Hey guys sorry this took so long and is so short. I luv all of your reviews they make me feel so special. I'm sorry about my attempt at poetry at the end of this, I hope it doesn't burn your eyes. Someone asked me if this was a Bella/James but it isn't...you'll see... so i'm going on vacation for thee next two weeks so no updates (i'm so sorry) but I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer:

Me: hmm.. they'll never find me in this dark alleyway.

SM: there she is get her!!!!!!!

Me: Oh no!

SM: she has my owning twilight documents!!!!

Me: I'll rip them up and let them go free so the whole world can own twilight.

(one super glue tube later and my plan is ruined)

SM: Say it

Me: I'm sorry I tried but I don't own twilight

SM: I do

Me: Just shut up

"Well class as I'm sure you know, the Biology project is due in two weeks. I suggest that you and your partner should find time to see each other after school. You have a lot of work to do so get started."

"So, are you coming to my house after school?" Edward didn't look at me.

"I guess so." I was terrified. I didn't want to think about his house, let alone go there. I didn't want to see Emmett and Esme and Carlisle. I couldn't take all the memories. But if I didn't go then Edward would know how much I still missed him. I would have to deal with it.

Biology is my last period of the day. I dreaded the end of class knowing I would have to go to Edward's house. I shivered at the thought. As soon as the bell rang, I took my time getting my stuff. I felt movement behind me and I turned around quickly. James was there.

"Hi" I said breathlessly.

"Hi" he replied back with a smirk. "So what do you want to do tonight?" My heart sank. I had to tell him.

"Well I actually have to go over to Edward's house…to work on our Biology project…" His face darkend.

"Do you have to go?" I knew he was annoyed. He didn't like the idea of me being alone with Edward.

"Yes I do, I'm really sorry. It's gonna suck."

"What time should I pick you up?"

"Oh you don't have to do that."

"Yes I do, you're my girlfriend and I love you."

"Thanks" I kissed him and we walked hand in hand to the parking lot.

I knew my way to Edward's house like the back of my hand. When I pulled into his perfect driveway, I was surprised how little it had changed. I shock my head. Why would it have changed without me? His car was already there. Stupid shiny Volvo owner. I went up to the front door and rang the doorbell, praying he didn't open the door, but at the same time worried who might be the one to bring back the memories.

Emmett opened the door.

"Bella?' He seemed shocked but then grinned. "It is you, you look different…" he trailed off and then pulled me into a giant bear hug.

"Can't…breath…Emmett…" he let me go and I looked around. It looked exactly how I remembered it. My eyes started to tear up. No! Why did I have to do this to myself? I can't cry or else Edward will know.

Emmett looked at me funny. Darn it! He could see the tears waiting to spill out.

"Do you know where he is?"

"Ya this way." Emmett knew who I was talking about. He also knew that I was avoiding Edwa- his name.

"Bella!" Esme ran and greeted me as soon as I walked into the room I later realized was the kitchen. It was a very cozy room. I remember when I was here once and…NO I didn't remember anything.

"Bella are you ok?" I looked into the mirror on the wall in front of me. My face was rigid. It looked as hard as stone. My features were distorted with a pain I could not hide. I looked aweful. I realized what Emmett meant when he said I looked different.

"Yes…I think so…I'm just going to use the bathroom." I fled the room. I ran through the hallway towards the bathroom, just praying that I would make it before I flew apart. I ran in and locked the door. I gripped the sink with both hands and looked into the mirror. Why oh why did I not wear water proof mascara today? Oh , that's right, James doesn't make me cry. But he doesn't make me feel the way edwa- he did either. If James dumped me I would be ok. It would hurt but not like the pain I was feeling now. I knew I would never again in my life feel the way I did when I was with him, and it hurt. It hurt my whole body. Every part of me screamed with pain. I collapsed to the floor, my body shaking with sobs. Why?

When I had finally cleaned my face up as best as I could, I started walking back to the kitchen. I stopped at the doorway when I heard Emmett and Edward talking.

"You're being stupid."

"I'm being stupid? Me!"

"Have you even bothered to look at her face after what you did to her?"

"What I did to her! You make it sound like I raped her!"

"You might as well have."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean!"

"She has a boyfriend now Emmett."

"So?"

"Well it's not like-"

Edward cut off when he saw me there. My eyes red and puffy and my face hard as marble.

"Bella I-" Emmett started.

"Let's just get this over with, do you have your Biology book with you or did you leave it with Tanya." I asked, deadly sweet.

"Yes I have it" he glared over at me and I winced. It was a long night. When I finally managed to get out of the house I saw James waiting for me. I kissed him as soon as I saw him.

"I love you James" I saw movement from inside the house I turned quickly enough to see Edward staring at us before vanishing into the rest of the house.

"The little pervert." James had seen what I was looking at and squeezed me tighter.

The ride to my house was silent. When we arrived I told him that I was going over to Edward's house every night for the rest of the week and to pick me up at seven. James looked annoyed but accepted it with a shrug.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow Bella,' he whispered my name and it sent shivers down my back.

"Ya see you." I was still disoriented by him whispering my name, but I didn't want to sort out my emotions at the moment. I trudged up to my room. I didn't have any homework left. I had finished it at Edward's because We had finished working early. I took out my journal and started to write.

Why is it that I care,

When you don't

Why is it that I cry,

When you don't

Why is it that I have to lie,

When you don't

Why is it that I hide,

When you don't

I miss your cold heart,

Even if it were there.

I still love you,

Like I know you don't to me.

You have fun with your new girl,

She won't be as good as me.

I shut the journal with a snap. It was stupid. I knew it. I was always bad at poetry. I new this was no better. But it was about him, and writing it helped. It was as if by writing that I could pour my heart out onto a page and have that page forever. I sighed. You have fun with your new girl, She won't be as good as me. Was that true? Could it be true? I didn't think anyone could love him the way I did, but if he was happier with someone else… I shook off the thought. I might not be able to get over him, but maybe I could get over myself.