Fictionista Workshop - WitFit December Prompts
December 8, 2009 (www(dot)fictionistaworkshop(dot)com/witfit/2009-12-08/)
Word Prompt: Elevator
Phrase Catch: What does the adage "laughter is the best medicine" make you think of? Write it.
Creative Original or Derivative:Derivative (Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyer)
Disclaimer: All copyright, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners.
Rating/Warning(s): T (sexual references)
Genre: Comedy/Parody/Drama
I was in the most amazing suite, in the most amazing hotel, with the most perfect man.
That man was currently shoving a piece of folded paper into my hands.
"What's this?" I asked, nodding towards the paper.
"Just open it, it's from Emmett."
I curiously opened it, although knowing it was from Emmett probably meant that it was inappropriate and immature.
28 Things to do in an Elevator
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap him on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on; ask if he has an appointment.
9) Lay down the Twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask him if he can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing him occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
18) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
19) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
20) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
21) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
22) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
23) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
24) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
25) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"
26) Before the elevator door opens shout "DING" and then laugh and say "beat you again Mr Elevator."
27) Have an awkward silence then start singing softly "Mary had a Little Lamb".
28) And for la grande finale, don't forget sexe en public, ma petite sœur ;)
The last idea completely shocked me. Sure, Edward and I had been rather... adventurous in our sex life. But sex in an elevator, where the doors could open at any second... I think my panties just dampened a little. To be honest, it freaked me out, but it was the hugest turn on to know we could get caught any second.
Edwards voice dragged me back to the present, "so, apparently, you are to choose and complete 10 of those, err... ideas."
"This is the present Emmett gives me for my second honey moon?" I asked, kind of exasperated, but still thinking about le sexe dans l'ascenseur scenario.
Edward smirked at me. His honeymoon present had been the week away in what would seem to be the most expensive hotel suite ever, the Imperial Suite of the Park Hyatt in Paris, France, followed by the best sex of my life, then the most expensive ring I had ever seen (I must regretfully admit, that I, Isabella Marie, had started to get a liking for expensive things. It happens when you live an extravagant lifestyle for numerous years).Then I get this piece of folded up paper.
"So... what are you going to do first?"
I looked back up at Edward, assuming he was kidding, but his face was dead serious.
"I actually have to do this," I very nearly whispered, it wasn't a question.
"Yep," Edward said, popping the "p", and rolling his weight back and forth from the heel of his feet to the front.
I scanned the list to prepare with an easy one for the first go.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
I pointed it out to Edward and he nodded and said, "Fine choice, m'am," before opening the suite door and leading me to the elevator.
"I'll be standing here, waiting for you. And listening in," he said, tapping the side of his forehead, like he would do whenever he was mentioning his talent.
The elevator soon arrived, and like I expected, no-one was in there. Very few people would be going up this high. Once in, I pressed the button for the ground floor, and felt the familiar vibrations and undulating sounds of the hydraulic system. I thanked the hotel that they hadn't thought to hire one of those people who stand around in elevators all day pressing the buttons for you.
When I arrived at the ground floor, there were three people lined up. I stood by the controls to make sure no one touched them.
"What floor would you like?" I asked the mum of the little boy.
"Dix-neuf, s'il vous plaît," she asked in a curt tone. I nodded emotionlessly and asked the older man who had gotten in behind them the same question.
"Seconde," he answered in a ruff timbre.
"This is where the fun begins," muttered Edward in a high frequency. I could still hear him from thirty floors down.
Instead of pressing the nineteenth and second floor buttons, I created a pattern on the controls. The buttons were all set out in a three by ten grid, so I highlighted everything to make it look like a yellow and white chess board.
The woman, seeing what I was doing, asked, "que fais-tu, what is this nonsense!"
I looked quickly at the little boy who was holding her hand, who was grinning like a Cheshire Cat up at his mother.
Thinking that these people might be trapped in here a long time, I had a look at the list once again.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
Thank god, that as a vampire, over the years I had got better at acting convincingly. I recall Alice saying long ago I was not such a good actress when it came to deceiving.
I stared at my feet for a couple of seconds, and then suddenly looked up at the enraged woman, panic clear on my face. I gripped the railing behind me, mocking the need for support.
"Did you feel that?" I whispered, loud enough so the humans could hear. I put as much panic in my voice as I could manage without sounding phony.
The woman widened her eyes, and I felt her heart rate go up. A smirk came across my face, but I quickly covered it up in fear again.
The tension was thick in the atmosphere. Everyone was standing stock still.
DING!
The shrilling sound of the elevator doors opening sounded, and it broke the atmosphere. The aged man huffed and made his way out, the second floor being the first button I pushed.
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap him on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
I moved to stand beside the woman, facing the doors in a conventional manner. She was just looking at her boy when I tapped her lightly on the shoulder. With my fast vampire, reflexes, my hand was already back at my side before she could even comprehend to turn her head.
She looked annoyed. It was obvious I had done it; there was no-one else round.
I quickly reviewed the list in my mind. I knew there was something with the elevator door opening...
5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
Yes, that's the one. I inconspicuously held the button down that kept the door open. The woman stood in the corner, furring her eyebrows at the door, since it had already been half a minute since the man made his way out.
I decided to put her out of her misery. To the space in the middle of the doors, I said, "hi, Greg. How's your day been?"
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
I moved my head around like I would when following the path of someone coming into the elevator. When the doors automatically closed, I very nearly shouted to the woman, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
The boy she had pushed behind her gave a small chuckle at this, while the woman stared at me like I had lost my mind.
Keeping a conversation up with my invisible pal, I said to a free corner in the elevator, "Did you have a nice breakfast this morning? Carol has been reminding me you have a special diet," I wiggled my eyebrows.
26) Before the elevator door opens shout "DING" and then laugh and say "beat you again Mr Elevator."
I felt the elevator slowing, so just before it came to a stop, in a very Alice-like tone I sung a perfect "DING" a second before the doors opened.
This time, there was a couple waiting for the elevator. I stood by to let them in.
The woman of the couple noticed the disarray of the elevator buttons, and her eyes widened, but before she could make a move to get off, the doors had already closed.
24) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
Putting my actress skills to the test once again, I stood still and grinned at the man who had just come in. He noticed me, and smiled back briefly before turning away and looking at the woodwork. He looked back at me and noticed I was still staring. His cheeks were blushing more by the second.
In the most little-girl, child-like voice I could conjure, I announced happily to the man, "I have new socks on." I very nearly jumped in the air to emphasize my happiness.
The man was looking at me with visible concern in his eyes. The woman next to him, probably his girlfriend, was giving me hateful looks. They were exactly the type of look I would give any woman who even looked at Edward for longer than was necessary.
20) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
That was the perfect one for her. I stared back at her with a slight smile, and her eyebrows slowly furrowed. In the blink of an eye, my expression turned to horror.
"You're one of THEM!" I exclaimed, in the most terrified voice. I backed up slowly till I hit the wall behind me, and continued staring at her in horror.
The elevator chimed for the next stop, and the couple quickly got off. The woman kept throwing backward glances at me as she moved down the hallway.
The elevator door closed once again, and the woman and her child were the only ones left again.
"Excuse-moi, is there any way that you can get us to the nineteenth floor without us having to stop again, s'il vous plait?" The woman softly said.
"All you had to do was ask," I did my best good-girl impression, and pressed every highlighted button so that the only highlighted floors were now 19 and 30.
"Merci beaucoup," she said, relieved. Her tense posture relaxed a little.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
I decided her son could have some fun, and since it was a relatively long ride from the floor we were on to the nineteenth, I got my phone out and called Alice.
I sat cross-legged on the floor, and selected the speaker.
"Hello, this is the Psychic Hotline, how may I help?" Alice's voice pierced into the box that was the elevator. I was counting on her predicting this.
"Yes, I would like you to tell me what floor I am on at the moment."
"Aah, yes, let me see... nine... ten... eleven..." she called out the numbers just before they changed on the automatic clock. The boy peeked curiously at the phone.
"fifteen... sixteen..." her voice chirped on. The boy was getting more amazed as the numbers grew higher.
"seventeen... eighteen, and... you're there, nineteen!" Alice had perfect timing with the ding of the elevator.
The woman almost ran out of the elevator, the boy being tugged quickly behind her into the left hallway. His face was still full of amazement by the time he disappeared around the corner.
The lift was now heading up back to the thirtieth floor, where our suite was. The elevator chimed, the doors opened, and there stood my man in all his glory.
I grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt and pulled him into the elevator.
"I'm gonna need your help with the last one." I was already breathing heavily, and nothing had even happened yet.
"Oh yeah, which one?" He asked, although I was sure he already knew.
28) And for la grande finale, don't forget sexe en public, ma petite sœur ;)
In case you're confused; this is set in the recognizable and unchanged future. It's up to you to decide how long it's been since Breaking Dawn occurred. But this is definitely both vampire Edward and Bella on their second honeymoon. Since their first one ended on an angsty note :p
As soon as I saw the words "laughter" and "elevator" I just knew I had to get the 28 Things to do in an Elevator off my blog and incorporate it in this story somehow. Most of the ideas are actually really funny. I wish someone would put a hidden camera in an elevator and then act these out as part of a TV show or something... (err, BIG hint to start own TV show people!)
If anyone has come across this is someone's blog, or it's in yours, it's probably one of the millions of copies surfing the net out there. The contents will probably vary from person to person.
And I kid you not – US$15500 a night for the Imperial Suite, Park Hyatt-Vendôme in Paris, France. You can google it :)
Translations:
* que fais-tu = what are you doing
* dix-neuf, s'il vous plaît = ninteen, please
* seconde = second
* le sexe dans l'ascenseur = the sex in the elevator
* la grande finale … sexe en public, ma petite sœur = the grand final … sex in public, my little sister
* excuse-moi ... s'il vous plait = excuse me … please
* merci beaucoup = thank you very much