Chapter 8

Going Under

PRESENT

"Nothing new?" he asked pacing back and forth.

"Nothing" She replied.

"Surely-"

"No, Qui-Gon" Tahl said looking up from her data screen, "We've got nothing, and until we do, we will still have nothing, so keep searching" she looked back to her screen. "And stop asking, like an impatient child."

Letting out a sigh, Qui-Gon stopped and returned to his seat. Ever since he had been released from the healers, he had been an anxious wreck of a man. He wanted to do something...anything, just more than simply sifting through endless data looking for something that only when found would reveal itself.

Mindlessly he selected a file and read through it, but his heart wasn't in it. He gave up.

"Tahl, I need a break."

Tahl rolled her eyes.

"Then get out of here already," then seeming to regret her words, she sighed, "Qui-Gon, we'll find something, really we will, but it will take time...where's the patience that you're so famous for?" She smiled.

Qui-Gon looked at her with shame in his eyes.

"Don't come back here until you've found it again," She turned back to her screen.

Taking that as his cue to leave, Qui-Gon left the archives and wandered down the hall. As he walked, images of his lost padawan drifted across his mind. Images of what the boy had become. It bothered Qui-Gon to no end that he couldn't salvage some explanation for how the boy had ended up the way he had. He owed it to Obi-Wan to find out.

Qui-Gon sighed. He owed Obi-Wan so much more. He had wronged the boy infinitely and it only made him feel that much guiltier to know that even after everything, Obi-Wan still loved him as a father. What had he done to deserve such a loving and forgiving son? Apparently it was his punishment to always wonder and grieve knowing the part he had played in the loss of such a pure soul.

Only at the end, did he find out the truth of where his padawan's loyalties had laid; it was always with the light, never the dark. He was so foolish to had have ever doubted. Momentarily overwhelmed with bright sunlight, Qui-Gon stopped his musings and glanced out of the large windows beside him.

In front of him laid bare a magnificent sunset. Quietly the thoughts in his mind slipped away until his mind was blissfully blank. The next few moments served as a quiet respite from the torture that his life had become.

But as with all good things, the moment had to come to an end. Without his permission a nagging thought came to the forefront of his mind. Annoyed Qui-Gon ignored it and pushed it away. But it came back with vengeance and this time the force was on its side.

Qui-Gon's eyes brows furrowed in deep resentment, but he turned away from the beautiful scene and obeyed the persistent thought.

Arriving at his destination, Qui-Gon paused. Was he ready for this?

The door slid open revealing the dark interior beyond. Taking a deep breath, Qui-Gon stepped in. The door closed soundlessly behind him.

Minutes passed as he simply stood in the dark, not moving; barely breathing. It had been days since he last been here; and months since the room had held nothing but sorrow for him. Though hard to tell in the darkness, not an object was out of place in the room. It was like a museum at midnight.

Sighing, Qui-Gon finally made his move. He took a step forward. Even in the dark, he knew this place like the back of his worn hand. When he stopped he was in front of another door. Tenderly, he reached out and palmed it open.

Momentarily breathless, he gazed into the room. The curtains were pulled aside and the luminous city lights filled the small room with an unearthly glow. Turning on the light, he reverently walked into the room, taking every detail. Smiling to himself, he noted that Obi-Wan had managed to keep his room clean for once. But as he thought about that touching detail a little more, his brows furrowed. Since when had his Obi-Wan been so neat?

Casting his eyes about again, he found that there was no evidence of a 14 year boy ever having lived here. Gone were the ship models that had been hanging above his table. Gone were the pictures on the night table. Gone was the cloak hanging haphazardly off Obi-Wan's chair. Qui-Gon looked under the bed only to find nothing as well. Turning to the closet, Qui-Gon peered in.

Lying forlornly in the corner was a rather large box. Curiously, Qui-Gon reached over and grabbed it. Setting it on the floor in front of Obi-Wan's bed, Qui-Gon took a seat and leaned over it. Inside was a myriad of Obi-Wan's belongings. Speeder models, pictures, and cloaks cluttered the box, as if the boy had simply thrown everything in without much thought. Qui-Gon closed the box; his mind thinking of why Obi-Wan would pack away his things like this.

Outside the window, the city lights flashed and the hustle and bustle of traffic could be faintly heard.

Qui-Gon shifted his attention to the night table. The force was nudging him there. Noticing the drawer, Qui-Gon pulled it open. Inside laid a simple old fashioned notebook, a pen, and...a rock. Qui-Gon grabbed the rock and held it delicately between his fingers. Obi-Wan never left this rock behind. It was the one thing he always brought with him rain or shine, mission or no mission.

Putting the smooth river rock in his pocket, Qui-Gon looked back into the drawer and pulled out the notebook. Obi-wan always did seem to have the strangest fascinations with old technologies. This notebook was only one small evidence of his quirkiness. Qui-Gon flipped through the book aimlessly, settling on a page near the end. Curiously he flattened out the page and began to read.

...I was running through a hall I'd never been through. I'm pretty sure I was still in the temple though. But it was empty. There was no one around. I kind of think I was out in the middle of night, but what would I be doing out at that time?

Qui-Gon did a quick double take. Was this what he thought it was? He continued on.

…I couldn't see who was chasing me, but before I knew it I had reached the end of the hall. There was a lift tube there. It wouldn't open, no matter how hard I tried. Then I felt this pain in my neck and everything went black…

Qui-Gon's mouth was open in shock at what he was reading.

…I think this is it. Force help me.

Qui-Gon's mind reeled. Obi-Wan had known what was coming for him? Why didn't he say anything?

Obi-Wan's last line kept playing over and over in his head.

Force help me.

Why didn't he say anything? Why?

Closing the book, Qui-Gon stood up and left the room. Tahl needed to see this too.

"I'm sure he had a reason," Tahl said, after he had told her of the notebook.

"He'd rather tell a notebook than me Tahl," Qui-Gon said looking at the book.

"Are you absolutely sure that he didn't try to tell you about this?" Tahl asked.

Qui-Gon was silent for a few minutes as a creeping realization dawned on him.

"He did," Qui-Gon said as if in a daze. "He tried to tell me twice."

Tahl sigh and shook her head.

"I didn't listen to him," Qui-Gon continued. "In fact I forgot he even mentioned it the first time and the second time he brought it up I told him he was focusing on his anxieties."

Qui-Gon looked at Tahl with remorse in his eyes.

"He was telling the truth," Qui-Gon said. "And I just dismissed him. No wonder he was so angry at me when I left that day. If I had only listened, he would still be alive."

"Don't beat yourself too hard over this Qui-Gon" she said quickly, "Put your energy into solving this, not lamenting about what could have been," Tahl put a hand on his shoulder.

Qui-Gon took a deep breath and nodded.

"Let's get to the bottom of this," Qui-Gon said. Taking the book in his hands, he opened it and placed it on the table between them. 'Then they began to read.

5 MONTHS BEFORE

He was alone in the darkness.

But he didn't mind. The darkness was his friend. The darkness didn't make him do bad things. The darkness didn't take away his ability to choose. And most of all, the darkness didn't hurt him. It left him alone, and for that, it was his friend.

The light brought pain. The light left him exposed and venerable. When he was surrounded by light, he was surrounded by people who hurt him and who made him hurt others. If he had a choice we would remain in the dark, and never see the light again.

But as with all things, what you want and what you get are never the same.

As the light blinded him, the boy let out a voiceless scream and threw his hands up to cover his eyes. He didn't remember how long he had been in the darkness. Time had no meaning for him now. Minutes and hours blended into days and weeks. All he knew was the torture. All he could remember was the abuse. There were no bright spots to look forward to.

"Look what you've become," said the voice that brought the light with him. "Why I picked you as my padawan, I'll never know," the voice roughly grabbed the boy and pulled him up so that he was standing.

The boy, still trying to deal with the light, crumpled to the ground when Qui-Gon let go.

"Stand up!" the voice then kicked the boy, and pulled him up again.

This time the boy remained standing, but only barely.

"It's time for some training," the voice said.

The boy's heart beat quickened. Training never ended well.

"What are you waiting for? The voice asked.

A hand reached out and slapped the side of the boys head, jerking his eyes up to the face of his tormentor.

The face that the boy saw was hard and determined. There was no kindness to be found in this intimidating figure. Long locks of brown hair framed what would have been a noble looking face in any other situation. Piercing blue eyes gazed at the boy before him.

"S-so-sorry," the boy timidly replied.

"That's Master Jinn to you," the man said turning away from the boy and walking down the hall.

Hurriedly, the boy hobbled after his master struggling to keep up. He drew ragged breaths as he fought on.

"Obi-Wan?" a female voice said from behind.

Freezing, the boy turned on the spot.

"Bant?" He said tonelessly. Maybe if he didn't act too interested she would leave him alone.

"You look horrible," she said walking up to him and inspecting him critically. "Why do you keep disobeying your master?" she asked shrewdly, "Maybe if you actually listened for once on your life, you'd actually get something though that thick skull of yours."

Inexplicably, the girl then kicked out at Obi-Wan's legs, making him fall to ground suddenly. A soft crack was heard, and the boy grimaced in pain.

"I'm actually doing you a service," the girl replied, look down on the boy with disgust. "Ah, Master Jinn," Bant bowed to the master as he approached.

The master was red in the face as he caught sight of his injured padawan. "When will you ever learn to respect your betters?" he said barley containing his anger. He turned to Bant, "I hope he wasn't disrespecting you too much."

"Oh don't worry Master Jinn, I don't think he'll be disrespecting me any time soon," Then with an evil grin, she skipped off.

The master watched the girl until she disappeared from sight, then he rounded on his apprentice, grabbing him off the ground and pinning the boy to the wall. The boy was whimpering as his leg was jarred.

"Who do you think you are to be mouthing off?" he said angrily.

"But I didn't-"

With his free hand, the master back handed the boy, splitting his lip.

"There you go again," he let the boy go, watching in distain as he crumpled to the ground in obvious agony.

"I give up," the master said throwing his hands up. "I don't care what the council says, you're not Jedi material," he knelt down to the boy's level. "I don't think your even good material for anything but the inside of a coffin, no...

"You don't even deserve a coffin."

Tears were welling in the boy's eyes. This only made the master sneer more.

"You're a curse Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I for one am glad to be rid of you" With that the master delivered one more kick to the boy, who let out a silent scream, and then walked away.

The boy shuddered in pain one last time, and then went limp. He was unconscious.

PRESENT

Tears were falling down Qui-Gon's rugged face as he turned away from the book. Tahl had a look of shock planted firmly on her face.

"Qui-Gon I..." she couldn't continue on.

Minutes passed in silence as the two struggled to comprehend what had been written in the book. Tahl turned back to the book as if searching for the punch line.

"Qui-Gon listen to this," she said.

"...I can't sleep now. The thought that my master could do that to me is...just ...not possible. The person I know isn't capable of this. But this has been the third time I've had this dream or vision or whatever it is. It's as if I'm watching a terrible holo movie and it's not getting any better."

"Every time I come back to this dream, it continues where it left off and ...I try not to think about it, but I'm imagining it even when I'm not sleeping. When I see Qui-Gon now, I think, is he really capable of hurting me like that? And Bant? I mean, were all human...but I trust them."

"But at the same time, I think I trust my dreams too. I mean, why would my mind come up with this stuff on its own? I've never feared being hurt by Qui-Gon; he isn't that type of master. And Bant has been the best friend I could have ever hoped for. I'm not a seer...right? I just hope this doesn't come true..."

Qui-Gon stood up and began pacing.

"What are you thinking Qui-Gon?" Tahl asked.

He didn't answer, but kept pacing, deep in thought.