Some Dreams Can't Wait

by Animaltalker

A Novel Length alternate ending for Voyager, News from the alpha quadrant makes Chakotay and Katherine reevaluate the status quo.

9. Chapter 9

May 20, 2378 1900 Kathryn's Quarters

Chakotay began to put out the plates, silverware and napkins. He wondered whether she wanted candles and flowers on the table and whether they'd be having wine. "Honey, do you want me to put out candlesticks, a vase and wine glasses?" he asked, enjoying using a pet name for her.

"Yes, on all three, sweetheart," Kathryn answered, equally pleased with using a pet name for her fiancé.

Kathryn brought a bouquet of flowers over to the table, "The candles are in the drawer beneath the napkins," she told him.

"So, what's on the menu?" Chakotay asked as he placed the candles in the holders and lit them.

"Grandmother's vegetable biryani and a tomato and cucumber riata," she answered.

Chakotay quickly moved over to the replicator and suggested, "How about we add some paratha bread?"

"OK, that sounds like a good addition to the menu to me."

Chakotay came back to the table with a basket of bread and then helped Kathryn into her chair.

As she began dishing up the entrée Chakotay stopped her, as she was about to add more to his plate.

"That's enough," he hastily said.

"I thought you said you were starved?" Kathryn said.

Chakotay now struggled with telling her the truth and risking upsetting her, or ending up eating the overly spicy vegetable biryani for the rest of his life.

"Well, the truth is your grandmother's biryani is awfully spicy. The last time we had it, I had to visit the doctor to get some relief from the heartburn it left me with," he said with a smile he hoped would keep her from getting angry with him.

"Why didn't you say something then?" she asked as she dished some of the spicy entrée onto her own plate.

"Well, at that time I wasn't thinking about how keeping quiet about it could mean a lifetime of eating a dish that upsets my stomach," Chakotay explained.

"You know maybe you should transfer you favorite replicator files to my replicator so I can serve things I know you like and can stomach," she said with a laugh.

"And you could let me look at the recipe for this biryani and maybe I can tone it down, as it is now, Neelix might like it," he said.

"Hey," she said as she took a mock swing at him, "your insulting my dear grandmother you know."

"Uh, it's really fine," he said as he tried to reduce the heat with a mouthful of bread, followed by a large swig of wine.

"Hey is this real wine?" he asked, noting it didn't seem like synthehol.

"Yes it's a rosé from the Picard vineyards. I got it from Tom," at his raised eyebrow she added, "Well it is my birthday, you know?"

"So tell me more about your conversation with your sister. What is she doing with herself?" she requested.

"She's trying to get the equipment and supplies needed to terraform Trebus and Dorvan so they will be habitable again," he answered as he tried valiantly to down more of the biranyi.

"How is that going?" Kathryn asked around a bite of the spicy food.

"Well, not so great. She's having trouble with all the bureaucracies. Which she is blaming, at least partly, on me," Chakotay answered laughingly as he tossed down some more wine.

"Why is it your fault?" Kathryn asked as she refilled their wineglasses, surprised and a little indignant on his behalf.

"Well, all the tribal leaders were killed in the Cardassians attacks on the settlements, when the tribes regrouped recently, they tried to establish new leadership. The Diné chose some one and then argued about whether the selection process was valid, which is very like them. The Lakota, true to their nature, still haven't reached consensus and my own foolish tribe choose me as leader. So it's pretty hard for Maliya to get anything done," Chakotay said as he took another swallow of his wine, obviously torn between annoyance and amusement over the situation.

"Your tribe chose you to be leader even though you're twenty thousand light years away from them?" she said, and then laughed.

"Yes, and initially I thought it was because only the traditionalists survived," Chakotay began to explain.

"The traditionalists?" she asked as she once again filled his wineglass.

"Oh, most of the tribes have three factions; traditionalists who want to try to revert to the way things were before the white man arrived in the western hemisphere, as though they know what that was," Chakotay said almost derisively. "The status quos who want to leave things as they are and the progressives, like myself and Maliya, who would like to retain what we can of the tribe's traditions while moving forward into the 24th century," he concluded.

"So there were status quos and progressives who voted for you too?" Kathryn asked as she finished off her second glass of wine.

"They all voted for me, at least that's what Maliya says," Chakotay answered, working his way through his third glass of wine instead of eating the meal.

"What are you going to do about it?" she asked, sensing he was disturbed.

"I told Maliya that I'd try to get the Federation to help her, and that she needed to get the Council of Elders to come up with a better alternative than having a chief who is 20,000 light years away from them," Chakotay said decisively.

"What about when we return to the Alpha quadrant, will you want to live on Trebus and be chief of your tribe then?" she asked, curious as to where her life might be leading her.

"I don't know, you know I'm not that much for planning for a future that might not happen. I like to live in the here and now," Chakotay added as he finished off his third glass of wine.

"Oh come on, you're always planning for the future of Voyager's crew," she countered.

"Yes, but that's a little bit shorter term, and speaking of which, I think there's a lot of planning we need to do in the next couple of years," he said as he started to carry his dish to the recycler.

"Are you done with your plate?" he asked as he passed by her, at her nod he took her plate to the recycler, grinning as he noticed she hadn't eaten very much of the spicy dish either.

"Will you get the dessert from the replicator while I get us some brandy?" she asked him as she went to get brandy snifters and cognac.

"Geesh, champagne at Tom and B'Elanna's, wine with dinner and now brandy with dessert, are you trying to get me drunk, woman? Because if you are, you needn't bother, I'm easy," Chakotay joked.

"I thought that was eager, not easy," she bantered back.

Chakotay stood before the replicator a bit befuddled. "Hey, what am I getting for dessert here?"

"Tiramisu, it should already be programmed in," she answered, as she poured their brandies and took them to the couch.

"Oh yeah, here it is," Chakotay said, a moment later he carried two dessert bowls with spoons over to the couch.

Kathryn took one of the bowls from him and began spooning up a bit of the light rich crème and a bit of a soaked ladyfinger. She placed the spoon in her mouth and savored the mouthful, as she did, Chakotay stared at her mesmerized by the sensuous scene.

"Mmm, heaven in a spoon! Don't you agree?" Kathryn asked, not noticing that her dining companion was totally entranced, watching her mouth caress the spoon in a manner he wished she would caress him. "Chakotay?" she prompted.

"Oh, uh I haven't tried it yet," he answered, realizing he was about to be caught gaping at her.

"Why not?" she asked shocked that anyone could pass up the delicious dessert.

"Uh," Chakotay decided the truth might actually work for him, if he was gentlemanly about it. "I was taking pleasure watching you enjoy yours," he admitted.

"Oh, Chakotay," she said and playfully slapped at him, "you're so naughty."

"Now, what was that about things we should be planning for in the next couple of years?" she asked.

Chakotay decided he should focus on eating the dessert and answering her question, maybe that way, he could ignore his growing arousal. "Uhm, well I've been thinking, even with you're pointing out to the doctor and then his pointing out to the crew that we can't exactly sustain a baby boom, I think we're going to have one anyway. At least a small one."

"Really? Why do you say that?" she asked as she again savored a spoonful of dessert.

'Focus, man, focus,' Chakotay said to himself.

"Well, I've had a number of the crew in talking about having already had their boosters neutralized and how they've got a significant other on board that they'd really like to have a family with. And well, I'm not sure how long these couples are going to want to wait, especially with Tom and B'Elanna having just had a baby and our planning to have one as soon as Doc says it's OK." he answered, rather proud of himself for continuing to focus on the discussion despite all the distraction Kathryn was supplying.

"I suppose that's true, what do you propose we do about the baby boom then," she asked.

As Kathryn reached forward to put her empty dessert bowl on the coffee table, Chakotay got a glimpse of the white lace of her bra as her T-shirt's v-neck puckered a bit, and he sighed. Kathryn shot a look at him and he grinned sheepishly and offered her the rest of his dessert, both as a distraction, and as an excuse to watch her continue to caress the spoon as he wished she would caress the head of his cock, which was right now straining against the fabric of his underwear.

"Chakotay?" she prompted.

"Oh well, I think we need to do some redesigning of our living spaces. We really need to create some family quarters. Think how crowded Tom & B'Elanna are going to be as Miral grows," Chakotay said, as he picked up his brandy snifter and squirmed a bit on the couch, hoping his oversized shirt was concealing his erection.

"Yes and I suppose, if we have several young children on board at the same time, we're going to need a childcare area so the children can be adequately cared for when their parents are on duty," she said getting into the brainstorming and failing to realize how distracted her fiancé was.

"I was originally going to suggest that we combine our quarters by removing the bulkhead between our bedrooms but I can see that wouldn't be fair. Maybe we should offer your quarters to B'Elanna and Tom after we get married," she suggested.

"Uh, do we really want to live next door to Tom and B'Elanna?" Chakotay said, struggling to keep up with the conversation.

"Good point, maybe we can, if we make sure the bulkheads have new soundproofing installed," she said and they both laughed.

Finally Chakotay realized he needed for her to be as distracted as he was and he thought he knew what would work, if he could just get the ring box out of his pocket without giving away his condition.

"Uh, Kathryn I have something for you," he said as he fished in his pocket for the box.

"What, another Birthday present?" she asked, her eyes sparkling like a little child's.

"No, its not another birthday present," he said as he opened the ring box in front of her so she could see the glittering diamond ring.

"Oh, Chakotay," she said breathily, "it so beautiful."

"Like you. Go on, put it on," Chakotay gently ordered her. "I want everyone to see that ring tomorrow on Neelix's show, so they know for sure that you've promised to marry me."

Kathryn put the ring on and let out a little squeal that was very out of character for Captain Janeway but somehow seemed just right for Kathryn. She looked at the ring for a moment and then threw her arms around Chakotay and started kissing him. She didn't know how aroused he already was and her kisses nearly put him over the edge. He couldn't think straight anymore between the testosterone surges and the alcohol he'd consumed that night and just her normal effect on him.

He began to kiss her back more passionately than before and she didn't resist. Chakotay kissed Kathryn's face and then her neck. He soon found himself leaning forward on the couch and gently pushing Kathryn to lay a back against the couch with his legs astraddle hers keeping him self above her with his strong muscled arms. Chakotay's heart was pounding in his chest and he was already panting. He reached his hands beneath her very full skirt and stroked her bare legs. When he heard her moan he was lost. He had to have her, it didn't matter what he'd promised her. She wanted him; he could tell by the way she was responding to him. He looked down and saw the buttons of her top. He reasoned to himself that if she let him begin unbuttoning her shirt that she had changed her mind about waiting. He started undoing the frustratingly small buttons and kissing the flesh that was exposed as he did so. After he got the third button undone he could see that the lacy white bra she was wearing had a simple front clasp. He felt like a thief who had discovered that the crown jewels were kept in an unlocked safe. For a moment he froze with uncertainty, this was it, if she let him expose her breasts there was no turning back, he wouldn't be able to resist her. He opened the clasp and gently pushed back the lacy cups of her bra and then he could stand the waiting no more. He bent his head so as to take into his mouth the pink bud that was the nipple of her right breast. His large, brown right hand covered her milk white left breast and he massaged it. A part of him was fascinated by the contrast between their skin tones and another part was simply lost in the sensations. He heard her moans and felt her throw her head back in abandon. She was his now, he knew she was his.

Kathryn knew with each liberty she gave Chakotay she was traveling down a slippery slope and she might not be able to stop, but she had to, and she knew he would stop; he had promised he would wait. She felt herself lifted and placed more intimately against him. She could feel his erection straining against the fabric of his slacks and rubbing against her panties. If not for a few layers of fabric he would probably be embedded within her even now. She was fascinated with that thought until she felt his hands work their way up her thighs and his fingers hook into her panties. He was about to tear her panties off so he could - "NO!" she screamed and pushed away from him causing him to loose his balance and end up on the floor, striking his side on the coffee table on his way down.

"Ow-what the fuck are you doing, Kathryn?" Chakotay said as he held his side. He was obviously both angry and confused.

Kathryn was shaking and barely managed to say, "You promised we could wait."

"What?" Chakotay roared. He looked at her and realized he couldn't talk to her the way she looked, so he turned his back to her. "Cover yourself, woman. I can't have this conversation with your breasts staring me in the face," he commanded angrily.

Kathryn responded to the command tone in his voice and quickly fastened her bra and did up the buttons he'd managed to undo. "Alright, you can turn around, now," she said in a small voice.

"Spirits, woman don't you ever do that to me again. Do you hear me?" he yelled at her. "I'm a patient and tolerant man, but I'll not be played with like this."

Chakotay was pacing like a caged tiger and Kathryn could see he was still aroused as his erection tented the front of his slacks; she was truly frightened of him.

"No more teasing me Kathryn, no more dressing and acting like you want me to seduce you and then saying no at the last minute," he demanded.

"But I-" she started to protest.

"Shut up, I don't want to hear your feeble excuses. I suppose I failed your little test," Chakotay bellowed, he was so worked up in his anger that he didn't see how Kathryn was taking his tirade. She was almost visibly shrinking in on herself and the tears were streaming down her face.

"Spirits, Kathryn I'm just a man. I'm not some statue. I'm flesh and blood. And by all that's holy, a flesh and blood man has his limits," he said emphatically.

As Chakotay finished this part of his diatribe he finally noticed that Kathryn was devastated, on shaky feet she was walking towards him and trying, though not succeeding, to take off the engagement ring he'd just given her.

"What are you doing?" he asked, almost panicked.

"Trying to give you back your ring, you don't have to"- she started to explain through her tears.

"No! No, don't ever take that ring off!" Chakotay said urgently.

"But you're so angry at me, how could you want to marry me when you're so angry at me?" she asked in a lost and confused voice.

"Kathryn, I love you!" Chakotay roared at her, seeing her flinch at the volume of his declaration he backed off a bit.

"Kathryn I can be furious at your behavior and still love you, still want to marry you," he explained more gently.

"You still want to marry me, even though you think I did this awful thing to you, on purpose?" Kathryn asked, bewildered.

"Are you saying you didn't do it on purpose?" he asked, beginning to entertain the thought that this fiasco was not a case of her testing him.

"No, I swear to you I wasn't trying to test you or anything. I just got swept up in the moment and I knew I was wrong to let you take such liberties. I knew what you must have been thinking, that I had changed my mind about waiting," she tried to explain between her tears.

"OK, I believe you didn't do this on purpose. It's still very difficult for me to cope with, maybe if I wasn't battling the testosterone surges that come from hasving had the boosters neutralized and maybe if I hadn't had so much to drink tonight, I'd have been clearer headed and this wouldn't have happened," Chakotay said, now obviously a little calmer. He started towards the door to her quarters.

"Can you stay and we can talk this out for a little while?" she asked, sounding for all the world like a lost little girl.

The sound of her voice and look on her face almost melted his resolve, but he knew better. As aroused as he still was, if he took her in his arms to comfort her, he might well just take what the male animal inside of him said was rightfully his.

"No, sweetheart I can't stay tonight," he said.

When he saw the look on her face, he quickly added, "And don't think I'm not staying because I'm still angry at you or because I'm punishing you or something. I'm not staying because I'm not certain that I can control myself and well, I don't think my forcing myself on you would exactly be the best way to ensure a long and happy marriage."

He walked over and placed a very chaste kiss on her forehead. "I'll see you in the morning," he said, then turned quickly and left.

May 20, 2378 2000 Chakotay's Quarters

When he entered his quarters, Chakotay realized that the pleasant buzz he had going there for a while in Kathryn's quarters had pretty much evaporated when he'd gotten so angry and it seemed as though he might be getting a hangover early, that plus the fact that his side was killing him and the biranyi was already upsetting his stomach made him decide that as soon as the raging hard-on he had finally calmed down he'd head to sickbay.

He looked down and morosely said, "Down big chief, no pussy tonight or tomorrow night or any night soon unless somebody finds me an inhabited class M planet. And I swear to you guy, if they don't know what marriage is, I'm going to teach them, Prime Directive or no Prime Directive. Oh what the heck, Computer, perform a site to site transport from here to sickbay." Chakotay decided to brave the barbs the doctor would undoubtedly throw his way given his state and go get what ailed him tended to.

May 20, 2378 2005

"Activate the Emergency Medical Hologram" Chakotay said as he materialized in sickbay.

"No need," the doctor said as he came out of the medical lab. "What can I do for you, commander?"

"I think I could use a detox hypospray, something for an upset stomach and maybe you could check my ribs on my left side," Chakotay said as the doctor ushered him to a biobed.

"Let's see," the doctor said as he helped Chakotay up on the biobed.

He passed a medical scanner over Chakotay's left side and noted his blood alcohol level as well.

"Does the fact that your blood alcohol level is 0.1 have anything to do with your two cracked ribs? Or would one or the other be related to your obviously aroused state?" the EMH asked.

"I'd really rather not discuss it, doc," Chakotay mumbled.

He did note that the doctor's sense of humor did at least seem to be having about the same effect as a cold shower would have.

"Come now, I must know how the injury occurred for the incident report," the doctor chided.

"Oh doc, have a heart, please don't write this up," Chakotay pleaded.

"You should know as a hologram I don't have a heart, however, if you tell me exactly how this happened, perhaps I could be persuaded to omit the report," the EMH countered.

"All right," Chakotay growled when it became obvious the EMH wasn't going to treat him until he'd heard an account of how he got injured.

"I gave the engagement ring to Kathryn after dinner and – well we were kissing and things got a little – uhm passionate and then all of a sudden she put on the brakes and – well I fell off the couch and hit my side on the coffee table," Chakotay finished lamely.

The doctor did something he had never done before, he laughed in a patient's face.

"Oh commander I'm sorry, but really that's like something out of a romantic comedy. I'm curious, why did she 'put on the brakes'?" the EMH asked.

"You know doc, I'm not only pretty good at hacking into secure files, but I bet I could delete a few of your files," Chakotay threatened.

"Now really commander, considering that second directive from Dr. Crusher, don't you think I have a right to ask?" the EMH countered.

Chakotay realized he'd really made a mistake admitting that Kathryn had stopped his sexual advances because that could make it seem to the doctor as though Kathryn didn't possess 'a mature attitude towards a healthy sexual relationship between consenting adults'.

"I guess, but you're getting the wrong impression. Kathryn asked me to – ugh this is so difficult to talk about," he said, and then took a deep breath and rushed on saying, "she wants to wait to make love until we're married because she's afraid something will go wrong, as it has with her last two engagements. I know that's a pretty crazy way to think but I promised her and well its what she needs. So she's going to get what she needs even if it drives me up the freakin' walls!" Chakotay said the last sentence vehemently.

The EMH didn't know whether to be sorry for Chakotay or to laugh at him again. He had to admit the man was certainly dedicated to the woman he loved. It was unfortunate for him that the woman he was in love with was a mass of neuroses and, judging by the state of Chakotay's stomach, a lousy cook. Well, maybe marrying Chakotay and having a baby would ease some of her neuroses a bit.

"Lay back, let's get those ribs fixed," the EMH said as he turned and picked up 2 hyposprays, "this should prevent a hangover," he said as he administered the first hypospray. "And this should calm your stomach," he said as he administered the second one. "Commander, I haven't heard a word you said, and in fact, I don't even recall that you were in here this evening," the EMH promised as he ran an osteoregenerator over Chakotay's ribs.

"Thanks doc," Chakotay said, feeling 100% better than when he beamed in.

"Uh doc, Kathryn had almost as much to drink as I did, so maybe you could send her a detox hypospray?" he suggested.

"Consider it done," the EMH said.

While Chakotay visited the sickbay, Kathryn spent some time thinking about the evening, remembering how his hands and his mouth felt against her. She sat staring at the engagement ring Chakotay had given her and most of all, she thought about him. She didn't deserve him and she knew that. He was so loving and patient. No other man would have hung on this long or fought so hard. Just about the time Chakotay got back from sickbay, she lay down on her bed and began to cry. She couldn't say exactly why she was crying; she just needed to cry it all out.

May 20, 2378 2030 Chakotay's Quarter

Chakotay came into his quarters and headed towards his bathroom. He had decided he'd try to get to bed early tonight, he'd take a shower and then lie down and try to fall asleep. Not that he felt that sleep was all that likely to come easily tonight, not after the scenes in Kathryn quarters. He wasn't sure what was going to keep him up, thinking about having her in his arms or seeing how devastated she was when he got angry with her.

As he passed through his bedroom he heard Kathryn sobbing on the other side of the wall. It was the one thing that killed him about the close proximity of their quarters. He could hear her when she cried out from a nightmare or hear her sobbing in sorrow. This was too much for him to bear. He couldn't let her go on crying but he was afraid to go to her. Then he realized there was a way he could comfort her safely.

"Chakotay to Janeway," he said to open the communication. He tried to be patient knowing she might have taken her commbadge off and also knowing she'd want to get herself somewhat under control before she answered. Just before he was about to call again, she answered.

"Janeway here," she said and he could still hear the tears in her voice.

"Kathryn sweetheart, why are you crying? I can hear you through the bulkhead," Chakotay said lovingly.

"Oh Chakotay, I don't deserve you," she moaned.

"What? What sort of nonsense is that?" Chakotay asked her.

"I'm not the sort of woman you should be marrying, you need a woman who can give you what you need. Who won't be so superstitious that she can't make love to you for fear something will go wrong and we won't end up getting married," Kathryn replied still sounding teary.

"You are exactly the woman I should be marrying because I love you. And you can give me exactly what I need and what I want. I just have to be a bit more patient than I might want to be right now. You know, if I were not a little bit addled by the effects of neutralizing the boosters and had I not had more to drink than I would normally, none of this would even have been brought up. Though I'm sort of glad it did get brought up," Chakotay countered.

"Why?" Kathryn said, sounding a little less tearful and quite curious.

"For two reasons, first I needed to realize that you aren't too well acquainted with unconditional love. I plan to change that. And second, you needed to see my temper. It's not a very nice thing but it's certainly a part of me. I usually keep it in better check, especially around those I love," Chakotay said, and then wondered to himself if what he'd said was actually true.

"Oh Chakotay, when you got so angry I was terrified that you didn't love me any more," Kathryn admitted.

"Kathryn, sweetheart, I will always love you, no matter what happens. But tell me, will you stop loving me if I make you angry?" he asked, just a little unsettled by the thought.

"No, no I'll always love you. I'll never stop loving you," she declared.

"Then everything is going to be fine, my love. We just ran into a little stormy weather. I'm sure it won't be the last time it happens in our life together, but we will weather every storm as long as we both remember one simple truth; we love each other and that's all that matters," Chakotay reassured her.

"Yes, yes Chakotay, that's all that matters. Oh Chakotay, I love you so much," Kathryn said.

"And I love you, now do you think you can go to sleep?" he asked gently.

"Yes, yes I think I'm going to sleep very well tonight," she replied.

"All right, I'll see you in the morning. Sleep well my love," Chakotay said softly.

With all the things he had thought that might keep him from sleeping tonight he hadn't thought about how much the revelation that Kathryn wasn't secure about being loved would disturb him. To him it meant that someone, probably her parents or maybe her first lover, had made her feel that they would only love her if she somehow met whatever expectations they had for her. It made him angry that someone would do that to her and also a bit concerned that she might do the same thing to him or to their children.

Unbidden a memory came back to him. Their first major encounter with the Borg, he'd disagreed with her and she said she was alone. Even though he'd promised to always be with her and support her. The fact that he disagreed with her made her think that he wouldn't keep his pledge to her and that she couldn't depend on his loyalty. Well, he thought wearily 'I'll just have to make sure she learns to be secure in my love for her and the best way I can do that is to keep my promise to her. No more mistakes!' With that Chakotay punched his pillow one last time and finally settled down to a fairly restful sleep.

May 21, 2378 0625 Chakotay's Quarters

Chakotay snapped awake, someone was in his quarters; he could hear movement. He pulled the phaser he kept under his pillow out and started towards his living area, just as the doors parted he saw Kathryn setting his dining table for breakfast. She turned just in time to see him relax his grip on the phaser and point it towards the floor.

He let out a big sigh and said with irritation, "Woman, you about got yourself shot".

"You keep a phaser in your bedroom?" she asked as she let the silverware she was holding clatter to the surface of the table.

"Yes, I do," he told her, thinking he'd save telling her he kept it beneath his pillow for after they were married. "Now what on earth are you doing in my quarters at this hour of the morning," he asked.

"Making breakfast?" she replied, a bit embarrassed.

Chakotay looked down at himself, thankfully he had gone to bed in his boxers and a t-shirt, as per Star Fleet regulation, rather than in the buff as he preferred. "Uh, let me get dressed and I'll join you," he said.

Chakotay retreated into his bedroom while Kathryn poked around in his replicator trying to figure out what his favorite breakfast was. 'You'd think after all these years together on Voyager and the time we spent together on New Earth I'd know, but unlike him I never pay close enough attention to those things,' she thought to herself.

She decided his favorite breakfast must be the one cryptically marked breakfast #1, as he called it up the most. She punched in a request for two servings and wondered what she'd get. A tray materialized with two bowls of a hot cereal and two smaller bowls of berries. 'Oh yes' she thought when she saw it 'this does look like something I remember him being fond of'.

She yelled through the bedroom door. "Do you want coffee or tea for breakfast?

"Coffee" came the muffled answer. 'He must be putting on his uniform shirt' she thought.

A moment later as she was putting the cereal and fruit and coffee on the table, he emerged in a clean uniform sans his rank insignia and jacket. He took a look at the table and then went over to the storage area near the replicator and came back to the table carrying a small covered container with a handle that protruded out of an opening in the cover. "Here most everything will taste better with this," he said as he sat down.

"What is it?" she asked, mildly curious.

"Raw Honey or at least a replicated version of raw honey," he answered as he dipped some of the sticky sweet liquid out of the container and drizzled it over her portion of hot cereal and berries then loaded some more on the dipper and repeated the sweetening task on his own breakfast.

She sampled the hot cereal, "This is pretty good," she said with a note of surprise in her voice.

"Of course it is, you think I'd eat it most mornings if it wasn't?" he said with a laugh. Then he grimaced, as he tasted his morning coffee, as usual she hadn't put enough sugar or cream in his coffee to suit his taste.

"What exactly is it?" she asked, as she added some more honey and then got up and headed for the replicator.

"Its corn meal mush. What are you doing?" he asked curiously.

"I think I'll get a glass of milk to go with the cereal. You want some?" she said.

"Uh, OK I'll try it," he said, not sounding convinced that it would be an improvement.

"What do you mean try it? Haven't you ever had milk on hot cereal?" she asked, a bit incredulous.

"I don't think I have. My tribe didn't drink cow's milk as a rule," Chakotay answered.

"But you use cheese in things you cook, I know you do," she said returning to the table with two glasses of milk.

"Yes, I do. I just never got the habit of drinking milk," he said as he watched her pour milk on the cereal and the berries. He tried to follow suit and ended up with the milk dribbling down the glass. "And I apparently don't have the hang of pouring it either," he said a bit embarrassed.

"Oh I should have gotten it in a small pitcher," Kathryn said annoyed at herself for having caused Chakotay a problem.

"Mmm, I like this on the berries," he said.

"What about on the cereal?" she asked.

"Not so sure about that yet. Doesn't seem to do that much except cool it off," he shrugged, then added some of the milk to his coffee to make up for the cream Kathryn had omitted from it. He was glad to be talking about the breakfast instead of the events of last night.

"Did you tell the doctor to send me a couple of hyposprays last night?" she asked.

'Well so much for not talking about last night,' he thought.

"Yes I did. I went to sickbay before I talked to you over the comm last night. My side was hurting and the biryani and the alcohol were catching up to me. I mentioned you had had as much to drink as I had and well I suppose he figured you'd probably ate what I did too," he answered.

"Did you really get that badly hurt from hitting the coffee table?" she asked with a note of concern in her voice.

"I cracked two ribs," he answered.

"Oh Chakotay," she said and reached out to touch his face.

"Its OK, it wasn't anything the doctor couldn't fix," he said as he covered her hand with his then turned his head to kiss her palm.

"Let's finish up breakfast then have a little talk before we go over and do that interview with Neelix, OK?" Chakotay suggested.

"All right," she answered and they both quietly made quick work of the last of their breakfasts, then after recycling their dishes, they sat on his couch.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asked, obviously a little nervous about this conversation.

Chakotay took her hands in his and said, "I just wanted to make sure you're OK after last night and to reassure you that I really do love you and want to marry you. And I meant what I said about being OK about our waiting to make love. Last night was my fault-"

"No, no it was mine," she interrupted him. "I should have stopped you far sooner, I just got caught up in the moment and -"

"OK," Chakotay took his turn to interrupt her. "Let's just agree we both had a hand in what happened last night and promise not to let it happen again. All right?" he asked.

"All right," she agreed.

"Just so we're clear on this, not so much real alcohol in one evening and you rein me in a little sooner, OK?" he said with a smile.

"OK," she replied.

He toyed with the ring on her finger. "And don't ever try to give this back, OK? It's really, really important to me that you always wear it. It's a visible sign of your promise to marry me and have my child," he explained.

"Oh Chakotay," she said and then slipped into his arms to kiss him tenderly.

They held on to each other for a quite a while, just soaking in how good it felt to be able to hold one another.

"Computer what time is it?" Chakotay asked.

"The time is 0720," the computer intoned.

"We'd better get over to your quarters, Neelix will be there soon," he said as he helped her up from the couch.

"All right, let's go," she said, never letting go of his hand.

"Oh, I better take my uniform jacket and insignia."

"OK, but lets not wear our jackets, as you said let's let this be from Kathryn and Chakotay," she said.

May 21, 2378 0721 Kathryn's Quarters

Shortly after they arrived in her quarters, Neelix showed up with his holocamera and a camera operator, none other than the doctor himself. Neelix and the doctor explained that they thought this was so important an interview that it would really be better with a live (well sentient at least) camera operator. They decided to do the interview on her couch with Neelix setting to the couple's left as the camera looked at them and with the captain in the middle. As soon as the doctor indicated he had the camera set up properly Neelix used a remote to cut into the taped portion of his broadcast and looked into the camera to talk to his audience.

"Good Morning Voyagers, I'm cutting into the pre-taped portion of A Briefing with Neelix to bring you a live interview with none other than our own command team. Seems they have something to tell us all," Neelix said as he shifted so that he was looking at Kathryn and Chakotay. "Good Morning Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay. Now I understand you wanted to make a little announcement. Is that right?" he asked.

"Well, yes, but actually the announcement isn't from the captain and commander, its from Kathryn and Chakotay," Chakotay answered for the couple. "You tell them, Kathryn," he requested.

"Well, yesterday wasn't just my birthday. It was the best day of my life," she said starting to explain.

"Why do you say that, Kathryn?" Neelix asked, emphasizing her name.

"Because yesterday the man I love," Kathryn cast a look at Chakotay, and he looked down and grinned shyly, "asked me to become his wife and before he could change his mind I said yes!" she said happily.

"Like I would ever change my mind about wanting you to be my wife," Chakotay added quickly.

"Well, Congratulations to the both of you. So when's the big day?" Neelix asked.

"As soon as we find an inhabited M class planet with a planetary official willing to marry us," Kathryn answered.

"I will be eternally grateful to the person who spots such a planet!" Chakotay said with a grin.

"So tell me, I'm sure my audience is dying to know. What brought this about?" Neelix inquired. "I mean this entire crew has known for years how much you love each other, but we had all just about given up on the two of you getting together, at least while we're here in the Delta quadrant," he observed.

Kathryn looked at Chakotay and he nodded. Kathryn knew he was thinking about how Voyager's crew were more than their subordinates they were their friends and family. "I think the credit has to go to the newest member of Voyager, Miral Paris. When I held her in my arms I knew I wanted a baby," she looked at Chakotay again and he took her right hand in his right hand. "Not just any baby, Chakotay's baby," she said earnestly.

"When I saw that look in her eyes, I knew we had a chance. Of course being a contrary I naturally asked her to have my baby before I asked her to marry me," Chakotay said. Everyone laughed at that. "But I figure the order of the proposals isn't quite as important as the events," he concluded.

"You're right about that sweetheart," she said as she reached out her left hand to touch his chest.

"Is that an engagement ring I see there on your hand?" Neelix asked when he saw the sparkle of the diamond on her left hand.

"Yes, Chakotay gave it to me yesterday evening," she replied. "And I will always wear it," she added as a promise to Chakotay.

"Well there you have it Voyagers, our very own command team are preparing to become a team in their personal lives as well. And now back to the pre-taped material of A Briefing with Neelix," with that Neelix cut the transmission link to allow the pre-taped show to continue and the doctor put down the camera.

"Well, I think that went very well," the doctor said. Suddenly the group heard a series of beeps from the captain's desk console.

"Sounds like you're getting a lot of messages," Neelix observed.

Kathryn went over to her console and turned down the volume then opened the intraship communication program on her computer. She already had nearly 50 messages in her inbox. Considering a third of the crew were on duty and another third were probably asleep that meant nearly every member of the crew that was awake and off duty had seen the broadcast and were now sending her comments on the broadcast. Some messages had subject lines like Congratulations or Its About Time, those with more cryptic subjects or none at all she opened and they were all positive. She was moved to tears. Chakotay moved to her side and took her in his arms gently.

"Are you all right, sweetheart?" he asked with concern.

"Oh yes, Chakotay!" she said as she wiped her eyes. "These are happy tears. Tears of joy, the crew support us!" she said as though she were amazed.

"Well of course they do, they've been pulling for us to get together for years," Chakotay told her.

"Yes I suppose so, I guess I just thought there'd be someone who would object," she said.

"Like who?" Chakotay challenged her.

"I don't know, the female population of the ship?" she said, only half jokingly.

"Nah, they'd just as soon 'Property of Kathryn Janeway' was written somewhere on me besides my heart," he answered with a big dimpled smile.

"Might have to get you another tattoo, huh?" she smiled brilliantly at him as she teased him.

Ignoring her last remark, he leaned over her shoulder and looked at the chronometer on the computer screen and said, "We'd better get ready for bridge duty."

"Uh yes, and Neelix and I should be getting back to our duty stations as well," remarked the doctor, once again realizing how much of a fifth wheel he was at moments like this.

May 21, 2378 0735

Meanwhile in the mess hall crewmembers that had come in to catch a bite of breakfast before alpha shift we're slapping each other on the back and whooping and hollering as though their favorite team just won the world cup or the Parisi Square tournament.

"Well another one bites the dust," Tabor Los said as things quieted down a little.

"What do you mean by that?" Noah Lessing asked.

"You know, Chakotay, he's given up his carefree bachelor days," said Tabor.

"And you think that's a bad thing, huh Los?" asked Joe Carey.

"Well I don't know, I mean now he not only has to answer to the captain on duty, but off. I mean think about it, you'll call him up to see if he can play Poker or fill out a Parisi Square team and he'll have to say 'wait a second I have to check with the wife'," Los replied.

"Yeah, well there are some decided benefits to being married," Mike Ayala said as he joined the conversation. "Wouldn't you say, Joe?" Mike asked the other man in the room with marital experience.

"Oh yeah, you gain a lot more than you loose, Tabor," Joe replied.

"Such as?" Tabor demanded.

"Well if my memory serves me, mind you it's been 6 years and 7 months, but the sex was fantastic," Joe said with a grin.

"Oh come on, the same woman every time?" Tabor countered.

"Yep, you know what they say 'practice makes perfect'," Mike added.

"And as I recall I didn't have to work too hard to get it either," Joe added, clearly enjoying bantering with the younger man.

"Yeah well, its not like a guy like Chakotay would have to work too hard to get it now, if he'd just give the gals a second glance, that is," Tabor said with just a hint of jealousy.

"As interesting as this conversation is gentlemen, I believe most of you are due on duty," Harry Kim told the assembled group, and then added, "And this might not be the most appropriate place for a discussion of your commanding officers' sex lives."

The assembled crewmembers scattered like chicken in front of a farm wife with a broom, amid a flurry of 'yes sirs', and 'right you are sirs'.

May 21, 2378 1230

Later the couple in question came down to the mess hall for lunch, both to save on their replicator rations and to spend some time among the crew. Their lunch break stretched on a little longer than normal as they spent time visiting with various crewmembers, accepting congratulations from everyone they saw. Just as they were about to leave Samantha and Naomi Wildman entered.

"Chakotay sit back down, lets stay a moment and chat with Naomi and Samantha," Kathryn said.

"All right milady, your wish is my command," Chakotay said, playing at being gallant.

As soon as Samantha had their lunches on a tray Naomi asked permission to go over to the captain and commander and as soon as her mother nodded her head she came skipping over to their table. "Congratulations Captain and Commander, I'm very happy for you," Naomi said in her very best grown up voice.

"Well, thank you Naomi," Kathryn answered.

"Captain, when you and the commander get married," Naomi said, then paused.

"Yes Naomi, when Chakotay and I get married?" Kathryn prompted.

"Can I be in your wedding?" Naomi asked quickly.

"Naomi!" Samantha said, in a scolding tone.

"Oh Sam, that's all right," Kathryn said and gathered the young half-Katarian girl to her side.

"You know Naomi, Chakotay and I haven't been engaged very long and so we haven't discussed what kind of wedding ceremony we will have, plus we don't know what sort of rules the people on the planet we will get married on will have about weddings," she said. Kathryn looked at Chakotay and he gave her a slight nod and she continued. "But if there's a way, we will have you in our wedding, all right?" Kathryn promised the girl.

"Oh yes, thank you," Naomi said as she nodded excitedly.

"Naomi it looks like the captain and commander were nearly done with their lunch when we dropped by, we should really let them get back to the bridge," Samantha said.

"Yes, no rest for the wicked," Chakotay joked.

"Chakotay behave!" Kathryn said as she took a kidding swipe at him and then got up to recycle her tray.

"See you later Sam, Naomi," she said.

Chakotay shot one of his heart melting grins at Naomi and Sam and waved goodbye. He and Kathryn then left the mess hall and entered the nearest turbolift to head up one deck to the bridge.

"Bridge" Kathryn called out to the computer. The lift started then suddenly stopped.

"What the -?" Kathryn asked.

Chakotay laughed and said, "What do you want to make a bet that this is an 'engagement present' from the staff in engineering?"

"Oh it better not be something like that, Janeway to Engineering," she said, a bit annoyed.

"Vorik here Captain, what may I do for you?" the young Vulcan answered.

"The turbolift is stuck between deck two and the bridge," the captain reported.

"Yes Captain, internal sensors show a minor problem in the relays, we should have it fixed in 5 minutes," Vorik replied.

"Thank you, lieutenant," Kathryn said and closed the commlink too soon to hear the junior officers in engineering congratulating each other and Vorik for their little maneuver.

"Well, as long as we're stuck here for five minutes," Chakotay said as he stalked Kathryn, trapping her against the back wall of the turbolift.

"Chakotay beha-" Kathryn's plea for Chakotay to behave was cut off as his lips descended on hers. He was thrilled, with only 5 minutes he wasn't going to be tempted to do much more than kiss her, so he could enjoy her without worrying about crossing the line and breaking his promise. At least that's how he figured it at first. Then Vorik's 5-minute estimate turned into 10 and then 15 minutes and things were taking a decidedly passionate turn.

"Chakotay, Chakotay?" Kathryn tried to break him out of the passion-induced haze he seemed to be in.

"Yes, my love," he finally managed to say as he stopped trying to figure out how to get her out of her uniform.

"Do I need to ask for you to be beamed out of here?" she asked with a hint of a warning tone in her voice.

Her words finally sunk in and Chakotay backed off and took a deep breath. "No, I'm OK. See? I can handle these situations when there's no alcohol involved. You just need to remind me, that's all," he reassured her.

"OK, but I'm giving engineering another call," she said emphatically and he nodded his agreement.

Moments later the command team emerged on the bridge. It was a good thing there wasn't a mirror on the bridge or the command team might have died of embarrassment as both of them had mussed hair and neither one's uniform was exactly ship shape. As it was Kathryn blushed when she looked at Chakotay, and she was very relieved when just a minute after they entered the bridge Chakotay announced he was going to his office for an appointment. A few moments later Kathryn left the bridge to Tuvok and retreated to the ready room.

May 21, 2378 1255 Commander Chakotay's Office

"Chakotay to Vorik," Chakotay said as he entered his office.

"Vorik here, sir," the young engineer answered.

"Vorik, don't ever do that again or so help me I'll offer you up as a sacrificial virgin to whatever Goddess the Delaney twins worship!" Chakotay threatened mirthfully.

"Glad to have been of service, Commander," Vorik, the 'not your standard issue Vulcan', replied.

Chakotay was still chuckling when Kathryn contacted him over the comm system.

"Chakotay, have you had a look in a mirror yet?" Kathryn asked.

"Uh, no why?" he asked perplexed.

"Just go look," she suggested.

When he looked in the mirror in the bathroom off his office he noticed what she was talking about, not only was his hair a wreck, his face was covered with her lipstick.

"Oh for crying out loud, it's the 24th century, can't they make lipstick that doesn't come off on a guy when he's kissing his woman," Chakotay complained.

"Yes they can, I just don't like wearing it because it's hard to take off. However I think I now have a reason to wear it. Oh and Chakotay," she said, waiting to get his attention.

"Yes Kathryn," he replied.

"When we are on a break from a duty shift and you kiss me, please try not to mess my hair up so much," she said with a laugh.

"What a picture we must have made when we entered the bridge," he commented.

"Yes, our bridge staff should get a commendation for restraining themselves," she noted.

"Well, our engineering crew should probably be in restraints, so I guess that balances out," Chakotay returned.

"Sweetheart, I was," - Chakotay started

"Sweetheart? Chakotay we are on duty," she teased him.

"Oh Kathryn, give me a break here," Chakotay pleaded.

"Okay what were you going to say?" she relented.

"I was thinking about the subject that came up in the mess hall about our wedding ceremony. Maybe we should discuss it?" he ventured.

"All right, tonight over dinner, 1900, OK?" she responded.

"OK, but my replicator files not yours," he countered.

"All right and your quarters, that way when you misbehave I can just walk out on you," she said.

"Ooh, you wound me, woman. You're probably right, but still," he replied.

Just then his door chimed. "I have to go honey, there's someone at my door," he said.

"All right, but you stop that," she chided.

"Stop what?" Chakotay asked, feigning innocence.

"All the honey and sweetheart stuff, I mean I like it, but not on duty, OK?" she asked.

His door chime rang again. "OK, I'll try to remember," he said.

He knew he was lying to her, he intended to call her honey and sweetheart every chance he got, even on duty, at least when they were alone, just like he used to call her Kathryn whenever they were alone, he'd do it, if only just to tease her.

"I've really got to go now," he said as he closed the commline.

"Come in," Chakotay said.

As Ken Dalby entered his office Chakotay apologized, "Sorry to keep you waiting Ken, I was talking to the captain."

"Were you talking to the captain or Kathryn?" Ken asked slyly, noting the smile on Chakotay's face.

"Your good Ken, your good. It was more a conversation with my fiancée than my commanding officer," Chakotay truthfully replied.

"So what brings you here? More trouble with the boosters?" Chakotay asked.

"No not really, I mean it's still a damn nuisance what with my temper being so short. I mean I've never exactly been known as a cool headed guy to begin with. And the libido things a little embarrassing at times, but Sue doesn't seem to mind, as long as I don't let my eyes wander too much. Actually, Sue is the reason I came down to talk to you," Dalby said.

"That's Sue Jenkins?" Chakotay asked just to be sure he had good information from the rumor mill.

"Yeah, we've been seeing each other on the QT for a couple of years now. She's the reason I quit the boosters. I– I love her Chakotay, and I do want to marry her, it's just– I don't know, now with you and the captain getting engaged, it's like, I'm really feeling the pressure to propose, but I don't know, I– I guess that's the point, I don't know why I'm hung up here. I want to marry her and have kids with her, I just–I don't know, suddenly I've got cold feet. And I know my indecision is hurting her. And that's the last thing I want to do," Ken finally got the problem all out for Chakotay to examine.

Chakotay had known Ken a long time and he thought he had a clue as to the man's reluctance. In some ways Ken's problem mirrored Kathryn's. Chakotay decided it was probably best with a man like Ken to confront the issue head on.

"Do you think it could have something to do with Beth?" Chakotay asked. Beth was the woman Ken had loved, whom the Cardassians murdered.

"What?" Ken asked, caught off guard by Chakotay's question.

"Well, you loved a woman before and she was taken away from you in a very abrupt and brutal fashion. Maybe you're afraid to get hurt like that again," Chakotay suggested.

Ken just sat still for a moment, obviously thinking about what Chakotay had just said.

"Maybe you're right, maybe that is why I'm hesitant. I never want to feel that much pain again in my life," Ken said in a soft voice.

This conversation was bringing back the one Chakotay had had with Kathryn about her first fiancé Justin, and remembering how hurt she was by it was making this difficult for Chakotay, but he needed to help Ken see his way past this.

"Ken, do you love Sue?" Chakotay asked Ken simply.

"With all my heart," Ken answered very surely.

"What if something happened today? What if the pirates we suspect lurk in that "Super Badlands" come after us and Sue is killed during battle? Would it hurt any less because you weren't married to her?" Chakotay asked, feeling as though he were being brutal to his old acquaintance.

Ken was stunned for a second but then answered in a strained voice. "No, no it might even hurt more. Knowing I could have made her happy by marrying her and I didn't because I was afraid of getting hurt," he admitted.

"Ken, we all have to face loosing the people we love. No one is promised tomorrow, so the best you can do is live today to its fullest. Grab all the joy you can and hold on tight," Chakotay told the other man fervently.

'Tell me something Chief, were you just born wise or something?" Ken asked with a small laugh.

"What makes you think I'm wise? It took me 6 and half years to get the woman I love to agree to marry me," Chakotay said and paused wondering whether it wouldn't help him and maybe help Ken to let him in on his little secret. He quickly decided to gamble that it would.

"And then I let her talk me into promising to wait," he added.

"Wait for what, Chakotay?" Ken asked perplexed.

"Well let's just say I'm having a lot more trouble with the increase in libido than you are," Chakotay answered a bit cryptically.

It took a moment for Ken to process what Chakotay had said, once he had he said in disbelief, "You're kidding, aren't you?"

"No, I wish I was, but no. I promised we'd wait until after we're married," Chakotay answered a bit dejected.

"Oh man, I don't know whether to be sorry for you or laugh at you. Good grief Chief, you sure can pick 'em," Ken said and shook his head.

"Hey remember the rules here, what's said in here stays in here, OK?" Chakotay said and his eyes pleaded with Ken to understand.

"OK, Big Guy no problem," Ken said putting Chakotay at ease.

"I don't even know why I told you," Chakotay said a bit confused by his own motivations.

"Maybe because you wanted at least one other person to know the hell you're going through and I just happened to wander into your office at the right time," Ken ventured.

"Yeah, I guess so," Chakotay replied.

"You must really love her to make a crazy promise like that," Ken concluded.

"Yeah, well I thought everybody knew that a long time ago," Chakotay said morosely.

"Well, you had gotten better about hiding it this last couple of years. Man, there was a time, when everyone was afraid to bump into you for fear they might knock your heart off your sleeve," Ken teased Chakotay.

"Don't remind me," Chakotay said.

"Look, you mind if I ask you something? I mean as long as you've been so open with me here," Ken asked.

"OK ask, but I don't guarantee I'll answer," Chakotay replied.

"Why does she want you guys to wait?" Ken asked.

"She's superstitious. She's been engaged twice before, the first guy she was engaged to died in an accident that only she survived, then the second guy gave her up for dead and married someone else when we got thrown out here in the Delta quadrant. So she thinks maybe if she does things differently this time around that maybe, just maybe she'll finally end up married," Chakotay explained.

"Well, it doesn't seem rational but I know people sometimes get that way about things," Ken said accepting the explanation. "You're a hell of a guy to put up with her being like that," he added.

"Nah, I'm no hero, I'm just besotted with her," Chakotay said as he laughed at himself.

"Yeah, I'm tempted to call you pussy-whipped but I guess under the circumstances the term doesn't really fit," Ken teased.

"Ah, get out of here and don't come back until you're engaged too," Chakotay growled in a light-hearted way.

"We'll probably want you to be in the wedding, you know stand up for me as my best man or give the bride away or something," Ken added just before he headed out the doors and Chakotay nodded.

Chakotay let out a big sigh; it had helped a little to tell Ken about his dilemma. Maybe he should share it with a few more of his male friends, it wouldn't make it any easier to stand but at least he could go bitch about it to someone when it was driving him crazy. Of course he'd also have to put up with a lot of ribbing if he did. Ken's pussy-whipped comment came back to him and he thought to himself, 'Man, if I'm this bad now, what will I be like when she has that weapon in her arsenal.' He shook his head ruefully and picked up a padd, maybe work would help.

May 21, 2378 1605 Kathryn's Quarters

Kathryn was almost sorry her duty shift was over. She had three long hours before dinner with Chakotay and she wasn't sure what to do with herself. Of course she could read some reports but surprisingly even with all that was going on in her personal life she wasn't really falling behind in her everyday "paperwork". There was the option of taking a long bath but that would still leave her with a lot of time on her hands or she could go to the holodecks but there wasn't an opening at this hour, unless she wanted to go to the new bar program Harry had dreamed up and enjoy 'happy hour', but that just didn't appeal to her. She wished she had a girlfriend she could call up and chat with about her engagement. 'Hey' she thought to herself, 'I'll write my sister, I can upload the letter in tomorrow's data stream'. She moved over to her desk and picked up a padd then decided she'd grab a cup of coffee and get comfy on her couch to write her sister.

Dear Lil Sis,

You better sit down; I've got big news. I'm getting married. OK, OK I know you've heard that before but I'm really hoping third times the charm. So I know you are wondering whom I'm marrying, especially being a Star Fleet brat you know protocol says I shouldn't fraternize with anyone under my command. Well, I've always tried to live by that, but Voyager is a long way from home and well, very recently that protocol was suspended for our vessel, which allows me to marry the man I love. I can almost hear you screaming at me 'so who is he?' He is my first officer, Commander Chakotay.

Oh Phoebe, I love him so much, I really wonder if I ever loved before I met him. He's so different from any man I've ever been involved with before. He's handsome and intelligent and charming, he's one of the most accomplished soldiers you can imagine and yet he's a true pacifist, he's even a vegetarian, yet his favorite sport is boxing! He's a gifted anthropologist and a very spiritual man, an explorer with a poet's heart. I'll try to send I current picture of him with this letter, if I can get enough space in the upload and then you will see how incredibly handsome he is and maybe the picture will capture some of his essence. In case you haven't figured it out from his name, he's Native American. Chakotay was born and raised on Trebus, his father Kolopak was the leader of his tribe. Chakotay says he's what his people call a contrary. He does tend to think and do things uniquely and even his friends call his sense of humor twisted. But he's the most loyal and honorable man I've ever known.

Chakotay left his tribe when he was 15 to go to Star Fleet Academy. Yes I said 15. He lied about his age and didn't get caught until something like 7 years after he graduated the academy. He'd just been promoted to Commander then got busted back to lieutenant! He made it back to Lt. Commander and was teaching Advance Tactics at the academy when he resigned after the Cardassians attacked Trebus. He went to the DMZ and joined the Maquis, becoming the infamous Jaguar.

I suppose Mom might have a hard time warming up to Chakotay because he is sort of the reason I'm out here in the Delta Quadrant. I was out in the Badlands to retrieve Tuvok who had infiltrated the Jaguar's Maquis cell. I had orders to capture Chakotay when the Caretaker swept Voyager and his Maquis ship here. Chakotay sacrificed his ship to save Voyager and as both of us lost crew in the transport to the Delta Quadrant we combined the crews, and then I made him my first officer. For the last 6 and a half years he's been my right hand. He is my friend and confidant and sometimes he is my conscience too.

After we had been out here a couple of years, we visited an uninhabited M class planet where both of us were bitten by an insect. We became very ill but discovered as long as we stayed on the planet we were all right. Our doctor couldn't find a cure that would allow us to leave the protective atmosphere of the planet, so we were left behind.

Oh it wasn't bad, we had shelter, a replicator and a shuttle and I had research equipment. I was determined I could find a cure. While I tried to do that, Chakotay made us a home. He can make almost anything out of wood with just his two hands and some simple tools. Very early on I complained about there only being a sonic shower and no bathtub, so he made me a bathtub! Did you get that Phoebe? He made me a bathtub with his own two hands and the native wood of the planet!

One day, after we'd been on New Earth (That's what we decided to call the planet) for about a month, a plasma storm destroyed my research equipment and I had to face that I was stuck there for the rest of my life, or so I thought. Up until then I'd kept Chakotay at arm's length, but I couldn't deny the attraction, I felt it the first time I met him and only resisted it because of our positions on Voyager. I'm a bit ashamed to admit this, but even my engagement to Mark wasn't enough to have kept me away from Chakotay. Really what kept me from him was my dedication to get the crew home and my guilt about stranding them here in the first place. That and somehow I felt as though father was looking over my shoulder all the time reminding me of that damn anti-fraternization protocol.

Once I realized my research couldn't go forward, I too started helping build a home for the two of us. I even planted a tomato garden! The attraction between us was too strong to ignore but I was so afraid, not afraid that he'd hurt me in anyway, but that I'd be shattered if I let myself love him and then lost him. I guess I don't have to tell you why I felt that way. I tried to establish parameters but Chakotay wouldn't let me. Oh he didn't rant and rave at me, he simply told me a story. He claimed it was an ancient legend among his people. This is the story he told me.

It's about an angry warrior who lived his life in conflict with the rest of his tribe, a man who couldn't find peace, even with the help of his spirit guide. For years, he struggled with his discontent. But the only satisfaction he ever got came when he was in battle. This made him a hero among his tribe, but the warrior still longed for peace within himself.

One day he and his war party were captured by a neighboring tribe led by a woman warrior. She called on him to join her because her tribe was too small and weak to defend itself from all its enemies.

The woman warrior was brave and beautiful and very wise. The angry warrior swore to himself that he would stay by her side, doing whatever he could to make her burden lighter. From that point on, her needs would come first. And in that way, the warrior began to know the true meaning of peace.

When Chakotay finished I asked him if it was really an ancient legend and he admitted that it wasn't, but said it made it easier for him to say. From that moment on I have been in love with him, although I never told him that in words until a few days ago. He understands me so well and is so patient. He never pushed for our relationship to go beyond what it was, he was content to let it slowly unfold, unfortunately before it could, Voyager came back and brought us a cure they had gotten from a race of organ thieves I had forbidden the crew to contact. They needed Chakotay and I back with them as Captain and First Officer, that's why they disobeyed me. So Chakotay and I had to put aside what could have been and take back our old roles. My role is easy, I'm the captain; his role is so much more complex. He's the one they all turn to; he is a father to the youngest of the crew, a big brother to others, counselor to nearly all of them, role model, hero, friend, intercessor, he seems to be whatever anyone needs him to be.

It was so hard to give up what was starting to grow between us, you can not imagine the number of nights I have cried myself to sleep knowing the man I loved was just on the other side of the bulkhead. And oh I've hurt him time and time again over the years by keeping him at arms lengths and also by sometimes letting him get just a little closer, then pushing him away again. I didn't do that to be cruel; I just couldn't always cope with the decisions I made.

I had begun to think he might not love me anymore, but something happened to prompt both of us to go to our ship's doctor, our EMH, that made it clear to me he still did. I suppose maybe you've heard about the contraceptive boosters problem? Well, in addition to that Chakotay and I had become aware of something our crew still doesn't know about, except the senior staff, that is. Phoebe this is 'need to know' info, OK? Don't spread it around; Voyager may get back in ten years. Both Chakotay and I hoped that when we got back we could marry and have at least one child. Mind you, we didn't talk to each other about this dream; we just both had it. Anyway we both went to our EMH separately and asked him to help us have a chance to make that dream come true, and boy did Doc run with the ball. He realized even without the boosters meddling I might not have ten years to wait to get pregnant, the Delta quadrant hasn't exactly been friendly to me. Our Doctor took actions that got the anti-fraternization protocols rescinded and got us put under orders from Star Fleet Medical to talk about our feelings. I don't think that's what he intended to happen when he asked for a second medical opinion and a psychological opinion, but all's well that ends well and I'm going to be sending thank you notes to Counselor Deanna Troi and Dr. Beverly Crusher for their parts in this.

Actually it took more than rescinding a protocol and ordering us to talk to bend my stiff neck. Well, you know me. What it really took to get us together was the birth of another child on Voyager, Miral Torres-Paris, daughter of my Chief Engineer B'Elanna Torres and my chief pilot Tom Paris (yes that Tom Paris). Phoebe, I may be a Star Fleet captain but I'm also a woman. When I held that beautiful baby I couldn't deny things anymore. I want a husband and a child. I want Chakotay and I want to have his baby. Even if I couldn't have a baby with him, I'd be happy just to be his wife. I hope he feels the same way, but I'm scared he doesn't. Oh Phoebe, I love him so much and I really want to give him what he wants and needs. I'm afraid if I can't have a child then he may leave me for a woman who can. I can't dwell on that now. I won't. I just have to believe things will be OK.

In some ways we are already off to a bumpy start and of course its all my fault. As soon as I accepted his marriage proposal, he was ready to sweep me off my feet and into bed. I said no way, not until we are married. He called that idea Victorian. OK it is, but if you'd been engaged three times and never married you might be a bit irrational too. He's been willing to go along with it because he understands why I need to do things this way (I told him about Justin and he already knew about Mark). Last night when he gave me my engagement ring, I really screwed up. I sort of let things get out of hand (well, we'd both had a lot to drink, too) and then I stopped things pretty late. To use the old baseball terminology he was between third base and home when I basically called the game over. He got very angry because he felt like I was testing him or playing the tease. And of course I panicked and overreacted, sure he didn't love me anymore and wouldn't want to marry me.

Honestly Sis, it amazes me. I can captain a starship, face down the meanest bad guys in any quadrant, but put me in a personal relationship and I'm a freaking idiot. But my man is incredible, he just takes all the garbage I dole out and makes it OK somehow. I really do not deserve him but now that I've got him, I'm going to hold on tight and never let anybody or anything take him away from me ever.

Well this is getting to be pretty long and if I expect to sneak a picture in this too then I'd better sign off. Please share this letter with Mom (in a judicious way, OK Phebes?).

Love ya,

Big Sis

Kathryn put the padd down and then started to scan her personal database and then the Voyager general database for a good picture of Chakotay. By the time she'd found the one she wanted, she decided it was time for that long bath before her date with Chakotay. As she thought about her beloved Chakotay she had a sudden impulse to do something special for him. She hoped the doctor was in a mood to help her just a little more.

May 21, 2378 1610 Chakotay's Quarters

Chakotay decide that to kill some time before his dinner date with Kathryn he would work on the turning the shells and semi-precious stones he'd received at his "half-birthday' party into heishi. It was a labor-intensive process; in the old days raw materials were sliced into strips and cut into small squares with nippers. A dentist's drill was used to make a small hole in each square, which was then strung on fine wire and nipped again, cutting the squares into rough circles that were then ground into the desired shape. The final beads were smoothed with fine grades of sandpaper. The heishi was then washed in clear water, dried in the sun and polished to a high shine. Chakotay would replicate some modern tools like the ones his mother used that would help him make some phases of the work easier but it would still be a long arduous process, but it would be worth it to see Kathryn wearing a heishi necklace he had handcrafted for her.

He was also considering making a fetish necklace for her. He thought he might need to fast and pray before making the different fetishes so he would know what stones to carve and which animals to use. He wanted the necklace to be a symbol of their union and the dreams they held for their future together. It would be very important to choose the right animals to bring them good fortune. For now he would satisfy himself with sorting the materials he had and making the initial slices and cuts.

He had been working for a while and when his neck and shoulders and lower back began to scream at him he asked the computer for the time, it was 1547. He decided he better convert his work area back to a dining room table and put away what he was working on, then grab a shower and start fixing the place up for his date with Kathryn. Unfortunately the sonic shower he took did little to ease the aches in his muscles. He would have taken a hot water shower but he was beginning to feel a bit guilty about his water consumption of late. He hoped his little aches and pains didn't put a damper on the evening.

Chakotay prepared the dining room table for dinner with Kathryn, he covered the table with a linen table cloth, put out his best dishes, glassware and silverware, and then added candles to his candlestick holders, which made him think of the ones he planned to carve for Kathryn out of one of the pieces of wood he'd received as a present.

He decided to replicate some roses; he was having a hard time deciding between traditional red roses or a single peace rose like the one he'd given her before their midnight sail on Lake George. He checked the data base on the language of roses and got even more tangled up in the decision when he found that presenting someone with a single rose meant 'I still love you' and that the color of rose he had given her indicated modesty. 'Well that's what you get when you try to be romantic with out doing the research first.' He thought to himself with a chuckle. Of course he doubted his little scientist had a clue as to the significance of the color, but he knew she liked it. As to the number of roses signifying things well that sort of stumped him. He really wanted to convince her of his unconditional love but 50 roses - that bordered on the inane stunt Q pulled! Finally he decided on a white and red rose tied together as the colors together signified unity and binding two roses together represented engagement or marriage.

He asked the computer for the time and realized all the dithering about the roses was causing him to run late; it was nearly time for Kathryn to arrive. He ran to his bedroom and opened his closet trying to decide what to wear. Finally he pulled out the shirt and pants he'd been wearing on New Earth when he told her the Angry Warrior legend. He wondered if she'd remember. He decided to go barefoot as he wasn't going to need his feet protected in his quarters, besides there was something rather intimate about being barefoot while dining with Kathryn. Just as he finished dressing his door chime sounded.

He went to the replicator to start the request for dinner and as he did he called out "Come in".

When he walked away from the replicator with their entrée in his hands and caught sight of Kathryn, he almost dropped the dish. She was incredibly beautiful tonight. She was wearing a simple knee length blue dress in a soft knit and she had her hair back in a ponytail like she used to wear it on New Earth. He was absolutely stunned, her hair had to be a good 30 centimeters longer than the last time he had seen her.

"Here I think you better let me help you with that before you spill our dinner on the carpet," Kathryn said as she reached out to take the serving dish and potholders from him. She was amused and thrilled at the same time that her surprise had been well received.

When he finally found his voice again he asked, "Kathryn what did you do to your hair?"

"I had the doctor help me out by stimulating the hair follicles to grow at an accelerated rate. Do you like it?" she asked as she put the entrée down on the dining room table.

"Like it? I love it," he said enthusiastically as he picked her up, kissed her and ran his fingers through her ponytail.

"So what's for dinner?" she asked.

"Pasta primavera and garlic bread, except I forgot the bread, just a second," he said as he returned to the replicator "What would you like to drink? And remember our promise about alcohol," Chakotay asked as he stood in front of the replicator.

"Uh, how about iced tea?" she requested.

"You got it," Chakotay answered and returned to the table with a basket of garlic bread and a pitcher of iced tea.

She looked at the table and said, "This is beautiful. I suppose the two roses tied together is symbolic of something?"

"Yes," he replied with a smile. "I did some research it represents an engagement or marriage and the colors represent unity," he informed her.

"How appropriate, especially since you said you wanted us to discuss our wedding ceremony. So tell me about a traditional wedding in your tribe," she requested as they sat down.

Chakotay stalled by taking a bit of food. "Well," he finally said, "you have to remember when I was a kid, living in my village, I didn't pay much attention to the traditions of my people. I was always so contrary about things. Remember how you said there were things you'd much rather be doing than the things your parents thought were important, like camping and gardening? Well I was the same way." He shook his head and smiled at the memory of his younger self. "I was such a know-it-all, smart-assed kid. I have no idea how my father put up with me. There I was the chief's son and I was the most disrespectful, mischievous kid in the whole village. I do remember once my father told me he hoped I grew up to have a child who was just like me, I'm absolutely sure that was a curse," Chakotay said with a smile.

"Well, there must have been a few things you did that your father and mother were proud of," Kathryn suggested.

"Yeah, I suppose so. I was a good athlete and I was a better student than most of my classmates, in fact I finished school early. That's how I was able to lie so easily about my age on my application to the academy. I mean, I had a certificate to prove I'd finished a college prep high school curriculum with honors, so they didn't think to question me anymore about my age," Chakotay responded.

"But didn't you need a birth certificate?" she asked as she toyed with her pasta.

"Sure but that was generated by the planetary computer and I'd been hacking into that computer since I was ten. It was very easy to change the date. I mean its only one digit on a file. Of course it was also very easy to detect as a forgery because I never thought to change the file creation date. And if they'd just gotten a little curious they'd have noticed that the file indicated I was born two years before my parents were married. Not something that would normally happen in my tribe," Chakotay answered.

"OK, back to the topic we are suppose to be discussing, what's a traditional wedding in your tribe like?" she asked determined not to let him get sidetracked again.

"Well, let me think back to my sister's wedding. As I was in that one maybe I can remember some of it. Well, the bride and groom both wear simple clothes usually in white with just a few touches of color, maybe a brightly colored sash for her and a vest for him. They both go barefoot. Maliya wore a simple off white cotton dress that reached to just above her ankles and she had flowers in her hair, and she had heishi necklaces that had been made for her by my mother and by Pacal's mother, her future mother-in-law. She also wore a fetish necklace that Pacal made for her. Spirits she was beautiful," he said fondly.

"How was your brother-in-law dressed?" Kathryn asked.

"He wore white pants and a white Guayabera shirt," Chakotay said.

"A Guayabera shirt?" Kathryn said puzzled.

"Like the shirt I had on last night," Chakotay explained.

"What about the ceremony itself? What do you remember?" she prodded.

"There was an altar with flowers forming a sort of double arch, that arch spanned from the four corners of the alter and there were offerings on top of the arch. Four candles were lit on the arch. There were also four candles - one red, one black, one white and one yellow that were lit on the four corners of the altar and one candle, a blue-green one stood in the altar's center." Chakotay said, it was evident he was trying hard to remember the ceremony by the look of concentration on his face.

"The candles represent the four cardinal points. Red is east, black is west, white is north and yellow is south, the candles also represent the four gods, the Bacabs that our people believe stand at the corners of the world and hold up the sky. The central flame is dedicated to Mother Earth. The priest has the privilege of lighting this 5th flame, but can decide to let somebody else do it.

They gave each other symbolic gifts. Pacal gave corn and cacao seeds to Maliya. In return, she gave him tortillas and powder of cacao. Symbolically, a woman will turn the raw material given by her future husband into food. Members of our village played music on traditional instruments before and during the ceremony."

"Do you remember the words of the ceremony?" she asked pushing for more details.

"No, I don't. I'm sorry," Chakotay apologized; he hated to disappoint Kathryn this way. "I was so happy and excited for them. My little sister was marrying my best friend. I think I was too swept up in the whole thing to remember any words really," he said in his defense.

When he saw the look of disappointment on her face, he quickly added, "I will write to Maliya and ask her to have a shaman write the ceremony down for us. That is if she can find one and if the shaman is willing to do that," Chakotay added, remembering not only that a shaman would be chary about doing that sort of thing, but also that it was possible no shaman had survived the holocaust the Cardassians had caused.

"Of course we have no way of knowing how much freedom the alien race we meet will allow us in a wedding ceremony so this may all be mute," Kathryn added a little sadly and Chakotay reached out his hand and covered hers as a way of comforting her about that thought.

Through their discussion they had finished their dinner and as Kathryn got up to recycle their dishes, Chakotay went to the replicator to get dessert, a large bowl of chocolate chip mint ice cream with two spoons.

"Lets share this on the couch," he said.

"Oh Chakotay, with all these meals we're eating together and desserts too, I'm going to get fat!" she wailed.

"Nonsense, you're probably what, 5 or 6 kilos underweight?" he guessed.

"Oh, you've been listening to the doctor's propaganda," she countered.

"No I haven't, I just picked you up. You're too skinny!" he said.

"Oh really, I thought you loved me just the way I am," she teased.

"Well I do, but I want you healthy so you can have a healthy baby," he replied.

"So I can count eating ice cream under the heading of getting healthy?" she asked as she dug into the ice cream.

"OK," Chakotay conceded, "as long as you remember to count drinking coffee and skipping meals under the unhealthy heading."

"Rats, I knew there'd be a catch somewhere," she grumbled.

"So tell me what is traditional for your people or maybe a better way to put this would be, what do you want in our wedding ceremony?" he asked her.

"I guess the most important thing would be an exchange of vows and rings. Most of the traditions I can think of are actually for the wedding reception," Kathryn answered.

"So what do I have to promise in these wedding vows?" Chakotay asked.

"Basically to stand by me no matter what may come, to love me and to be faithful to me," she answered.

"Oh, like the vows Tom and B'Elanna exchanged?" he asked and she nodded.

"No problem those are promises I want to make and keep," he said and she smiled, her heart warmed to hear those sentiments.

"So what about these traditions for the wedding reception? What are some of those?" he asked.

"Haven't you been to a lot of weddings?" she asked.

"Not really, other than the ones in my village, which I never paid much attention to anyway, except for the food at the feast afterwards, the only other wedding I've ever been to was Tom and B'Elanna's," Chakotay answered.

"Wow, well Tom and B'Elanna actually had a lot of the traditions I was thinking of like the cutting of the cake and feeding it to each other and the first dance and the best man's toast and the throwing of the bouquet and the sharing of each other's champagne. About the only thing they left out was the garter toss because B'Elanna wore her dress uniform which I definitely won't do. Though if I'm going to be barefoot maybe the garter toss is out, although it is a lot of fun," she added.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Well the bride wears a garter on her leg, ostensibly to hold her stockings up but really just so her brand new husband can remove it and toss it to the eligible bachelors. The fellow who catches it is suppose to be the next groom and he gets to put it on the woman who caught the bridal bouquet," Kathryn explains.

"Exactly wear does this garter go?" Chakotay asked curiously.

"About mid way between knee and hip, why?" Kathryn asked.

"And just how do I get this off of you?" he asked.

"I sit on a chair in front of all the guests and you reach under my skirt and pull it off my leg," she responded cheekily.

"Like this?" he asked and reached his hand under her skirt and began caressing her legs.

"No, not like that, you naughty boy," he caught her to him and she laughed but he silenced her with a kiss, but then he pulled a way and gasped in pain.

"What's wrong, Chakotay?" Kathryn asked with deep concern.

"Oh, it's just my back. It's sore from working this afternoon on the stones and shells the science department gave me for my 'half-birthday'. I'm making them into heishi, for some necklaces I want you to have," he explained.

"Oh darling, let me rub your back for you. Take your shirt off and lay face down on the couch while I get some oil from the replicator that will make your sore muscles feel better," Kathryn ordered.

Chakotay was reluctant to do what she asked. It seemed like his taking his shirt off and letting her give him a back rub was a sure fire recipe for a disaster but he didn't want to make a big fuss about it either. He didn't want every evening they had together to be filled with awkward moments, so he decided to 'comply', as Seven would say.

As she came back to the couch with warm herbal oil, she finally recognized the shirt. "That's the shirt you wore that night isn't it?" she asked.

"Yes, I wondered if you'd recognize it. There were times I almost threw it out," he said.

As she straddled his thighs to make it easier to reach his back she asked, "Why, why would you want to throw it out?

As she massaged the oil into his back and marveled at the rippling hard muscles beneath the soft skin, he answered in a muffled voice. "It was a reminder of our days on New Earth and there were times when those memories cut me like a knife. In those first few days when we came back, I would lie awake at night and hear you crying next door. It was more than I could take sometimes and I'd get up and go down to the holodeck and work out in the simulation of Boothby's gym until I was so tired I could barely stand," he answered.

The feeling of her hands on his back was dichotomous. On the one hand it was soothing the ache of his muscles but on the other hand it was so sensuous that it was arousing him. All he could think about was how he wanted to reverse their positions, have her beneath him. He wanted to stretch his bigger body over hers and make love to her.

"There does that feel better?" she asked as she got off of his legs, allowing him to sit up.

"Yes," he said and started to lean back against the couch.

"Oh, don't lean back! You'll get oil on the couch," she warned.

"I don't care," he said like a typical guy, yet he didn't lean back.

"Well, you will when it stains. Here put you shirt back on, at least you can launder it," she said as she threw him his shirt.

"OK," he relented and pulled the shirt on over his head. Something about her worrying about his staining the couch with oil and telling him he could at least launder the shirt felt so domestic to him that he grinned at her.

"What's that grin all about?" she asked amused.

"I don't know, there for a second I felt like we were already married, what with you telling me not to get oil on the couch and all," he replied and grinned again.

She laughed and sat down in his lap and began kissing him. Soon the kisses became very passionate as their hands roamed each others bodies and his tongue did to her mouth what he longed to do to her pussy with his cock. After a few minutes of groping Kathryn realized she need to calm things down or have another scene like last night.

"I think I better go," she said as she pushed him away from her.

"So soon?" he lamented.

"Yes, I think its better for us if I go now, OK?" she said tenderly and he realized she was right.

He sighed, and then helped her up from the couch. "All right," he said and led her to his door. He pulled her to him for a sweet and tender goodnight kiss.

"Goodnight sweetheart, I love you," he said.

"And I love you," she replied as she left his quarters.

"Damn," Chakotay said after she'd left his quarters. Thanks to his raging libido he'd managed to scare her off again. He loved spending time with her and just talking, but he couldn't do that now because he couldn't keep his passions in check. He punched the bulkhead next to him and with the sickening crunching noise that accompanied the punch he realized he'd broken some bones in his hand.

"Oh great, another trip to see the doctor," Chakotay muttered to himself and set off out his door and on the way to the sickbay.

May 21, 2378 2115 Sickbay

The instant he entered sickbay he called for the computer to activate the emergency medical hologram.

"Well what can I do for you this evening, commander?" the doctor asked.

"I think I broke a bone or two in my hand," Chakotay said as he held his large right hand out for the doctor to examine.

The doctor ran a medical tricorder over it and said, "Good diagnosis, now come over here to a biobed and sit on the edge of it while I get an osteoregenerator."

Chakotay complied with the doctor and so the EMH felt safe in asking the next question that came to mind. "How did you manage to break three metacarpals, boxing barehanded with the holodeck safeties off?" the doctor ventured.

"No, I punched the bulkhead in my quarters," Chakotay answered listlessly.

"Why?" the doctor inquired as he turned the osteoregenerator on the commander's hand.

Chakotay sighed, he didn't really want to answer and yet he sort of did want to answer, he was obviously confused. "I was angry at myself," he said simply.

"Again why?" the doctor felt like he was pulling the information out of Chakotay one fragment at a time as though he were removing debris from a wound.

"Because for the second time in as many nights, I shortened my evening with Kathryn by not having a good rein on my own actions. At least tonight I don't think I traumatized her. And that's probably only because tonight I hadn't been drinking, so things didn't get quite so out of hand," Chakotay answered.

The doctor knew Chakotay sounded angry and he also realized the angry was self-directed. "Commander you are not the only man on board who is having these same difficulties with self-control, however I do believe you're the only one being asked to deal with a raging libido while under the 'constraints' you are. What I'm trying to say is, give yourself a break, you aren't doing that bad a job," the EMH said in an attempt to cheer the commander up.

"Your hand is healed but may have some residual soreness. Try to restrain yourself from punching the bulkhead again anytime soon," the doctor told Chakotay.

"Thanks for fixing my hand, Doc and for trying to cheer me up," Chakotay said as he hopped off the biobed and started out of sickbay.

"You could thank me by taking better care of yourself," the EMH said to the commander's retreating form.

May 21, 2378 2130 Chakotay's Quarters

When Chakotay got back to his quarters he decided to do what he had last night, call Kathryn over the comm channel. If he couldn't be with her he could at least talk to her.

"Chakotay to Janeway," he said to activate the link.

"Janeway here, what is it Chakotay? Why'd you go to sickbay?" she asked.

"How did you know I went to sickbay?" he asked.

"I decide I was going to try coming back over, but you didn't answer your door chime and so I asked the computer for your whereabouts. So what happened?" she asked again.

"I punched the bulkhead," Chakotay reluctantly admitted.

"Why did you do that, sweetheart?" she asked tenderly.

"Because I was angry at myself for scaring you off. I so want to just spend time with you, but I can't control myself and it's driving me crazy. I miss spending time with you. We used to spend more time together before we were engaged," he said sadly.

"Chakotay its not going to be like this forever you know that, either the effects of the boosters will wear off or we'll find an M class planet and get married," she said.

"Or you could change you're mind," Chakotay said hopefully.

"Don't count on that one honey," she said truthfully.

"Look it's only going to be a few months at the most," she added trying to sound hopeful.

"I'll be certifiable by then. Look Kathryn I think from now until we find that M class planet or the side effects wear off we need to date in more public locations and maybe go on a few double dates. OK? Can we try that?" he asked hopefully.

"All right, if that's what you need to help you stay sane while giving me what I need, then OK," Kathryn replied.

"And Kathryn?" he said.

"Would you mind if we talked like this every evening, well until we can talk face to face with out any problems?" he asked.

"I wouldn't mind at all. I like talking to you like this," she said

And so for a few weeks Chakotay and Kathryn slipped into a routine of having dinner in the mess hall or at Sandrine's or in the quarters of one of the many couples who were suddenly beginning to come forward all over Voyager. And every night before they went to bed they called each other and chatted about this and that or talked about what they dreamed about for their future.