Okay, time lapse at the beginning, don't worry, it makes sense at the end.
"No." She started shaking her head, backing away from him, her face a mixture of fear and betrayal. "No he's not. Tommy's not….no."
"April I'm sorry." Booth began toward her.
April shook her head more vigorously, her hands held out in front of her as if to push him away. "No. No no." She kept repeating.
She stepped back again and felt the wall. She was trapped and he was talking and she was suffocating.
"No Seeley you're lying! Why are you lying to me?"
-----------Earlier------------
The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Booth and Brennan stepped out to lead the way down the hall, but turned when they realized they were not being followed.
Booth glanced around, but no April.
"She got off didn't she?" He asked Brennan, who only stuck out her bottom lip and shrugged.
They went back the way they'd come and found April sitting on a bench outside the elevator. She looked small, sitting cross-legged with her head bowed, wringing her hands in her lap.
They couldn't see her face, her long hair creating a curtain on either side, but Booth didn't need to see, he knew the blank look he hated so much was back in her eyes and it both frustrated and concerned him.
Brennan reached for his hand and squeezed it.
"Give me a minute, huh?"
Booth let his eyes slide between April and Brennan and nodded.
Brennan watched him walk down the hall to find a doctor and turned back to April.
She's retreating inside herself, protecting herself from what she's afraid we'll find…I know the feeling.
April took a deep breath, she could feel Dr. Brennan's eyes on her and she was tired of being watched, while everyone waited for a sign of weakness.
She decided the façade of bravado was too tiring to keep up.
"I can't lose him." She said in a surprisingly steady voice. She licked her lips. "Two years ago Tommy and his dad were hostages in a bank robbery. There was a two hour standoff with the police and for two hours I worried myself sick over whether or not I'd see him again." She shook her head, and bit her lip. "I couldn't survive if I lost him."
Brennan blinked hard, angered and saddened by everything April had been through. But she also knew from experience that everything she'd been through had only served to make her stronger. To make her the kind of girl that fought for what she wanted, the kind of girl who punched murderers in the nose.
She reached for her hand.
"April," she waited until the girl looked at her, "first, you should never worry about what hasn't happened yet. It doesn't do anything but make waiting all that much harder." She smiled and April nodded.
"Second, I have no doubt that…no matter what happens, no matter what the outcome of this is, you will be a better, stronger person because of it." She squeezed her hand, "You will survive."
April smiled, almost laughing.
"But I don't want to survive Dr. Brennan, I want to live."
Brennan quirked her eyebrows. "It's the same thing."
"No. No it's not. Surviving is…remembering to breathe everyday and eating breakfast every morning. Living is laughing and crying and…making an impression on the world."
Brennan listened to the wisdom in April's words and smiled.
"Like I said, you are going to be just fine."
April seemed confused for a second, but finally nodded.
"I hope you're right."
Brennan squeezed her hand, rising to her feet and pulling April along with her.
"Are you kidding? I'm Dr. Temperance Brennan, I'm always right."
April laughed softly and followed Brennan around the corner to where Booth and Mr. and Mrs. Hopkins were waiting.
A shiver ran up her spine and she wondered what it was, there was no air conditioning after all she was burning up. A shudder closely followed the shiver and she hugged her arms.
Ignoring the inexplicable sinking in her stomach, April slowly approached the trio, Brennan at her side.
"Any word yet?" She asked timidly.
Booth turned toward her slowly and she frowned. Even she could read the sympathy and apprehension in his eyes.
"Seeley?"
He started to say something but was cut off when Mrs. Hopkins suddenly lunged out of the arms of her husband, April noticed for the first time the tears on her cheeks.
---
When Seeley says it, I almost believe it. When Dr. Brennan agrees with him, I do…but only for a second. I mean, it is logical. He was there because of me, got hurt because he was there, therefore, Tommy is hurt because of me.
But I guess I've been taught to feel guilt,y to believe everything is my fault and as such, my responsibility to fix.
When Seeley says it's not I can almost believe him. But when Mrs. Hopkins says it is, and I can tell she means it with every fiber of her being…it's hard to ignore.
---
"This is all you're fault! He was there with you! If he hadn't been with you, you little lying brat. This is all your fault!"
Mr. Hopkins pulled his wife back to his chest and she sobbed hard against him.
April remained completely still, shock had her mouth hanging open.
"W-what happened?" She finally got out, once Booth had moved her down the hall a bit.
"April…Tommy, the damage was more extensive than we realized, his heart stopped…"
April gasped and shut her eyes, biting her lip.
"No." She shook her head, the look on her face a mixture of fear and betrayal. "No he's not. Tommy's not….no."
"April..." Booth began toward her.
April shook her head more vigorously, her hands held out in front of her as if to push him away. "No. No no." She kept repeating.
She stepped back again and felt the wall. She was trapped and he was talking and she was suffocating.
Her eyes flashed with anger, the first emotion Booth had seen since they disarmed the bomb around her ankle.
"NO! You're lying!" She suddenly screamed. Booth had enough and stepped toward her again, trying to hug her. But April was having none of it.
"You're lying! Why are you lying to me?"
The first hit wasn't hard at all, didn't contain the satisfying thud her punches usually ended with, but she'd hit him. Booth stared at her and April stared at the spot on his chest where she'd just landed her fist.
After a few seconds all rational thought fled her mind and she lifted her other fist, hitting him with that one too, sending shudders of pain througth the brace and up her arm, but she didn't care.
Booth didn't blink, knew she needed to do this as the hot tears spilled down her cheeks.
"Why are you doing this Seeley? Why are you lying to me?" Her fists were a blur, out in front of her, but maybe that was just the salty tears in her eyes. "No no no no." She said over and over, her mind shut down. All she knew was the pain. Pain so deep she felt she was literally being torn in half. Pain so sharp she couldn't breathe. She was in pain, she was hurting and all she knew was she needed Booth to hurt to. She was hurting so someone else had to hurt too.
"April please." Booth pleaded, trying to keep her from hurting herself or him too badly with her flailing hands. But he knew she couldn't hear him. He saw her start to go down, her legs giving out under the weight of her heart and reached out to catch her by her upper arms, pulling her back up.
April felt Booth start to stand her back up from where her legs had begun to fail her and she'd never felt so trapped. The wall behind her and Booth's broad chest in front of her, his arms on either side and Tommy was gone.
"No!" She shouted one last time before wrenching her arms from his grip and stumbling down the hall.
The air seemed cooler than before and, for some reason the pictures were flying by much faster than usual.
It wasn't until she hit the intern with the arm full of clipboards that she realized she was running. In the recesses of her mind she could vaguely make out the sound of Booth's footsteps behind her, him calling out her name as she ran, so she pushed herself harder.
Tommy was gone and all she wanted to do was go right along with him.
The doors appeared in front of her and without hesitation April slammed into them, causing them to fly wide open and lead her out into the pouring rain outside.
Within seconds she was soaked to the skin and she stopped in the middle of the parking lot.
Her hands on her knees, she bent over trying to catch her breath.
"No he promised he'd stay. He's not dead. It's all a big misunderstanding it just can't be." Her voice was steadily rising and she flung her head upwards, welcoming the cold rain onto her face and mouth.
"NO!" She screamed with more force than she knew she possessed. Her chest burned and she screamed again, more desperately as she pleaded with a God she didn't not know to bring back the man she loved. The boy she couldn't live without.
"Please no!" Dropping to her knees, physical exhaustion finally got the better of her and air refused to be draw into her lungs. What was happening?
Booth heard her scream and took off through the darkness toward it. He found her on her knees in a five-foot wide puddle, her head bowed low to the ground. Kneeling beside her, he finally got the chance to do what he had been wanting to do since the moment he laid eyes on her back at the Dicken's place.
He hugged her.
April buried her face in his soaking wet shirt as her firm emotionless resolve crumbled and scattered around her, leaving her small, cold and terrified. And wet.
Booth kissed the top of her head trying to shield her from the rain. He whispered to her, but wasn't sure she believed him when he said it would be alright. She did like to be in his arms though. It was safe in his arms, safe to mourn her loss without fearing another.
They waited for the tears to subside, both clinging to the other for dear life.
Finally Booth felt she was calm and lifted April into his arms. He pressed her to his chest as he made his way through the parking lot back to the overhang in front of the hospital.
Under the overhand and sheilded from the downpour, he sat her down on a cool dry bench near the doors.
"April," he crouched in front of her, trying to catch her eyes, "I want to finish what I was saying."
She closed her eyes and shivered, Booth shrugged off his coat, which was a bit wet on the outside, but warm and dry on the inside.
"Please Booth. Don't." She shook her head and looked away.
"Tommy is not dead April."
Hows that for a twist?