Chapter 24

Hutch borrowed one of the unmarked police cars from the parking lot and drove slowly back to Ridgeway as Starsky sat looking out of the window. For the most part, the smaller man remaimed quiet although now, far from being pleasantly numb, his head was a whirl of thoughts ranging from the thought that he was living a lie to the slowly blossoming idea that he may have been fed a line by Doctor Isaac, just as Hutch had suggested.

The metro…..cop shop….headquarters……call it what you will felt so much like home to Starsky and there was no denying that every person they met there, from the big black police Captain to the janitor seemed to know him. Whilst Starsky had been willing to believe that he was in the middle of some huge set up, even his delusional mind had to admit that having the whole of the building populated by people acting as though they knew him was too far fetched even for the biggest con artist.

And then there was the man sitting at his side, hands feeding the steering wheel confidently through his hands and eyes fixed steadily on the road. Only the day before Starsky had believed with every fibre in his body that this blond man was Ray Hunt, drug runner and murderer of innocents. With every passing minute however, that conviction was waning, ebbing away like the early morning tide. Too much had happened in too short a space of time for Hutch to be lying. It was not only the fact that the blond seemed to know all about him – that would have been easy to orchestrate, but even a hardened con man would have been crazy to take the blows and the punishment meted out by the two Mexicans in that cell earlier. Starsky had seen the punches and had winced inwardly at the sounds of fists hitting Hutch's body. No-one in their right mind would take all that just to keep up the appearance of friendship.

What convinced Starsky most of all, however was not the physical. Sure Hutch was solicitous, kind, caring. That seemed almost a given. But kind and caring didn't even begin to describe the feelings that deep down Starsky felt for this man. Part of his anger earlier had been fuelled by those feelings which Starsky had denied and buried deep inside. The brunet was angry at himself to begin with. Who in hell would feel that kind of connection with their brother's killer? Why should he feel so protective about a man he'd only just met? When Hutch had explained all about the lies, the hospital and the doctor, Starsky had reacted so violently because of confusion. So much rang true of what Hutch had told him and yet he'd been told he was Ethan Quade.

And he'd been told he should kill Hutch.

Starsky rested his forehead against the cool glass of the car window and closed his eyes. Who was he? He didn't feel that the mantle of Quade fit him any more and yet he was still floundering around in the dark when it came to Dave Starsky. He didn't know that cop any more than he knew the President of the United States. Both were names and only names, but now the brunet was supposed to fill Starsky's shoes without ever having had the chance to know the guy.

Lost in his brooding, it took a moment for Starsky to realise that the car had stopped and that Hutch was getting out of the drivers door. The brunet roused himself from his thoughts and looked up at an apartment set up above a garage in a quiet leafy street. The car was parked beneath a tree and there were white steps leading up to a front door. It might well have been Fort Knox for all Starsky recognised and yet Hutch was waiting at the bottom of the steps for him to get out of the car.

'Welcome home' the blond said.

'Your home?'

'Yours buddy. C'mon, get inside and maybe being around familiar stuff will help you remember.'

Starsky closed the car door and took a deep breath. As though walking through a dream, he walked up the steps and through his front door into a small and exceedingly tidy living room. There was a balloon backed wicker chair, a dark wood room divider with books, photos and knick-knacks and a large comfortable sofa covered by a colourful native American blanket. Starsky stood just inside the door and looked around, hoping that something would trigger a memory.

Hutch seemed at home and was in the small kitchen putting coffee into a percolator and doing small domestic things leaving the brunet alone with his thoughts. Curiously he started to explore, picking up ornaments, examining them and replacing them as though he didn't want the owner of the house to know he'd been snooping. Except he seemed to be the owner of the house and he most definitely wasn't snooping. The only thing that seemed in the least bit familiar was the tidiness although here, like at the metro, he felt a sense of belonging and finally, with the local anaesthetic wearing off in the centre of his body, he sat down carefully on the corner of the settee, wedged into the cushions as though they were a security blanket, and waited for Hutch to come back with two mugs of coffee.

The blond man set them down on the coffee table and sat down on the easy chair opposite Starsky.

'Well? How's it feel to be home?' he asked and the yearning in that voice for some sort of sign that Starsky was remembering was almost too painful to hear.

Starsky reached for his mug of coffee and lifted it to his face, allowing the aromatic steam to fill his senses. There was nothing quite as soothing and welcoming as the smell of fresh coffee and the brunet felt himself relax a little. Eventually he raised his eyes and looked at his friend.

'It feels good to sit down somewhere that doesn't have bugs, or sand, or bars' he said carefully.

'But you don't recognise anything?'

Starsky shook his head. 'Nuthin. I mean this place feels good, like I aught to know it, but it's like walking onto a film set or sumthin. Everythin' feels like it should be mine, but it isn't really mine.'

'Doc Herman says he can help with your memories but we have more pressing stuff to deal with and I need to know what you really think buddy. Are we tight? Are you beginning to realise that I am your friend and that we're cops? Or is this just a front?' Hutch sat back and looked at his partner steadily, waiting for the brunet to consider.

Starsky was taken aback by the directness of the question. It was the first time Hutch had actually asked him about their relationship and there was a note of urgency to his words.

'Why ask now?' Starsky asked.

'Coz we have a situation partner and I need to know whether we do this together, or whether I go solo.'

'What kinda situation?'

Hutch shook his head. 'Uh uh. You first. Are we still partners? Do you remember me? No more dancing around the subject Starsk. 24 hours ago we were both trying to kill each other. We're going to go into something big and I need to know what you're feeling.'

The brunet shrugged his shoulders. 'Like you said. We trust me and you.'

'Me and thee Starsk, and that answer aint good enough. If I'm gonna stare down the barrel of some flakes gun I need to know what the man at my side is gonna do, what he's thnkin'. This is time for honesty buddy, or like I say, you stay here and I go it alone.'

'Honesty huh?' Starsky blew out his breath through his nose. It was a familiar gesture and one that sent shivers down Hutch's back. It felt so strange and so wrong to have Starsky right there in the room with him and yet not have his buddy back in the true sense. He closed his eyes and waited.

Starsky started to talk. 'Truth. Ok, you asked for it. I don't want to kill ya any more. That's the first thing. I have no memories of ya, or this house or any of the guys we met at the metro. I remember the hospital, the doctor there and what he told me and right now I know I'm not Ethan Quade. Thing is I don't remember bein' this Dave Starsky guy either.'

Hutch sighed deeply. 'What're you tellin' me?'

'I'm tellin' you that whoever you are, whatever you really are to me is the real deal. I couldn't kill you on that island even though god knows I tried. But I couldn't because sumthin inside stopped me. I couldn't make the final commitment. It was like there was some kinda safety catch stoppin' me from doin' it. The more I look at you, the more I'm here with ya, or in the car, or listening to ya talk to Dobey, the more I feel a connection. Deep inside I know we meant sumthin to each other, or at least you meant sumthin to me, but as to what it is I have no clue. It hurts like hell and it scares the crap out of me, but I owe you for what you did in that jail cell and whatever this crisis is, I want to….., no, I need to be there. Is that honest enough?'

For a moment Hutch was lost for words. He was used to his partner's incessant chat. He was used to Starsky's quirky humour, the one liners, the jibes and the jokes but he couldn't recall another time when Starsky had opened up his heart to him so completely. It stunned the blond and brought a lump to his throat which he swallowed down quickly. There was no time for sentiment, that would come later after a nights rest and when the flakes who'd taken them had been arrested.

'Yeah, that's honest' the blond said quietly. 'So we do this together?'

'Whatever "this" is, yeah.'

For the next half hour Hutch explained about Joe Durniak's death, Terry Nash, the Casa in the desert and how everyone had now turned up dead and how he and Starsky were the FBI's number one suspects. Throughout it all Starsky sat paying attention. Once or twice he interrupted to ask questions and at the end of the talk he scrubbed his hands down his face.

'So basically we're fucked' he summed up.

'Down but not out' Hutch corrected. 'Tonight we sleep. Dobey is forced to tell the feds we're back, but he's gonna delay for 24 hours. That gives us a 24 hour window to try and get some answers.'

'And if we don't?'

The blond grinned wryly. 'Then we're fucked. Get some rest tonight partner, you're gonna need it. Do you need me to stay?'

Starsky cocked his head on one side. 'Do you usually?'

'It's been known for me to sleep on your couch, but tonight I need my bed.'

'Then go. I'm fine. I just need time and a good look around my new house.'

'Old house Starsk. You've lived here for the past four years.'

Starsky grinned and for the first time the hunour showed in his eyes. 'It's a new house to me right now. Go, an' I'll see you bright and early.'

It was Hutch's turn to smile. 'If you're bright and early partner, I'll know there's something seriously wrong.'