That's Why You're Beautiful

Chapter Seventeen

(A few days later)

Edward had agreed to leave the flat the day before the wedding, claiming he had "something to do anyway." I felt a little guilty about forcing him out but he seemed happy enough, wishing us a good time.

Alice came over from the hospital at about 5pm and was incredibly relieved to be back out in civilisation.

"This is so weird," she murmured, closing the door behind her. "It hasn't changed a bit."

"Did you expect it to?" I laughed, handing her some coffee as we both took a seat.

"I guess not," she admitted, still looking around. "Although that stash of Doctor Who DVDs over there is looking oddly suspicious."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, Edward and myself have been working our way through them."

There it was again; that little look in her eyes. It made me feel a little uneasy and I couldn't look at her for long.

"When are you giving him this famous makeover, then?" I asked, resisting the urge to moan a little.

"Later tonight," she answered, grinning. "He agree to come over especially for me."

My eyebrows raised. "Is Jasper gonna be there?"

"No, he's out on his stag party. I'm guessing that Edward will be staying over his parents' house when I'm finished with him."

"I wonder what they'll think..." I paused. "You know, he could have just come over back here."

"No! We wanted it to be a surprise for tomorrow."

"You mean you wanted it to be a surprise."

"Well..." she giggled.

"Hmph."

"It'll be worth it, Bells, I promise," she winked.

I mumbled something in response but couldn't help feeling curious at the same time.

"So, do you think you're ready for tomorrow?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant about the previous subject.

"Just about," she grinned.

"Just about?" I repeated wearily.

"Well, yeah," she shrugged. "You can never be fully ready for your wedding day. It's something that'll probably only ever happen once in my life."

I nodded numbly, knowing exactly how she was feeling.

"Are you feeling OK with the whole chemotherapy thing?" I was keen to keep the conversation going; it stopped giving me too much time to think.

"Yeah, I'm really positive about it all now," she smiled. "I was really scared at first, but having Jasper and you there really did help me." She sounded a little choked and paused for a moment. "I don't know if I could have made it through without you both."

I smiled back tentatively. "It wasn't just us... you were really strong during it."

"And if you're with me until the end, I'm sure I'll get through it."

That thought was a little daunting but I nodded, feeling quite optimistic. After all, the doctors had said that Alice's chances of surviving were incredibly high.

"I didn't really mean to bring all that up, I just needed to know really," I said. "I hope it's not gonna ruin your wedding."

"It won't," she replied firmly. "I want it to be like a normal day."

"As normal as it can be," I laughed.

We sat in silence for a while, drinking our coffee and thinking to ourselves. It wasn't long, however, before Alice started talking again.

"Bells, we really need to talk about you and Edward."

I shifted about uncomfortably, a little alarmed by how direct she was being. Maybe I was just over-reacting and this would be something completely innocent. "Do we?"

She nodded frantically, clearly not accepting my attempted nonchalance. "Yes we do."

"Why?" was my pathetic response. This was not what I wanted to happen...

Alice leaned towards me and I suddenly felt incredibly nervous. I didn't want to confront these emotions... I wasn't ready. I probably wouldn't ever be.

The picture of David opposite the room seemed to burn a hole into me. My eyes were dragged towards him and I smiled faintly at the sight of his face.

"Bells," Alice said softly, moving my gaze back towards her. "I'm not forcing you. I just think it's best if you set your feelings straight."

I placed my head in my hands, sensing that the barrier I'd placed up in my mind was gradually crumbling away. I really didn't want to face whatever it was I'd hidden away; I felt shame and guilt and fear.

I was becoming defenceless.

I slowly closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Over the past few months I hadn't really had any time to think, but now... I was being forced to. I couldn't stop it anymore.

How did I really feel about Edward? I could picture his face clearly in my mind and smiled automatically at the thought. He'd really helped me through the hard times and I'd formed a unique bond with him. I felt comfortable around him now and loved his company. He was kind and caring, everything that I wanted in a friend.

Did I want to be more than friends, though?

He made me smile, made me forget sometimes. Being away from him actually made me strangely anxious and the very sound of his voice, despite the small stutter, was soothing for me.

We had confided in each other. I never thought he'd be the first person I'd share my past about, yet he was. And he'd told me about his accident and the problem he had with alcohol.

Those aren't the kind of things you share with an ordinary person. I really did trust him.

I liked living with him... I jumped at the opportunity when his flat burnt. I wanted to spend more time with him.

I remembered how I'd felt when he was attacked by Emmett. I felt physically sick thinking of him being hurt... Also, talking with him in the cafe brought me happiness and sharing the texts. His support for Alice was wonderful and my parents liked him.

There had been one moment, though, which I was still unsure about. Down in my parents' basement, something had happened... I didn't know what. I remembered feeling irritated and frustrated when Mom had interrupted us. We had been leaning slowly closer together, only sitting inches apart from each other...

On top of that, I actually fell asleep on him. I wasn't sure if that meant anything...

I blinked rapidly and rubbed at my eyes.

"Bella?" Alice's quiet voice made me look up. "Tell me."

"But... but I just feel so guilty," I whispered.

"What for?"

I nearly scoffed. "There are so many things, Alice. They may not be so obvious to you, but for me..." I trailed off, shuddering. "It's awful."

"Tell me."

She placed her hand on mine and I knew all my secrets were going to spill out tonight. It was inevitable.

I took a deep breath. "Al, I... I lied to you about David."

Her eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

This story of mine had been re-told too many times lately and it grew progressively worse each time. I thought it would have gotten better, but each time the pain was just as raw. It was like re-living the whole thing again.

And now knowing of what I could feel towards Edward... well, it made it all even more worse.

But I had to drag it all up. Alice was the only person close to me who didn't know now. It was only fair.

"He wasn't what I told you," I began. "He... he wasn't just a drunken mistake. He was so much more than that." I didn't like my use of the past tense, so added, "He still is."

She didn't say anything so I slowly continued. "He was my first true love and... and during our honeymoon, he..." I broke off and took a deep breath. "He was m-murdered."

Her hand flew up to cover her mouth.

"I'm... I'm s-sorry that I never told you... I c-couldn't. I just couldn't..." I trailed off with an aching throat.

"What happened, Bells?" Alice asked quietly, the shock still etched onto her face.

"A robber came into our apartment and killed him with a knife," I said quickly. "I tried to help him but he... he-"

I couldn't say anymore.

"Oh, Bells," Alice sighed, reaching over to hug me. I leaned into her shoulder, letting myself cry. At least she knew now and I did feel some weight being lifted off my shoulders. She didn't seem too angry about me keeping it from her and I hoped she understood how I was feeling now.

"I'm really s-sorry I didn't tell you," I murmured. "I-"

"I understand Bella," she said sincerely and I was flooded with relief.

After a moment, we pulled apart. "Bells, please tell me how you feel about Edward."

The relief was short lived.

I didn't want to face my emotions. I really, really didn't.

"Al, I-" My voice trailed off as I shook my head.

"It'll help. It really will."

"But I don't know!" I protested. "I'm still confused about it all!"

"You've been in love before," she continued. "You know what it's like... is it like that again now?"

I placed my head in my hands. Her questions were probing and personal, yet they needed to be asked. I really needed to think to myself.

Did I love Edward?

I thought quietly, comparing it to David. I felt horrible for doing so, but it was the only way to sort out the mess in my head. I was so confused, feeling a mixture of guilt and pain and hope.

Then, with a staggering force, it suddenly hit me. My breath quickened and I raised my head up, staring at Alice.

"I-" My voice was strangely croaky. "Alice, I t-think I'm falling for him."

The words hung in the air as the realisation flooded through me.

Oh God.

What I'd said to Alice was a lie. I'd already fallen for him. I'd fallen hard.

I was suddenly crying, feeling overwhelmed all over again. I never thought I'd fall in love again, but I had. I had no control whatsoever and I'd tripped and stumbled over my feelings, completely falling for Edward.

I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed before. What was wrong with me?

"Bells," Alice smiled. "That's really good news."

"Is it?" I retorted. "But-"

"I know you feel guilty about David." I automatically winced at his name. "But... well, I know you won't replace him, but Edward... he will help you."

I frowned suddenly. "I thought you didn't like him."

She shrugged. "He's growing on me."

"Yeah..." I murmured. "He does that."

At first I hated him, thinking that he was an inconvenience, a nerd.

Now... now I hated to think about him being away from me. I hadn't even noticed what was happening because of everything going on in my life but now, well... I was now absolutely positive about three things.

First, Edward was most definitely not a nerd. He was a wonderful, amazing person, and I couldn't believe it had taken me so long to realise that.

Second, I couldn't bear thinking of my life with him. Just him being away from him tonight was making me a little anxious, and I couldn't help wondering if he was alright at the moment. I considered taking out my phone and giving him a quick call...

The third thing was that I'd gone and fallen unconditionally in love with him, and this scared me more than I could even believe.

How things change...

"What am I gonna do, Al?" I asked, feeling a little bright eyed at my new found feelings. "It's... it's all a mess..."

She wiggled her eyebrows a little suspiciously. "Well, I'll be spending some time with Edward later tonight... I'll see what I can do."

"Oh God, no, Alice, please don't tell him what I just told you!"

She waved her hands around. "No, no, don't worry. I'm not that mean. No, I'll let the path of true love run it's course."

I huffed. "He might not even feel the same way... I could just be making a fool out of myself." That and readily setting myself up for even more heartbreak.

"Don't be silly," she laughed.

I suddenly felt really tired after tonight and I think Alice felt the same way. "Well, Bells, I don't mean to be a party pooper, but I'm exhausted and really do have other things to do."

"Me too," I sighed, adding a yawn for effect. "Sorry for interrupting your schedule."

"Shut up," she laughed. "It was brief but I'm glad we talked. It's been a long time. I really am so sorry to hear about David."

"I'm glad you know now," I answered quickly.

"And sorry for mis-treating Edward sometimes, I had no idea that you... well..." she grinned.

"I think you did, Al. You knew before me... I saw you and Jasper exchanging those looks at the hospital."

She smirked. "Well... we had an inkling... just wait till I tell him!"

"Yeah, well," I rubbed at my forehead. "Nothing's happened yet."

She put on her coat and headed towards the door. "Exactly. Nothing yet."

"What time are you gonna be back tonight?" I asked.

"Well this makeover will take a long time so... I'd say a few hours."

I was a little wary but excited at the same time. If I already liked Edward now, how was I going to feel when he'd had his makeover? I shivered in anticipation but soon felt bad for feeling this way.

"Tomorrow's going to be so fantastic," she smiled. "Not just because of the fact that I'm getting married, but also because you and Edward are finally gonna realise how much you love each other!"

I couldn't help squirming.

"No, seriously, Bells," Alice continued. "You'll be looking beautiful. Well, not that you don't usually. Anyway, Edward will be head over heels when he sees you... and when you see him..." she practically squealed in delight. "Gosh, I can't wait. I'm gonna take my camera to take some photos of your faces!"

I squirmed even more. "Alice, you and Jasper are more important at the moment, don't you forget that."

"I won't," she grinned. "But you're finally gonna find some happiness. It's going to be brilliant!"

She had so much faith that it would all go well. Why didn't I feel the same way?

"See you later," I said, opening the door for her.

With a wave, she disappeared.

***

A few hours later, I was sat up in bed, unable to sleep. My mind was whirling around in circles and I still couldn't believe what had happened earlier.

Alice had returned earlier, practically bouncing up and down. She told me that Edward was looking fantastic and that I would be, quote, "positively dazzled." I felt really excited and just knew I wouldn't be able to close my eyes tonight.

And here I am.

I had been going around in the same cycle, feeling hope and then guilt, thinking back to David. I kept telling myself that he'd want me to move on and find love, but it wasn't quite sticking in my mind.

Besides, it could all go horribly wrong yet...

I rolled over and pressed my head onto the pillow, wondering how Edward was feeling. I thought about what Alice had said to him. I thought about what he would now look like. I thought about what would happen tomorrow.

Gah, my mind was on overdrive!

I then thought about what Alice and Jasper were feeling. I knew of the happiness when it came to just thinking about marrying, but also remembered how nervous I felt on the night before. I was so worried about things going wrong...

My panic was justified the following day.

I shook my head and closed my eyes, still imagining Edward and then David, then back to Edward... they slowly morphed into each other and I eventually drifted off into an exhausted sleep.

But that wasn't an escape from my worries. I started dreaming.

I was walking along a long corridor and it looked white and clean like a hospital. That made sense, considering the amount of time I'd been spending in them lately.

I kept continuously moving forwards and the path seemed neverending. I looked around but the walls were just blank and dull. My gaze moved in front of me and I suddenly noticed a figure in the distance.

I ran forwards, then, and my breath caught as I recognised the figure. It was David.

"It's you," I whispered, unable to stop my teary eyes from overflowing.

"Yes," he smiled. He held out his arms but, for some horrible reason, I couldn't reach him and just stood a few metres away from him, only able to take in his beauty.

"I still love you," I murmured.

"I know, Bells. And I love you, too. I always will."

I closed my eyes briefly and suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. My eyes snapped opened and I gasped again, for Edward was now here, smiling at me. His touch brought warmth throughout my body and I reached out to grip him.

"Edward..."

I turned over to David and saw him watching us. His expression was blank and guilt immediately flooded through me.

"David, I'm so-" I began, but he cut me off by holding up a hand.

"I want you to be happy, Bella," he smiled, and I knew he was being genuine. "Just know that I will always love you."

"But, I-"

With a final reassuring nod, he faded away, leaving Edward and myself standing there. We looked at eachother for a long time before I collapsed into him, hugging him with all the force I could manage.

I woke up with a start and stared ahead, trying to catch my breath.

I suddenly felt sure of myself; I knew now that David would be happy for me. I'd been stupid to think he wouldn't be.

Collapsing back into the pillows, I found myself unable to sleep again, anticipating the events of tomorrow.

I'm nervous about this chapter... but I hope you liked it!

Anyway, I hope you all had a great Christmas and received whatever it is that you wanted. :)

Please review if you can, it'll make Edward happy. Also, I have the next chapter already written up so that'll be up in 2/3 days. Woop!