~Nothing gold can stay~
A/N: I had so many problems with this chapter...because it's in Kanda's point of view, and whenever something's in Kanda's point of view, it's usually painfully sarcastic and negative. This chapter is, like...I dunno. But yeah...took me much longer to type than the first one ;_;
Disclaimer: ...-too lazy to type-
Chapter two
Sob, moan, cry, weep…Che. Whatever they use these days to describe endless mourning over a fucking dead body. Everyone's been affected, sure, but they need get a hold of themselves. I don't give a damn about that stupid bean sprout's death--
I took a deep breath.
…Okay, maybe a little bit. My fists clenched and unclenched as I strided down the hallway, with no particular destination in mind. Nearby Finders and Exorcists kept their distance away from me. Good idea, too, since I would've probably snapped at them otherwise. Most of them didn't even bother, though. Just because that bean sprout fucking died--
Another deep breath.
I've got to stop doing this.
"Oh, hello, Kanda-kun," Lenalee suddenly greeted me from behind, and I turned around, a bit disturbed at her appearance. Her eyes, all red and swollen, were still slightly teary, and her face was much paler than usual. Even her beautiful--according to Komui's factual opinion--black hair had lost its usual luster.
My fists balled up angrily, and I gritted my teeth together. What didn't these idiots understand? If you kept on grieving, then you'll never get better. They can call me a cold-hearted bastard if they want to, but it's true. "Move on with your life, dammit!" was what I wanted to say, but I knew that'd only cause Lenalee to feel even worse than already (plus, having your name on Komui's death list wasn't exactly the best thing in the world).
"…Hello, Lenalee," I said stiffly.
She sniffed, wiping her eyes, "H-have you seen Lavi?" Lenalee must've been crying all night. That might've explained the horrid condition of her eyes. If she was like this, then I seriously did not want to see Miranda; that lady was weepy even normally…
"No, I haven't seen him," I replied, turning my heel, about to walk away, until Lenalee spoke up again timidly.
"…Kanda, can you speak to Lavi, please? He really seems…down," she said, twiddling her fingers. My eyes narrowed at the action. Knowing Lenalee for many years, I would've recognized her little habits that revealed her feelings.
She was nervous about something. "Why do you want me to find that baka usagi?"
Not looking at me in the eye, her face looked even sadder, if possible, "Can you just speak to him… Please? He…he trusts you more than he trusts me." Again, she twiddled her fingers. Why would that idiotic redhead trust me more than Lenalee?
"Che," I scoffed, stuffing my hands in my jacket pockets, though when I saw that still-sensitive look of Lenalee's, I gave in and said a bit more gently, "fine, fine, I'll go look for him. Do you have any idea where he is?"
Brightening up a little bit (and hell, she needed it), Lenalee looked thoughtful for a moment, "Well, I heard that he was outside, training… Maybe you could look for him at the training grounds?" Normally that idiot would've been in the library doing some Bookman training of some sort, but whatever. The training grounds were closer to where I am right now anyway.
"Fine," I shrugged, and started my way to find the baka usagi. What was strange was that he seemed to be hurt the most out of this entire shitload of problems. If anything, he was worse off than Lenalee… Wait, scratch that. Worse off than Lenalee and the entireOrder put together. Yeah, that idiot was definitely affected the most, though the reason as to why… I couldn't even begin to imagine.
Outside, it was cloudy and grey, well-fitting the mood of the rest of the Order. Of course, it usually was cloudy outside anyway, so I really couldn't see much of a difference…Except that having everyone in a depressed mood just emphasizes on the gloomy weather.
"Oi, baka usagi!" I called out, looking around the clearing. Che. He wasn't here, after all…
That is, until I heard faint mutterings.
Eyebrows furrowed in confusion, I followed the sound, hand edging toward Mugen, just in case if that thing was a threat. I pushed through a couple of bushes and trees until I caught sight of that familiar flaming-red hair, and that giant hammer beside him was easily recognizable.
But his demeanor wasn't even him anymore. "…Lavi…?" I said quietly, not even calling him by that usual name I gave him. Slowly, he turned around, and I flinched slightly. His normaly brilliant green eye was now left of emotion, only giving off a dull green color. Something cold landed on my cheek, and I looked up, not quite surprised to see it starting to rain. Thunder roared in the distance.
"Hello, Allen," Lavi said, and I turned to look behind me. For some reason, there was this huge, empty feeling inside me when I didn't see that little bean sprout behind me.
"Lavi, Allen's not here," I said. More cold drops fell, and some landed on the back of my neck, making me shiver slightly, though that may not have been the only reason.
"What are you talking about, Allen?" the redhead laughed, and I couldn't help but take a step backwards. Lavi's laughter didn't even sound like a laugh anymore; it was something more sinister.
Che. What was I thinking? Whatever he's doing, Lavi is still Lavi. He can't be anything else. The thunder was becoming more pronounced, now."Lavi, Allen's…dead," I swallowed, my throat feeling dry, "We have to get back in now; it's starting to rain." That was kind of an understatement. It was actually pouring right now, so much that I could hardly see ten feet away.
Water in my boots sloshed around as I walked towards Lavi, who was still sitting on the ground, a strange, dreamy look on his face. "Lavi!" I yelled at him, grabbing his arm roughly. I tired of this grieving, this mourning for the damn bean sprout. And I had expected Lavi to be one of the strongest about it. Turns out I was dead wrong. "Allen's dead, and there's no bringing him back!" I snarled, temper rising, "there was nothing you could've done about it, so don't go around moping all the time!"
Lavi took these words like a slap in the face, and then his cheeks flushed, the dreamy look on his face disappearing, "How could you say that?!" he stood up indignantly, and it was then that I realized that he was about a couple inches taller than me. "I bet you don't even care about Allen! You never did, since you've always hated him!" Now inches away from me, he growled, "You probably wanted him to die." His voice was almost dripping with bitterness.
My already-rising temper rose up ten notches. Yelling back, I glared right back at Lavi, "Don't talk about things you don't know! How would you know if I cared or not? What matters is that I'm actually trying to move on, unlike everyone else, who are just grieving for someone that's already fucking dead!" I pronounced the last three words with so much venom, that Lavi took a step back from me.
"…You're horrible, Kanda," and I flinched as Lavi didn't even call me by my first name. "I hate you."
Che. So he hated me now, huh? I scoffed, "frankly, I don't give a damn. But what I want to know is why you're being like this all the time. I saw you the other day muttering to yourself, as if talking to Allen. He's dead. Gone."
There was a tense silence, and then Lavi said in a hoarse voice, "He won't come back, will he?"
I looked away, not wanting to see his expression. Then, without warning, he fell onto his knees, his chest heaving with dry sobs. His hands clenched at the ground, knuckles turning white at the effort. It poured harder outside, the thunder almost shaking the ground. I shut my eyes tightly, the grief I've held in all this time leaking out bit by bit.
"…No, he won't come back."
A/N: Ahah...not as sad as the last chapter...and I don't really like this one much o.O Review, please? Guilt makes me update faster 8D