The sun was the first thing I saw. The windows were fantastically illuminated by the sun, with all of the colours of the rainbow sparkling on the snow outside. It cast long shadows around the room. Edward was standing beside the door, staring, unblinkingly upon the beautiful sight. His face looked pained, disgusted, apologetic and much older than it ever had. I briefly wondered if this was how he had been during his initial absence, with the weeks he spent away from the Cullen family. My heart clenched at the thought of causing such a beautiful creature harm.

The only movement he was making was his chest. It was rising and falling with each slow breath he took, although it looked like a forced calm. He was truly distraught. I knew the feeling; what he needed to do, but wouldn't, was vent. Be it physically or verbally, he needed to destroy something or verbally berate himself. Either would be great right now, although I knew that was exactly what he wouldn't do. What was I supposed to do to make him do that?

"Edward?" I asked timidly. He blinked. I heard a muffled curse emitted from Jasper's room. Obviously the intense emotion was getting to him. I moved to block Edward's view, only to find that he wasn't really looking at anything. His eyes did look to me though.

I reached out to touch him and he shied along the wall, just out of my grasp.

Well that wasn't childish at all. I thought. Edward frowned and opened his mouth, to speak, before crashing his head back against the wall, hard enough to leave a dent. A few bits of plaster fell from the ceiling and landed on his shoulder.

"I don't know to make this better." I admitted. His anger flared then.

"You shouldn't have to make this better." He snapped, his voice much higher in volume than necessary. "You shouldn't be here."

I knew he meant as a vampire, but that hurt. I thought he loved me. I thought we loved each other. For him to say he didn't want me here, even though I knew I was taking the phrase out of context, was like taking a knife to my heart. I let out a 'huh' sound in a blast of air that spewed from my lips. It sounded like a strangled sob. Edward looked at me, and then realised how his words had been construed.

"Not like that Bella!" he said, his voice instantly apologetic. "You should be human, with your family. You should be attending school, going out on dates with human boys, getting angry at your parents for setting unreasonable curfews..." his voice had been gradually rising in volume and tempo, his anger only inflating as he continued to list things I would never have done anyway.

"I am studying, a grade level higher than my own. I never, and I mean n-e-v-e-r got asked on dates, and I never went anywhere, so I had no reason to argue about curfew."

"Semantics." He snapped back. "Don't be pedantic."

"Edward..." I wanted to tell him that I was fine with my new life, that I had accepted it all, and that everything was fine and dandy, and yet I couldn't lie to him. "I hurt." The pain that flashed across his features when I said this tore across my chest too. "I hurt a hell of a lot. You stole the only life I had ever known, and two parents who loved me deeply."

Where exactly are you going with this?

Yeah, you aren't really helping.

Both sides of my brain were in agreement, something that rarely happened. Where was I going with this? I was only making things worse. Edward's hands were digging into his jeans, ripping easily through the material. He looked pained, remorseful and still angry, at himself, at his kind, at his nature.

"But you gave me so much more. You gave me another family, one with its own characteristics and flaws. Renee and Charlie are still my family, and will always be my family, they just aren't my only family anymore." I tried to explain. I wasn't helping. He was still as angry at himself as before.

"Do. Not. Try. To. Make. This. Alright." He said between clenched teeth. "I have done nothing short of the most horrendous crime known to man. I have stolen your life, in so many ways, and condemned you to an eternity of darkness and slaughter."

"And you have given me a lover. A beacon of light in that darkness you threw me into."

"I have only taken from you, not given. I haven't done anything to deserve your love." He replied, turning his head away.

"So you'd rather I be angry with you?"

Oh boy.

He shouldn't have said that.

"I suppose." Edward muttered. His eyes flickering back to mine. He truly meant it.

"And what fucking good would that do?" I cried. Snap. I never swore. Ever. Not even in my head. "Fine! I'm angry with you. I hate you for taking my humanity, for not killing me when you had the chance. I hate Alice for taking me to Carlisle, I hate Jasper for fighting you off. I hate all of you for ruining my life as I knew it! Happy? Do you feel happier now Edward? Is that what you wanted? Now I hate everyone, your family is completely guilty and sad and do you feel any better?"

He was flinching and I could hear the protests of the others in the house that were listening to this conversation. I promptly ignored him and continued.

"I hate that I ever got out of that damn car. I hate that I ever moved to Forks. I hate that I was born female, I hate that my parents split up, I hate that vampires were even created in the first place. Are you better now Edward? Now that I'm full of hate? What good is it doing anyone? Does it change what happened? No. Does it change the future? Hell yes. We're all going to be fucking miserable for years to come."

"Bella." He said, turning to me. I promptly ignored him and continued.

"No doubt Jasper will move out cause he can't stand the misery. Alice will go with him because she can't leave her mate. Esme and Carlisle will despair over losing children. You'll leave, because you can hear their disappointment, Rose and Emmett won't like the environment either. So I'll leave, feeling guilty that I've caused all this to happen, and the once strong, unique and proud Cullen family will be fractured and broken, simply because you couldn't get your head out of your own ass and amend yourself."

"Bella." He repeated, moving towards me. I promptly ignored him and continued.

"Damn you Edward! Could you, for one second, pull yourself out of your 'well of misery' and take a look at the repercussions? You're a mind reader, for heaven's sake! You should be able to hear how this affects each and every family member. Or don't you care anymore? Are you too self-loathing that you don't care about anything except making yourself miserable?"

"Bella!" he said, a small smile on his face as he pushed his hand against my lips. I couldn't promptly ignore him anymore. He looked weirdly happier, considering all I did was yell vehemently at him. I tried to compose myself, emptying my head of the rest of the callous and hurtful speech I was going to make, opting for happy thoughts instead. Things like butterflies and clear blue skies, still bathtubs and sparkling snow.

I took a few deep breaths, calming myself, before adopting a 'So?' look. He removed his hand from my lips and pressed his lips there instead. I gave in far too quickly, my anger dissipating almost instantly.

"Thank you." He said. "For reminding me that it's not all about me, and my 'well of despair'. That I have other people to worry about, and that I have you to love, and to love me in return."

He ran his hands over my face, pulling me closer to him as he hugged me, silently apologizing for everything he'd done, every mistake he had made.

"Anytime."