Maelstrom Chapter 23
Proposal PART B
Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original Maelstrom Comics and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.
This scene contains strong language and Dubious Humor. IT CONTAINS SOME MAJOR DEVELOPMENTS BETWEEN CHARACTERS BUT IS GENERALLY A FLUFF SCENE.
Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored!
"Do what? Rodimus I want to try this. I think some new experiences will be good for me. I think I should try to understand humans better, don't you? And besides...." Magnus paused before finishing THAT sentence.
Rodimus' eyes suddenly focused balefully on his, and glared feverishly at the suddenly nervous City Commander. "And besides WHAT, Ultra Magnus?" Rodimus growled.
"Err....." Magnus said, but knew from the green in Rodi's eyes he'd better answer if he wanted to see the light of day again. "Err....well....I want to spend some time with Marissa."
Rodi's face took on that vacant, horrified look again. "Marissa," he said dreamily, "I should have killed her when I had the chance."
"THAT'S UNCALLED FOR YOU...!" Magnus roared, drawing a hand back.
Rodimus grabbed his arm with those cursed, blinding reflexes, and pinned Magnus to the desk. "SHUT UP! DO YOU HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA WHAT YOU'RE PROPOSING?! THIS ISN'T A GAME MAGNUS! IT ISN'T FUNNY! YOU COULD EASILY DIE OR GO COMPLETELY INSANE DOING THIS! THIS ISN'T A SYNTHOID TRANSFER! IT'S A REAL, ORGANIC HUMAN BODY WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HERE, AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE AGONY YOU ARE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR!"
"I'm not afraid of pain!" Magnus hissed.
"You don't know what pain is!" Rodi snapped, releasing him. Magnus took a few steps away from his friend and tried to recollect his dignity and his thoughts. He was angry with Rodimus, but he could also see Rodimus was terrified. It wasn't what Magnus had expected in response to his request at all. At most, he'd expected Rodimus to object because they couldn't spare a council member right now, but Magnus was willing to keep working as a human on the things that only required his mind, not his body. He never imagined Rodimus was afraid of being human - the young Prime always made the adjustment seem so effortless. Still, he wasn't about to let that ludicrous statement go unchallenged.
"What are you talking about? Of course I do! I've been a soldier for many times your lifetime Rodi!"
"That's not the point Magnus!" Rodimus snapped, "I've told you before pain as a human is more prevalent! Most of it is right off the scale of anything you could ever possibly have felt! And it doesn't quit! It goes on and on until you want to die just to escape it all...and you can't!"
"Now Rodi..." Magnus started.
"Don't! Don't you dare patronize me Magnus! I know what I'm talking about! You have no basis for comparison!"
Magnus ground his jaw - torn between frustration and compassion. Rodimus seldom mentioned his torture, and even more seldom showed distress as a result of it, but Magnus could see the haunted look in Rodimus' eyes even as he shouted at Magnus.
"Rodimus...I know it won't be easy, but I won't be in Jabez hands....I'll be in yours. I want this Rodi...more than you know."
"You STILL don't know the half of it Magnus! You'll have to learn to eat...!"
"I'll manage."
"You'll have to learn to take care of yourself...."
"I'm sure I will."
"You'll have to deal with using the bathroom - if the disgust alone doesn't kill you first!"
"It was really hard for you wasn't it?" Magnus asked quietly.
Rodi's eyes narrowed. "It's going to be really hard for you too, Magnus."
"You'll help me," Magnus said, again quietly. It was easier to be patient once he realized Rodi was trying to protect him.
"Sure of that are you? What if I refuse?"
"You won't, but I would go ahead with this even if you did. I'm going through with this Rodimus. I want you to help me, but I'm going through with this ," Magnus said. He kept his voice quiet, and he met the fears in Rodi's eyes without flinching.
Rodimus glared at him in refined disgust. "Do you have any idea of the problems this is going to cause? What we're going to have to arrange to accommodate you?"
"No. You owe it to me though."
Rodimus glared again.
"This is by far, the dumbest, most irresponsible, immature, self-centered piece of crap I've ever seen you pull Mags!" Rodimus fumed ineffectively.
"So speaks the expert," Magnus mused. "So tell me, what exactly should I do in preparation for this self-centered piece of crap?"
"Sit down," Rodimus ordered harshly. "I'm going to fill you in on all the fun and excitement you can expect on this little vacation of yours."
Magnus smiled in smug triumph - knowing he'd won - and sat down to listen while Rodimus filled his audio-sensors with one horror story after another. He actually did succeed in adding some qualms to Magnus' decision, but not in changing Magnus' mind. Once Rodimus saw he wasn't reaching the foundation of Magnus' resolve, he sighed, and began a more detailed, but less emotional briefing. In a few hours Magnus' understanding of human physiology went from a sketchy general knowledge to a detailed awareness of the day to day trials of being flesh and blood.
Sometimes Rodimus would pause to think of possible contingencies Magnus might encounter on his first days as a human. Magnus did his best to absorb what Rodimus was telling him, especially when he saw Rodi was really trying to give an accurate account rather than exaggerating to dissuade him.
Hours later, they went together to talk to a dubious Perceptor, but Rodimus made Magnus break things to Optimus alone. If Rodi was hoping the elder Prime would be able to dissuade the City Commander, he was to be disappointed. Optimus had been furiously opposed to the idea from the start until Elita asked to talk to him privately for a few moments. Neither Rodimus nor Magnus would ever know what Elita said to her mate, but when they returned from their chat, she was all smiles, and Optimus grudgingly approved Magnus' leave time.
It took a few days to make all the preparations Rodimus insisted on - starting with exhaustive testing. (Perceptor and First Aid's fretting nearly did what Rodi's horror stories couldn't. After one full day in their hands, Magnus was NEARLY ready to give up, they drove him so crazy. Nearly...not quite.) Rodimus also insisted on very secure housing with a carefully stocked kitchen, etc. etc. Arrangements also had to be made for Kup and Springer to handle Magnus' general duties, and for a special (ie. VERY secure) computer terminal in the new quarters for Magnus to use for his more important duties - such as hunting slavers.
Finally though, they were ready.
Perceptor puttered around and nattered to himself while he studied the monitors. Optimus watched his partner make another circuit of the lab and put a hand out to stop Rodi's fretful pacing. Op's action earned him an evil glare from Rodimus, and Optimus relented. The elder Prime shook his head and watched Rodimus abuse his own hydraulics with nervous energy.
Suddenly, Rodi froze mid-step and tilted his head slightly as though listening to something. He sighed, and slouched against a wall, looking resigned and slightly less tense. Optimus was glad his face plate hid his smile as he recognized the symptoms of a short mental chat with Lancer in his partner's actions. Optimus was grateful for the change in her mate's demeanor and silently thanked her for it. Optimus knew Rodimus was very unhappy about this latest "experiment" but working himself into a frenzy over it solved nothing. The Autobots were under their combined protection and guidance on the battlefield, but this was a matter of personal freedom.
Certainly Magnus the guinea pig was entitled to his first leave in centuries.
Rodi began kicking the wall unhappily and Optimus knew he was torn between worry for his friend, and worry for all those who might follow if the procedure DID succeed and Magnus took to it well. Optimus also knew some part of Rodi felt guilty for not wishing Magnus all the success in the universe. The elder Prime didn't need to be psychic to know what Rodimus was feeling - he felt the same way himself - he just wasn't about to kick the wall over it.
Optimus sighed, and almost wished Perceptor hadn't decided it was safer to slow down the process for Magnus' first attempt. They were all worried about the City Commander's well-being and the few short minutes since he had stepped into the capsule seemed like an eternity already. The monitors finally showed the transition was nearly complete and Rodimus, unwilling role-model for this venture, morphed human. He grabbed a blanket and a large robe as he did so, and waited anxiously by the capsule door.
At long last, the doors automatically unsealed with a hiss, and Rodimus strode inside.
"Magnus?" he called softly, and found the neo-human curled up on the floor. Having a good idea of what his friend was experiencing, Rodimus approached as quickly and quietly as possible. At least Magnus didn't seem to be tearing at his own flesh the way Rodi had when....
Pushing his reservations aside, Rodimus gently draped the robe, then the blanket around Magnus' naked, shuddering body.
"Magnus? Are you still in pain?" Rodimus whispered, praying nothing had gone wrong. There was still so much they didn't understand about this process! "Magnus?" he said again, touching the City Commander's rigid shoulders. Optimus and Perceptor poked their heads in, but Rodimus curtly pointed for them to retreat. Magnus was overwhelmed enough already.
Finally, after Rodimus repeated his question a few more time, Magnus stammered an answer. "N...noo. I d..d..don't think s..so Nn..not any m..more. I...I'm cold."
Rodimus reached out to adjust the blanket further up Magnus' shoulders but stopped when the City Commander's over-sensitive flesh began twitching convulsively in reaction to the contact. Magnus' face showed both confusion and distress.
"Try to relax a little," Rodimus said calmly, "You're fine." He hoped he wasn't lying.
"I..I c.'t h..h..help it," Magnus said.
"I know. I warned you your body wouldn't always be under you're control. Did you think I was kidding?" Rodimus asked. He waited patiently for his friend to adjust a little. "If you can stand, it won't seem so cold," Rodimus said encouragingly.
"I can't," Magnus said. "Something's wrong." He was shivering violently, but didn't know enough to wrap the robe around himself.
Rodimus sighed. "Sit up. Come on. You're shivering because you are cold and in shock. We've got to get you dressed."
"It w..wasn't like this the last t..time," Magnus complained.
"Synthetic bodies don't compare to the real thing. Then, we only looked human. Now we really are. Here. Let me help you sit up."
Magnus gasped in surprise when Rodimus' strong hands grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him back. It didn't hurt exactly, but Magnus was stunningly aware of each finger where it pressed into his body. Overwhelmed, Magnus was barely aware of anything Rodimus said while he put Magnus arms through the sleeves of the robe (barely avoiding ripping them) and wrapped it as far around Magnus' torso as it would go. Tying the sash, Rodimus cursed under his breath. It was a large robe (since they hadn't known what size to get they had opted for big), but they had still underestimated.
Magnus was nearly as tall as Shellshock and almost as broad. The young Prime was only glad of his own strength as he pulled the dazed City Commander to his feet and held him upright until he got his balance. He continued to support Magnus as they inched out of the capsule where Perceptor and First Aid were anxiously waiting to examine Magnus and make sure he was fine. Magnus stumbled several times in the process, nearly taking Rodimus down with him, and worrying the young Prime a bit. Rodimus had a difficult time his first weeks as a human, but walking had never been this much of a challenge.
He stayed by Magnus' side while the medical and scientific personnel very politely argued over which tests had priority and whether or not any given set of results actually meant anything or not. Rodi knew Magnus would have needed help keeping calm under these circumstances even if he hadn't just been turned human. In the mean time, Rodimus mentally asked Lancer if she could head over to one of the few stores on Cybertron Shellshock had any luck finding clothes in to see if she could find anything for around seven feet of human flesh containing a stunned Autobot mind. Rodimus scrutinized Magnus' responses carefully; trying to gauge how well the City Commander was adapting to this new form and level of sensation after millions of years as...well...as himself.
Fortunately, Magnus was managing to keep fairly calm, although he jumped in surprise every time he was touched without plenty of warning. He shook his head and smiled with disgust at himself whenever it happened though, and Rodimus felt with some relief and a whole new set of worries, that Magnus would soon be fully adjusted.
Lancer arrived a short while later with things she hoped would fit. She had to escape one very worried and anxious EDC Captain first. Marissa was frustrated at being barred from the procedure, but Rodimus had been adamant that as few people as possible attend, and although he didn't say so, that meant ESPECIALLY Marissa. She suspected of course, and was miffed, but she also sensed she'd better not raise too much of a fuss. When Rodimus got paranoid, he usually had good reason, and she could tell he was just looking for an excuse to bring the whole thing to a screeching halt. Lurking outside Perceptor's lab, Marissa intercepted Lancer on her way in and questioned her ruthlessly about Magnus' condition. She knew Lancer would know everything through Rodimus.
"He seems fine, Marissa. He's very disoriented, that's all, and he's too big for the robe we got him."
"When can I see him?" Marissa demanded.
"As soon as Rodimus thinks he's adjusted. No! Don't argue Marissa! Rodi's first weeks as a human traumatized him for life, and not just because he was tortured! Please! Trust us, and be patient!"
Marissa knew Lancer meant what she said, not just from her words, but from the fact the mutant's eyes were glowing with emotional turmoil. Lancer promised to talk to her more later, and Marissa tried to rope in her impatience.
It wasn't easy though....not after months of hopeless despair and the endless wishing that she could touch him somehow.
Magnus was still shivering up on the examining table when Lancer brought in the first of his new wardrobe. She gave him a quick wave, handed over his clothing to Rodimus, and vanished again as quickly as she had come. Rodimus let Perceptor lift him up onto the table rather than morphing back to robot mode and back again to hand Magnus his clothes.
"That was abrupt," Magnus said between fits of shivering. "Why didn't she stay?"
"Because you're mostly naked Major General, and even if you weren't planning on saving yourself for Marissa, I certainly don't need to know my mate's analysis of your physique," Rodimus said with a smile.
"Err..." Magnus said, "I didn't realize...."
"Well, now ya do!" Rodimus said. "Here, put these on." He opened a package of underwear and handed Magnus a pair.
Magnus looked at them dubiously. "These are black," he said.
Rodimus looked at him and blinked for a couple of seconds. "I'm glad you still know your colors Ultra Magnus. Put them on."
Magnus looked down at them again. "How?" he asked. The simple article of clothing seemed hopelessly confusing to him.
"They go this way, and you put one leg through each side, one at a time," his leader explained. Then he helped Magnus balance while the City Commander followed orders. Once on, they seemed logical and comfortable enough, but he was still vaguely bothered by the color... a feeling which grew when the sweat suit Lancer had purchased turned out to be black and green. He didn't say anything though, since he was too cold to wait for her to run out to buy another. He put it on with a good deal of coaching and help from Rodimus, who was beginning to realize that this was going to be even more trouble than he'd feared...and he'd feared plenty.
Once Magnus was dressed, Rodimus helped him climb onto Optimus' hand and kept him balanced while the Senior Prime expertly deposited them on the floor. Optimus had plenty of experience handling humans, and he was being extra careful with Magnus, but the City Commander found himself a bit unnerved anyhow. Was this how Marissa felt every time HE picked her up? His admiration for her courage went up a few notches -something he didn't think was possible.
Rodimus helped him step off Prime's palm, and Magnus was pleased he managed without too much awkwardness.
"You OK?" Rodimus asked. How unlike him to openly worry so much - it was beginning to get on Magnus' nerves.
"I'm fine. You can let go."
"You sure?" Rodi asked.
Magnus threw him a disgusted look, and Rodimus held his hands up in surrender.
The City Commander straightened, wavered slightly, but threw Rodi another warning look when the young Prime moved to help. Magnus was determined he was going to walk out of the lab on his own. He managed pretty well for most of the way to the door, but was suddenly educated on the importance of footgear. Dragging his feet slightly, he stubbed his toe on the side of the examining table.
Magnus froze.
Rodimus folded his arms and counted silently to himself.
Optimus and Perceptor exchanged confused glances - unable to even guess why Magnus had stopped moving.
Magnus' mouth worked soundlessly. Rodi kept counting, with a slightly smug smile on his face.
"Huu...." Magnus managed in sort of a strangled, breathless grunt.
"Yup," said Rodi.
"Huuu...." Magnus said again, only slightly louder.
"Uh-huh," said Rodi, "Anything else?"
Magnus' pain receded a bit and he was at last able to draw breath to express himself. The scream was blood-curdling and continued for a good minute before he was forced to take another breath so that he could do it again.
"His lung capacity is pretty good," Rodimus told his other friends in a conversational tone, mostly to let them know he wasn't concerned. Optimus looked from his howling City Commander to his smirking partner and back again.
"Is he alright?" Perceptor inquired nervously. His first impulse was to rush up to aid the human...his second was to try to hide the fact the very idea that MAGNUS might need his assistance had ever crossed his mind. Magnus might be human now, but he wouldn't be so forever, and the City Commander had a long memory for dents to his dignity.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" said Magnus.
"Quite right," said Rodimus. "Do you have anything else to add?"
"HURTS!" said Magnus.
"Very astute," Rodimus said. He was being sarcastic, but there was an underlying edge in his voice as well.
"Rodi! I'm in no mood for your sarcasm! That HURT!" Magnus said.
"Well, you stubbed your toe. Maybe even broke it...that was a pretty good hit there," Rodimus said. His obvious lack of concern was exasperating.
"BROKE IT!?" Magnus cried. "It needs fixing! IT HURTS!"
"You stubbed your toe. It doesn't need fixing, and there's nothing they can do even if it does," Rodimus stated firmly. "Just be glad you can scream about it." He locked eyes with Magnus, and the City Commander knew this was Rodi's way of saying "I told you so," without actually saying it. There was also a faint reproach in Rodi's tone and expression, reminding Magnus that he had wanted to become human - pain and all. Rodimus hadn't had that choice, and carried far worse memories than stubbed toes.
This realization inspired Magnus to shut his mouth on the pain with a snap. It was unbelievably intense - he had rarely felt so much pain in all his years as a soldier, and even then it was always in connection to some dire injury. However, if Rodimus could adapt, then so could he. Magnus thought back to Rodimus' grim warnings about human-scale pain. Had he ignored Rodi? No. But perhaps there had been the half-formed idea that Rodimus was too young to really know an old soldier's idea of suffering.
Turned out the kid was dead on target with those dark predictions. Lovely.
By the time they got to the quarters Rodimus had arranged for him, Magnus was bursting with questions. No sooner did Rodi have the door locked behind them and Magnus was already into full interrogation mode.
"What that?"
"It's a couch," Rodimus said, looking at the object Magnus was pointing at.
"What's its function?"
"You don't know what a couch is for?" Rodimus asked incredulously. Even as Hot Rod he'd known that much from hanging out with Daniel at the Witwicky home. "Magnus! Haven't you spent any time in human quarters before? Even Marissa's?"
"No, not yet," Magnus confessed. What had he been doing all those years stationed on Earth? Working naturally. He was a bit disgusted with himself. He should have made more of an effort to learn about the planet he was supposed to protect, but things like furniture had never seemed important enough to "waste time" with.
"You're hopeless, do you know that?" Rodimus told him. "How in the hell did I let you rope me into this?
"What is it's function Rodimus, and spare me your sarcasm."
"You sit your big ornery ass on it Magnus," Rodimus said, taking care to heap the sarcasm high.
Magnus sighed and then narrowed his eyes. "What's with all the chairs then?"
"Ah, at least you know a chair when you see one Major General," Rodi said.
Magnus glared.
Rodi remained defiantly unperturbed.
"Why?" Magnus said.
"The couch is more comfortable than the chairs - more cushioning."
Magnus elected to pretend he knew the importance of cushioning.
"So why have chairs if the coach is better?"
Rodimus sensed it was going to be a LONG night. "Chairs are more maneuverable," he explained - automatically using terms the City Commander could relate to the battle-field.
The night ended up exceeding Rodi's worst fears. Magnus not only knew very little about human dwellings and life styles, but challenged the logic of everything Rodi told him. Rodimus not only had to explain the working of everything from doorknobs, to water faucets, to the toilet, he had to justify them. It took hours, and hours more for Magnus to practice with everything to Rodi's satisfaction. He was impatient with the time it took for all of this, but he certainly didn't want to do it twice or have to deal with Magnus if he really managed to hurt himself.
Learning to eat was a harrowing experience for both of them. Magnus knew Rodi's opinion of human food in advance and was very consciously skeptical of his leader's advice in this case. He didn't want Rodi's prejudice to rub off on him.... Then again, neither did Rodimus.
Rodi and Lancer had taken the food shopping more seriously than anything else. Everything they'd purchased had been chosen after serious consideration and debate for Magnus' first weeks as a human. Lancer felt strongly (although Rodi wasn't so sure) that if they'd been on Maelstrom when Rodimus had first been introduced to food that he wouldn't be as phobic about eating as he was. Maybe he would still have preferred energon, but at least maybe eating wouldn't have inspired such loathing if he had been eating well prepared food rather than lance seared lizard.
They had gone for simple, easily understood, easily chewable cuisine for the humanized City Commander. In other words, his first meal consisted of apple sauce.
Rodimus poured the slop into a bowl, plunked it down in front of his friend and handed him a spoon.
"Turn it over, Mags. You've got it upside down," Rodimus advised.
"How does this work?"
"It works like a back hoe. You scoop stuff up and put it in your mouth."
"I see," Magnus said, scooping up a bite.
"WAIT!" Rodimus cried, freezing Magnus' hand half-way to his mouth.
"What?" Magnus asked testily.
"That's too much, you'll choke."
Magnus looked dubiously down at his spoon which was currently experiencing what amounted to a small avalanche of applesauce. "Rodimus, there is less than 2 ounces of substance on this spoon."
"Magnus, do you want to live long enough to spend time with Marissa?" Rodimus asked.
Magnus opted to glare in response.
"Then you'd better start listening 'cause either your gonna kill yourself or I'm gonna do it for you! Now dump about half of the crap off your spoon before I start force-feeding you the way Lancer taught me!"
Magnus scowled and dumped some of the sauce off his spoon, his eyes never leaving those of his commander, and stuck the spoon in his mouth.
"Take the spoon out now Magnus," Rodimus said.
Magnus tried to answer him and choked on the spoon, coughing most of his first (not unpleasant) taste of humanity out onto the table. Rodimus thanked his assassin's reflexes (and the fact he'd been expecting this) for getting his face out of the way.
"Don't talk with your mouth full," Rodimus advised while Magnus wheezed and sputtered. "Try again, and this time SWALLOW."
"How?" came the next breathless question as soon as Magnus cleared his windpipe.
"Umm...." Rodimus said. He suddenly realized he had no idea of how to explain the mechanics of swallowing. "I'm not sure how to describe this part Magnus. We have nothing equivalent. You'll have to figure it out
If she had passed him on the street, he probably would have seemed a little familiar to her, as if she'd known him. No doubt, his face would have lingered in her thoughts a few days while she tried to place it. No doubt she would have failed, and forgotten. Now though, now she knew where she'd seen that face before, and it didn't take much imagination to place it.
Private Charles Ellington, supposedly born in New Jersey had actually been a local boy here on Cybertron. Same wide face. Same angular eyes. No. Marissa didn't have to work hard to recognize Astrotrain.
She shuddered. Rodimus guessed Astrotrain had been made human around the same time he had, although he didn't remember seeing the Con there. They had even reluctantly contacted Shellshock to ask him. Shellshock had said nothing for several seconds, the closest he ever came to showing emotion, and then said he remembered nothing either. This wasn't what disturbed Marissa though. What disturbed her was Astrotrain's effect on his female co-workers. She saw the same stamp on Rodi's face, and on Shellshock's.
Marissa analyzed as she always did. It was hard not to notice Rodimus under any circumstances - even as an Autobot, his personality was charming, but Marissa knew he would always seem like the boy next door to her. He was not, and never would be, her type, and yet she had been totally disarmed by him the first day she met him as a human. Carly had warned her he was handsome, something Marissa had found odd in itself until she realized he had the same effect on Carly. THAT realization had startled her, because Carly was nothing if not totally devoted to Spike. Marissa had never seen Carly so much as glance at another man. If Rodimus was aware of any of this, he gave no sign, but then he was so focused on his injured mate and his daughter that Marissa wasn't surprised.
It wasn't until she met Shellshock, briefly, that Marissa REALLY began to get suspicious though. Shellshock was definitely NOT her type. She had never known Goldbug that well, but she had to admit he sort of annoyed her. At least Rodimus had the excuse of actually BEING very young. Goldbug just acted it. As a human, he was the kind of man she always wanted to pin down and shave. He paid no attention whatsoever to his appearance, and his hair and beard were so unkempt that he seemed like some kind of hermit who had lived in a cave for decades. Not her type. They hadn't done more than exchange awkward greetings, and she could see that he had locked his emotions down so deep he might as well have been Converted. She felt sorry for him, but she didn't like him. Maybe she would learn to if she got to know him better, but those few minutes certainly weren't enough for that. He was definitely not her type....and yet her body had responded to those few moments with an insistence she still couldn't believe.
Therefore she didn't believe it, and now that she was investigating Astrotrain she was reminded forcibly of those moments and her very blatant physical reaction. Astrotrain had apparently had a similar effect on those around him, and Marissa was far too suspicious to call it coincidence. The Jabez had designed the entire human race. They knew what they were doing when they made these Transformers too desirable to be ignored.
The only question was why, but Marissa didn't need to look farther than Edana's sweet little face for an answer. Already a powerful empath, and possessing eyes that saw not light, but most of the rest of the energy spectrum, Edana was a marketable commodity at less than a year old. Marissa knew mutants tended to grow in strength as they got older. If she turned out to be even half as powerful as her mother, Edana would be a target all her life. For whatever reason, the Jabez wanted mutants, and Rodimus had proven that the Autobots they tampered with could be successful sires.
Marissa doubted the Astrotrain Convert had been idle during his two years as Private Ellington. She just couldn't figure out who he'd been with. Apparently his programing had prevented him from taking up openly with any of his co-workers - perhaps to avoid calling attention to himself, or perhaps for other reasons. Searching his quarters had proven frustratingly unhelpful, but they HAD found one of the Jabez's bio-scanners. Maybe it was just that none of his co-workers had what HE was looking for in a woman...the potential to breed mutants.
Marissa sighed, and straightened her back painfully. She got up, poured herself some coffee, and went over to the window to think. Were they out there, these women he had found suitable? Did they love him? How had he gone about seducing them anyway? Had it been purely based on the powerful sexual aura the Jabez had given him, or had it been an emotional manipulation as well? Certainly, such manipulation would have made it less likely the women would have gotten abortions. He might have promised to marry them, or at least support them. Then again, he might have just lulled them into complacency and Converted them....
Marissa shuddered again, having a sudden vivid vision of thousand of women, strapped to tables to be raped by some cold machine, impregnated, give birth, and be impregnated again. Assembly line breeding with the babies branded with serial numbers and lobotomized as they drew their first breath. Such visions were coming to her more and more these days - ever since she had heard a terrified Quintisson tell Rodimus humans were Jabez constructs even as Transformers were. It had made her cynical towards her own kind, and distant from her family. Sometimes she wondered if she would ever look in the mirror and simply see Marissa again. These days she wondered where HER serial number was stamped.
She sighed. She had let all of this pressure build up too long. She needed to release it. She needed to talk to someone, but recent revelations had forced her to draw away from her usual outlet, and yet she didn't have the heart to replace him.
That meant all that she did was work. Embedded up to her eyeballs in shipping logs, slave runners, and now the life and times of Astrotrain-Man of the Year, she almost never had a non-Jabez related thought. No wonder she saw them everywhere. However, it was either that or think about her other Big Unsolvable Problem - namely Ultra Magnus.
DEFINITELY her type.
Shit.
These last few months since she had become aware of THAT little dilemma had only served to make her more convinced and more depressed that the only man she would ever love wasn't a man at all, and had turned every minute she spent with him into a bitter-sweet form of torture she could scarcely endure.
She had just made up her mind to start avoiding him when Optimus had put Magnus in charge of everything while he, Elita, and Jazz herded Rodi onto a shuttle for the big confrontation with Lancer. Those few days had been a terror for both of them, while ALL of the others were stupidly on one vulnerable shuttle. She hadn't left his side.
Then word came back of Lancer's nearly fatal injury, Rodi's weakened state, and Edana. Marissa had again stayed nearby while they waited nervously between bits of uncertain news. Magnus had pretended to work, and pretended to be angry with Rodimus for "causing so much trouble again." Even if Marissa hadn't already known better, she would have realized how worried Magnus was when he paced his office for hours and said "I'll be damned if I'm going to speak TWICE at that boy's funeral!" She had fought back tears then, aching for him and loving him. She knew he didn't know how else to deal with his fears, and she knew he would have done anything to help Rodimus if only he knew how.
News that Rodimus had returned to human form had startled Magnus, and saddened Marissa in a way she had no name for. It wasn't jealousy exactly - she didn't begrudge Rodimus and Lancer anything - but she understood Rodi's need to be physically close to Lancer in spite of a mental bond which others could only speculate about. They were linked so closely Optimus told Magnus that he wouldn't be surprised if Rodimus died when Lancer did - and yet Rodimus still felt a compelling need to be able to hold Lancer's hand.
Marissa understood THAT only too well.
Feeling such despair, nothing could have surprised Marissa more than when Lancer not only woke up, but agreed, however reluctantly, to stay.
It was only then that news of the baby really began to sink in, especially when Magnus came back from a meeting with Optimus claiming that not only was Rodi one-hundred percent improved, but also to have met Lancer and Edana. He had gone on about the baby for a surprisingly long time - her smile seemed to have made quite an impression, and Marissa had felt compelled to see for herself. She was curious anyway, but was more so because she knew it took something REALLY out of the ordinary to get Ultra Magnus in such a stew. Carly's nervous request for back-up had supplied a handy excuse, and Marissa finally got to meet the woman they had sought so long.
Edana, when she had finally been brought to see them, DID have a stunning smile, but Marissa's most vivid impressions of the day were of Rodi's interactions with his mate. It had been so long since Marissa had seen him without pain that she nearly didn't recognize him - human form not withstanding. He touched Lancer frequently, casually, in a way robots almost never did, since physical interaction played far less of a role in their lives. Still, he had somehow mastered the unspoken language of human contact and employed it with Lancer completely unselfconsciously. That, coupled with his Jabez-induced sexual magnetism, and Magnus' presence in the room had left Marissa one very frustrated woman. For one insane, guilty moment, she wished the Jabez on Magnus, and then spent days afterwards berating her self for selfish, sick dreams.
At the time, she was only glad Carly still seemed to be nearly panicked by Lancer, and that Lancer herself was a bit overwhelmed by Rodi's presence. Neither noticed Marissa was fairly climbing the walls - if anything they chalked her agitation up to her encounter with Talon. Magnus, of course, wouldn't have known what he was seeing even if he HAD noticed something, the ignorant bastard.
Damn him.
She found it harder and harder to react to him as she used to all the time, and she knew, from the way he would start to ask her something and then falter and change what he was about to say, that Magnus was aware something was different. When they were working, it was fine, but the silences between them were no longer comfortable. Instead they looked awkwardly for things to say. Marissa felt her love for him straining their friendship, and it frightened her. She couldn't bear the idea of losing what little she had of him, and his friendship was more than precious to her, it was essential.
Her spacious office suddenly seemed constraining, and before she knew it, Marissa found herself roaming the halls of Central aimlessly, looking at her feet and brooding.
Elita saw her pass by and called out to her, only to be ignored. Elita got up and followed Marissa for several yards before the EDC Captain took notice of her - no small feat since Elita was not exactly inconspicuous even if she didn't live up to Rodi's standard of blaring color.
"Oh! Hi Elita!" Marissa said, startled, and trying unsuccessfully to hide it.
"You are troubled, Captain," Elita said. It was a statement, not a question.
"Yeah, well, its just the usual," Marissa said.
Elita cocked her head at the small being before her. She'd seen Marissa deal with "the usual" and had made a point of studying Marissa during the time they'd worked together. In Elita's admittedly limited experience, Marissa dealt with "the usual" with efficient action honed by a very real, but quiet anger and disgust at their enemies. Namely, Marissa pored all her energy into stabbing at the slavers she was assigned to search for by pointing them out to Rodimus, and making sure he never lacked for a target. Wandering the halls in a daze wasn't exactly getting anything done, and Elita suspected that this was more personal than any Jabez menace.
In Elita's mind, that meant this had to do with Ultra Magnus. The same Ultra Magnus who sometimes couldn't help but ask Elita if she knew why Marissa was avoiding him. He clearly didn't like saying anything, but he was worried, and since he had asked her more than once, Elita guessed he was very worried indeed. She decided maybe it was time to say something before two people she cared about really DID have something to worry about.
"Let's talk," Elita said, and before Marissa could say a word of protest, Optimus' mate had scooped her off the floor and was heading towards the quarters she shared with Prime. Marissa was too startled to argue about the liberties being taken with her person or the location of this "talk."
Optimus wasn't home of course. Marissa doubted these quarters saw their occupants much more than Magnus' did. At least THESE rooms actually did look like someone visited occasionally in the sense that Marissa could see Prime and Elita had gone to the trouble of seeing that it looked comfortable should they have time to actually spend some time there. There were a few personal items in addition to the Autobot-sized furniture. It was clean and spacious - unlike Jazz's quarters which were packed to the ceiling with odd human items - including a jukebox, a '67 Chevy, and the sign to a drive-in movie theater, and Rodimus' which resembled a day-care center lately with all the stuff he had gotten for Edana (much of which she was still too young for.) Magnus', of course, looked exactly like his office. He didn't live in them - he worked in them.
Elita opened her hand so that Marissa could step onto the table with some measure of dignity.
"Marissa," Elita said before the Captain could start being evasive, "there is a great burden on you heart, and it has nothing to do with 'the usual'. We are, all of us, under too much strain already for that."
"No, Elita...really. It's just the whole Jabez-human race thing that's got me upset. I'll learn to deal with it, but it really bothers me," Marissa said.
"No doubt it does, but that is not the reason you have been avoiding Ultra Magnus," Elita said, with a gentle, compassionate smile. The way Elita saw it, this little charade had gone on long enough and she might as well get right to the heart of things before clever Marissa muddied the waters of truth too much for even Elita to navigate.
Marissa gaped uselessly. She tried for several moments to come to terms with the idea someone had even noticed, and then was side-swiped again by the idea that Magnus might have noticed.
"Uh....hu....How?!" she finally managed.
"Oh, little things," Elita said, "But mostly the fact that he's asked me if I thought you were angry with him. He's afraid he's done something wrong Marissa."
"N..No! He hasn't done anything wrong b...but...!"
"Except perhaps that's the problem?" Elita asked, ducking her head down lower to meet Marissa's down-turned eyes. "He doesn't do enough wrong?"
Marissa stared up at Elita. She had never felt so terrified in her life as she met those too wise, too insightful optics. Marissa suddenly felt completely out-matched, like her entire soul was made of clear glass for Elita to peer into and explore at will. She would have given anything at that moment to be as far away from this ancient, sage being as possible.
"Marissa....it's not his fault you're in love with him," Elita said.
Marissa came completely undone, although Elita just smiled a little sadly and didn't act surprised. She waited patiently for Marissa to cry some of the pain away. When the worst of the fit had passed, Elita got down on her knees and rested her elbows on the table.
"It's not your fault either..." Elita whispered when she was sure Marissa was calm enough to hear her.
"I can't help it Elita!" Marissa cried, a little defensively. It was not what she intended to say. She meant to laugh, to deny Elita's obvious knowledge somehow...but the feelings she had been trying so hard to smother erupted forth. She had told herself to stop loving him a thousand times, and the same response had always gone screaming through her soul. She couldn't help it. She wanted to, but she couldn't, and that response was past her lips even as she tried to concoct an answer to throw Elita off the trail.
Somehow, in spite of Elita's obvious compassion, Marissa couldn't believe the Autobot wasn't condemning her the way she condemned herself.
Elita shook her head. "Of course you can't. No more than I can help loving Orion, or Lancer can help loving Rodi...for all that she says she shouldn't....and Marissa, if Lancer can't out-stubborn her own heart, no one can, and here she is. It is not a question of no longer loving him. It is a question of what you intend to do about it."
"What can I do? We CAN'T be together!" Marissa cried.
Elita sighed. She heard the despair in Marissa's assertion and understood it, but she knew Marissa's current course of inaction would do more harm than good. Elita felt for Marissa, and Magnus as well. This wouldn't be easy for them no matter what happened, but Elita was keenly aware of how precariously the survival of two worlds balanced on the strength of the council. They couldn't afford this rift between two members. It was sure to get wider as the distance Magnus sensed led to resentment, and one secret led to another. The awkwardness between them was already bothering Magnus, and occupying his thoughts when he should have been concentrating on his duties. Marissa was no longer sharing Anything that bothered her with anyone. Sooner or later, one of them would crack or make a mistake, and it might easily cost them all everything.
"Perhaps not," Elita finally said, "but that really isn't the point is it? The point is, is that if you care about him you owe it to him to be honest with him. He's hurt. He thinks you are rejecting him, and he doesn't deserve that."
"I...I CAN'T tell him Elita! I just can't!" Marissa said.
"Why not?" Elita asked, although she suspected she knew.
"It will come between us! We're friends, and I want to stay friends! If I tell him, things will never be the same again!" Marissa said. It was perfectly easy for her to picture Magnus laughing scornfully at her for being presumptuous, or raging at her, or never speaking to her again - things her rational mind knew he'd never do, but her terrified heart couldn't let go of.
"Marissa! You know better than that! Besides....hasn't it come between you already?" Elita asked gently. "If it hasn't, why is he worried?"
Marissa gave a sigh that was half-sob, "I'm scared Elita," she admitted softly. It was a hard admission for a person who's fundamental nature was self-reliance.
"I know. But I don't think its all as bad as it seems. I've known Magnus a very long time Marissa, and I know he cares for you...deeply. If he didn't, he wouldn't even bother to ask a third person about you. He wouldn't worry that you're upset. And yet he has come to me more than once asking if I thought he had done something wrong to you. He's even come to me with examples of times he thinks he might have offended you somehow. I've NEVER known him to do that before! He's looking for answers."
"I...I don't want him to be in love with me..." Marissa said through a constrained throat. "It hurts too much!"
"Do you think I don't know that kind of pain, Captain? I know it hurts. I know how impossible and painful this must seem to you, but you can't give up, and you can't go on evading Magnus! Things have a way of working out , Marissa. I think perhaps you are deliberately blinding yourself to some of the possibilities before you because you can't bear to think about them," Elita said.
"What possibilities!? It's not like I can become an Autobot! Or like he can become human!" Marissa snapped, more harshly than she intended.
Elita didn't say anything. She just smiled.
"Well?!" Marissa said, "It's true isn't it?"
Elita just cocked her head, and waited.
Marissa gaped up at the femme leader. "Isn't it?" she finally squeaked.
"I had a very interesting conversation with Perceptor the other day," Elita said, looking off into the distance as if she hadn't heard Marissa at all. "Quite a change from our usual conversations, by the way. He does go on doesn't he? I asked if he thought that Rodi's transformation chamber would work on anyone, or just Rodimus. He said that Goldbug and Astrotrain were evidence that Rodi's condition was not unique. Since Astrotrain managed to shift back to his robot mode the way Rodimus does, Perceptor speculates Shellshock could do it too, if only he were willing to try. Perceptor then went on to say that someday others might attempt the same thing...if they had a good reason to WANT to be human, that is. He couldn't think of any, of course."
Elita wondered, privately, if Marissa knew just how far the Autobot could see down her throat.
"but...." Marissa stammered," But...."
"I'm very fond of Ultra Magnus," Elita went on, again as though Marissa hadn't said a word. "I've often wished one of my femmes was suited for him. Unfortunately, Neon was about the best there was to offer, and that's not saying much I'm afraid. Poor Magnus. He's been lonely so long, I don't think he even knows what loneliness is. It is such a fundamental part of his life he doesn't recognize it. He deserves to be happy don't you think?"
"I...but...." Marissa wheezed in shock.
"So do you, Captain. Now go talk to him before he figures it out for himself or gets hurt enough by your 'rejection' to really be angry."
"But...I...!" Marissa said.
"You have to go now? I understand. Here, I'll take you outside. Optimus is coming home soon, and we actually plan on spending some time together. Isn't it amazing how things just worked out for us? Millions of years apart, but it all came out just fine. And Rodi and Lancer too! After all they both went through, and all that deliberate TRYING to destroy their own relationship, it still survived! They're both assassins and they can't even kill off their own friendship. Astounding! Happiness crops up in the oddest places, don't you think? Well, tell Magnus I said hello. It's been nice talking to you Marissa!" Elita said. With that, she deposited the astounded EDC Captain in the hall, turned on her heel, and left Marissa standing there as the door closed.
Marissa was so disoriented she had to turn in a complete circle twice to get her bearings, but once she got oriented she found she knew right where she was headed.
Ultra Magnus heard the chime at his door and sourly asked, "Who is it?" He was in a rotten mood, which was actually a step up from his mood that morning. If things continued to go smoothly today, he figured he might make it all the way up to crabby by that evening. No doubt whoever darkened his door was no one he wanted to talk to. At best, it would be Jazz with more wretched sensor readings to decipher.
"It's Marissa."
Magnus was surprised. It had been months since Marissa had just appeared at his door. He'd seen her often enough, but only for scheduled meetings. A little nervous, he scanned her (MORE than half expecting positive readings) opened his door and saw her standing there. He could see she was fairly seething with repressed energy.
"HI!" she said.
"Err...hi?" Magnus said. She had a very nervous grin on her face and he didn't know what to make of it.
"Can I come in?" she said.
"Since when do you have to ask?" Magnus said. He meant to sound casual, but he was hurt, and it showed a little. He mentally kicked himself when he saw Marissa's smile falter slightly. When had things gotten so clumsy between them? He picked her up and carried her to his desktop as if things were normal though.
"I have something I want to talk to you about, Magnus," Marissa said.
She was doing a lot of stating the obvious today, Magnus mused, and he wondered why she was dancing around the subject like this instead of just blurting out what she wanted like she usually did. He opted to stand. Any degree of agitation on his part made sitting an impossibility.
"Yes?" he asked.
"Well, um....you see, I think sometimes, well, I think sometimes things would go...err...more smoothly...um...between humans and Autobots that is...." Marissa started.
Magnus just widened his optics a bit when she faltered and coughed.
"Well, um...don't you think Rodi understands humans better now that he's actually been one for a while?"
Magnus was having a hard time getting a handle on this conversation, but he could find no flaws in her reasoning so far, in spite of the totally alien lack of forthrightness in her manner. "In so much as he understands anything I suppose," Magnus said.
"You're still mad at him for transferring Neon to Metroplex? Hey! Stand still. Magnus, it's time to move on, not move around when I'm trying to talk to you! Now then, in that regard, I think maybe you could use, well, a change. You know, get some new experiences," Marissa said.
She was sweating. SWEATING! Magnus was so disoriented by that observation he scarcely heard her, but after the Neon experience, he waited until he went back and thought about what she'd said before responding.
"Marissa? Is this leading up to something?" he asked. He didn't care to point out that all that had happened since Rodimus had returned home human added up to more new experiences than he ever wanted in a lifetime. There were some days the exhaustion made him wish Rodimus hadn't made it home, and that they'd all lived in happy ignorance until the Jabez came to collect them.
"Um yes well you see I thought you might like to try going human for a while," she finally blurted.
Fortunately, Magnus had had Blurr under his direct command for centuries and had no trouble translating what she'd said. UNDERSTANDING it was a different matter entirely.
"WHAT?! MARISSA! What in the universe could make me want to do that?!" Magnus cried, noting even as he ranted how pale she was.
"Well, I think it might be good for you to understand us better," she said.
"I never USED to have trouble understanding you Marissa," he thought in sad confusion. Aloud he only said, "Marissa you can't be serious."
"And it's important for people to have new experiences," Marissa went on in a rush. He sensed somehow she was unable to stop now no matter what. What the hell was going on in her mind?
"Yes, but really Marissa...!" he tried to interrupt.
"And I can't kiss you from down here stupid!" she finished, meeting his eyes and staring into them with terror, and...and.....
Magnus stared down at her, his soul frozen by her eyes. Her words had stunned him, but those eyes and all the emotion she was throwing at him completely short-circuited his view of the universe.
He didn't remember trying to sit down or missing the chair. All he knew was that when some kind of recognizable thought patterns began jelling in his mind again he was optic to eye with her where she stood on his desk. He could see her trembling with hope and fear but he was still speechless. The ironic part (the small bit of him which was actually capable of coherent thought noted) was that above and beyond the stunning realization that she loved him, and the even more stunning realization that he found that he reciprocated the feeling, was that what he felt the most was overwhelming relief she wasn't angry with him! All of the awkwardness had a clear and positive origin, and it wasn't until this moment he realized exactly how much her friendship meant to him.
That was how he knew exactly how deep his feelings for her ran...and here he had been worrying because there wasn't an AUTOBOT female he thought of everyday. He thought about Marissa, well, pretty much all of the time now didn't he?
And to think he'd been bitter that there weren't enough femmes...that none of them were suited for him. None were intelligent enough, none were strong enough to deal with the chaos this dirty little war had wrought in his life...and here was a female who'd been in it with him since almost the start. The one person he leaned on when he needed to. The person he'd been missing so badly just because she wasn't spending quite so much time with him.
She wasn't angry with him! She loved him! She wanted him to be closer, not the other way around! No wonder she was so nervous!
In a flare of compassion, he realized how hard all of this must have been (and still was!) on her.
All these thoughts muddled their way through the traffic jam of his mind while he stared at her. Whatever his thoughts might have been, the look on his face was one of childish consternation. Marissa was clearly beginning to panic.
"Magnus..! I...I'm sorry! PLEASE say something....!"
He heard her, but his mind was still too busy with other things to compose an answer right away. It wasn't until she actually turned to leave that Magnus' mouth caught up with his thoughts.
"I'll talk to Rodimus about it in the morning," he whispered.
Later on, Magnus would only be able to shake his head at himself for not figuring his own feelings out sooner. He didn't understand how he could have missed it, since it felt so good to make her happy.
Rodimus was in a miserable mood as he flopped down at his desk just in time for his morning shift. He wouldn't have minded so much about going on duty, except that he had not yet gone off duty in three days except to recharge for a few hours each day. (Recharging was now a practice he followed carefully. He STILL didn't do it a much as he should, but he managed to pacify his friends, and mostly his mate with regular, if brief, visits to his recharging chamber.) His mate couldn't say too much this time though, since she had been with him the last two nights.
She was every bit as tired and cranky as he was, and he pitied her doctors if they made a fuss over her swollen shoulder. She was out of the cast, but she was supposed to be pampering that arm. The doctor would probably accuse her of lifting something heavy by herself, and Rodimus wondered what he would say if they knew she what HAD been doing with it. Crawling on it, climbing with it, fighting with it, and, oh yeah, one really nice series of hand-springs.
In other words, Lancer and Rodimus had been on their first assassination mission together the night before last, and their second had just ended. Rodimus couldn't help but smile a little - they made a pretty good team - not that he had ever doubted they would. Together, they had dealt with one of the more productive slave rings here on Cybertron. Rodimus hadn't dared tackle them alone since some of their CV guards were Class 3 telekinetics. Not top of the line CV's to be sure, but still enough to splatter him all over the wall even in robot form. He couldn't risk the chance of exposure. The slavers had equip these "men" with conventional blasters though - probably only for the sake of appearances - but the weapons carried a full charge.
The CVs' programming was better than some, but it wasn't comprehensive either. They paid no attention to their blasters, or to the low hum they made as Lancer manipulated the energy within them. She even managed to control the reaction so that instead of a loud explosion from the guns, there was merely a contained energy flare. One after the other, the telekinetic guards disintegrated with a burst from their own side-arms.
After that, it was just a matter of time and butchery.
Rodimus was just starting to appreciate the advantages of being able to switch back and forth between human and robot form at will. He could accomplish so much in human form that he never could have pulled off as a robot - sneaking into the installation unnoticed was just the beginning.
Still, he was glad Lancer went with him, and not just because she could help with the killing. He was glad she KNEW what had happened. He was glad she KNEW how he felt about it, and was there to help him deal with it. Marissa would be sure to ask about the "location" later today so that she could check it off her growing list of targets. He would tell her "It's been dealt with," and she would smile with a certain grim satisfaction.
By mutual, unspoken agreement however, she wouldn't ask for details, and he wouldn't offer any. He didn't want to talk about it, and she didn't really want to know.
"Dealt with." What a way to summarize two hours of tense infiltration, twenty minutes of combat during which he was nearly killed twice, and during which he himself killed exactly 47 CV's. Lancer killed 73 CV's. They had taken the slavers hostage, planning to question them as Rodimus had the Quints. One look at Lancer though had several of them convinced "the devil" had come to claim them for their sins. Never ones to waste an opening, Rodi and Lancer had made the most of that idea and had the information they wanted quite quickly - mostly coming down to more names for Marissa's list. They then sent the slavers on to the afterlife - hopefully to meet the devil for real - and spent another few hours fingerprinting and photographing corpses. After that, Lancer once again facilitated things by reducing each corpse to its component elements, and Rodimus could now schedule the building for demolition. All he really needed to do was mention to one of the Paradronian architects that the old building in question was "an eyesore" and he'd have ten different new blueprints to choose from by nightfall, and a new building for Magnus to grumble about by week's end.
The others on the council knew, in general, what "dealt with" meant, but as long as he kept the smile on his face and left it at that, they wouldn't have to dwell on it long. He knew none of them really believed his smile - they knew him too well to fall for his facades - and yet they consented to respect that facade. None of them pried. They knew he wouldn't tell them what had really happened anyway, but very truthfully none of them wanted to know the details.
And why would they? Who wanted to know about naked shaven children who had to be murdered twice to find true death? Who wanted to know about the blood, and the piss, and the shit which followed a night like this? Certainly, no sane person....He was glad they didn't pry. He was glad he could protect them from this much at least.
Still, he was also glad Lancer had been there. He was glad she KNEW. He didn't want her to suffer from these memories, but at the same time he was grateful there was someone who was already past the facade.
Rodimus wasn't sure he could handle being alone in the darkness anymore.
His shift started at 6. At 6:01 there was a knock at his door.
He groaned aloud in dread - a groan which got louder when the scanners revealed Ultra Magnus waiting impatiently outside. Rodi could see the City Commander was having a hard time keeping still even for the few seconds Rodimus made him wait while the scanners checked for Conversion (and Rodi tried to pull himself together). Unusual. Magnus was normally nothing if not too preoccupied with the appearance of absolute calm.
Rodimus scowled - an expression few ever actually saw on his face - but even as Hot Rod he'd had a finely tuned instinct for trouble. Right now that instinct was fairly screaming at him, and he seriously considered pretending he wasn't in. Finally though, he decided whatever had his terse City Commander fretting in the hall was only likely to get worse with time, and was best dealt with as soon as possible.
He expected Magnus to start off by grumbling about the wait.
"Good morning Rodimus!" Magnus said, sounding both pleased with himself and a little nervous. True to form, he didn't sit.
Rodi's instincts suggested going out the window.
"Morning Magnus! Who spiked your energon?" Rodimus said cheerfully. Never let them sense your fear, he thought to himself.
"Marissa actually," Magnus said with a broad smile.
"Ah," Rodimus said, with an actual smile of his own, "Have you and the Captain patched things up then? How much groveling did it take?"
"Not much," Magnus said, ignoring Rodi's jab and setting off more alarms in the young Prime. "She had an idea, and I've decided to take her up on it. I just need some advice on how to go about it."
"Uh-huh," Rodimus said, this time unable to keep the concern out of his voice. Magnus' nervous fretting started getting to him, and he decided to stand up himself.
"Yes, well, um.... I decided I need a vacation," Magnus said.
This statement gave Rodimus quite a turn. Certainly, after all they'd been through recently, Magnus deserved and probably did need some time off, and Rodimus would never dream of denying him. However Magnus deserved and needed time off long before they'd known about the Jabez. Usually though getting Magnus to take off work usually required a direct order - most often from the medical staff. Optimus had given up long ago trying to get his City Commander to take a few days off when there WASN'T an injury involved, and Rodimus remembered his own solitary attempt during his first term as a humiliating defeat.
Now, Magnus was ASKING for time off. Uh-uh. Didn't compute. There had to be more to it than that. Rodimus decided to play it cool.
"I see. OK. Where were you planning on going? Disneyland perhaps?" Rodimus asked casually, with the wry smile Magnus usually brindled at.
"Nowhere actually. What I need to talk to you about is HOW I'm going," Magnus said.
"HOW you're going?" Rodimus asked. The window, something in him shouted, Go for the window!
"Yes," Magnus said, "I'm going to try your little chamber and spend my time off as a human."
Rodimus didn't remember sitting down, but since he cracked his chin on the desk on the way down, he was quite aware that he'd missed his chair completely.
Magnus chuckled a little, and leaned over the desk to look at Rodi. "That's how I responded when she suggested it to me," he said with a grin.
Rodimus sat silently on the floor and panicked.
First, there were all the potential complications and dangers involved with such a profound transformation. There was the inevitable difficult period of adaption which such a change implied and all of the arrangements that would need to be made to accommodate the new human. There were huge risks in security to be considered. Above it all, was the very idea something like this might be attempted for the fun of it! And who was suggesting such a thing? Was it Jazz, the human-lover? Was it Hound, who's desire to be human was commonly known? Was it Grimlock, who was just stupid enough to come up with such an idea? No. It was Ultra Magnus.. Stoic, reliable, cautious Ultra Magnus. Obsessed with his job, never-a-day-off Ultra Magnus.
"Rodimus? Rodimus? Hello?" Magnus said, leaning further forward and waving his hands in front of Rodi's face.
Rodimus didn't move or twitch an optic, so Magnus cheerfully went around the desk to shake Rodi by the shoulder. After a while of that, Rodi still didn't look right at him, but off into space with a sort of delirious horror. Magnus knew he was getting through though because Rodi said, very quietly, "How could you do this to me?"
Continued in Part B.