on me. She probably didn't think I was going to move. She came back downstairs, looking much cleaner and went to get started in the library. Obviously I had been quick and quiet enough to not draw her attention. Her surprised 'oh' and pause made me smile. I was glad to have helped even a little bit. She walked back in to my room, kneeling before me.
"Thank you Bella. You've saved me some work." She looked at me, her eyes cheerless and appreciative all at once. I smiled tentatively before redirecting my gaze to the floorboards. "Would you like to help a little more?" Esme asked politely. My eyes flickered back to hers. "You could pack Edward's CD's for him. Usually he'd do it, but under the circumstances..." she offered me a hand.
I took it, slowly and she led me to his bedroom. I had to admit I liked his room. There was a beautiful gold carpet, a black couch, and an expensive stereo system. And the CDs. Hundreds of them lined the walls. I wished I could go back to my house, grab my iPod and get some of the songs from here. The classical section was the largest and it held all of my favourites and my mother's and others I'd never even heard of. There was music from every decade, but the selection for the sixties and seventies was rather small, especially compared to the others. He also had vinyl records stored in shelves, many simple copies of the CDs he owned. He had them organized by year, but I couldn't quite figure out his entire system.
I grabbed a few empty cardboard boxes and began to relocate the vast collection. A small part of my brain wanted nothing more than to demolish all of the CDs in the room, revenge for what Edward had taken from me. It was a very small part though.
I packed them all away, keeping the decades separated accordingly. By the end of two hours I had several boxes of CDs. I found a pen and labelled the boxes. The labelling system looked quite odd. 1800 was written on one box, while 60 – 70 was written on another. It made sense to me. I could easily put them all back on the shelves in the exact order I had taken them out.
I sat, surrounded by boxes, simply watching the outside world through his wall of windows, until a car sound informed me that the others were home. Alice went to my room almost immediately.
"Bella?" I heard her confusion and smiled. What I wouldn't give to see the adorable pixie's face now.
"She's in Edward's room." Esme replied. Alice was at my side in an instant.
"Did you move or did Esme have to lift you out of the room like a paperweight?" Alice asked, glaring. I made no move or answer, but my insides were laughing. Alice sat down and proceeded to tell me about her day, and a few stupid things the teachers did. Soon after, Emmett took her place and it took every effort I had not to laugh. I didn't want to laugh. It was nice being around them, but I still hadn't really let go of my life yet. It had only been two days.
I spent the next two days in Edward's room, staring at the outside world. The glass was the only thing separating me from the trees, and although I could easily break it, I didn't want to. It was an odd analogy for my current predicament. I could easily escape, leave the people who had changed my life so dramatically, yet I didn't really want to.
Esme told me that we were leaving in less than a week. I had less than a week left until my world would change forever. Being in Forks helped me to still feel connected in some way to the life I had lost. When we moved, that would be gone. They began trusting me more and more not to run off. Esme would stay outside in the garden for hours at a time, leaving me free roam the house. I could leave if I tried, although Alice would probably know before I did. I found a map in the basement, of the area, with a curious dark line drawn through the middle. It was labelled 'La Push border'. We were as far as possible from La Push, literally being on the other side of Forks, the city that lay between the Cullen house and the reservation I remembered on my visits.
One of the days, I strayed into Alice's closet. She had such an array of clothing that I could hardly believe my eyes. I ran my hand through the fabrics, feeling textures and seeing all of the colours and patterns in her wardrobe. There were a few things that I had to admit I liked. I found a beautiful blue ball-gown. It was in my size and I just had to try it on.
Oddly enough – in Alice's closet, there were clothes for every member of the family. I spun, loving the way the velvet looked on my now flawless skin. I would never look like Rosalie, but I was certainly easier on the eyes than I used to be. The next dress was incredible. I had never been one for dress up, or even one for dresses, but I was astounded by this one.
The material was so floaty that breathing made it flutter. It was white and almost floor length, hanging off the shoulders. Every move I made, it replied with a gentle swoosh. The dress had a white bodice to it also, and I looked almost like an angel. I knew exactly what was missing though. My hand flew to my neck. My mother had passed down a beautiful silver cross, with a single diamond in the center. It was from her great grandmother or something, and was currently sitting in my room at Charlie's house. He would be at work by now. I could simply go back and get it. And I did.
I heard the phone ring as I left, no doubt Alice calling to warn Esme. I simply ran faster. It took less time than I thought it would to get home. I entered through the back door and ran up to my room, to begin searching before somebody came to yell at me. I found it after a few minutes of searching and then the unthinkable happened. I had been so focused on finding the necklace and putting it on, that I hadn't heard him come in.
"Bella?"
(Note: The next part made me cry when I was writing it.)
I kept my eyes on the floor, knowing that the blood red would most definitely scare him. His scent burned my throat and I resisted the urge to place my hand around it. His heartbeat picked up, and I could smell saltwater. I looked up for the briefest of moments and noticed that he was crying. It took all of my effort not to break down into a sobbing heap. Charlie never cried. Ever. What had I done?
"You really are dead. You look so beautiful Bells." He whispered. What? I then understood. He had been convinced that I wasn't alive. Here I was, in my room, looking more amazing and beautiful than I ever did when I was alive, in a white dress that was practically fluttering in a nonexistent breeze. I must've looked like an angel to him. I kept my voice steady as I spoke.
"Thank you dad." What was I going to say?
I could give him proper closure. I would never be able to come back, and I sure as hell would never get over him, but he could move on. Just a few simple words. "I came back for this. You don't mind do you Charlie?" I asked, letting my hand fall on the necklace. He shook his head, his breath still jagged, tears still streaming down his face.
"It's yours. All of it."
"I don't want you to worry about me okay?" Every word felt like a knife ramming through my heart. "Everything's so different now. I know it'll be hard on you and mom, but try not to be sad." I sounded like I was asking a question. "I'm happy." Lie. "I'm in very good hands and I've made some wonderful friends. Don't mourn me please dad? I know you'll miss me, I'll miss you. But I'll be watching. I might drop in again, give you a few cooking lessons." I tried to joke, although I felt so sad. Charlie smiled weakly.
"I love you Bella. I'll miss you so much."
"I know. Just stay strong for me okay? Move on. I'll keep an eye on everything, but promise me you'll look after Renee." If I had been human, tears would have been streaming down my face. They were slowing on his at least.
"I promise Bells."
"Do me a favour, okay? Don't kill the animal that did it?" it was the only thing I could think of to get him to stop looking. Closure was what he needed. He could help Renee through it all too. Charlie nodded helplessly and I smiled.
"How's heaven?" he asked quietly. It was time to lie again.
"Beautiful. You'll see it eventually, don't worry dad." My insides felt so empty. I was lying to the one person I could have ever gone back to. Why? To protect the people who had stolen my family from me. What's done is done. At that moment I heard a muffled curse from outside. Rosalie was here, ready to rip me to shreds. I looked to the window, worriedly.
"You have to leave?" he asked. I nodded, keeping my eyes away from his.
"Do me another favour? Close your eyes daddy." I asked, feeling so small, like a child again. His eyes began filling with tears once more.
"You'll be gone when I open them." He didn't ask. He knew. If only I could cry. "I don't want to close 'em Bells."
"Please daddy? Just count down from five. Just like we used to when you tucked me into bed and I was still afraid of the dark." My voice was barely a whisper but I knew he heard it. A single sob fell from his lips before he closed his eyes.
"I love you Bella."
"I love you daddy. Tell mom I love her too." He fell to his knees, letting his head rest in his hands.
"Five." Came the gentle whisper.
I jumped around him, darting down the stairs as quietly as I could.
"Four." I heard as I stepped into the kitchen.
"Three." He said as I left through the backdoor.
"Two." I had hit the forest at this point.
"One." I collapsed into a heap. I heard him wipe his eyes and laugh as he saw the empty room. He stood and I could see him looking out of the window through the trees. He looked a lot healthier than he had before my visit. He would be fine. I didn't want to move. I was staring at the green expanse of the trees and grass, when suddenly four other people were around me. None of them moved.
"That was a very brave thing you did Bella." Esme murmured in reply, kneeling beside me. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
"That was stupid and it could've gotten us all exposed." Rosalie snapped. I didn't even flinch. She was right.
"Charlie will be fine Bella. I've seen it. He wasn't doing so well before. He'll be fine now." Alice whispered. That made me feel a little better.
"Your control is incredible. You were feet away from him and you didn't kill him. Jasper wouldn't have believed it possible." Emmett said, appreciatively. Of course I didn't kill him. He was my father. I could never live with myself. I didn't want to move again. This time Esme carried me home.
"By the way – I love that dress on you. You really do look like an angel. I picked it out for Rosalie years ago and she hates it. It suits you so much better. Do you want to keep it?" Alice asked, chirpy as always. I sighed once. I really didn't care anymore. The dress would only serve to remind me of what I had done. What had I done? I had made my father happier. It was a good moment surely? But I felt so sad and awful. I'd think about it later. After Rosalie had calmed down maybe. All I wanted now, was to actually die, escape the pain. If wishes were horses...